Mentalizing The Modes With Metacognition

In this meditation, we'll explore patterns of behavior (modes) with a mood of compassion, equanimity, and investigation. Then we'll create emotionally corrective experiences that make the maladaptive behavior unnecessary. You are invited to keep a piece of paper to hand for any notes of reflection that might come up.

Transcript

I found recently that taking out a piece of paper and then taking a few notes during the meditation just to help me remember what I'm working on is actually very helpful so feel free to do that now.

Okay,

Again sitting up straight pushing the crown of that up towards the ceiling.

We'll start with three really deep breaths.

Go ahead and inhale super super deep.

Now exhale.

One more time inhale super deep.

And now exhale.

One last time inhale really really deep and retain the breath below the navel.

And now exhale.

Okay so what we'll do is we'll now touch into something greater than ourselves.

So open up to mystery,

Whatever that means to you.

You can think of kind of a higher power or Buddha,

Bodhisattva,

Jesus,

Whatever appeals.

So bring up this sense of something greater than yourself.

Notice how you just can't understand it.

And now feel into this wholesome longing to understand and to touch this mystery.

And now imagine that this higher power is beneficent,

Wants what's best for you.

And then you can ask for help.

Well help me along,

Help me along this path,

Support me.

And now see how this higher power very very happy to support you.

And now rouse confidence.

Know that this meditation will unfold just beautifully.

Know that your whole life will unfold beautifully.

Feel into that now.

That's right.

That's right.

Okay good.

And now let's touch into motivation.

Why are you taking your time to do these meditations and do this work?

And now think about the outcomes.

I'll suggest that you're doing this in order to connect more easily with others,

To be at ease with others,

Actually to love more.

And also to go about your exploration more thoroughly,

More ambitiously.

So let's now do a quick visualization about you being able to connect with others better.

See that scene unfold.

Notice how others delight in you and you delight in others.

Okay and now let's turn to our exploration.

See your exploration just unfold beautifully.

Notice how you have so much support.

So and now notice how oh I can connect with others very easily.

I can do my exploration.

So there's this quality of fullness.

You have your needs met.

And now notice how there is this quality of generosity that arises and wholesome secure concern for the well-being of others.

And now feel into that.

So make a deep impression.

This is why I'm practicing.

These are the outcomes that I desire.

Okay good.

Now we'll go ahead and start with practice.

Remember we're just going to do a mentalization of the modes meditation,

But we'll emphasize the mentalization or metacognitive piece a bit more.

So okay.

What symptoms or what problems are coming up on your in your life?

What is it that you would like to work on?

Okay bring that up now and also give it a name.

That'll help you.

That'll give you a handle and it'll also help with the function of identification.

It's like oh yeah here's this old pattern of such and such.

And so now notice how you are identifying it.

You recognize it very clearly.

It's like a hi,

Hello old friend.

It's like a hi,

Yep hello old friend.

Okay and now notice or rather ask yourself what compels this behavior?

What are the beliefs about self and world that make this behavior necessary?

I'll also remind you that we're taking the pro symptom position.

We're speaking from the place of our emotional truth and we're not pushing it away or shaming it or any of that.

So again what are the beliefs that drive this symptom?

How do you view yourself and how do you view the world?

Also if you want to write down what the belief is you can do that.

Okay and now so bring up the belief that undermines that that makes this symptom necessary.

And see how it is a lens.

It's a lens for seeing the world through which you see the world and you see yourself.

And now notice how when you're in the view when you're in this schema that your body feels a certain way and the mind feels a certain way.

Go ahead and investigate that.

Make this very explicit.

How do you feel in the body and the mind when you're under the spell of the schema?

What image thoughts,

What auditory thoughts arise when you're under the spell of the schema?

There's a whole pattern that unfolds when you're under the spell.

And just see this clearly and also notice this is interesting.

It's like wow the mind is so interesting.

Also notice how based on kind of being under the spell of the schema you make certain predictions about things.

And then based on your predictions you respond and then the response is likely the mode or the symptom or the behavior that you were looking at earlier.

And now notice how all of this makes perfect sense.

You have this certain belief.

The belief brings about a prediction about life.

It is incumbent on you to deal with things based on that prediction and so you go about engaging your mode or your your coping mode,

Your behavior.

This makes perfect sense.

Anybody would react the same way.

Go ahead and see that clearly now.

Let's pause here and we're going to work on both equanimity and compassion but let's work on compassion first.

See how that you know there's something afflictive,

Something difficult,

Painful about this belief.

And then also there are ways in which this response of yours is also painful.

Now that doesn't mean we're judging it.

We're not even trying to change it.

We just want to see how it causes suffering.

Now feel into this sweet longing,

Natural longing that this suffering go away.

Be diminished.

This has hurt you and you can just acknowledge that sweetly.

