Honesty Creates Connection

This is a talk about how being honest and real, and comunicating in that realm, creates true connection with others.

I invite you to sit back, close your eyes, and receive the words. Let them sink into your heart and may them nourish you.

*Gratitude to Marina Raye for sharing her music track “Awakening Dream” from the album Liquid Silk.

Transcript

This is Padma Gordon and this is a talk about honesty,

Communication,

Being real,

And how it creates true connection.

So I invite you to sit back and close your eyes and just receive the words,

Receive the message and let it in.

Let it into your heart.

May it nourish you.

So begin with a big breath.

Let it go.

I just want to let you know that this talk is based on an article I wrote some time ago and it's called,

Can I Really Say It?

Yes.

How speaking honestly creates nourishing connections.

The other night I had a conversation where my tender vulnerability bubbled up to the surface.

I felt my throat tighten reflexively.

It was like a rope around my neck,

Struggling to keep the words inside.

I breathed.

I took a risk,

Stepped off the cliff and shared what was in my heart.

It was a potent moment,

A moment of opening to myself and to another without a guarantee of what would happen.

Is there ever really any guarantee?

In these instances we often crave what author Krista Tippett calls,

Generous listening,

Which she describes as being powered by curiosity,

Which involves a kind of vulnerability,

A willingness to be surprised,

To let go of assumptions and take in ambiguity.

This is essential when we want to encounter one another's authentic humanness.

And we do.

It's nourishing.

In this instance I experienced the power of sharing something very tender and vulnerable into a deeply receptive space of caring.

Someone who loves me dearly was there,

Patiently available,

His heart listening generously.

This moment of undefended human relating gave rise to healing,

And a part of me was freed from the bondage of what I had been withholding out of fear.

Fear is the gatekeeper.

The conundrum for me is that what we often are most terrified of sharing with someone else because we imagine it to be too taboo to mention,

Or somehow we feel too ashamed to admit it even to ourselves.

This communication,

This moment of transparent sharing becomes the bridge to freedom.

Once we dare to voice that which sticks in our throats like a dry peanut butter sandwich,

We often feel relieved because now that part of us has permission to be alive.

Yes,

Permission to be alive.

The part that was shrouded in darkness is welcomed into the light,

And it glows.

It's luminescent.

It's as though the atomic particles of our being have been lit up like deep sea creatures dancing as they effortlessly put on a magic light show.

The kind of light show you might see while diving in the oceanic depths,

Sharing our tender vulnerabilities creates closeness,

Which sometimes brings up fear and might feel like exposure,

Like standing alone in an open field as the cold wind whips by.

When we allow ourselves to get close to someone,

We risk not being heard or received.

We risk being rejected.

And yet,

In my experience,

It is well worth the risk,

The trembling inside and the pounding of the heart.

The path to intimacy requires courage,

The courage to be known.

The courage we access when we birth a bubble of tender vulnerability often inspires that same flavor of courage in another.

It builds a kind of common ground,

The feeling maybe one of,

Wow,

We're not so different.

I have felt that too,

And if she can share it,

Then maybe,

Just maybe,

It's safe for me to open up as well.

It's a mystery as to how,

When,

And with whom we find ourselves doing this dance of intimate and vulnerable revealing.

I,

For one,

Feel blessed to have opportunities to speak what seems unspeakable,

To unveil the unshowable,

And to feel the embrace of my own heart wrapping its arms around me from the inside out.

This is one of many gifts that we receive when we have close relationships.

Our willingness to expose these tender human vulnerabilities creates a bridge from heart to heart.

While intimacy is a delicate terrain,

It fortifies the soul.

It is nourishing like a warm bowl of home-cooked soup which sustains us as we move through the world.

These times in which we live are asking us all to build bridges to intimacy in our close relationships so that we can stand as pillars of strength and clarity as the waves of chaos and change move through our country and the world.

We need these close connections even more as the outer structures unravel,

As they evolve into something still unknown.

First,

We tend to our own hearts,

To our families and our communities,

And then we cultivate understanding that we are the gateways.

We become the gateways for authentic connection.

