Mentalizing Coping Behaviors (Schema Modes)

Schema Therapy understands emotional states and coping behaviors as modes, ways of being to which our minds are habituated. By calling our modes to mind, imagining them being triggered, and finally mentalizing alternative responses, we can start to undo our conditioning.

Transcript

Identify a mode or like a symptom of behavior in your life that is causing you trouble,

Is causing you suffering.

What's the behavior that comes up for you that is problematic?

Maybe we'll call it neurotic.

Go ahead and name this.

Also,

It might be helpful to write this down.

Okay,

So now come into the mind state that fuels this behavior.

When you're there reflecting on your behavior and in the mind state that causes the behavior,

What images come up?

What auditory thoughts come up?

And now see all of this clearly.

And then now notice how it's all kind of natural.

It all makes sense in a way.

That there's even an intelligence to all of this.

Now come back into the mind state that drives the behavior and then just feel that in the body.

What does it feel like in the body?

And now notice how when you get into this,

When this mind state comes up and then you start behaving in this way,

There's a series of consequences that unfold.

Also,

I want to be clear,

We're not shaming ourselves whatsoever.

We're just studying.

This is interesting.

So you get into your mode and then other behaviors will come up,

Other thoughts.

Maybe a sequence of modes will arise.

Go ahead and see that and study that now with curiosity.

OK,

Now notice how getting into this mode has certain impacts on your work life.

What's your work life when you get into this mode?

And also,

If there's positive impacts on your work life,

See that clearly.

And now look at the impacts on your social life.

You get into this mode and then there's a certain pattern that unfolds regarding your social life.

What are the impacts there?

And just study this with curiosity,

No judgment at all.

And now notice what your mind is like.

So your internal life,

What's your internal psychological life like when you get into this mode?

Likely,

There's this kind of obsessiveness or this kind of narrow focus where you can't see the big picture.

And now what are your what happens when you get into this mode in terms of your personal exploration?

When you're in this mode,

There's a certain pattern that unfolds with regard to your doing your personal explorations.

What is that pattern?

And again,

See it with curiosity,

No judgment.

You.

Now,

Reflect,

Where does this part or where does this mode come from?

These modes are generally just an afflicted means of emotional self-regulation around maybe an unmet need or a problematic belief.

Investigate where does this mode come from?

Why is it that I'm driven to this and again,

No judgment.

It makes a lot of sense why you would act this way.

Also,

This step is really important.

Fully see the benefits of this afflictive mode or this afflictive behavior or symptom.

Likely,

This helps you avoid an even greater suffering.

There's something about this that makes a lot of sense and we really appreciate this.

What are the benefits of this mode or symptom?

Keep investigating.

Okay,

So now we'll do a little bit of chair work.

So,

Bring up your mode that you're working on.

And then what would other parts of you say to this mode or what does this mode have to say to other parts?

You can bring in your healthy adult or you can bring in any other part and be creative here.

However you do this is fine.

There might be some tension between the parts in it so that's perfectly fine.

Of course there would be tension.

And now,

In particular,

What would your healthy adult mode say to this part?

And also make sure that it's nothing harsh or judgmental.

It needs to be something encouraging that sees the validity of this part.

And now,

Have the whole system see this part and see how this part is fundamentally blameless.

There's nothing wrong with this part.

This is just an adaptive response possibly to some difficult conditioning.

And now,

In as much as there's nothing fundamentally wrong with this part or in a sense even with any part of you,

Go ahead and let this part stay out.

This part is seen and known by all the other parts.

There's never any reason to get rid of this part.

Never any reason to push this part back into hiding.

And so now this part kind of integrates with the other part.

Good.

And now let's look at the belief,

The beliefs that under underlie this part.

So what are the beliefs that drive this behavior mode or part?

I get this sense that it is totally fine to have this belief.

Of course,

You would have this belief.

Also see the causal relationship between the belief and then the mode or the part or the symptom.

See how it makes perfect sense to behave just the way that you do.

Okay,

So now the belief that underlies the part.

See how you view yourself in a certain way when you're in that belief.

See that now.

And now see how you view the world in a certain way when you're believing this when you're in this schema or in this belief.

And see how there's this coherence and that it all makes sense in a certain way.

There's an emotional logic to it.

And now once again,

See how this belief about self,

Other and world naturally drive these modes or these behaviors of yours.

It's like,

Yeah,

Of course,

Just see that one more time.

Okay,

And now go back into the belief back into the schema.

Now we're going to investigate where you learned this.

So now float.

