Inhale.
Exhale.
How about we do that again and this time like we mean it?
Inhale.
Exhale.
Welcome to a hit of hope.
I teach interpersonal communication,
Which is one-on-one communication,
And one of the theories I teach is called the looking glass self.
This is the self that gets reflected back to us from others.
So you play piano and someone says,
You are such a good piano player,
And therefore you play more piano because that is who someone has said you are.
This can be highly motivating for us.
Most of us like praise and thus we do things that people praise us for.
Or if we can't get praised,
Sometimes we do things that at least get us attention and that's why the class clown keeps pulling funnies because it at least gets the kids to laugh,
Thereby feeding the idea that,
Hey,
Wow,
Look at that.
I'm funny.
As with most things,
There are good things and not so good things about the looking glass self.
Did you hate piano lessons or football or ballet or theater or whatever,
But everyone,
Usually especially your parents,
Told you how great you were at it and so you stuck with it?
Did you ever get a label applied to you that you felt you had to live up to?
Maybe you were the star athlete,
The good one,
The smartest in your class,
The troublemaker,
The wild child,
And no matter what you did,
People insisted that was who you were or who you ought to be.
The self that other people put on you stuck like a label on a pickle jar and no matter what you did,
You couldn't scrub the label off.
It can be really helpful to notice what self is being reflected back to you from others and it can be vital to notice what is called the valence of that self and that's just a fancy word for how positive or negative the messages are that you are receiving about yourself.
If you have a person in your life who is consistently reflecting a self back to you that is negative,
You might sit with that and probe it gently.
What truth is there in this person's idea of me?
That's a great place to start but we can't just leave it there.
So then you might continue on with the questions.
What might be motivating this person to think this way about me?
Is their judgment of me fair?
Accurate?
What parts are they leaving out?
What parts are they refusing to see?
Inhale.
Exhale.
This can be so very challenging because we are often ready to believe the negative but if we can honestly see what truth there might be and what they are saying but also what limitations or motivations might be present,
Then we can keep those kernels of truth and discard the chaff.
Another thing we can do to become our best selves is to seek out the voices that celebrate us.
The ones that reflect back our amazing and wondrous qualities.
The ones that appreciate the quirks and name our strengths.
The ones that help us to see the self that we might not always be able to see.
Inhale.
Exhale.
You are wondrous.
You are beautiful.
You are strong.
You are deliciously complex because you are human.
Seriously,
Hear me.
You are wondrous.
Freaking wondrous.
Listen to that.
Take that in.
And then once you realize how amazing that kind of mirror is,
Maybe you can pass that gift along to others.
Because let me tell you,
It is a gift to be the person who sees the good,
The beautiful,
Who celebrates the wondrous human spirit inside of yourself and inside of others.
Some of you,
Maybe especially women might know that some mirrors are kinder than others.
They really are.
It probably has to do with lighting.
But there are some mirrors that you step in front of and you immediately want to turn away because things look harsh and ugly.
People and our own selves can be like those mirrors.
Do we want to put our tender self in front of those kinds of mirrors?
Or do we want to seek out those mirrors that are gentle and kind,
That show you your most beautiful and illuminated self?
Because again,
You are wondrous.
You are beautiful.
You have a light and a spirit in you that just won't quit.
Inhale.
Exhale.
Namaste.
