Mentalizing The Modes

In this meditation you will be guided in relaxation, invited to explore schema modes (compulsive behaviors), and then led in recognizing them. By mentalizing the modes in this way, they lose power over you, and you can live from a more authentic and open place.

Transcript

Push the crown of the head up towards the ceiling.

And now take a really,

Really deep breath.

Now retain the breath.

Okay,

Good.

And now exhale.

Okay.

So now we just investigated this part of self that we wanted to kind of work on.

So bring that part of self up.

And now see what life is like when this part of self is running the show,

When it gets triggered.

So you see yourself kind of acting from this part.

Now see that.

You're visualizing here.

Notice how the way that you are is very stereotyped,

Very repetitive.

It's the same thing over and over.

That's not a complaint.

That's not negative.

It's actually quite interesting.

Notice how there are different environments in which this part takes over and that the kind of say postures that the part takes is very similar.

Also notice the mental states that arise when this part is running the show.

It has a very particular feel.

Also now notice how the body feels a very particular and familiar way when this part is running the show.

Like you might actually even kind of come into the physical posture,

Maybe hunched forward or maybe minimizing,

Or maybe kind of like some bravado with the chest out,

However it is for you.

But go ahead and investigate what the body feels like when this part has taken over.

Also there's likely a certain pattern of psychosomatization that happens.

So there's like certain pain in the body that comes up when you're in this part.

See if you can find that now.

And also I want you to have this attitude of,

Wow,

This is so cool.

It's like,

It's so obvious when I'm in this part.

My mind tells me and my body tells me.

So interesting.

Okay,

Good.

Okay.

Okay,

And so now notice how when you are in this part,

When this part has taken over,

That your work life looks a certain way that you kind of manifest in your work life in a very particular way.

So go ahead and see yourself in a work situation when this mode or this part is triggered.

That's right.

And now let's move on.

When you are in this mode or this part,

What does your social life look like?

How is it that you behave or how is it that you present in your social life?

And it might,

Maybe when you're in this part,

You have no social life,

And that's a good answer if that's your truth.

But go ahead and investigate that.

Okay.

And now what is your intrapersonal life like when this part has taken over?

And what that means is,

Like what is your internal psychological life like when this mode or part has taken over?

Notice how it's so repetitive.

Also notice how you can really identify this very clearly.

Okay.

That's right.

Okay.

And now let's move on to what are your personal explorations like when you're in this mode or in this part?

Go ahead and notice that.

That's right.

Really notice that.

Do you not do your explorations or do you maybe hyper-explore?

Okay,

Good.

And now one more time,

I want you to contemplate the benefits of being in this mode.

This mode or this part,

You do it because it offers some kind of benefit.

And so go ahead and see this and really appreciate it with a sense of interest and curiosity and openness.

So go ahead and see that now.

There are all these benefits from being in this part.

Contemplate that.

Say those out loud.

Okay.

Good.

Good.

Okay.

And now come back into the part,

Occupying the part.

And now notice how this part has a kind of framework for understanding you,

The world and others.

So there's this kind of way of making meaning of self,

Other and world that is inherent in this part.

But now give voice to how it is that you see self,

Other and world when you're occupying this part.

Give voice to that.

Say that out loud if you can.

You know what?

I'll cue you for each one,

One by one.

When I'm in this part,

I see myself as such and such.

And then from this part,

When I am in this part and I wanna be clear from the logic,

From the emotional logic of this part,

I see others as such and such.

You might wanna write these down.

This is the schema or the belief that underlies the part and makes it necessary,

Emotionally necessary,

Okay?

And now from the logic of this part,

So when I am fully in this part,

Enmeshed with this part,

I see the world as such and such.

Go ahead and fill that in.

Sure.

Okay,

So now I really want you to notice how this part has a very particular model of self,

Other and world that makes this part necessary.

I want you to see that clearly now.

Okay,

Okay,

Good,

Good.

So now reflect back on this model of self,

Other and world that you discovered.

Now this is what's called an emotional learning.

You learned this somewhere.

You had experiences probably in childhood,

But possibly in adolescence or earlier adulthood where you picked this lesson up.

It's just an emotional learning.

So,

Okay,

Now float back to a time,

Again,

Maybe childhood,

Adolescence or adulthood where this lesson was taught to you,

Probably not intentionally taught to you,

But where you picked up this lesson.

So go ahead and float back and find a scene where you learned this lesson.

Do that now.

Also,

This can be an amalgamated or composite memory.

It does not need to be a real memory.

Okay,

So there you are.

You're back in the scene.

How old are you?

Who are you with?

Where are you?

And if you can answer this out loud.

And now notice the thoughts and feelings that are coming up in that scene.

It probably doesn't feel very good.

And now I want you to see how,

In fact,

Oh yeah,

I get it,

I picked up this lesson.

This impressed upon me a certain worldview.

And now I want you to see how this is just cause and effect.

Anybody exposed to this kind of conditioning that you were exposed to would have been affected the same way.

I want you to see that now.

There's nothing especially flawed or defective about you that you picked up this lesson.

It's just an emotional learning.

Now I want you to see that clearly.

Okay,

So now I want you to see how this is a little bit different from what you've seen.

I want you to see how this is a little bit different from what you've seen.

Okay,

Good.

And now,

Like look from this perspective,

From the scene,

Look forward into your life and see how this experience and this emotional learning went on to impact you during the rest of your life.

