The Good Questions

Bring a slight smile to your lips. Bring your breath into your body with a deep inhale. And now give yourself one of those nice, juicy exhales. Let it all go. Inhale. You are here. Exhale. Be here now. Welcome to A Hit of Hope. How are you? I mean it. How. ARE. You?

Transcript

Bring a slight smile to your lips.

Bring your breath into your body with a nice deep inhale.

And now give yourself a juicy exhale.

Inhale.

You are here.

Exhale.

Let it all go.

Welcome to a hit of hope.

How are you?

I mean it.

How are you?

Your answer might be mercurial,

Meaning that how you are doing is changeable,

Unpredictable,

Different one minute to the next.

Inhale.

Exhale.

Let's acknowledge the truth.

It's hard right now.

There is uncertainty,

Isolation,

Fear.

Inhale.

Exhale.

Of course it's hard.

We do not know how this will turn out individually or collectively.

Inhale.

Exhale.

We do not have the answers right now.

And so we have to lean in to the questions,

The good questions.

Because rather than asking the questions we cannot answer,

What will happen,

What's going to come next,

And growing more fearful because we cannot answer them,

We need to be asking the questions we do have control over.

So in this time of challenge,

Let's focus on the good questions.

What can you do to write your narrative?

It might be tempting to answer nothing,

But try to resist that.

What can you do to write your narrative?

What is one thing you want to learn?

Inhale.

Exhale.

What are three goals you have?

Inhale.

Exhale.

What is a sacred ritual that centers you?

Inhale.

Exhale.

What's an activity that grounds you or brings you delight or makes a smile light up your eyes?

Inhale.

Exhale.

Who could you reach out to right now?

Who could you thank for the good things that they have done for you and your life?

Inhale.

Exhale.

What is magnificent in you?

And again,

Please don't answer nothing.

What is magnificent in you and how can you feed that?

Inhale.

Exhale.

Can you try for a possibility mindset by asking what is possible?

Inhale and exhale.

What good things can you bring more attention to?

How can you help?

How can you serve?

Inhale.

Exhale.

Life is now and always has been uncertain.

But can you be fully who you are now,

Even in the midst of this?

And one way to try and make that happen is to resist clawing for answers to the questions we cannot answer.

So what about leaning into the questions we can answer?

What about devoting our attention to what is possible right here,

Right now?

Take a deep inhale.

Let it all go.

Lean in to the good questions.

Namaste.

Reviews

Interesting as all of yours are! I always take a learning experience listening to them. Bless you for your hard work and wisdom! 🦋🌈🌸🤩

Love these questions, love this approach, thank you, namaste

Many Thanks Betsy, wise words, will try to ask the Good Questions in these difficult times. Namaste

Thank you. It was soothing. Namaste🙏🙏

I can allow joy to nudge fear aside. I can ALLOW my fear to take a back seat to joy.

I can answer whom to thank with your name. And with mine.

Believe me, you have NO IDEA how you have served, Betsy. But I do, and I am SO grateful.

Namaste

Well stated. Thank you Betsy.

First review since this massive app update, which I think is mostly good but has some significant omissions I've used extensively for years. Good opportunity to practice my equanimity and gratitude, I suppose.

As to this HoH - well done. I think these are good questions, ones I have heard in drips and drabs from others over the years, but not condensed as they are here.

I admit to not understanding the fear and paranoia so many around me experience. To my way of being, whatever happens, happens. If I follow best practices to the best of my ability, that's all I can do. Same for others. I have a t-shirt I wore the other day that sums it up - "Be a warrior, not a worrier." Yep. Though my warrior practice right now primarily focuses on my clients who ARE the worriers. I find it fulfilling to be able to use my strength in this area to support them in their distress and various reactions.

As I listened to this HoH, I came to another step towards crystalizing the direction my current studies are leading me. This was/is an important recognition for me. On one hand, I am grateful for the way this has forced the world to slow down and breathe. I have had more opportunity to study and reflect, not having to be in my car for literally hours at a time every month going to medical appointments. I have had more time to figure certain things out, to take better care of myself overall. This is good, on many levels.

I hear people say life will never be the same after this. That statement puzzles me. Life is never the same from moment to moment; why would this major pandemic change that which already exists? Change is a relatively stable constant. And (unfortunately), I suspect that things may APPEAR a bit different after this is done - acceptance of telework, for example - but the pace of life will pick back up and be just as hectic as before. The lessons of this time will be gradually forgotten and when another such event happent, it will be as fresh to them as it seems to be to most of us now.

