Is Your Schedule Based On Your Needs Or Everyone Else's?

A lot of our internal stress and tension arises because we are not managing our time properly. And that happens because we give up control of our schedule to others, way too easily, letting them add things to it, willy-nilly.

Transcript

Hello everyone!

I hope that you're doing amazing wherever you are in the world.

My name is Boomshakha and I welcome you to my channel.

The weather in Canada is a little bit up and down.

It was warm a couple of days ago and yesterday.

And then today it's freezing.

So I'm in my full on jacket here.

Freezing,

I mean compared to the summertime.

So not really that freezing yet.

In this video I wanted to do a little bit of a spiel on work-life balance.

Or how to get stuff done that you really care about rather than getting stuff done for other people.

This is coming up because one of the viewers asked for it,

Madhavi.

But also because I've been doing a lot of pruning,

A lot of culling and a lot of removing of things from my schedule.

Because I've been realizing as I get a little bit older and as I look at it a little bit more objectively and as my intuition grows.

I'm noticing that I've been doing a lot of things because other people want me to do it.

Because not necessarily that they've said out loud,

Oh can you do this for me?

Or oh I would love it if you did that for me.

They didn't actually say it out loud particularly to me.

It's not like they came up to me and said please do this for me.

It's that I imagine that they'd want me to do this for them or they'd want me to do this in general.

So that I do it with this kind of background noise that says,

Oh you're doing it because this person wants you to do it.

Because if you don't do it then perhaps they won't love you anymore or perhaps they won't be happy anymore.

Or perhaps they,

Whatever reason I might give myself,

Whatever excuse I might give myself.

So in general I had a bunch of these things and as I said I've been removing all of those items from my list.

Because they're not actually things I want to do with my life and my time.

And they're not actually really useful to me either.

Not in terms of monetary compensation or in terms of personal growth or development or anything like that.

So one of the main things I would recommend to all of you,

Especially if you have people pleasing tendencies.

And you know I've been working on my people pleasing tendencies for a couple of decades now.

And I still have moments where it comes up where I'm like,

Oh shoot I'm just doing this because I want to please someone.

I'm not doing it because I want to do it for me.

I'm not doing it because I want to do it because I want to contribute to the world.

I'm not doing it because it might get me some money so that I can live a better life.

I'm not doing it for me or for some particular real reason.

I'm doing it because I want to make this other person,

Whoever they are,

Make them love me more or like me more or get pleased or please I'm sorry.

Or you know something related to someone else's needs and desires rather than my own.

And it's so easy kind of to do that because it's very easy to justify it in your head and your mind does this to you.

You know your mind will play games with you saying,

Oh right.

No,

I mean you're doing it for yourself of course but this is a side benefit that the person gets happy too.

And isn't that awesome?

So you're doing it for yourself really but that other person is going to be so happy if you do it.

So please keep on doing it.

And I've noticed that my mind plays all these random games with myself and I'm thinking to myself,

Oh no I'm not doing it for them.

I'm doing it for myself.

Really.

I mean it's just they're happy about the fact that I'm doing it and I get upset and they get upset if I don't do it.

Or they might not be happy if I don't do it and that obviously plays a big role in why I'm doing it still.

But I'm not doing it for them,

I'm doing it for me.

So awesome,

Great.

And we'll convince ourselves for many things in this manner.

Particularly with our schedule.

And I'm doing a work-life balance video particularly in this one so I want to speak particularly with regards to that.

But I think you know how you can kind of gauge or how you can kind of translate this idea of your mind playing games with you into every aspect of your life.

It literally kind of translates into everything else you might be doing with your time,

With your energy,

With yourself.

But if you are in this mode of time right now or in this mode right now where you're feeling a little bit overwhelmed and even though it's lockdown,

Even though maybe you're at home and you're not even going anywhere,

Even though all of these things are in your favor,

You might still be feeling the pinch of not enough time.

There's not enough time in the day,

There's just not enough time in the day.

And I notice this a lot in my family,

My parents will always complain about the fact,

Oh no there's not enough time,

I'm so busy,

I'm so stressed out.

And then I'll see them sitting on the couch for six,

Seven,

Eight hours a day just kind of watching TV or literally just not doing anything.

And I ask them about it and they're like,

Well,

You know,

It's because I'm chilling out,

I'm relaxing,

I'm so tired.

But after the six or seven hours,

They're still tired.

Nothing's changed.

Actually,

They're more tired because watching TV is very,

Very tiring for your brain and for your body.

But the point is that people are always complaining,

Always complaining,

Oh there's not enough time,

Oh no there's not enough time to do anything,

Oh my God,

I'm so busy,

I'm so stressed out.

And I feel like people learn that from perhaps their parents or from people around them.

So they might not really be busy or they might have a lot of time to do everything that they want to do.

But because there is this kind of structure in society that if you have a lot of time to do everything that you want to do,

And if you are not stressed out about time,

That means that you're a lazy,

Good for nothing person.

And that means that you're not doing enough,

So you should do more.

So there is this kind of tenet in society that says do more,

Do more.

If you're not stressed out about time,

Then you're not doing enough.

Do more,

Do more,

Do more.

And you've probably,

If you watch my videos,

You probably remember that I've told you a million times before that saying no is one of the best things you can do for yourself.

Not only for self-care,

Not only for boundaries,

Not only to take care of all of the different things that you're doing,

But for work-life balance.

I get dozens of requests from people all around the world for this and that every week.

And because I have this tendency inside of me to say,

Oh,

But they are being so nice about it and they're asking me for something.

Isn't that great?

I mean,

I'm making an impact and they're asking me for something and it feels good to be asked for things and it feels good to be needed.