Okay and now we'll work on a combination of equanimity,

You know tolerance,

Forbearance and dis-identification as well.

So now look at this whole phenomenon.

Look at the belief.

Look at how the belief causes suffering.

Look at the afflictive prediction that you make about life and look at your your mode,

Your coping mode,

Your behavior.

And now just notice all of it with this quality of openness and brightness and receptivity.

It's like,

Oh yeah,

Yeah look at this.

See how it's all just cause and effect.

See how it's not personal to you.

Anybody with this belief would respond the same way.

Go ahead and investigate all of this now from this place of tolerance,

Equanimity and dis-identification.

This is just cause and effect.

Nothing personal,

Nothing to be ashamed of,

Nothing to even be emotionally dysregulated about.

Okay good,

Now release that.

Now bring up the schema,

Bring up the belief one more time.

Here we're identifying.

And we're about to do an exercise of integration,

A theme where this came from.

So come into the schema.

And now you learned this somewhere.

And now float back likely to childhood,

Adolescent through earlier adulthood.

And let the scene arise.

And this scene doesn't have to be really an accurate scene of what really happened.

Maybe just a composite of what may have happened.

Just your best,

Just your best effort.

And so this would be a scene where you learned the schema.

So notice where you are.

Notice how old you are.

Notice who you're with.

And now notice also the suffering.

This was,

It was not pleasant to learn this lesson.

And now see that clearly.

Okay good.

And now have the perfect nurturers come into the scene and they remove you from the scene.

They take you somewhere totally safe.

And now you're with them now.

This negative situation that you experienced is completely over.

The perfect nurturers understand your experience.

Also they delight in being with you.

They know that you're going to be just fine,

But they also really get at how upsetting this is.

You feel totally seen and known and now they start soothing you in a way that is perfectly calibrated to your needs.

Go ahead and fill up that scene now.

That's right.

Keep going.

Shape and reshape the scene in such a way to get your needs met.

That's right.

They really get it.

They know what you were,

You went through.

It's all over now.

You're with them.

And also notice how the way that they are with you is already disconfirming this old negative belief.

This old negative belief was somehow about that you didn't in a sense deserve to get your needs met.

And now notice how that is not what's happening now.

Notice how your needs are very important and being thoroughly met.

Keep developing the scene.

Keep going.

And here's an extra exercise that might appeal to you.

Maybe you can have these perfect nurturers also remind you of your own memories of times when you would have had this negative schema disconfirmed.

You've actually had a lot of experiences that disconfirm this old negative belief.

And so they can remind you of those now.

And you can re-experience those positive experiences.

That will also help in re-patterning the schema but that's optional.

That's right.

Really,

Check that out.

Okay.

And now you and these perfect nurturers go back to the scene,

The original scene where you learned this,

Where this negative learning was reinforced.

And in this case you are very strong.

You have a fully developed sense of agency.

The perfect nurturers are very strong,

Very able.

And now you're going to correct the scene.

You'll correct it in a way that works for you and really have a sense of creative license here.

This might involve confrontation or it might just,

You know,

Confronting the person that treated you poorly or it might involve just seeing the person that treated you poorly.

And then you'll have a person that treated you poorly or it might involve just simply a redoing of the scene where a very positive outcome results instead of this old and negative learning.

So go ahead and redo the scene.

That's right.

Keep developing the scene.

And here really focus on disconfirming this old negative belief in the redo.

And now make a deep impression that really feel into that.

Notice how this changes your expectations of life entirely.

This augments your sense of agency.

You feel a lot more competent and confident.

And now you and the perfect nurturers start floating away from the scene towards your real adult life today.

But now look back at this negative scene.

Like,

Oh yeah,

This was an experience I had.

It had a negative impact on me.

I'm not denying that.

But now notice how the mind is very broad and open and how there are also you've had very positive experiences.

This meditation included that disconfirm the totality of this belief.

That you can hold this these experiences and these negative experiences and negative learnings in a broader context.

Again,

This is a crappy learning,

But it doesn't define me.

And it doesn't define my reality.

Now really see that clearly.

Okay,

Good.

And now imagine that you're back in your real adult life and now see your adult life play out going forward.

And now notice how much easier interpersonal relationships are.

You have this tremendous sense of agency.

You have this expectation that others want to light in you,

Keep you safe,

Attune to you.

So go ahead and play that out now.

So and also notice how with all this social support,

Also with the perfect nurturers backing you up,

It's so easy to go after what you value in life,

What you find interesting,

Your exploration.

So go ahead and see your explorations unfolding just beautifully.

That's right,

Really feel into that.

And now make a deep impression of this.

This is what you expect from life.

I count from five to one and when I get to one,

I'll be awake and present in the room,

Settled in the experience.

Five,

Four,

Three,

Two,

One,

Awake and present in the room,

Settled in the experience.