Visualization To Develop The Healthy Adult

This meditation invites us to reflect on the qualities of Bernstein's Healthy Adult Mode and see how we can embody them. We will also examine any schemas or modes (negative beliefs or coping behaviors) that take us out of the Healthy Adult Mode, seeing how they made sense at one time, but are no longer needed.

Transcript

And now I'll read out Bernstein's List of Strengths.

And so,

You can write down the one that you want to work on,

And you know,

Even do like the writing,

The physical writing in a meditative way,

Such not to break the state.

Okay.

First is authentic.

Breath,

All around.

Also,

Feel free to write these down in your language in a way that appeals to you.

What matters is that this resonate.

Self controlled.

Self confident.

Old.

Creative.

Resourceful.

Playful.

Self aware.

Imaginative.

Objective.

Passionate.

Assertive.

Kind.

Funny.

Wise.

Self reflective.

Flexible.

Perceptive.

Stable.

Knowing who I am.

Being myself.

Patient.

Self disciplined.

Rust worthy.

Reliable.

Introspective.

Good.

And now we're done with the list.

Now,

Look at your list as a whole.

And then now feel into these qualities all at once.

Feel into yourself,

Embodying these qualities.

And now there is a time and a place where you already embody these qualities.

Go ahead and bring up that time or place,

Bring it into the,

Into the mind.

And also you can embellish it to whatever degree you want.

And now see yourself acting this way.

Really feel into the essence of this.

Feel free to look at your list.

Really see how all of this is true about you.

And have an emotional experience of this.

Also see others.

Seeing these qualities in you.

You're known in this way.

You can,

If you want,

You can bring in the perfect nurturers and they can also reinforce this.

They see you this way.

What does this feel like in the body?

What does this feel like in the mind?

And now let's see how you feel into this.

Now let that go entirely.

Now,

Bring up a scene where you acted in a way that you're not proud of that,

That,

You know,

That didn't go well for you,

Where you didn't feel like you were acting like yourself.

Take a minute to find that.

This can even be like a kind of scene that doesn't happen for you much because you avoid it.

You can also bring up that kind of scene.

Okay.

So now bring up the kind of negative scene where you either expect you wouldn't act correctly or in a healthy way or where you didn't.

It doesn't matter in a sense,

Both are just fabrications.

Now let's take a minute really understand what's going on.

Are you familiar with the schema modes or the particularly the coping mode.

Is there avoidance surrender or overcompensation going on.

Just see that clearly.

Notice the belief that makes this less than optimum behavior necessary for you.

So there's a belief that drives this let's call it dysfunctional behavior of yours.

What is that?

It's an emotional belief.

And now once again have the scene play out.

Be aware of your coping mode.

Be aware of your negative belief.

See this with compassion,

See it with understanding.

Of course you behave this way.

Makes perfect sense.

Anybody with your conditioning would.

And now have the perfect nurturers come into the scene.

They remove you from the scene.

They take you somewhere totally safe.

And they comfort you and soothe you.

Like oh yeah.

Oh yeah sure there's this difficulty.

They get it.

They've had similar experiences.

They know that there's absolutely nothing wrong with you.

They also know you're going to move through this no problem.

And it is a complete delight for them to be with you and help you move through this.

All the while you feel very seen and go ahead and develop that scene.

We'll take a few minutes with this.

Keep going.

Keep developing the scene.

Keep taking in this comfort.

The sense of being known,

Accommodated,

Supported,

Accepted unconditionally.

That's right.

Keep going.

Now also notice how the way that the perfect nurturers are with you right in this moment is actually disconfirming the schema.

It's disconfirming this negative belief that you hold without yourself and the world.

Proving to you that actually the world is a better place than you thought,

And that you're better than you thought,

So to speak.

And you're the kind of person that can really take in this care and support.

They really track what's happening.

So understandable that this conditioning is there for you.

They really see it.

And they also know that it'll pass over time.

They're completely confident that you're going to work through this.

Keep going.

That's right.

Keep developing the scene.

You know,

They're also happy to dialogue with you if there's an insight you're having about this.

