Self Responsibility - Make The Change Or Stop Complaining

I am truly learning the lesson of self-responsibility recently, as the universe keeps pounding it into my head. If I want to feel powerful, instead of powerless, I need to take charge of my life in every aspect. No more complaining, and no more victimhood. What do you think about this? I would love to hear from you.

Photo by The Unmistakables on Unsplash

Transcript

Hello everyone!

I hope that you're doing amazing wherever you are in the world.

I welcome you to another video on the Soul Vitamins community.

And in this one I wanted to speak to you about self-responsibility.

Now I think this is something that's coming up in various aspects of my life and it's coming up over and over again in different ways.

It's as if the universe is trying to tap on my shoulder over and over again saying this is a lesson you need to learn and this is a lesson that you need to speak about to your community over and over again.

And so of course I'm trying to take the message and inculcate the teachings of self-responsibility but also talk about it on these videos.

And I was kind of recently in a study group and we're studying,

We're reading a book about money and we're talking about it and the people in the group are people who for the longest time did not take responsibility for their financial situation and suddenly are realizing that they're getting old and that they need to do that,

No one else is going to rescue them and if they don't take care of it now then they're going to be in big trouble later.

And so they're starting to kind of,

Not panic,

But scramble to kind of figure out okay what is money all about,

What can I do to secure my future a little bit even or learn a little bit more about money and how to deal with it.

And I kind of used a phrase in there of what my philosophy on anything,

Everything usually is is that either you change the situation that you're dealing with if you can and if that's impossible you stop complaining about it and you kind of deal with it,

You deal with the situation as it is.

And I think that's the essence of this self-responsibility lesson that I'm constantly getting is that if the situation warrants changing either yourself or something else and you can do it then go ahead and do it instead of complaining and talking and bitching and moaning about it.

If you can't change the situation then again stop complaining about it and deal with the situation as it is because it's unchangeable.

So for example,

One of the things that I recently,

All of us recently I've been dealing with is the whole wearing masks situation.

It's a very minor thing putting on a mask but a lot of people have a big problem with it and that's fine,

That's their perspective but it was warranted or it was kind of put down by law for a lot of countries that you have to have a mask when you're in public.

Now what a lot of people did was that it was a situation they couldn't change,

You had to wear a mask in public.

Yes,

You could kind of make a big drama about it but then you'd be kicked out of places and not allowed to go to Costco or other places where you kind of made that drama and I saw videos of that and I'm like,

You know,

What are you doing?

You're kind of kicking yourself in the butt here.

But you kind of either wear it and go along with the situation because it's unchangeable and you stop complaining about it or you change the situation,

That is you never go out again.

You just stay at home and you order in and you never go to places that require masks.

I mean those are two options that I can see really.

Yes,

Another option that people kind of came up with which is not viable I think is that they started complaining about it and saying I don't deserve to wear a mask,

I don't need to wear a mask,

I have a medical condition and I'm making a big thing about it where people would look at them thinking are you insane?

Have you lost your mind?

This is a very small,

It's like a minor example,

Perhaps you don't agree with the mask mandate,

Perhaps you do,

That's not the point.

The point is that this is kind of a situation where you couldn't really do anything to change it unless you moved to a little island in the middle of nowhere,

Declared it your country and declared that everyone who comes on there doesn't need to wear a mask,

Right?

If that's possible,

You would have done it.

That's not possible for most people so they didn't do it,

Right?

And so this kind of like self responsibility like realizing okay,

You have the power in almost every situation you're in to change the situation to suit your needs.

So for example,

If you are having issues with one of your relationships,

Then there are choices there.

Either you have a conversation with the person and say okay,

This is not working out for me,

We need to end the relationship.

Or you have a conversation with the person saying I need you to fix these things so this relationship can keep on functioning.

And if the person doesn't do it,

Then you have the option to leave the relationship and say I think this is not working out,

I'm going to find someone else to hang out with or to partner with.

But what happens with most people is that they don't have those conversations,

They don't talk to the person,

They don't talk to themselves about it either.

They pretend as if everything is fine and then all they do is complain to their girlfriends or boyfriends or friends about what's going on with this person and that is the extent of them taking responsibility for the situation.

So then what happens is that they keep on complaining about the situation,

Not changing anything and just staying stuck and stagnant in that situation without actually getting the lesson from it.

Because it is a lesson that the universe is trying to send you through that relationship or through that situation.

So they're not transforming,

They're not changing,

They're not doing anything to improve it and so they're stuck.

And some people can remain stuck in these situations for years and decades on end and I've done that in the past.