Even when we might vastly disagree with somebody,

In true intimacy,

Polarization dissolves.

It dissolves in service of the relationship.

So I envision a world where we as humans are woven together through our connections rather than torn apart by our differences.

A world where we each strive to see one another's full humanity as we embrace our vulnerability.

After all,

We're in this together,

Aren't we?

In this way,

The possibility emerges to engage in a harmonious culture,

Culture of creativity,

Inclusivity and collaboration,

Rather than one of competition and discord,

One rife with struggle,

Greed and divisiveness.

Let us stand for unity,

Truth and love,

Which begins with being willing to embrace our fears,

Flaws and insecurities,

To take responsibility for creating a healthy,

Sustainable planet.

Let us stand for the commitment to open to one another,

Listen generously,

And be unflinchingly compassionate and human together.

Thank you.

Thank you for listening.

Reviews

I find the most important kind of honesty is with yourself first before inviting another to experience it with you. That way you’re not dependent on how they respond to your truth in a way that can distort the experience if it is not held through compassionate listening. It has taken me some time to realize when to share and when not to, as I was socially conditioned as a girl to create connections through revealing hidden truths within the self. I have felt the experience of oversharing and having my truths weaponized against me time and time again when I didn’t realize when to share and when not to. All a part of learning how to show up and build intimacy. Giving myself time to have a conversation with myself fully is where I am at now. And knowing that some things may never be shared with another and this is okay too. Thank you for your beautiful essay on truth and intimacy. How truly precious it is to have had someone hold space for you while you shared openly ❤️

Big thanks Padma! Sure enjoy your Wednesday morning lives... See ya next week! ❤️

So many tasty nuggets if deliciousness here. The music is transporting, as is your voice. The content is fresh, simple and rich. I'll be dipping my bucket back into your well. Thank you.

Thank you for your tender heart 💜 wisdom. I am caring for my 93 year old mother in a foreign country to Canada, where she put me up for adoption at a year old .. my first 2 years was without solid roots and abandonment, rejection and unlovable self has created both a free spirited gypsy life .. being kicked out of homes and places throughout my life .. suffering and pain initially, with courage, resilience and mostly non-attachment being the gifts. A blessing and a curse.
About to turn 65zz I still carry the shame of being born… and my mother Mary projects that daily .. her greatest trauma. How to release it once and for all to live in joy, beauty and love! 💕
I ask and pray daily for release of this burden .. I’m aware it’s ancestral karma I have carried. Blessings 🙏💕

The description of what happens to the throat when you don't speak up is exactly what I experience. I know it's not healthy, and I'm working to be brave.

Thank you. So beautifully expressed and moving to hear your words 🙏❤️

Word!! So accurate, beautiful, and with such beautiful imagery 😍 Thank you Padma 🙏🌊🌿✨💜

What you say is true, and I’ve found that behind the need for courage to connect has been a need to take stock of how much I love myself and my own life. Working on that reduced my need for courage because we are wired to want to be together — intimacy began to seem more possible because I had it with my own heart. 🙏🏻🙏🏻

Insightful, calming and a gentle reminder for self soul healing, thank you🙌

Thank you for sharing this wisdom! So true and for myself hard! But will practice! Namaste 🙏

Thank you for this beautiful and timely message. It’s exactly what my heart and soul needed today! 💙🙏🏽🦋

Love your soothing voice and talks. 🙏🏽😃

thank you! Namaste

Beautiful description of the path towards intimacy, I especially love your broadened vision for humanity as you close. Thank you, onward! 🕊🌸

Excellent message and such a soothing voice. I will return to this frequently. Thank you Padma.

What we need now

Wonderful wisdom, thank you Padma for sharing your deep insights. Love and blessings 💙 x

This is very helpful today as I get ready to receive and make amends with someone I love, but deeply hurt me. Thank you.

Thank you very much for your lovely talk.
Blessings Sia

Thank you wonderful messenger of wisdom. 🙏🏼 This is beautifully recorded. Your calming guidance balanced with ethereal music 🎶 creates an inspiring atmosphere of equanimity. ✨