Yesterday I was looking at a letter written by my great-grandfather's sister in 1918. She was writing to express her congratulations at the birth of my youngest great-uncle. She was 19 years old and quite ill at the time she wrote that letter. Indeed, she died ten days later - it was the last letter she ever wrote. She was a victim of the 1918 Spanish flu outbreak, and she describes in her letter how terrible she was feeling, but was determined to beat it because as she wrote, "Let it come. I was here first." She was there before the flu, true, but the flu nevertheless took her life just ten short days after writing that letter.

History has a way of repeating itself. Doesn't matter what technology we have, how fast we move, how smart or strong or mindful we are. Life happens, and will continue to do so in one way or another.

These questions you ask here are excellent ones, and at the moment, people have the opportunity - "should [they] choose to accept it" a lá "Mission Impossible" - to change how they are it will be in this world. Rather than posting nothing but videos of how bored they are (which is a choice and always has been) or pet antics all day, there is an opportunity to read books, listen to TED talks, learn new things, decide if you're on the right path AND begin to formulate/follow a plan to change trajectories if need be. All at the same time. This is a precious gift. Made even more so by the stark in-our-faces reminder that life is unpredictable and can be cut short at a moment's notice.

So plan for tomorrow, and follow that plan, but don't forget to live for today, either. If it brings you peace of mind, as it has me, take advantage of the resources being publicized now to do your own personal estate planning and end of life rough drafts. The COVID-19 infection can potentially kill very quickly. How much better would it be if one were to become ill or critically injured, but able to focus wholly on recovery, knowing that these preparations were already made and the burden of doing it was no longer to be laid upon one's nearest and dearest should the worst come to pass? Free up those mental and emotional resources for the fight for life!

Or aid your sick/injured loved one as best you can while gratefully setting aside the idea of planning end of life measures because the person themselves has already made those difficult decisions in advance. Perhaps a DNR order was already established by the person themselves, or whether or not heroic measures are to be taken, nutrition/hydration withdrawn or left in place, comfort care only, and any other potentially devestating questions you might have to decide upon using only your own judgement and knowledge as a guide.

Both of my grandparents who passed in the last couple years had some degree of such plans in place. One was ill and in declining health for a short time and three weeks after a cancer diagnosis, he was gone. He had spent a lifetime as a registered nurse, serving as a surgical tech in World War 2, and then building and running two nursing homes after the service, with his wife, my grandmother, who was also a registered nurse. (They met in nursing school, actually. She also had much of this stuff decided well in advance.) He had a strong refusal to acknowledge his mortality though, so it was only in the few years after Grandma passed that he turned his thoughts towards his own planning. When he died, much was in place but not all. We were fortunate that we were able to ask him certain things before his death, and based on those talks and other communication, had very good ideas of what he wanted after he was gone.

Going to the extreme, perhaps, my grandmother who passed in June had been a CNA and was so prepared that around five years prior to her death, she called a family meeting of her four kids and handed them each a folder containing all her vital documents from personal to financial, along with a mostly completed obituary ("fill in the dates and cause of death and edit anything that needs updating, but the rest is done for you" - though Mom and I still had to edit it a bit after the fact) and a draft of the church service music and readings she wanted for her funeral. When she had a sudden catastrophic stroke in June, there was a game plan already in place. It allowed her kids to assume their designated areas to handle while Grandma was still alive and somewhat able to respond for clarification of specific items. All was done and in place mere days later, which allowed us to be present with her fully and completely, without distraction or worry, as she took her last breath on that final evening.

In contrast, another close relative who passed in October 2.5 months after being given a sudden and unexpected prognosis initially of only 3 weeks to live, spent much of her remaining days scrambling to put as many of her affairs in order as possible instead of enjoying time with her husband, friends, and family visits. It was a stressful time, and in stark contrast to the way things went with my grandmother's passing four months earlier.

In all three cases, there was known time prior to death. Not all are so fortunate, as was the case for one of my in-laws who died suddenly and tragically, leaving no direction whatsoever as to what his wishes would have been, save for a few conversations he had with my husband years ago. Sadly, this has resulted in no memorial service or anything like that, because nobody in his immediate family could agree on how to proceed. It has been six years now since his passing.

End of life planning. It's not morbid. It's freeing. And it's a priceless, loving gift to give to those you will leave behind when it's your turn to head into the Great Beyond.