They want to hear about it.

They also respond in just the right way.

Maybe they have an insight that they want to share with you.

Keep going.

That's right.

Keep going.

And now if this resonates for you.

The ideal,

The perfect nurturers remind you that this kind of negative belief about yourself.

You know,

Yes,

It really came about due to conditioning that really happened,

But that also you have a lot of disconfirming memories,

You have memories that disconfirm and juxtapose this negative belief about yourself in the world.

And they remind you of those.

And then just do this if this feels right for you if you just want to get keep taking in the soothing that's also fine.

Keep going.

Keep going.

Good.

And now,

Go back to this negative scene and this can be something,

The situation where you didn't act from this place of strength in the past,

Or this can be something like a situation going forward that kind of frightens you where you feel like you wouldn't be able to act from this place of strength.

Bring up this scene to the mind.

Now you're going to redo it.

Now look at your list of strengths.

And now,

See the would be negative scene unfold beautifully unfold in a positive way,

Where all your strengths are especially clear and salient.

Go ahead and do that thing now.

You can have the perfect nurturers they're supporting you.

Breathing into your best self to your healthy adult self.

Notice how positive the responses from others.

You can really go after what you want,

And that you get the positive results that you want.

Find a look at your list of strengths again.

That's right,

Keep going.

Keep developing the scene in such a way that you're really feeling into all of your strength,

Really knowing who you are,

And then seeing all these positive outcomes that you have the impact on others that you want you have the impact on the world that you want go ahead and develop that now.

Really knowing what you're about.

That's right.

Also now there's no limit on this this doesn't have to be realistic,

Just really lean into exactly what you want.

And now see how the others in the scene.

See these qualities in you.

See these qualities in you.

You see these qualities,

And they see them,

And that further reinforces the quality in you.

You see these qualities in you.

Now really see how this is totally possible for you.

See how you know this from the inside out.

Now manifesting it acting from that place in your life will be very easy,

Very straightforward.

Keep going.

Now also notice the cause and effect relationships.

Notice how when you act in this place of strength that the risk,

The world responds in a way that's incoherence with your strength.

So now here shortly we'll start wrapping it up,

But before we do we're going to do a series of metacognitive exercises.

So now step out of the scene,

But then see yourself in this scene where you're acting from all these places of strength.

And now open up to some insights about yourself and about the world.

You might see something now that you had not seen before.

Okay.

And now step back further.

And now look at the scene.

When it was going poorly.

When your schema mode was activated when you know you were operating from your negative schema or your negative belief.

And now just study the cause and effect,

The causal sequences that unfold from the belief and from the schema mode.

See how in just a very matter of fact way the negative belief partially is responsible for the negative outcome.

Largely it's responsible.

See that now.

And also have a sense of compassion and understanding.

See how you know how negative experiences earlier in life brought about this belief.

See how you see the cause and effect relationship.

This is wisdom to see this.

And now out of this wisdom comes compassion for you and for others.

This negative belief in this way of coping with it.

Very common.

So many others have had the same experience.

Now for a minute we'll do a practice based on Tonglen.

So on the in breath,

Reflect on the suffering that you've experienced and that others have experienced.

And on the out breath,

Send peace and healing to all those who have experienced this.

We'll take about two minutes with this.

See how you really get it.

You really understand.

That's right.

Keep going.

Okay.

Now,

Let that go.

And now step back,

Even further.

Review the whole meditation.

And let any other insights,

Arise.

And now get the sense that,

Aha,

I did this work.

I brought this about.

I have these insights now.

There has been some healing.

And now see how that is proof of your agency,

Your ability to affect positive change on your life and on the lives of others.

Go ahead and feel into this sense of agency,

Ability,

Competence and confidence.

Good.

Now let that go entirely.

Now just bring the attention to the rising and falling of the abdomen.

We're just going to follow the abdomen for about two minutes.

Okay.

Thank you.

Good.

Now release that.

I'll count from five to one.

When I get to one.

Be awake and present in the room.

Settled in the experience.

Five,

Four,

Three,

Two,

One.

Awake and present in the room.

Settled in the experience.