And so in my head I'm thinking,

Yeah,

You know what,

Maybe I'll just say yes to this one request.

And then I have to kind of tamp down on that urge and be like,

No,

Because if you say yes to this one particular request,

You're going to have to say you're going to end up saying yes to all of the other requests because that's the person you are.

And then you're going to feel guilty about it or you're going to feel resentful about it because your time is being taken away from you and you don't have enough time to do all the things that you really want to do.

And then you're going to get angry and then you're going to cut everyone off.

Right.

So instead of getting to that point where you explode or boil over,

Basically don't get to that point.

And so this is the pep talk I give myself every single time.

I'm like,

Well,

Maybe just one request.

No,

No more requests.

No,

Say no,

Say no,

Say no.

Right.

And so I just kind of have this blanket rule that I say no to everything.

Do you want to do that?

No.

Do you want to go there?

No.

It literally is my default mode right now,

Not because I'm saying no to life,

Because I say yes to life in so many other different ways and I love what I'm doing and I'm doing a lot of things.

But in general,

My main thing about everything that I'm doing is do I really want to do this?

Does this get me really excited?

Is this something that is in line with my vision and mission for my life?

Is it in line with my values?

Is this something that I really,

Really,

Really want to do?

And I always ask this and I think I kind of do this every single day as much as possible.

I try with every item that I'm doing on my list.

Do I still need to do this?

Do I still want to do this?

Is this still necessary?

Is this still kind of going to help me grow or help me push myself towards my goals?

Or is it going to make me a better person?

And I'm constantly asking that of the things I'm doing.

I'm actually constantly asking that about these videos that I do.

Because if they're not helping me and they're not helping you,

Then what's the point?

I'm not just going to keep on doing these videos just because I've been doing them in the past and I'm like,

Well,

I've been doing them for four years now,

So maybe I should just keep on.

No.

Every single time I do it,

I'm like,

Do I still get joy from it?

Thankfully,

I do still.

Yeah,

I still love doing them.

And do people still get value out of it?

Thankfully,

Yes,

Again.

So people are still getting value.

All right,

Cool.

Keep on doing them.

But if the answer ever changes and at a certain point in my time or my life,

All of a sudden I'm like,

Yeah,

No,

This doesn't give me joy anymore.

I don't like it.

And actually,

No one really likes it.

If it comes to a point where everyone's like,

Yeah,

You know what,

Your videos are really not that good.

I'm not even listening to them anymore.

At that point,

I'll have to reevaluate and say,

Yeah,

Actually,

It's time to let go.

It's time to do something else with my time.

It's time to reevaluate and maybe do something other than videos.

But that's the question you have to constantly be asking yourself.

Is this still useful?

Is this something that I still want to do?

Is this still helping me grow?

Is this something that is going to keep on moving me forward towards my goals?

And a lot of times,

Actually,

I would say in my case,

99% of the time it's no.

Yeah,

This is not actually helpful anymore.

Stop doing that.

Stop doing that or say no to that.

Say no to that.

Say no to that.

Say no to that.

I'm constantly saying no.

Constantly.

Do you want to hang out?

No.

Do you want to do this?

No.

Do you want to go there?

No.

Do you want to help me out with this?

No.

And it's kind of interesting to me because I know a lot of people who just say yes to everything.

And they're constantly complaining about the fact that they don't have enough time to do things that they really care about.

And they're constantly in a time crunch and they're constantly moaning and whining about the fact that they wish they had more time.

Whereas on the other hand,

Because I'm able to say no rather than yes a lot of the times.

And again,

This is a choice because you can't say no.

You might be like,

No,

But I can't say no to that.

Yes,

You can.

Eventually that person is going to stop asking you.

If you just don't really like it and you don't want to do it,

Say no.

And so eventually,

As I said,

The person will stop asking you.

Also,

You'll start realizing more and more what's really important to you.

Spending time with your family?

Yes,

Maybe.

Maybe that's important to you.

Spending time on your projects?

Yes.

Spending time with people that you really don't care about but you've been hanging out with them every year now so you just do it?

No.

Don't do that anymore to yourself.

If it's like,

Oh god,

I really got to go and meet up with this person,

It's so annoying.

But I don't want to say no.

Then at that point,

You just start thinking about maybe you need to cut this person off.

Or maybe tell them,

I just don't like hanging out anymore.

I don't like the stuff you talk about.

It's a waste of my time.

Can we just stop this?

Can we just stop talking about things?

Or if you have something new or interesting to tell me,

Maybe we can meet up then.

But until that point,

Let's stop meeting up.

Again,

It's also a lot about courage and a lot about having difficult conversations.

But it's also a lot about knowing yourself and knowing what you really care about.

All that will come with time.

If you're still very young,

Don't be too hard on yourself.

When you're younger,

We kind of do a lot around the things that we don't want to do but we're trying things out.

We're trying new people out and we're doing things because we want to please people.

That's okay.

As time goes on,

You'll get over that pretty quickly and then you won't do that anymore.

Then you'll start spending time on things that you really care about.

Things that give you joy,

Like Marie Kondo would say.

That actually move you and propel you forward towards your goals rather than pulling you back.

I hope this is useful.

If this is useful and if you want more on this subject,

Then I can totally talk about it more.

But maybe you don't actually really even need help with this.

Maybe your time is perfectly set up and you're awesome.

Hopefully,

If that's the case,

Then you can give us some tips as well.

Comment below and let us know what you're doing that's making your time be so perfectly utilized.

If you have questions,

Comment below.

Again,

Thank you so much for listening,

For watching,

For subscribing.

I shall see you the next time around.

Bye for now.