Social media,
Drugs and alcohol,
Binge eating also,
Or excessive exercise.
Becoming aware of the outward manifestations of our repressed aspects begins our integration journey.
Hi,
I'm Bassem.
Thank you for joining me.
Embracing the shadow.
Hello,
Hello my friends.
Thank you for joining me for our conversation today.
We all have a shadow self that contains our hidden fears,
Desires and emotions.
All that was essentially rejected in some way in our early childhood.
Also our repressed creativity,
Joy and the sense of exuberance and aliveness.
Pushing our shadow self away as we tend to do creates an internal conflict and causes us to feel against ourselves.
Can you imagine living with yourself in a way that expresses internal conflict?
And yet that's precisely what we do.
So we have to ask ourselves if our collective conflict is not directly linked to this internal discord that we all feel.
And so that's why I believe this is perhaps one of the more important talks that I have given.
And in this live session today we're going to be diving into what the shadow self is,
How it expresses itself in our lives.
Also I'm going to share with you practical techniques that you can use,
Make them part of your daily life in order to integrate your shadow self and become whole again.
First I want to share with you a practical definition of the ego.
To me the ego is the outer expression of internal discord.
In that sense the ego then is the sum total of our discordant internal relationship as it expresses in the world.
Soul on the other hand is the outer expression of internal harmony.
It is what happens when the shadow self has been integrated and we have become whole.
This is an important definition because when working with the shadow aspects of ourselves we are fundamentally talking about the ego.
There is a certain African shamanic tradition that likens us to fractured souls.
To live as a fractured soul is incredibly painful.
It is behind our feelings of futility,
Helplessness,
Hopelessness,
Even frustration,
Urgency and desperation.
Let's begin by taking a moment to center ourselves in the here and now.
The here and now is not an outside phenomenon.
It's not something that is outside of ourselves.
It is in fact the very sense of our being.
In other words the here and now is who you are.
It is the very fact of your beingness,
Your existence.
Attune to this internal sense of you not as an idea but as an existential fact happening right here right now in the field of your awareness.
And you can easily do that by becoming cognizant of yourself as an occupant of the space where you are.
You may be lying down perhaps or sitting taking time out to tune into our talk.
Whatever it is I'd like you to become aware of the fact of you and I'd like you to notice the movement of your breath.
The inhale as it travels upwards through your nostrils and the exhale as it travels outward through the nostrils.
Simultaneously you may also notice that with the incoming breath your body expands softly and with the outgoing breath it contracts.
Naturally as you follow the movement of your breath your gaze which is usually focused outside of yourself begins to internalize and you become aware of your physical sensations.
Hot,
Cold maybe,
Tight,
Soft.
Whatever it is you simply become aware.
Throughout this noticing,
This awareness,
I'd like you to remain open and non-reactive.
Allowing your experience in other words to simply be as it is.
Try to maintain some soft open thought free awareness of the movement of your breath.
Returning to it without fuss when you notice that you have lost contact with it.
In this way by the end of the talk you will realize that not only have you accumulated some new information perhaps about the shadow self,
You have also promoted a profound sense of inner connectedness that you can maintain throughout your day or your sleep if you are in another part of the world.
Now embracing the shadow self.
First the term shadow self which encompasses our fears,
Our hidden desires,
Emotions,
Our energies and our capacity for joy coined by the swiss psychologist Carl Jung refers to all those aspects of ourselves that were repressed in our childhood.
He said that the shadow self contains those parts of ourselves that we repress.
Desires,
Emotions,
Behaviors deemed unacceptable by our family or society and childhood.
Not just negative aspects,
They can also be positive and it's these repressed aspects that make up the shadow self.
A child for example who is shamed for crying in childhood learns to repress their feelings either by judging themselves or by becoming cold and aloof.
We all do this as a way of gaining approval,
Recognition and acknowledgement.
And why are these things important to us?
They represent belonging and ultimately love.
Crucial elements to our survival as children.
Fast forward to the present.
It is our responsibility to embrace our shadow self and to liberate those aspects of ourselves that were repressed.
Blaming and holding others accountable for our condition does not serve us.
In our bid to gain approval,
To be recognized,
To be acknowledged,
We learn to repress important aspects of ourselves.
It makes you wonder if that is why collectively as a society we desperately seek for recognition.
We look to be seen in order to offset our condition of being divided against ourselves.
Does an integrated person seek for approval in the same way?
They feel whole,
They feel internally stable.
Do they require recognition or approval?
I'm just pointing out that we need to be aware if we are to reintegrate our shadow self.
So long we remain fractured,
Joy is impossible.
Brings to the mind the story of the twins.
One is attractive and the other an embarrassment to the mother.
Consequently she goes around hiding the ugly one from public while proudly showing off the attractive one for all to see.
The seemingly unattractive twin is the shadow self.
At first is hurt by the condemnation.
In time this hurt grows into resentment and possibly vindictive nature.
We all have an ugly twin lurking in the background that we must integrate if we are to feel whole,
Happy,
Creative,
Empowered and celebrative.
Is love possible when one is so divided against oneself?
Embracing the shadow self guides us on a personal journey of transformation characterized by realization,
Healing and ultimately liberation.
It's probably the most important thing that we can do for ourselves to become whole again so that our lives may be an expression of wholeness rather than being fractured.
I would like to add here that what we call transformation,
Which is the process of transcending our limits,
Is never mental.
We may have some ideas or insights about our transformative experience but the transformation itself is actual.
By disidentifying with our thoughts,
Not clinging to them as they appear in our awareness,
We find ourselves becoming progressively unveiled,
Revealed.
