Internalizing A Sense Of Safety

A sense of safety is necessary for us to feel securely attached. Attachment disturbances can mean that an internal sense of safety is difficult to achieve, even when external conditions are safe. By learning to cultivate a feeling of safety, we will be better prepared to heal and to develop more secure attachment.

Transcript

So go ahead and find the meditation posture.

So pushing the crown of the head up towards the ceiling.

Now go ahead and take a super deep breath in,

Retain the breath and now exhale.

Now once again,

Super deep breath in,

Retain the breath and exhale.

Now once again,

Super deep breath in,

Retain the breath,

Now exhale.

Now feel relaxation in your feet,

Relaxation and release.

And now in the legs,

The hips,

Feeling relaxation in the abdomen,

Relaxation and release.

And now into the chest and now into the shoulders and now the arms and hands,

Now the neck,

Now the head and face.

Now feeling relaxation and ease throughout the whole body all at once.

Okay,

Good,

Good.

Now float back to childhood.

You find yourself in a totally safe place.

Also in this safe place,

You're in control.

Notice that now.

You have total agency in this safe place.

Now develop the scene in such a way to really make it vivid.

What does your safe place look like?

The way that your safe place looks,

It reinforces this feeling of agency and of safety.

Notice that now.

What does your safe place sound like?

Notice that what it sounds like is very calming to you.

That's right,

Really taking that in.

That's right.

And what does your safe place smell like?

And now notice how all of this is felt in the body.

Your safe place is so supportive,

Helps you calm down,

Feel at ease,

Really feel that in every cell of the body now.

Okay,

Good.

Now imagine that the perfect nurturers,

So these are these kind of parent-like figures that are perfectly suited to you in every way.

You don't want to actually base them on your real parents.

So the perfect nurturers,

They come into the scene and they approach you slowly.

And as they're approaching you,

What you notice about them is that they're interested in you but in a completely sweet and trustworthy way.

Go ahead and notice that.

That's right.

And now notice how their trustworthy interest in you is really reassuring to you.

It helps some part of you settle even more.

That's right,

Good.

And now notice how the way that they are with you now really helps you feel safe and protected.

Go ahead and develop that scene in such a way that you feel safe and protected.

They know how to really kind of help you feel at greater ease.

They know how to soothe you.

Develop that scene.

Notice how these perfect nurturers are not a source of fear.

Notice how you actually are able to lower your guard,

To settle with them.

And now this is important.

If maybe you're not good with that instructions,

With those instructions,

The perfect nurturers see that and they understand why you might not quite be ready to settle down and start trusting them.

They can attune to that as well.

They're so accepting,

So attuned to what your needs are in this moment.

That's right,

Keep going.

And now notice how they're really interested in your mental states.

They lean in,

Tilt the head and say,

Oh,

What's going on?

It looks like such and such is on your mind.

It looks like you're having this kind of experience.

And the way that they do this is completely non-invasive and sweet.

Go ahead and develop that scene.

That's right.

And now also have them physically soothe you,

Give you physical affection in just the right way.

Go ahead and develop that scene now.

We're so happy to be with you.

So happy to help you feel safe and protected.

Now really take that in.

Good,

Good.

Now,

See if you can find some piece of residual fear that is in your system.

Maybe something that scared you,

Something that makes you feel unsafe.

This can be from childhood or adulthood.

And see if you can kind of bring that to the perfect nurturers.

And then also let that make you a bit upset,

A bit fearful.

So feel into the emotions,

But in a controlled way.

And now,

So they see this residual fear.

They have an understanding for what upset you.

So now they lean in,

Tilt the head and then physically comfort you in just the right way.

Go ahead and develop that scene now.

That's right.

Keep going.

And now give voice to whatever it is that feels unfinished about this source of fear.

Whatever it is that made you afraid in the past.

Go ahead and explain that to the perfect nurturers.

