Schema Repatterning Meditation For Shame

Shame is a social emotion arising from the perceived violation of cultural norms. These can include not being good enough, disappointing others, or failure in any form. This meditation invites you to explore your experience of shame, see it from another perspective, and let it go.

Transcript

Good.

Sitting up straight.

Pushing the crown of the head up towards the ceiling.

Starting to settle in.

Now go ahead and take a really,

Really deep breath.

Retain the breath below the navel.

And exhale.

Extending out the out breath.

Now once again,

Super deep breath in.

Retain the breath below the navel.

And exhale.

And then out the length of the exhale.

And then once again,

Super deep breath in.

Retain the breath in.

Retain the breath.

And exhale.

Exhale.

Okay.

So now bring up shame.

Bring up the notion,

I'm not good enough.

I'm defective.

Go ahead and say a verbalization that really captures this for you.

You can say that out loud or quietly.

That's right.

That's right.

Okay.

Now really also feel into that.

What is it like to feel shame in the body?

What is your,

Like,

Is there a certain posture that the body starts to take?

Okay.

Okay.

And now let's investigate how we cope with this deeply held belief in our own shame.

So,

Briefly a rest assured,

We're going to work through this,

We're not going to have an emotionally attractive experience so be brave in your explorations here.

Okay.

So,

First,

What do you avoid?

What avoidance behaviors come up as a result of this shame?

What is that?

And now don't,

Don't give yourself a hard time about any of this,

We're investigating the mind,

We're doing inner anthropology.

So what avoidance behaviors come up when you're believing your belief of your own shamefulness,

Your own defectiveness?

And now what kind of overcompensation behaviors arise out of your shame?

So what do you go and try to like kind of do more of like,

Now overcompensation modes are very kind of active,

Like there's this like fight element or a controlling element.

So how do you try to control things based on your belief that you're defective?

Just investigate,

No judgment.

Now what about surrender modes or kind of self subjugation modes?

How do you kind of like,

Are there times that you're excessively agreeable,

Excessively differential to the other person,

Based on your sense of unworthiness and shame?

That's right.

Keep going,

Keep investigating.

And now,

At other times you just try to camouflage yourself.

Do you cope with shame via camouflage?

Is that one of your coping mechanisms?

Are there times that you present as overly helpless based on your shame?

Are there other times that you just try to laugh it off,

Try to be kind of humorous and deflect from your sense of defectiveness and shame?

That's right.

Keep going.

Okay,

Good.

Now,

Just for one minute,

One more time,

I want you to see how your belief in your own defectiveness and shame makes these behaviors necessary.

Based on this kind of emotional logic,

This is necessary.

See that clearly.

And specifically see how anybody else would act the same way.

Anybody with this belief would act out and cope with it in the same way.

There's nothing especially messed up about you.

See that clearly now.

That's right.

Okay.

Good.

Now,

Bring up the shame schema one more time.

And then say the verbalization out loud that really helps you feel into it and recognize it.

Oh,

I'm not good enough or something like that.

And now reflect,

Aha,

Yes,

I learned this somewhere.

This is an emotional learning.

I picked this up at some point.

And now,

Float back either to childhood,

Adolescence,

Or even earlier adulthood.

Floating back to a time,

Or a situation rather,

A scene,

Where this negative learning was reinforced.

And this does not have to be a real memory,

It can be an amalgamated memory or a composite memory.

So go ahead and take a minute to find the scene.

And if it's something traumatic,

You don't have to re-experience it,

Just have a sense for what happened.

Okay.

And now notice where you are,

How old you are,

Who you're with.

And now notice the emotions,

What emotions are coming up.

What thoughts are coming up.

This next piece is extremely important.

Okay,

Let me have your full attention.

How is it that you are making sense of the world in this moment?

See how this experience that you had,

Shaped the way that you view self,

Other,

And world.

This was a learning,

This was a lesson.

See that clearly now.

Okay,

Let's go back to the lesson that this taught us about self.

So this negative experience that you had,

What lesson did it teach you about you?

Give voice to that now.

