Welcome to this moment,
To this breath.
Inhale,
Exhale,
Settle into your body.
Drop into this now.
Welcome to a hit of hope.
Today,
Let's have a brief grammar lesson.
I know,
That's about as much fun as rubbing jalapeno juice in your bare eyeball.
But hopefully,
This grammar lesson will help us understand something very familiar in a new way.
Most people have probably heard of nouns and verbs,
But I want us to consider the gerund.
Gerund comes from the Latin gerundum,
Which means that which is to be carried on.
Gerunds usually have an ing added onto them,
Thus running is a gerund,
And the action is continuing to be carried on.
In interpersonal communication,
There is a very important gerund,
Relationshiping.
Kind of sounds made up,
But it's actually a really helpful way to think about relationships,
Which in the past we've all probably thought of as a noun,
A way to classify a thing.
I am in this relationship.
I am in this thing.
Now,
Some images might pop up as soon as I say that.
Maybe suddenly a relationship might feel like a box or a cage.
Inhale.
Exhale.
I am not against relationships.
They are critical,
Absolutely critical for our health and well-being,
Which is why I want us to consider moving away from thinking of a relationship as a noun or a thing,
And instead move toward relationshiping,
Which is a gerund,
An action that needs to be carried on.
Relationshiping involves the words and actions,
The behaviors that we use with one another.
It's doing continually what needs to be done to keep the relationship working well.
This can be easy when we are newly in love.
Then we're all about doing the big and little things to make it the best it can be.
But for relationships that go on and on,
Those are the ones that especially need relationshipping.
Continual maintenance,
Continual gestures and acts of love and kindness,
Caring and compromise.
We are taught to be in a relationship as a noun.
But if we only think of it that way,
It can become that box that we plop ourselves inside of and there we are.
And if we aren't careful,
That can get kind of boring or claustrophobic.
But if we enter into a relationship as a gerund,
Relationshipping,
Then we see that it is this wonderful,
Terrifying,
Challenging,
Satisfying,
Frustrating opportunity.
And one really,
Really important thing is to make sure that both of the people involved are doing the relationshipping.
This cannot just fall to one person,
Because where is the balance and wholeness in that?
So when we think about relationshipping,
We can think about porcupines in a cold Minnesota winter.
For those of you who don't know,
It can get cold here in Minnesota.
The temperatures can be 40 degrees below zero Fahrenheit without wind chill.
So imagine you have two porcupines who might freeze to death if they get too far apart,
But they're going to stab the hell out of one another if they get too close.
Back and forth they go.
This might also relate to quarantining.
Relationshipping,
Then,
Is a continual dance of words and actions,
Of behaviors and ways of being.
It is this continual flow,
Like a big and gorgeous river,
Between being close and giving space.
Inhale.
Exhale.
Whatever metaphor you choose.
Porcupines or dance or rivers.
Think of the opportunities when we think of relationshipping.
A continual movement and opportunity.
A continual way that we can open and see what might happen next.
Namaste.