And the perfect nurturers are gonna listen very sweetly and attentively and keep soothing you in just the right way.

Go ahead and develop that scene.

That's right.

Keep going.

Really feeling that safety.

Keep going.

And now see how they really understand why it is that you would have felt upset and fearful about this situation.

They really get it.

Now,

This is important.

You're with them.

It's all over now.

Of course,

You still need to process the fear a bit,

But this old situation is over.

You're now with the perfect nurturers and they're caring for you beautifully.

Really take that in now.

That's right.

Really feeling into this now.

That's right.

And now really see how they get it.

Deal into what it's like to be seen and known,

To be understood and validated.

Really feel into that now.

They understand what you've gone through.

That's right.

Keep going.

And now they soothe you physically and they also say something to you.

And this is just the right thing.

This is just the thing that you need to hear.

That's right.

And now notice how this fear releases and there's something in your body that settles.

And also notice how you have not dismissed your fear,

That it's been acknowledged that you had good reason to be upset.

And that is seen.

But in as much as that it has been seen,

In as much as it has been soothed directly,

Now you can let that go just a bit.

And there's this relaxation and ease in the body.

Really feel into that now.

That's right.

Okay.

So now look into your psyche,

Look into your history and past and see if you can find another source of fear,

Some sort of residual fear,

Some way that you've felt not totally protected and see if you can bring that up again.

That's right.

And now let yourself get a little bit upset,

But in a more controlled way.

And now the perfect nurturers see this upset.

They have a sense for why you're upset,

Why you're fearful.

So then they kind of come to you,

They lean in,

Tilt the head,

But they do wanna really understand it.

So they're like,

Oh,

Would you please tell us?

We want to understand why you're upset.

Why are you fearful?

And now go ahead and give voice to whatever is most unfinished about this fear.

And as you're saying this,

They're nodding sweetly and they're physically comforting you in just the right way.

Go ahead and develop that scene now.

That's right.

Keep going.

Really taking that in.

And now you can really tell that they understand why it is that you had felt fearful.

And they're sorry that you went through that.

Now they physically soothe you in just the right way.

And now they also let you know that this is in the past.

You're not gonna have to go back and deal with that again.

You're with them now.

But this is,

They're not saying that in a dismissing way.

They understand why you'd be upset,

But now really take in how you are with them.

Notice how this allows the body to relax.

Notice how any areas of tightness,

Restrictions or constrictions in the body release.

That's right.

Really feeling that now.

Now notice how you really are starting to feel a bit more reassured that you are feeling protected and taken care of.

That's right.

Keep going.

Keep developing the scene.

Now also start noticing how these perfect nurturers are a source of soothing and calm.

Notice their constancy,

Their presence.

Notice how you can imagine at any point in the future,

If you were to ever be upset,

You could turn around,

Look for them,

That they would be there and that immediately you would start to become more emotionally regulated.

Go ahead and practice that scene a few times.

They're just always there.

That's right.

Keep going.

Really take this in.

What's it like to be able to rely on them?

What's it like to have your fear validated?

What's it like to always be received and welcomed?

Now feel that in the body.

That's right.

Now really taking that in.

Also,

Now this is important.

Notice how the perfect nurturers would never turn on you.

It would never change self states in such a way that would disorient you.

Notice that.

And now this is going to be relevant to some of you and for some of you,

It won't be relevant,

But look back into your childhood or into some other time in life and reflect back on how when people have kind of turned,

When they've kind of gone from one state of self into another very rapidly,

How that has scared you,

That's disoriented you and made it such that you not know how to be or how to proceed.

Just acknowledge that,

See that clearly for one moment.

And now bring that upset and fear to the perfect nurturers.

They get it.

They see why you're fearful.

They see how confusing that is.

And now they both tell you and show you they would never do that with you.

They're so reliable,

So consistent.

Go ahead and see that clearly.

Also notice how you can be focused on your experience,

That you don't need to worry about them and they're switching on you.

