Mentalizing The Modes

We are invited in this meditation to mentalize our negative modes. Schema modes are unconscious ways of interacting with our worlds and the people in it. By understanding them, we are better able to repattern them in an imaginal space.

Transcript

Now what we'll do is I'll go through a list of the more problematic modes very briefly,

Just an overview and then we'll do the kind of some version of these,

This kind of schema mode repatterning meditation.

So just stay in the meditation.

So we've gone over in great detail the healthy adult mode.

And now we'll go over the more problematic modes.

So now bring up what does your vulnerable child mode feel like.

There might be like lonely aspects to it,

Like abused,

Confused,

Etc.

Notice what that's like.

Okay,

Now let's go into the three different groupings of coping modes.

So overcompensation.

This could be like a perfectionistic overcontroller,

Like a workaholic mode,

Even kind of like a grandiose mode,

An aggressive mode.

And then as we're going through these modes over the next let's say five minutes,

Pick the mode that resonates the most and work on that in the guided meditation that we'll do in about five minutes.

And then the avoidance modes,

So spaced out protector,

Angry protector,

Emotionally shut down the modes,

Self-soothing,

A detached mode.

And then the compliant surrender type modes.

This is kind of where you just go along.

It's kind of a really low energy state.

Just quit fighting.

You kind of subjugate yourself to either the negative belief or the negative situation that you're in.

And then there are the,

So moving on now,

There are the negative introject or negative parental type voices.

So demanding parent voice,

Critical parent voice,

Guilt inducing parent voice.

So go ahead and just pick one of the 10 modes that we've gone over so far and figure out which one you want to work on.

Okay.

So again,

Bring up the mode that you want to work on.

Name it,

Name it in a way that's personal to you.

Feel it in the mind.

What are the mental states that arise for you when you're in this mode?

And here you just want to see this clearly with curiosity and interest.

And then the second mode,

The mental state.

So what are the mental states that arise for you when you're in this mode?

What's the signature of the mode?

There are certain kind of set of mental and physical states that arise when you're in this mode.

What does it feel like in the body?

And also notice how you can see all of this very clearly right now.

And now anticipate how in the future when this mode arises for you,

You will also see it much more clearly.

And there's a sense of competence and even mastery that arises from that recognition.

Now these are just a few inquiries.

Just go with the ones that resonate for you.

Where did this part or this mode come from?

Often these modes are means for emotionally self-regulating around some sort of unmet need or some kind of schema or belief.

What is that unmet need or schema or belief?

Just investigate that loosely.

And also there's no judgment here.

There's just interest,

Curiosity.

And now see how this mode relates to maybe some sort of belief about self or unmet need.

And also see how this is just conditioning.

That's all it is.

Just stimulus and response.

There's nothing personal or special about how you responded.

It's just learning.

And now it's really important to be fair-minded and see things as they are.

So it's important to also contemplate the benefits of you getting into these modes.

So this mode you get into,

There are benefits.

So let's sincerely and fair-mindedly contemplate those benefits.

See why it is that you engage in this mode.

And we're not doing this in some sort of ironic way.

We really want to see it as it is.

It's just curiosity.

Now earlier we worked on developing the adult mode,

The healthy adult mode.

So now let's do a little bit of chair work.

So imagine the more problematic mode that you're dealing with is in one chair and then your healthy adult mode is in another chair.

What would your healthy adult mode say to this other mode or what would the other mode say to your healthy adult mode?

And here let's just make this a conversation of interest and investigation,

No pressure.

That's right,

Keep going.

Does this mode or does the healthy adult mode have any concerns,

Any fears that might be best aired and discussed at this moment?

That's right,

Keep developing the dialogue.

And now the next few steps might seem like a little like it might encourage a little bit of judge being judgmental but that's not the point.

The point is just understanding cause and effect.

So now think about when this mode gets going.

And now investigate what are the causal unfoldings,

What are the effects that come about,

What does this look like when it starts manifesting.

So what does this look like in your work life?

And we'll go through different areas of life.

So you're in this mode,

It's kind of been triggered and now how does this affect your work life?

And again you're just like an anthropologist,

You're just interested,

No judgment,

No harshness.

What does this look like in your social life?

So you get into this mode and then there's certain patterns that arise in your social life.

What's that like?

Map that out.

Just with total interest,

No harshness.

So keep looking at that,

Look at those details.

And also notice how predictably it follows a pattern.