My financial situation for years or decades on,

At least a decade was stagnant and I didn't do anything about it because I was so afraid to look at it.

Same thing with my relationship with my parents.

For the longest time I had a really hard time even speaking to them or being in the same room as them and it took me a long time to get to a point where I took responsibility for it and said,

I'm going to have to do something about it because obviously it's not just going to change on its own.

And so I really wanted to do this video about self-responsibility because when I started talking about that and I used that phrase in the call,

The person,

One of the people in the call,

She's like,

I love that,

I'm going to start using that for myself.

Either you change situation or you stop complaining about it.

And I really love when I use this in situations in my life because it just gives a lot of that power that I was kind of dissipating into the air complaining,

Oh,

I can't do anything,

Oh,

Poor me,

Oh,

I can't believe I'm stuck in such a situation,

How could the universe be so cruel to me.

When I play that victim role,

I'm just basically just shedding all that power that I have and giving it away,

Just wafting it away.

It just all disappears from me and I'm just powerless over there.

As soon as I take the responsibility back and say,

Actually,

You know what,

I can do something about this.

I have options here,

I have choices that I can make.

And as soon as I say that,

I don't want to have to do anything.

As soon as I just say those words to myself,

I feel all of the power that I had let go of before surging back into me and this sense of,

This deep sense of strength that kind of resonates within me that feels like,

Wow,

I have the power to change the situation and I feel so ecstatic about it,

Just strong about it,

Powerful.

It just feels like,

Wow,

I feel like a warrior all of a sudden rather than a victim.

And I'm not saying that,

Of course,

There's trauma involved and some people just can't make changes because they're so deeply traumatized by the past or they are living in a situation where they can't change things and they need outside help.

I'm not saying that outside help is never necessary and you can never ask for help.

Of course not.

But that could be one of the actions you take.

If it is a situation where you're like,

I can't do anything,

I feel powerless and I feel like I can't make a change,

Perhaps the action that you need to take is to ask for help,

To reach out to some organization or to some person that can help you get out of the situation and not get stuck in it forever and ever and ever.

So I feel like 99.

9% of the time,

Even though we might feel it's the opposite,

In 99% of the time or more,

It is possible to take an action to change the situation.

Even though we might tell ourselves,

No,

But I can't do anything,

The situation is unalterable,

I'm stuck and I'm never going to get out of here.

That's just your fear talking.

That's just your fear response or trauma response or whatever you might be carrying with you talking.

And if you just kind of take a step back and say,

Okay,

I'm going to actually try and look at this a little bit logically,

Every single time I've done that,

I've found a very good solution to the situation that as soon as I applied,

Dissipated the situation right away and I was able to get out of it.

But until I was stuck in that mode of playing the victim and not asking for help or not thinking about it and trying to figure out a solution rather than just saying,

Everything is just hopeless,

I'm just going to give up,

Until I did that,

Until I took that first step,

It did feel powerless and hopeless and just traumatizing.

It was exhausting to be in that situation because powerlessness is exhausting.

So I do highly recommend,

And I do this every single time when I start complaining about things,

To kind of take a step back and say,

What am I complaining about?

Is this something that I can actually do something about?

It's so simple sometimes.

For example,

I had a situation in my villa that my electricity went out.

And it goes out all the time.

It's pretty common in Bali,

Of course.

But I realized that the people next door to me still had electricity.

It was just me.

Now,

Normally what I would do is I would just sit there and be like,

Oh my god,

Bali,

I can't believe it.

I'm in such a terrible situation.

Or,

Oh,

They don't care about me so this villa is not being taken care of properly and how could I live in such a situation and poor me kind of thing.

But then I realized maybe it's a situation that's fixable and I messaged the person who's in charge of the villa and they did fix it and within minutes I had my electricity back.

Now,

It's a very small situation and you're probably thinking,

Why don't you just call them right away?

But we're so inclined to kind of play that victim role first or to go into that powerlessness role first that it doesn't occur to us first or at least to me to be like,

Hey,

Stop doing that.

You're wasting time here.

Take an action.

Call someone.

Do something that's necessary right now so you can change the situation right away rather than even wasting a few seconds on powerlessness.

You don't need to do that.

It's not necessary.

It's not something that you need to go through in order to get to the powerful stage.

You can just skip it right away.

You don't need to play that victim role for even a few seconds.

So I wanted to share this with you.

I hope it's helpful.

If you have any questions,

Obviously,

Please comment below or message me and I will try to do another video or another or I'll try to answer your question if I'm capable.

Again,

Thank you so much for listening.

Thank you for being on my channel wherever you're listening to this on.

And I will see you or listen.

Talk to you in the next one.

Bye.