And this revelation is of course what is meant by awakening.
Transformation not only resolves our limits,
Ultimately it leads to that experience,
If we can call it that,
Enlightenment.
Ignoring or pushing the shadow self away and those fragments that were deemed unacceptable keeps us divided.
But at what cost?
Not only the chance to celebrate life in joyous oneness,
Also to function meaningfully.
If the mind is divided against itself,
Can we know love?
Division leads to opposition,
Uncertainty,
Distrust,
Anxiety and depression.
We feel internally incomplete and look to the outside in order to complete us,
To love us in ways that we ourselves are not willing to do.
Let's look at some examples of how the shadow self manifests.
Fear of failure,
Perfectionism and the punitive measures that we presume will follow.
Procrastination is another.
If perfectionism is the fear of failure,
Procrastination is the fear of success.
What else?
What about self-sabotage,
Covertly undermining our effort?
And how might we do that?
Is negative self-talk a way of doing that?
What about low self-esteem?
How about imposter syndrome?
That's a quite a common one,
Isn't it?
Big one in the creative fields.
I've read stories about highly talented musicians who throughout their careers felt like imposters,
Despite their tremendous successes.
And this imposter syndrome stems from the idea that I am inadequate and I must cheat the world into believing in me.
So,
Low self-esteem.
What about people-pleasing?
Is that a way the repressed facets of ourselves might also express?
And what's behind this people-pleasing?
Is it a fear of rejection and disapproval?
Remember that rejection could spell death to a child.
So we become people-pleasers as a way of ensuring that our needs are met,
At least not to be denied.
Pleasing others is a particularly insidious one because it also leads to losing touch with our authentic nature,
Our authentic expression.
Negative self-talk,
Self-sabotage,
Self-doubt and continuous self-criticism.
All these lead to what we might call a living paralysis,
Continuously getting in our way.
I once read a story about the singer Bono from the band U2.
He was at an exhibition of photos of him throughout his successful career and an interviewer spotted him staring at a photo of a young version of himself.
If you had one thing to tell your younger self,
What would it be?
An interviewer asked him and without hesitation Bono said,
I would tell him that he was right not to have second-guessed himself.
Can you imagine living without second-guessing yourself?
I want you in fact just for a moment to look into yourself and ask what might your life look like if you were incapable of second-guessing yourself?
I myself in having asked this question more than once have found it quite a liberating exercise.
Becoming aware of the outward manifestations of our repressed aspects begins our integration journey,
A journey to wholeness and celebration of our possibilities.
Another manifestation is projection,
This tendency to project our repressed aspects onto others,
Our hidden desires,
Our fears,
Our negative emotions.
Rather than learning to integrate them we project them on others.
There are various techniques that we can use in order to integrate our repressed aspects.
First and foremost,
Mindful self-awareness or what we call meditation.
I suggested at the start of this talk to keep returning to awareness of your breathing,
Centering in awareness.
This is meditation,
Noticing your thoughts,
Feelings,
Sensations as they arise without judgment,
Allowing them to bubble up out to the deep and release without reactivity,
Centering in awareness without reactivity.
Another powerful method is shadow journaling.
Shadow journaling is an exceptional way of starting a dialogue with the shadow self,
Allowing the repressed aspects to come up into the light of day and in so doing releasing their trapped energies,
Writing them down,
Journaling about them,
Asking questions like what is this fear that I feel within me,
What are my repressed desires,
What behaviors in my childhood were looked down upon.
Journaling without judgment and noticing any strong reactions that might come up allows you not only to feel them in the here and now but to release them and it is this that we mean by integration.
Another thing you can do is work with a therapist or a life coach who can facilitate and support your journey of integration.
A life coach in my view is the single most important investment anyone can make towards becoming whole again.
We keep hoping for things to change but things will only change if we ourselves change as within so without.
An experienced life coach or therapist can support us in our process,
Help us to embody our insights and also hold us accountable to the results we are looking for.
I myself guide my clients on such breakthrough journeys.
Whatever you choose,
Self-compassion is a crucial aspect in this work of integrating the shadow.
Treating you with the same kindness and compassion you might extend to a dear friend or loved one.
Another practice is mirror work where you stand in front of a mirror with your eyes open and start a conversation.
You might just begin with a question like how are you,
How are you feeling and then let yourself speak.
What you are doing is opening up a conversation with your repressed shadow,
With your twin.
Needless to say this is not a one-time conversation and will likely need your patience but it's well worth it.
You can also try creative art like sand play or painting or sculpting,
Allowing yourself to express freely without judgment,
Without intent or goal in mind.
Remember the most fundamental relationship you can ever have is the one you are having with yourself in the here and now.
If you get this internal relationship right everything is improved.
You get it wrong however,
You ignore it or you reject it.
Life has no choice but to show you your neglect.
And so this is what we mean by working with the shadow self.
It is about healing our relationship with ourself.
All right my friends,
What I hope you have gotten out of this talk is how important it is to embrace the dark shadow self and how crucial this is to our happiness.
By becoming aware of our repressed aspect and bringing them to the surface we are able to integrate them and to become whole again.
It is our own work not somebody else's and we need to be self-compassionate throughout and patient.
Before I leave you I want to remind you about this course.
It's a step-by-step program that guides you through the processes of becoming aware of your own dynamic patterns,
Habits that sabotage your own possibility,
Working to integrate these facets.
And that's it from me.
Thank you for joining me.
I'll stay behind for a moment or so and take questions.
I wish you well.
Bye-bye for now.