And also by seeing this pattern there's even a sense of mastery and competence.

It's like oh yeah,

I totally recognize this,

I see how it unfolds.

Okay and now let's look at your internal life,

Like your kind of internal mental and emotional life.

So you get into this mode and then the mind is a certain way.

Certain beliefs come up,

Certain thoughts,

Certain emotions.

See those now,

Study those.

And again there's a pattern and bring up this sense of happiness that you can see and understand your mind,

That you see the patterns.

Oh this is interesting.

And now let's go ahead and look at the effects that getting into this mode has on your personal explorations,

Like your explorations that you find personally meaningful.

No judgment,

Just interest.

Okay,

Now imagine what it would be like to be totally free from these modes in the mode that we've been looking at.

Imagine this with as much detail as possible.

What are the possibilities?

So what would be available to you if you didn't engage in this mode?

What opportunities?

What way of being?

Okay and now have the other parts of yourself see this mode and see how there's really nothing to reject here.

This mode is actually,

It's been very helpful to you.

It's an adaptive response to some sort of condition that you had in the past.

So have all your other parts see this part.

And now notice how it's so clear you don't need to repress out of conscious awareness this part.

There's space for this part.

Okay good,

Now we'll do the more emotionally corrective experience piece of the meditation.

So now ask yourself what is the belief?

We identified it earlier,

But what is the belief that underlies this part,

This mode?

Now look back into either childhood,

Adolescence,

Earlier adulthood and find some experiences,

Some events where you learn or rather one find one experience or event memory where you learn this belief about yourself and the world.

Also this can be a reconstructed memory,

It doesn't have to be a real memory.

Then go into that scene and notice what it's like.

It's probably pretty unpleasant.

Notice where you are,

Who you're with,

How old you are.

And now have the imaginal parents come into the scene.

They can either remove you from the scene or you can stay in the scene,

But now they're going to take care of you.

Soothe you,

Support you.

And also you feel very seen and understood.

Then based on this understanding that they have for you,

They soothe you,

Comfort you in just the right way.

So go ahead and develop that scene.

That's right,

Keep developing the scene.

Shape it and reshape it such that you get your needs met.

That's right.

So now it might make sense to at this point go back to this original scene with the imaginal parents and confront the situation and actually rewrite that earlier scene.

This rewriting of the earlier scene might look lots of different ways for you,

But if somebody treated you poorly you could confront that person.

The imaginal parents could confront them and they would acknowledge what they did and apologize.

But again just write,

Kind of rewrite the scene in the way that you see fit.

Keep developing the scene.

Do you really feel supported,

Seen,

Known?

And also you know that you're blameless.

Just keep developing the scene.

And now notice how the mind is broadening.

The mind is more open.

Notice how you can take in more information.

Notice how this time that you kind of learn this toxic lesson,

That it's just a moment in time.

It's just an experience.

It's not even all that relevant to you as a person.

It's not really personal in a certain way,

In another way it is.

See how you don't need to carry this anymore.

And also see how in this state where your mind is open and broad,

See how you can take in other information that actually contradicts this belief.

There's actually lots of information,

Lots of memories that you have,

That you can see how,

Yeah this belief is not even true.

Even the way the imaginal parents have treated you here,

Disconfirms this belief.

Notice that.

Open up to that belief.

Really taking that in.

Okay.

Now you all have seen the sound that you have,

Okay.

Now letting that go and we're just going to do one brief exercise before we end the meditation.

So now look back,

Look back at this original,

At the original piece of suffering that you were looking at.

And reflect on how common this is.

So many others have had these same difficult experiences and then responded in just the same way that you did.

See that.

Open up to that.

And there's a sense of camaraderie.

It's like,

Oh yeah,

We're all in this together.

Now on the in-breath reflect on their suffering.

On how this has been very confusing and difficult for them.

And on the out-breath,

Send them peace and well-wishing.

So on the in-breath,

Reflecting on their suffering and on the out-breath,

Wishing them peace,

Recovery,

Wellness.

So so keep going.

Okay.

Good.

And then go ahead and wrap that up.

Now bring the attention to the rising and falling of the abdomen.

Now open the eyes halfway and then keep following the rising and falling of the abdomen.

And now open the eyes entirely and you can let go of the meditation.

Reviews

Thank you for the insights and awareness it brought of my inner child to adult relations and communication. Ways I can respect and understand further.

Very helpful
Thank you