Something brought you here to this act of meditation,
To this intentional going in.
Be grateful to yourself for listening to that impulse,
For acting in a way that will bring centering and settling.
Inhale,
Exhale.
Welcome to a hit of hope.
I never know which Betsy is going to show up.
Will it be the self-confident Betsy or the uncertain one,
The warm and grounded Betsy or the one who wants to hide in a cave?
Most days my insides feel like a vending machine strapped inside a tilt-a-whirl.
Life sends me spinning and it's a mystery which Betsy will pop out of my mouth.
Which is why I laughed out loud when I recently read that one of the main character traits of the enlightened ones,
Think Buddha,
Jesus,
Mother Teresa,
Is steadfastness.
I am about as far from steadfast as a platypus is from being a playboy bunny.
Inhale,
Exhale.
The Oxford English Dictionary says that steadfastness is to establish and render stable.
There are supports in place that strengthen,
A saddling of which is weak or wavering.
The result is a calmness to the mind.
Of course those are the qualities which the holy ones possess and the very things I can't seem to do.
Inhale,
Exhale.
The OED offers another definition of steadfastness.
To give a fixed abode to.
I felt myself melt into that possibility.
That kind of steadfastness evokes a sense of sanctuary,
A place that is safe,
Holy,
Quiet,
And always there when you need it.
Steadfastness would be easy in a place like that,
Right?
Even I could do it and maybe you too.
For a time,
Maybe.
But there are always diagnoses,
Death,
And droughts,
Thieves who run away,
And empty bank accounts.
Each and every human,
You,
Me,
All of us,
We are starring in an epic story.
And we often don't know what is going on in someone else's life behind the closed doors of their fixed abode.
We don't know their struggles,
Fights,
Silences,
Or the pain that might be dwelling inside.
But isn't that the point of steadfastness?
That you are at peace with whatever is happening right now?
No turgid waters,
No ruffled feathers.
A constant calm and quiet stillness no matter what is knocking at your front door.
Inhale.
Exhale.
Is sainthood hack number one never to struggle at all?
I don't know about the Buddha,
But both Jesus and Mother Teresa struggled with their paths.
Jesus wanted the cup of suffering to pass.
And Mother Teresa had doubts about God,
Not just for days or years,
But for entire decades of her life.
That wasn't known until her private journals were released.
And her calm and loving exterior,
She struggled with despair and doubt inside the darkest rooms of her heart.
Inhale.
Exhale.
Is sainthood hack number two to pretend really,
Really well?
I sure as hell hope not.
We must resist the temptation to assume that the holy ones somehow learned how to quit being human,
That they quit feeling,
Quit struggling with what to do,
How to live.
As you may know,
Mother Teresa's legacy has become troubled because she was more human than most of us thought she was.
Turns out it's hard to be a saint.
So is that really what we should aim for?
A friend of mine says,
When someone tells me my mother was a saint,
My impulse is to reply,
Oh,
So you had an unhappy childhood then.
Inhale.
Exhale.
Is sainthood hack number three?
Don't try to be a saint at all because the only time,
The only time you can remain absolutely steadfast is when you are dead.
Otherwise,
There we all are,
Each in our own fixed abode,
Doing what we can to live,
Breathe,
Love,
Survive,
And shine as our narrative bumps into everyone else's narrative.
And oh my,
Doesn't that make a mess?
Inhale.
Exhale.
But on this,
I think we can agree.
We are all characters,
And sometimes we are actually trying to work on our character,
Whether that is visible or not to the outside world.
And that is the most important thing,
Isn't it?
In this case,
Effort does matter.
So does grit and a willingness to fail.
Maybe it doesn't matter which of our multiple selves shows up.
Maybe the whole point to steadfastness,
To strengthening,
To settling is nothing short of stepping forward into the ever-shifting dance of joy and sorrow,
Love and grief,
Community and loneliness,
And doing whatever we can to find as much balance and evenness and joy and delight as we do so.
Let's forget about trying to be holy or perfect.
Let's make mistakes audaciously and love the hell out of how hard we are all trying.
No scuttling about,
No hiding in the shadows.
Ah,
Look at how human I am.
And isn't it amazing?
Inhale.
Exhale.
Be fragile.
Be free.
Be warm.
Be wild.
Be anything.
Be everything.
Be a mess.
But most of all,
Be you.
The human who is alive.
And from that fixed and vibrant and real as rocks abode,
Live light.
