Inhale and arrive in your body.
Exhale,
Letting it go.
Inhale deeply and exhale to settle.
Welcome to a hit of hope and this one's gonna be a wee bit salty.
The older I get,
The more apparent a character trait of mine has become.
If I do not care about something,
I do not care even when I should.
Case in point,
This is my first Minnesota winter in the 104 year old house I recently bought and a while ago we dropped to temps of 28 below zero Fahrenheit without wind chill.
It's the kind of cold that can turn boiling water thrown into the air to snow before it hits the ground.
And that cold seeks out each and every crack in my old house,
Especially by the back door.
You can literally feel the snake of cold making its way in.
Now I know there are things I could do to fix this.
Little strippy things that I could adhere to the door jamb that would create a much better seal,
Stopping the leaks and solving the problem.
Have I done this?
No,
Even though I am alarmed at how high my heating bills are.
Inhale,
Exhale.
But I have done something.
I have grabbed all of my thick coats and shoved them up against the door.
I even hang one off the door handle and kind of shove the sleeve into the crack.
As I wrote that I literally laughed out loud at how stupid I am being.
Seriously,
What in the hell?
Inhale,
Exhale.
Our lives can have leaks as well.
A leak can let things in or out and there's often a sense of loss or injury associated with them.
Sometimes the loss with leaks can be so gradual that it's almost imperceptible until there is a gaunness,
An emptiness you cannot deny.
Aging can feel like a slow leak.
One day you wake up,
Look in the mirror and think,
Who in the hell are you and what have you done with me?
Some relationships can also feel like a slow leak.
Once they might have been robust and full of life but through time,
Distance,
Whatever,
They slowly fizzle and disappear.
Or some relationships take and take until we feel empty.
Leaks can feel larger and the loss can come rushing at us.
This can create an existential panic as the waters rise and we gasp for air.
Inhale,
Exhale.
Let's do that again.
Inhale,
Exhale.
It's tempting to resist considering the leaks in our lives but you know what?
These leaks like the one at my back door,
They rarely fix themselves and I know for a cost my penchant for ignoring a problem or half-assing a solution often comes with a cost.
The same can be said for the leaks in our lives.
Where are things seeping out?
Where are things rushing in?
Where is your energy going?
What is making its way in?
Inhale,
Exhale.
So what's a person to do besides go to the hardware store and buy that damn strippy stuff?
Well first of all pay attention.
What or who leaves you feeling drained?
What or who leaves you feeling as if it is too much rushing in?
And also be honest.
What have you done about it?
Have you addressed it or have you jimmy-rigged a solution that kind of sort of works but not really?
You can sit,
Breathe,
Note,
And then set about being a caretaker of the leaks in your life.
Imagine yourself wearing a ratty old sweater and high boots checking out your life with a kind and wise gaze.
What do I mean by that?
I love my house.
I mean I love my house.
I want to protect it and keep it strong and beautiful.
Gosh what if we turned that kind of gaze on ourselves?
We might protest,
I'm not worth it,
I don't deserve it.
Poppycock,
You are a wonder.
So let's preserve you.
Where are the leaks?
What small acts of tending can you do to fix and keep your life beautiful?
And now half-ass solutions,
What real care can you do in your life and give to yourself?
How can you keep your borders flexible yet firm to protect that fierce and fragile self of yours?
Imagine just one step,
One step,
Nothing huge,
Nothing dramatic.
But can you take that step to protect yourself,
To care for yourself?
Then pay attention once again.
What happened?
What's different?
Inhale,
Exhale.
Be your own caretaker.
See it as your job to keep you in the best condition possible because you are amazing and so very,
Very worth it.
Namaste.
