My Thoughts On Nonjudgment As I Fail At It Repeatedly

Whatever your first reaction to things is, that's probably conditioning. And instinct. But it doesn't have to matter that much, because you will probably have a second or two to course correct and have another more plausible, kind thought.

Transcript

Hello everyone.

I hope that you're doing amazing wherever you are in the world.

My name is Bhoom Shekhar and I welcome you to this podcast episode or to my videos wherever you're listening to them.

And in this one I wanted to speak to you about non-judgment.

And for the longest time I've paid lip service to the idea of non-judgment because all the different religions tell us not to judge each other and even God doesn't judge us and there's lots of different adages and sayings out there telling us over and over again,

Do not judge lest we be judged and things like that,

Right?

So obviously I had this kind of notion in my head,

Yes,

Do not judge.

Okay,

Fine,

Cool.

But I actually don't think I followed it at all.

It was an idea in my head but I never actually put it into practice because as soon as I met someone,

New or old,

I would constantly be internally analyzing them.

Not necessarily in a way where I'm like,

Oh,

I would like to criticize them but I was just analyzing them.

Oh,

Their hair is this way today and they're wearing this particular piece of clothing and this is how their leg looks and these are how their toenails are painted and things like that.

And so I'm analyzing them and in that analysis naturally,

You know,

Human beings do this,

We put people into boxes so that we can kind of categorize the world that we live in.

But naturally by this analysis I would say,

Oh,

So she's having a bad day because this,

This,

This,

This and I'm going to judge her for that because basically analysis is a form of judgment or,

You know,

She didn't paint her toenails so it must mean that she's busy with work,

Blah,

Blah,

Blah and I'm going to judge her for that.

And I form all of these assumptions,

Mostly false of course because as soon as I start talking to the person,

The truth is revealed and it's usually completely different from what I assumed about the person.

Even if I say I'm intuitive,

A lot of times my intuition is off.

So I'm making assumptions about this person,

False assumptions about this person and then I am basing my conversation and my interactions with them based on these false assumptions.

Right?

And recently I was in a women's circle where we were sitting down and we were talking about,

You know,

What bugs us the most about our interactions with men and interactions with other people.

And one of the things that came up over and over and over again in every person,

Every woman's share was that she did not like being on the end,

The receiving end of judgment and that's why she loves being in circles like this because she can truly feel the non-judgment vibes coming across from everyone.

She knows that she can be herself as she is,

Whatever she might be,

Perfect,

Or mostly imperfect in any way,

Shape or form and she can show herself as she is and she knows that she won't be judged and that in itself creates such power and joy that she doesn't want to go back to a situation where she knows she will be judged.

And because it came up over and over and over and over again,

You know,

We obviously had a deeper conversation about it but after the circle I went home and I truly pondered on the subject because I do believe that despite my non-judgmental vibes and I do try as much as possible to remain open and say,

Okay,

I don't know anything about this person,

I don't know what they've been through,

I have no idea where they've been,

I don't know what's going on in their life right now,

They might be going through the most difficult period of their life,

Maybe they're going through the worst or someone's just died in their family or whatever it might be or maybe they're going through a really bright,

Positive part of their life.

I have no idea,

I can't judge about it unless I actually ask them the question.

So I really try to go into the situation with this kind of notion but of course,

Auto-magically as if by,

As if I'm pressing a button,

I'll meet a new person or a person I've met before and I'll instantly start categorizing them,

Instantly start judging them for how they're dressed,

What they're doing,

What they're doing with their time,

What they do with their money,

What their choices are,

What their non-choices are,

What their political affiliations are,

What their religious standards are,

All of it.

And it happens so quickly,

So quickly,

That sometimes it's even hard to temper it and to stop it in that moment because it just happens almost in an instant and before I know it,

I put them into a box and judge them for it.

And I really wanted to bring this up in this conversation not because I want to judge you for judging or judge myself for judging,

Right?

Of course,

That's not the point.

That would just be completely useless because it would just create more judgment and more negative criticism and that's not the point.

The point is that what do we do after our first inclination?

What do we do after our first jump into that assumption pool?

What do we do after that?

The first thing we usually do is our conditioning and this is something that human beings are conditioned to do.

We're conditioned to judge,

We're conditioned to make assumptions,

We're conditioned to put people into categories.

Great,

Okay,

Cool.

So that's conditioning,

That's evolution,

That's something that you can't control.

That's the first thing that happens.

But what is the second thing that happens?

What do you do after that first assumption that you've made?

Usually,

Most people will try to correct that assumption or they won't,

Right?

And those are the two options there.

What I've been really trying to do is okay,

I've made this initial assumption about this person.

For example,

I meet a new person and I think,

Oh,

She likes to wear clothes where she has a very low cleavage showing.

I wonder if she likes to get attention and things like that.

That's my first assumption,

That's my judgment,

That's my critical sensor view of it,

Right?

Great,

Okay,

Cool.

I've made that judgment,

That's fine.

I'm not going to judge myself for it.

But what's my second assumption about this?

Well,

What am I going to do about it?

Well,

I'm going to have a conversation with her or have a conversation with him,

Whoever that person might be and try to get to know them better,

Try to know who they truly are.

And the moment I get over my first assumption hurdle is when I start to know,

Oh,

She just really loves her body and she really loves her boobs and she really wants to show them off because she thinks she's beautiful as she is.

And when she was young,

She was the first one to develop boobs in her family and her circle and she felt really conscious of them.

So now that she's able to love them,

She really wants to show them off.

And once I have a conversation with this woman,

This person,

I am able to learn more about them and I'm able to learn their story about their authenticity,

About their joys,

About their struggles and trials.

And that is what creates my true notion about this person.

And now I realize,

Oh no,

She's not trying to get attention.

And even if she is,

So what's the big deal?

She's beautiful.

She has beautiful boobs.

She should get attention for it.

But I understand more about this person.

And in that second moment,

In that second choice of me actually trying to understand this person,

Trying to see where they came from,

Who are they,

What are they truly about,

How beautiful are they,

How I can transfigure them to be even more beautiful than they actually are.

And that is,

I think,

The most important thing.

Our first conditioning moment is okay.

That's something that we're conditioned to do.

We're conditioned to judge.

Fine,

Jump to conclusions,

Jump to assumptions.

That's fine to do.

But take that second step.

Don't get stuck in those first notions.

Don't get stuck in that first assumption about this person.

Because in all honesty,

It's probably extremely false unless you're extremely intuitive and you know exactly what's going on with every person to a T,

Which is probably very rare.

So what we need to do as soon as we meet a new person or we have that initial judging moment is to take a step back,

To ask questions,

To get to know the person,

To build that tolerance by understanding,

I don't know everything about this person.

And in fact,

The more they reveal to me about themselves,

The more I understand why they are the way they are and how beautiful they are the way they are,

How perfect they are the way they are.

And that will really help you in that second moment,

In that second step,

To become less judgmental.

Even if you can't be like that in the first step,

You can do so in your second choice-based step.

And I think that's more important than not judging in the first moment,

Which is pretty much impossible for us to do.

So I hope this makes sense.

I know it's a very difficult notion to perhaps wrap your head around.

So ponder on it for a few days,

See how you deal with people when you first meet them or what's your first thought about them,

What assumptions are you making about them and then step back a bit and try to change that second step.

Try to become more tolerant by asking questions and by learning more about this person in front of you.

If you have any questions,

Obviously comment below or let me know by private messaging me.

And again,

Thank you so much.

I shall see you the next time around.

Bye for now.

Reviews

Your timing is cosmic. ❤️🙏 This was much needed today. I thank you.