Just see this clearly.

That's quite interesting.

Okay,

Good,

Good.

And now go back into the scene and one more time,

Allow for the emotions to come up,

Allow for the thoughts to come up.

Also allow for it to be a little bit unpleasant.

And now the perfect nurturers come into the scene and they remove you from the scene and they take you somewhere totally safe.

And these perfect nurturers are not based on your real parents,

But they're kind of like idealizable figures that are perfectly suited to you in every way.

Okay,

Good.

So now there you are with your perfect nurturers.

And now they really get it.

They really see what you've been through.

And now they soothe you in just the right way.

Go ahead and develop that scene.

Okay,

And now they tell you this.

They say,

Please help us understand what you went through.

And they say,

Give voice to whatever feels most unfinished about all of this.

So now you go ahead and do that.

Let them know what's on your mind and how this hurt you,

Et cetera.

And they're gonna listen really attentively.

And I also want you to see how they're so happy to be there with you.

Okay,

Go ahead and develop that scene,

Giving voice to whatever it is that you need to give voice to.

That's right,

Keep going.

Keep developing this scene.

And now one more time,

Give voice to whatever feels most unfinished about this old scene and about this old negative emotional learning.

And they really wanna understand.

And they're right there with you,

Attuning to you and comforting you as you give voice to this.

That's right,

Keep going.

And now they tell you just the thing that you need to hear.

They go ahead and tell you that right now.

Now really make yourself receptive to this.

That's right,

Really taking that in.

That's right.

Really taking that in.

That's right.

That's right.

And now one more time,

Give voice to what is most unfinished about this.

And they're gonna listen so attentively,

So sweetly.

You can really tell that they want to be there for you.

They're so happy to be there.

Go ahead and give voice.

That's right.

Really taking that in.

Taking in how they're attending to you.

Also getting the sense that they're guiding you through this.

They're very confident that you're gonna move through this no problem.

Keep giving voice to whatever it is that feels unfinished.

And now see how attentive they are.

They can lean,

They lean in,

They tilt the head,

They nod sweetly.

Like,

Oh yeah,

Of course,

Of course you see it that way.

Anybody would.

And they also know that this is not your fault.

There's nothing fundamentally wrong with you.

And they're so happy to be there with you.

And now they tell you just the thing that you need to hear.

So go ahead and have them tell that to you now.

And you're the kind of person that can really take this in.

That's right.

Keep going.

Keep going.

Good,

Good.

All right.

And now you and the perfect nurturer will go back to this earlier scene,

This kind of negative scene.

But this time you're gonna be really big.

And then the perfect nurturers are gonna be with you.

And they're really,

Really big.

And you and the perfect nurturers have all of the moral authority in the room.

And this person that didn't treat you well will be there.

And this may or may not be relevant.

For most people,

This will be relevant.

And we're gonna confront this person that treated you poorly.

Okay,

So go back to this old scene.

And now the one perfect nurturer is caring for you.

And then the other perfect nurturer confronts the person that treated you poorly.

Again,

If this is applicable in your situation,

If you want to do this.

They say,

You're not gonna treat our child this way.

And now as they do this,

You really,

Really feel stood up for.

They say,

This was not right the way that you treated our child.

You're never gonna be able to treat our child this way.

And then once again,

Really,

Really feel stood up for.

Feel into the rightness of this.

And now this next piece is not real.

It doesn't need to be realistic,

But just go with this.

Then the person that treated you poorly recognizes it.

They feel bad about the way that they treated you.

And they actually apologize.

And again,

This does not have to be realistic.

And now feel how you feel validated and vindicated.

Also see how what you want matters.

And you being stood up for and supported matters.

And you can expect that now.

Really feel that in the body.

There's a quality of strength and uprightness in the body.

Feel into that now.

That's right.

Good,

Good.

Good,

And now imagine that this person that treated you poorly and the old scene just starts kind of vanishing and like fading into the distance and seeming very,

Very unimportant.

And now it's just you and the perfect nurturers probably in a different place.

And now once again,

You can see how happy the perfect nurturers are to be with you.

And they check in with you.

And now they really wanna know if there's anything else that you need to give voice to,

Anything else that feels unfinished.

So go ahead and give voice to that now.

Go ahead and give voice to that now.

And notice how sweetly they listen to you.

Mm-hmm,

Sure,

They really get it.

Uh-huh,

Sure,

Okay.

And now I want you to notice something.

The way that the perfect nurturers treated you actually disconfirms,

Actually this whole meditation disconfirms this old negative belief about how you saw self,

Other,

And world.

I want you to notice that.

Notice how this negative belief is juxtaposed by how you were treated by the perfect nurturers.

Now really take that in.

And also notice how the perfect nurturers see how you're feeling better.

And now that is a great delight to them.

They're so happy you're feeling better.

Okay,

Good,

Good.

And now very briefly,

See how these experiences that you've had changes your outlook on life.

And now see yourself moving through your real adult life going forward,

But now you see life through this more positive lens.

See yourself connecting with others.

See yourself going after your explorations boldly because you have all this social support.

See that now.

And now make a deep impression of this.

This is what you expect from life.

Feel that in the body.

Think good.

I'll count from five to one.

When I get to one,

You'll be awake and present in the room,

Settled in the experience.

Five,

Four,

Three,

Two,

One.

Awakened,

Present in the room,

Settled in the experience.