Hello unique learners!
Have you ever felt like you don't belong?
Like your friends or colleagues are going to discover you are a fraud and you don't actually deserve your job and accomplishments?
I know I have.
I had it when I was working in marketing,
Thinking with every project how am I going to do this?
I definitely experienced it when I was doing my PhD and I thought you other people you are researchers,
Not me.
That constant feeling of if they know how much of a failure I am,
They would laugh.
Everybody else seems to do a better job than me.
You don't want them to take it away and you don't want them to find out you really aren't all that qualified.
If you can relate to any of these examples you might be experiencing a phenomenon known as imposter syndrome.
It describes a pattern of doubting your own success and harbouring the chronic fear of being found out to be a total fraud because you think you're really not as qualified.
In this loving kindness meditation I would like to provide some strategies to overcome imposter syndrome by a quick crowning exercise together with some inquiry questions focused on connecting with other and listening to that inner critic.
Imposter syndrome is widespread.
According to a 2011 article in the journal of behavioural science about 70% of people will experience imposter syndrome at some point during their lives.
70%?
Wow,
Okay.
It is more common among those who are starting out on something new like going to graduate school or taking on a new job.
And because of this fear of finding out it is so much part of the imposter syndrome that hardly anyone ever talks about it which makes it very hard to detect.
And this is problematic because imposters tend to fall into this vicious cycle of behaviour.
They may have been paralysed with fear of not being good enough and they might like excessively over prepare everything.
Imposter syndrome can cause other difficulties like shame,
Guilt,
Depression,
Anxiety,
Stress and low self-esteem.
And perhaps worst of all it affects the imposters willingness to take chances or to be optimistic about the future.
And how come?
In my case and like many other people before me,
An imposter might have grown up feeling as though high grades were essential to earning one's parents love.
Or as if the parents would never be pleased no matter what one would accomplish.
And it's that notion that you are either smart or dumb or successful or failed with nothing in between.
And the first step to overcome imposter syndrome is watching yourself think.
I have made a series about becoming aware of your negative thoughts about yourself and how to silence that inner critic.
And in this meditation I would like to stress to start focusing on all the things you are doing well and sharing is caring.
Confined in someone you trust,
A friend,
A mentor,
You mostly likely learn that you aren't the only one who suffers from these feelings.
And you might begin to understand that they are not only common,
They're normal.
Remember that 70%?
What I would like to do now is a little exercise.
Please sit comfortably,
Close your eyes if you wish.
Relax your neck and shoulders.
Relax your jaw.
Was there a smile on your face or an angry look?
Place your hands on your stomach if you like.
And breathe in slowly through the nose but keep your mouth closed.
Now brush your lips as if you're going to whistle or gently blow out a candle and then exhale slowly through your mouth.
And try to breathe out longer than your inhale.
Breathe in through the nose.
And breathe out slowly through the mouth.
Breathe in through the nose.
And breathe out slowly through the mouth.
Now imagine you are speaking with your friend,
Partner,
Loved one and suddenly they share about work and their insecurities.
You see them suffer.
Would you say to them that they are frauds?
Would you point out that everybody else is making a better job out of it?
Would you say that they don't deserve it?
No,
Right,
And that is what our imposter syndrome is doing to us.
Now imagine that you are being interviewed by a neutral person.
You don't know this person.
You don't have any particular negative or positive thoughts about this person.
And they would like to interview you with some reality questions.
So how would you then respond to what facts are there to support your success?
And make sure you have evidence that can be proven.
What facts are there to support your story of not being good enough?
Again make sure you have evidence.
That's a different tone of voice than normally,
Right?
Please notice if those imposter syndrome thoughts are just ungrounded opinions or actually true.
And usually you will find out that they are not true.
And I hope that these questions have brought you closer to the reality check.
And if not the following might help,
Which can be a coping mechanism or strategy as well.
Read some quotes.
And get inspired by people you honestly never thought dealt with imposter syndrome.
For example Eleanor Roosevelt.
You wouldn't worry so much about what other people think of you if you realized how seldom they do.
Mark Twain.
Courage is resistance to fear.
Mastery of fear.
Not absence of fear.
Benjamin Spock.
Trust yourself.
You know more than you think you do.
And finally my favorite one from Kirsten Neff.
Now I have a little assignment for you to do later on if you wish.
Notice the little or big achievements you make during the day and why not celebrate it?
Those suffering from imposter syndrome not only fear that they will be find out,
But they completely bypass their process of winning and enjoying their accomplishments.
And instead of questioning the reason behind your success,
Go make a reservation at your favorite restaurant or grab a friend for a coffee and do something you love to do.
Please let me know how you get on.
Namaste.
