Hi,
This is Barry Zworostein and welcome to part 7 of the audio version of Which Way Is Your Warrior Facing,
An operational manual for current serving and veterans transitioning into civilian life.
Today I want to talk about respect in terms of its impact on ensuring effective relationships and connections with others.
The partner of a veteran once said to me,
She said the following,
There are times when I look into his eyes,
When we're having a tricky discussion,
And all I see is hate or coldness.
It's like if I would just disappear,
He'd be happy.
I see no care for how I feel,
It's exhausting.
Everything is about his needs and his difficulties from the war.
But what about me?
If your anger,
Anxiety and reactivity are not within your control,
Then ask for help to get you to the point of becoming more on top of your feelings.
Remember,
Your partner is no different from the soldiers you operated with or those who outranked you.
Unless your partner is abusive towards you,
They have earned the right to be respected.
Veterans often bring the war home,
Resulting in the family walking on eggshells around them.
If your partner has demonstrated care and a willingness to love and support you,
You also need to understand how challenging it can be to care for a veteran.
As much as you struggle,
So do the others in your life.
They have earned the right to respect.
Your responsibility is to use the tools and professionals who are supporting you,
As well as those in the book,
To get from point A to point B in a different way.
You need to find a way to change how you approach situations.
A good technique is to do the following.
Every day,
Wake up and look at the person lying next to you.
Do the same when you head to sleep at night.
Think about what this person has brought into your life and the qualities you value in them.
Think about the good times you've had,
And while you're holding and feeling the memories and emotions,
Just breathe gently in and out.
If you like writing,
Then at the end of the day,
Identify and write three positive things you noticed during the day in connection with your relationship.
Do this every day.
You could do this together with your partner.
The one way to change behaviors that feel stuck is to identify what you are grateful for.
The more you do this,
The more you will create brain and neural change.
It will eventually become real if you fake it long enough.
Just remember that it can initially feel very artificial doing this.
You may have to fake it till you make it.
The brain does not change overnight.
So just to summarize this in three key points.
The first is that if your anger,
Anxiety and reactivity are not within your control,
Then ask for help to get you to a point of becoming more on top of your feelings.
Second is,
The one way to change behaviors that feel stuck is to identify what you are grateful for.
The more you do this,
The more you will create brain and neural change.
And as I said,
If you fake it long enough,
Then it will eventually become a real feeling and that's neuroscience research and evidence.
And finally,
Your partner is really not the enemy.
So I'd like you to take a moment and breathe and self-reflect.
Pull out your journal and see what comes to mind and just document it on your journal.
A little quote to leave you before I go is that,
Trust,
Care,
Respect and love.
Let these values guide you forwards.
So I look forward to hearing from you how any of these tools and strategies are impacting on your relationships and connections with others.
You are able to send me a message on Insight Timer and I will always respond to that.
In the next one,
We will be looking at self-control.
Until then,
Take care,
Look after yourselves and I'll see you soon.
Bye.
