Hey there,
Take a moment to settle in,
Ground down,
And breathe.
We make choices all the time,
Like right now.
You made a choice to listen to this,
And let me just warn you this one is a bit salty,
So you might want to choose to listen to something else if you don't like swearing in your meditations.
If you are still here,
You made a choice to stay,
To go in,
And quiet,
To be with what is right here,
Right now.
And what's right here,
Right now for me is I'm as pissy as a pig in a wedding dress,
And it's all meditation's fault.
Meditation is one of those things I know I should do,
Like clean up a spill in my refrigerator as soon as it happens.
But I rarely do that,
Just as I rarely get my ass on my cushion and sit and meet what every hungry ghost chews to show up and gnaw on my brain.
So then I turn hard and crusty,
Just like that spilled barbecue sauce.
And that's when I hear the little voices inside of me inviting me to sit and breathe and find the space.
And I want to say,
Fuck you,
Wise voices inside,
Why should I?
It's all Amityville horror up in here,
Hungry and howling,
So why in the hell do I keep trying?
And that's another thing.
With meditation,
It's not a one and done.
It's more fog than super glue.
Whatever benefits there are,
Don't stick around.
As soon as I get off my cushion,
Wham,
I'm back to being the very person that I was before,
The person who finds real life real life real hard.
And I can try to remind myself to trust and surrender and go with the flow and be in the moment.
But no matter what I do,
I can't seem to turn down the volume of the very voices that make me the person I don't want to be.
Sitting still and letting those thoughts ram into me makes me feel like I'm in some monster truck demolition derby.
And it's the last thing I want to do.
But that's what happens when I sit on my meditation bench.
And yet,
I know,
I know meditation is one of the best things I can do to make it better.
But how fucked up is that?
The thing that makes it better is the thing that pisses me off and gets me as stirred up and buzzing as swirling a stick in a wasp's nest.
Which brings me back to a thought I haven't had in a while.
That meditation is a space,
A container.
I can bring me here just as you brought yourself here.
You brought the you and all that is swirling and whirling and boiling and bubbling.
And you are here pouring it into this space where it can be held,
Where you can sit and watch rather than be in it.
Where you can turn down the scorching heat of your thoughts.
In meditation,
We create a space for what is.
And it rises and it falls and it drops away.
Only to be replaced by something else that rises and falls and drops away.
No,
Meditation will not cure you forever.
And no,
Meditation will not magically turn you from a spitting camel into a shining star.
It will take grit to sit on your ass.
It will take courage to come face to face with what your soul is trying to tell you.
It will take time to heal what needs to be healed.
But you see,
That's the thing.
Meditation will take time.
And it will give you the time and tools you need to unhook from the claws and thorns and burrs inside.
Meditation takes time and space and gives you room to unpack your thoughts,
To find the light,
To root and home,
To home in your body,
In your breath.
Breathe,
Center,
Ground,
Repeat,
And live light and shine.