If you do not have direct contact with someone who is affected by this pandemic, ask the questions for yourself and make your own plans. Tell someone about them and where you will keep your plans. Even unfinished drafts can guide your near and dear in the direction you wished. And for those who are caring for lived ones who may pass, gently ask - if appropriate - if these things have been thought about it discussed, while there is still potentially time o answer at least a few of them. Be that support person if you can.

Above all else, remember to LIVE. Live your life fully and completely. Inhabit your body, mind, and spirit as deeply and profoundly as possible. Soak up every life experience, every sensory stimulation, every wild and glorious thought, every transcendent money in whatever way it reaches out and grabs you. Life is a precious gift. To spend your days in ways that do not reflect the unique being you are, with your own talents, passions, skills, gifts, interests, and motivations is something to be avoided if at all possible. Even if you cannot, for whatever the reason, "follow your dreams" or "live your passion," you can still find hobbies or people to talk with (online or otherwise), things to read or listen to, anything to sustain and feed your inner fire. Asking the questions from this HoH can help guide you back to your internal flame. Seek it out and warm your hands and heart in its warmth and flow.

No matter how this pandemic turns out, I expect life will return to the high octane levels it was running at before, but the paint job on us all will likely look very different. Take this time to decide what color your new racing stripes will be, and which track you will run on. THOSE decisions, made by each person, one by one, will lead to true change. Not just a virus doing what viruses do according to their genetic composition. Our response makes the true difference, and I get concerned at times that this precious opportunity to transform/re-invent ourselves and so many aspects of our world is going unrecognized, not acted upon, and will be lost to the future generations who have not lived through this.

By the way, Betsy, that step closer which I recognized for myself during this practice? Your questions helped clarify one part of it. ☺️ It deals with archival science and digital preservation of heirloom items. I started a certificate program in American Genealogical Studies a couple weeks ago and hope to finish the second course out of the four required courses over this long weekend. I have been in tekephone contact with a university regarding their formal certificate program in a related area and am researching the best sort of program for my passion for documenting and preserving heirloom and historical items now. Since I have much of the required equipment already from my days as a pro photographer, it would be a nice value-added service to whatever I end up doing with it all. I have this pandemic to thank for the opportunity to sit quietly with my musings, see how I react as new ideas and paths drift through my being, process the deaths in my family over the last year, and reflect upon the trends of preservation and documentation and research than have pervaded my life as far back as I can remember. Pieces of this puzzle are snapping into place from the inside out, and I have no idea where the edges are, if they even exist. Quite possible that they don't. The pandemic enforced slow-down has been a blessing in that way, although I most desperately wish it did not come at the expense of lives and financial stability for so many. 😣

As I'm off work today, I am taking this opportunity to tie up some administrative loose ends of my own. It is a cool day (highs in the mid 60s but it was mid 80s yesterday) and topple-you-over windy, such that the house is rattling from the gusts. (No tornado watches or storms or fronts. I've checked.) Nonetheless, I am going to get myself ready to head outside to do my daily walk, which is a challenge I set for myself years ago, then continue with my administrative loose ends work, throw some laundry in a day earlier than usual, and look forward to a relaxed, enjoyable evening with my husband catching up in our Netflix queue. (After I finish my homework for the course I'm in, that is.)

Thank you as always for this wonderful Hit of Hope series, Betsy. I look for them every day. I may not get to listen to them when they come out right away - I know I'm going to have a long response...you are one of the very few "lucky" teachers I wax poetic to in my reviews - but I get to them eventually. ❤️ Thank you for sharing your thoughts and wisdom with us all on this platform. I see you and the light within you. Be well. 🤲🏻❤️🤲🏻

Thank you Betsy for sharing it. There are many good questions for me to think about.
Stay well in these challenging times and have relaxing Easter days.

Really love this! I really like the cadence along with the message. Thank you!

Thank you Betsy, you always bring me back down to earth.

Thank you for the encouragement!

after hearing scary news, this meditation helped me to feel safer.
Thank you.

Very thought provoking. Really connected with me. Thank you

So much to think about for this one! Something magnificent about me will take a lot of work, like it probably will for a lot of people (and it really sucks that our society has made us so that we can't find anything fabulous about ourselves). Most of the time I have difficulty bringing up that little smile when it's asked for in a meditation. But I will keep trying, because that's the way to truly thrive.