Investigating And Healing Modes

In this long meditation, we'll explore repeating patterns of behavior (modes) with a mood of self-compassion, equanimity, and investigation. Then we'll create emotionally corrective experiences that make the maladaptive behavior unnecessary. You are invited to keep a piece of paper handy for any notes of reflection that might come up.

Transcript

So go ahead and find the meditation posture.

Push the crown of the head up towards the ceiling.

And start settling in.

And now take a deep,

Deep breath.

And exhale.

And once again,

Super deep breath in.

And on the out-breath,

Extend the out-breath and feel into the relaxation.

And then one more time,

Super deep breath in.

And exhale.

Good,

Good.

So now,

Bring to mind some sort of pattern,

Dynamic,

That keeps repeating in your real adult life,

That you think you make a contribution to it repeating,

Right?

So something where,

You know,

There's kind of a co-responsibility of yours,

And there's maybe some sort of distortion or kind of compulsion to repeat,

Something to that effect.

Okay,

And then go ahead and see if you can name this mode.

And also now,

Like to kind of bring up this mode of yours,

This mental state.

And then now notice what it feels like in the body.

And also kind of even notice like the facial expression you make as you feel into the mode or when you're in this mode or in this part.

And let me also say that you want to do this meditation,

Leaning in as heavily as possible into just curiosity and exploration.

Like,

Oh,

Look at this.

Oh,

Okay,

This comes up.

All right,

So when you're in this mode,

What are the thoughts that arise?

And now back to the body,

Where do you,

Like,

How does this pattern show up in the body?

What does it feel like?

And where do you feel it?

And now see yourself moving through your real adult life,

And notice the circumstances under which this mode gets activated in you.

And now for a moment,

Kind of notice how there's a certain sequence that unfolds.

So,

Okay,

This certain situation triggers you.

Then you react this way.

You might say this thing.

The other person does this,

Says that,

And so forth.

So,

What's the sequence that unfolds when you're in this mode?

Take a minute with that.

So,

What emotions come up as you see this sequence unfold?

Also,

Notice how there's a certain kind of concept of self,

Beliefs about self that arise when you're triggered this way,

And see this with curiosity and exploration.

And then how do you feel about this model of self,

This belief about self?

And now,

Okay,

Trigger your mode or your pattern or your part once again.

And now what is your model of other?

How do you see the other when you're doing this?

Triggered this way.

Also,

Okay,

Well,

Once again,

Bring up the mode,

Bring up the part.

See yourself behaving consistent or as an outcome of the belief.

So,

See the behaviors that are downstream from the belief or the mode.

And now,

What does that bring up in other people?

How does this affect other people?

And also note that you can't know this for sure,

But it's good to take a guess.

And this is an important question.

So,

The way that this affects the other,

Then how does that feed back to you?

How does their reaction impact you?

And then what emotions come up?

What thoughts come up?

What beliefs about self and other in the world come up for you now?

Okay,

This next part is very important.

What we're going to do is we're going to take the pro-symptom position.

So,

What we're going to do is investigate this mode or part,

But we really want to see how it makes sense.

It's probably based on some sort of distortion.

However,

Taking the distortion as a given,

It makes sense in many ways.

So now,

Again,

Feel into your part or mode.

See that kind of play out.

And then try to kind of take its side.

See how this makes sense in some sort of way.

And now stay with this.

How does your mode or your part make sense,

Given how you view the world,

Some of your beliefs?

Good.

Let's stay with this one more time.

How does this part of you make sense?

How is it even kind of smart,

Maybe even given some of the experiences that you've had in the past?

Okay,

Good.

And now for a moment,

Let's investigate how this part is not working for you,

How it is maybe a bit delusional or distorted.

But,

And this is very important,

Do not do this with any sense of harshness or judgment towards self.

Just see this and come into this with an attitude of curiosity and exploration.

So,

How is it that this part or mode creates problems for you?

Okay,

Good.

Good.

All right.

Now,

So it's my belief that these kind of,

I don't know,

We'll call them problematic coping modes,

Relate back to earlier experiences,

Often attachment experiences in childhood.

And so now let's see if we can figure out where this mode or part belief comes from.

So now feel into this part one more time.

See it play out.

Notice how it apparently helps you solve certain problems in your life.

And now float back to some earlier experience,

Probably one from childhood,

Where this mode or part seems to have been useful to you.

All right,

So go ahead and find a scene from probably childhood or some other time.

That contributed to the development of this part or mode.

And now this scene does not have to be an actual episode.

It can be kind of one of these amalgamated composite memories of the kind of thing that would happen.

So go ahead and take a moment to find that scene.

That's right.

Okay,

Good.

And now in this old scene,

Notice who you're with.

Notice what's happening.