Now what lesson did this situation,

This memory,

What did it teach you about others?

In this old difficult situation,

What did it teach you about the world?

How did it imprint on you in terms of informing you as to how the world is?

And now notice,

This is very important,

This is just learning.

You picked up some sort of lesson and the lesson was on offer in this situation that you were in.

Okay,

All right,

You learned the lesson.

It's just cause and effect.

This is how humans are.

Our environment impacts us.

See that clearly.

Okay.

Good.

Now one more time,

Go into the scene.

Notice how old you are.

Notice who you're with.

Notice the thoughts and feelings that are arising.

And one more time,

See how this lesson got ingrained and has continued to affect you throughout the years.

Take a minute with that.

This probably undermined the quality of your life.

Okay.

Good enough.

Now one more time,

Go back into the scene and just feel into the emotions.

See the thoughts that are arising.

And now have the perfect nurturers come into the scene.

And now they remove you from the scene.

And they start to tend to you,

Soothe you,

Attune to you.

And now they see it's like,

Oh,

This was really,

This is a really difficult situation.

We are so sorry you went through this.

And now notice how you are safe with them.

Notice how they are on your side.

And now,

Give voice to whatever is most unfinished about this.

Give voice to that now.

See how they really get it.

See how they nod sweetly.

You know exactly what you're saying.

Like,

Oh yeah,

Sure.

Of course you view it that way.

Really take that in.

See how they're on your side,

They view it from your point of view.

That's right,

Keep going.

And now,

One more time,

Give voice to what is most unfinished about this.

That's right,

Keep going.

One more time,

Really see how they get it.

They lean in,

They tilt the head.

They say,

Oh yeah,

Totally makes sense.

Of course you view it that way.

Keep developing the scene.

That's right,

Keep going.

Keep developing the scene.

Now I want you to notice something very interesting.

The way that the perfect nurturers are treating you right now actually disconfirms this old negative belief,

This old belief in your defectiveness.

I want you to notice that.

The perfect nurturers validate that there is a part of you that feels defective.

Sure,

That makes sense.

But I want you to see right now,

How you are not defective in their eyes.

There's nothing wrong with you.

Now really take that in.

That's right,

Keep going.

Really take that in.

They don't think that there's anything wrong with you.

And that does not deny any suffering you've ever experienced.

But fundamentally you're a delight.

And they see that.

Okay,

Now really take that in.

Good.

Now we're going to float back to before this negative scene ever happened.

The float back to the scene.

Now we're going to redo the scene,

Except for this time,

The negative thing will not happen.

Rather,

You're going to be with the perfect nurturers and some in the positive opposite will happen.

So go ahead and develop that scene so we're doing an alternate a positive alternative to the old negative scene.

Okay.

All right,

Keep going.

And now really make a deep impression of this.

Good.

Now,

Do a scene with the perfect nurturers again,

And now you're going to kind of switch back and forth between the defectiveness and shame.

And this positivity.

You're going to try to hold both beliefs at the same time.

This is kind of weird,

But this actually really helps with emotional memory be consolidation to go ahead and do that now.

Bring up the old negative belief and then the new positive belief and then kind of switch back and forth.

Keep going switch back and forth.

And now,

Just reinforce the positive belief.

Really feel the positive belief,

Feel it in the body.

Good.

Now make a deep impression of that.

And now,

Turn the mind towards your real adult life going forward.

And see how everything will be much much easier.

Now,

You don't have this corrosive sense of shame that life will be so much more manageable.

Go ahead and see that clearly now.

Yeah,

Your interpersonal relationships will be easier,

Lighter.

See how you're much more able to go after what you deem important in life.

Okay,

Now make a deep impression of that.

Okay,

I'll count from five to one.

When I get to one,

You'll be awake and present in the room,

Settled in the experience,

Five,

Four,

Three,

Two,

One.

Awakened and present in the room,

Settled in the experience.

Reviews

Your recordings help - trying to get back on my feet , thank you so much

Very helpful and clarifica, just a recommendation: try to improve the recording of your voice. For the rest thank you very very much!!

Wow! Thank you!