So come into the mental state of the schema.

Really believe it.

And now float back to an earlier time in your life where this belief or schema was reinforced,

Was further conditioned into you.

Bring up that scene.

How old are you?

Who are you with?

What does it feel like?

It likely feels pretty bad.

And now once again,

See the cause and effect relationship between the conditioning and the belief.

Oh,

I was in this situation and I learned this lesson.

This makes sense.

There's nothing mysterious about that.

You're not to blame.

There's nothing weird or special about you.

You just learned the lesson that was to be learned at the time.

See that clearly now.

Trigger yourself once again,

Really come into the scene and kind of trigger yourself and experience this schema fully.

Okay,

Now have the perfect nurturers come into the scene,

And they'll remove you from the scene,

And they'll take you somewhere totally safe.

And these perfect nurturers are entirely on your side.

They view it from your perspective.

Also,

They really understand exactly how you're feeling right now.

If you see that this is distressing,

Anybody would be upset about this.

And of course they move to comfort you in just the right way,

In such a way that's perfectly calibrated.

They really understand.

Of course you've had these difficult experiences.

They know you're going to move through it.

They're confident,

And then they're very happy to be here with you right now.

Go ahead and keep developing the scene.

Keep going.

That's right,

Keep going.

They know you're going to work through it,

And they're very happy to be here with you,

Lovingly,

Patiently.

So if you have something to say to them,

They want to hear about it,

And they respond in just the right way.

That's right,

Keep going.

You're doing well.

Keep going.

See how they're perfectly responsive and receptive.

Also,

This negative situation will never happen again.

You're with them now.

Really take that in.

All of that is over.

Shape and reshape the scene in such a way to really get your needs met,

To really be seen,

And also to make sense of these negative experiences you had.

To see that it's not your fault at all.

It was okay how you responded.

Keep going.

Okay,

Good.

And now,

Go back to this original scene.

But this time you're going to go back and you're going to be very empowered and strong.

And you'll be with the perfect nurturers.

And now we're going to redo the scene in such a way that you're going to feel very much like you're in control,

Like you're safe,

You're well.

This might involve confronting the people that treated you poorly or just imagining it going a different way.

So creatively,

Bring up the scene and we're going to redo it.

Go ahead and do that in such a way that it meets your needs.

If you Urban That's right,

Keep developing the scene.

Again you're imagining it going a much better way.

This doesn't have to be realistic whatsoever.

None of this is realistic actually.

Just keep going.

Really feel the sense of agency,

This control.

Good,

And now you along with these perfect nurturers,

You start floating back towards the present.

And you look back at this old scene and you kind of see,

Oh yeah,

This did happen.

We're not denying that it happened.

But it seems very clearly contextualized in the past.

It's like,

Oh yeah,

This is just an experience.

And I learned this kind of crappy lesson.

Yep,

That happened.

But now notice how the mind is broad.

Notice how there are also many other lessons that you've learned.

Maybe even lessons that disconfirm this negative belief.

Notice how with this broad-mindedness you can take it all in.

And now here you're in the present with the perfect nurturers.

And now they're going to remind you of how this negative belief is not the entirety of the truth.

It is true in a certain way,

But you've had lots of experiences that actually disconfirm this belief.

Now they remind you of all those experiences.

They go ahead and do that now.

You can hear you're being reminded of experiences that you have that disconfirm the negative belief.

That's right.

Keep going.

Really take that in.

See how you've had so many positive experiences.

And that there's lots of justification to have a more positive belief around this.

Really take that in.

And now I'm going to ask you to do something impossible,

But just try it.

So hold the negative belief and the new positive belief that you've been reinforcing and opening up to.

Hold it all in the mind at the same time.

Now this is impossible,

But just try.

This helps with memory reconsolidation.

And now just reinforce the positive belief,

Letting go of the negative belief.

Now from this place of this new positive belief,

See your whole life unfold before you,

Your whole adult life unfolding into the future,

But now according to this positive belief.

That's right.

See how you benefit.

Your life is so much easier and also notice other people benefiting from this greater positivity that you're coming from.

That there's this open,

Generous kind of feeling to all of us.

Really feel into this.

Now make a deep,

Deep impression of this.

Okay,

Good.

And now I'll count from five to one.

When I get to one,

Be awake and present in the room,

Settled in the experience.

Five,

Four,

Three,

Two,

One.

Royality can present in the room,

Settle in the experience.

Reviews

Such an effective way of acting on limiting beliefs! So thankful for this meditation and the research on memory reconsolidation that has made it possible.