Notice where you are.

Notice the emotions,

The thoughts.

And now this point is very important.

Notice how this mode of yours is helping you.

This mode or part is helping you cope with the situation.

And now review.

Now why is it that this mode is helpful in this old scene?

What's the dynamic?

What's the interpersonal dynamic that makes this kind of belief or behavior helpful?

Now,

How do you feel?

What are you thinking?

In this old negative scene,

What is your model of self?

What do you believe about yourself?

Okay.

Now,

What are you thinking about the other?

Maybe this is your parent.

But what is your belief about the other?

Okay.

And now notice how your belief about the other,

Your belief of self,

That kind of all of this coheres,

Kind of sticks together in a way that makes sense and informs your mode or your part,

The way that you're coping.

There's something about all this that makes sense.

Just see that.

Right now in this old negative scene,

Ask yourself,

What is it that I really want?

What am I wanting in this scene?

And now see how your mode or your part is in service of what you want.

So it helps you get what you want.

And again,

See how your mode makes sense.

I'm not saying that it's totally functional or not distorted,

But in this old situation,

It makes perfect sense.

It helped you.

We need to see that.

All right.

Now,

One more time,

Notice what you want in this old negative scene.

What is your desire?

And now how does the other in the scene respond to your desire?

And it's not important if you express the desire or not,

But how does the other respond to your desire or wish?

Was their response helpful?

Right now,

Let's take a moment to see if we can understand the other's mental states and intentions.

So why did they respond this way?

What's going on for them?

And try to really understand with a quality of curiosity.

And stay with that.

Why did the other respond the way that they did to your desire?

Stay with that.

What beliefs about you do you think that they had in that moment that underlied their response?

What do you think that they think about themselves in this moment as they're responding to you?

Okay.

And now,

How did their response to your desire affect you?

When they did such and such,

I did such and such.

I responded this way.

I felt this way.

And so on.

That's right.

Just keep investigating what comes up.

Okay.

Good.

All right.

Now,

Have your healthy adult self.

Imaginably float back to this scene and then your healthy adult self will support your child self.

Kind of help your child self feel safe and understood,

Supported.

Just imagine that for one moment.

Now,

Knowing that you have all the support that you need,

If you like,

You can speak to the other person in this old negative scene.

To be clear,

It's okay if you get angry or you express anger,

But you don't need to.

So now,

Again,

With your healthy adult self supporting your child self,

Give voice to what is unfinished.

Tell this other person how this situation affected you.

So go ahead and take a moment with that.

That's right.

Give voice to what is unfinished.

Keep going.

Keep giving voice,

Whatever feels unfinished.

Okay.

Now,

If this makes sense for you,

Have the other,

Likely your parent,

Respond by saying,

Okay,

You know,

So I see what you're saying and,

You know,

This is kind of what I was thinking and,

You know,

I just couldn't understand how this was affecting you.

Or I'm sorry.

But have them say something that acknowledges what you've said.

And maybe that fills out a bit of the information that was actually missing,

That you didn't see at the time.

That's right.

Have the other just explain what was going on and why they reacted this way.

And they're doing this,

Not in a way that's blaming of you.

And now come back over to your side.

And then what's it like to hear this,

To hear the other or the parent,

Kind of just explain what was going on for them.

How does this impact you?

Okay,

Good.

And then why don't you,

Again,

Speak to your parent or the other.

Just once again,

Just give voice to what is unfinished,

Whatever's still bothering you.

That's right.

Just one last time,

Give voice to whatever is unfinished.

Okay,

Good.

Now,

Float up above this scene.

And imagine a timeline that stretches from back then all the way up till now.

And see all these different moments in your life that have been affected,

Conditioned by this early experience and other early experiences like this.

And see this with understanding and compassion.

Good.

And now,

Now see yourself in your real adult life these days.

And likewise,

See how this old conditioning is still playing out.

And to be clear,

Don't feel bad about this.

This is a very common state of affairs for us humans.

And now dissolve the whole meditation and then float even further up above and come into a place where there's wisdom and balance and kindness and compassion,

Especially towards yourself.

And now let's review the meditation.

So what is it that you've learned here?

Review the insights.

Okay,

Good,

Good.

And now see your real adult life unfold before you.

And see how there's just a little bit more understanding and patience with yourself.

See how you understand how your earlier experiences and conditioning have affected you in your adult life and how you can kind of hold that with some understanding and compassion.

And now see yourself interacting with others.

And there's just a little bit more ease and understanding.

Okay,

Good,

Good.

Making a deep impression of that.

All right,

I'll count from five to one.

When I get to one,

You'll be awake and present in the room,

Settled in the experience.

Five,

Four,

Three,

Two,

One.

Wake and present in the room.

Settled in the experience.