There's something so soothing about this.

Now really take that in,

Feeling it in every cell of the body.

I can really rely on them.

That's right.

Really taking that in and make a deep impression of them.

Now,

Look back into your psyche,

Look back into your past.

And I'll just note that when we felt fear,

When it wasn't soothed,

That sometimes we have to develop an aggressive part,

Almost like a perpetrator part in order to kind of do some of these protective functions that otherwise parents would do for us.

And so see if you can find an aggressive type perpetrator part in you.

See if you can find that now.

This might not be relevant for you,

But see if you can.

That's right.

And now have the perfect nurturers see this part.

Now this is important.

The perfect nurturers know that this part,

It just has unmet needs for safety and that it had to take care of itself,

Or rather it had to take care of you at a time that you weren't quite ready to take care of yourself yet.

And now the perfect nurturers see what this part is about,

That it's not really about aggression.

It's actually about safety and getting your needs met.

So now they see that.

Now they attune to this part and they soothe it.

And now even this part,

This otherwise kind of aggressive part,

It starts to relax.

Really feel into that now.

That's right.

Making a deep impression of this.

Okay,

Good.

Good.

So now let's look back at this meditation.

There were all these fearful parts that we looked at,

That these fearful parts got to express themselves,

That they were seen and known just as they are.

They were seen and known as just unmet attachment needs,

And we were soothed.

Just look back at that now.

And now see how as a result,

You feel calmer.

You also feel more oriented in life and more internally integrated,

That there are less splits inside of self.

And so now we're gonna feel into what it's like,

What rather what it will be like to move through life with this greater level of internal integration and lower level of fear.

So now see yourself moving through life.

Notice how it's so much easier to connect with others now that you don't feel fear.

Notice how you're able to kind of stay in your body,

Hold a good posture,

The shoulders down and back,

The chest up and out.

See how now that the fear is no longer there,

That there's a greater receptivity towards others,

That there's this kind of brilliant,

Sparkling interest in others.

And now they feel the same about you.

Go ahead and see that clearly now.

That's right.

Good.

And now also notice how not having this fear brings about a greater sense of confidence and competence.

And also notice how kind of others listen to you,

That you have an impact on them.

They pay attention to what you say.

Go ahead and see that clearly now.

Also notice how you can predict the responses from others and how this helps you have a stronger sense of agency.

And now also notice how you can have an impact on the physical world.

And this,

So seeing yourself having an impact on the physical world,

Being able to predict that impact,

All of this further reinforces the sense of agency.

Go ahead and see that now.

And now notice this.

This is very interesting.

When you have a sense of agency,

You don't generally feel fear.

You're not scared if you are in control of a situation.

Go ahead and notice that now.

It's quite interesting.

Feel how you feel supported and you feel that you are the master of your own life.

And as you're feeling that,

Fear is not able to be found.

Notice that,

It's very interesting.

Also notice how you do feel good about yourself.

Have the perfect nurturers there and they're so proud of you.

They're proud of what you do,

But they're also proud of your very being and they delight in your very being.

And now that helps you feel good about yourself.

That's right.

And now notice how others,

So friends and family,

Acquaintances,

Also delight in your being,

Delight in sharing your company.

Really feeling into this now.

That's right.

Keep going.

And now notice how,

Okay,

So you feel good about yourself.

You have high self-esteem.

You have agency.

You can go after what you want.

So now notice how all of this helps you be clear as to what you want in life.

So now very briefly make a plan around what it is that you want to do today,

This week,

And with your life generally.

Go ahead and make a very brief plan around that.

And now see yourself implementing this plan,

Executing the plan.

Go ahead and see that now.

Go ahead and see that now.

That's right.

Keep going.

And now imagine that you've come to the end of your goal or come to the end of your plan.

You've accomplished what you wanted.

And now feel into a sense of healthy pride.

Look back and notice how having your fear soothed helped you have this sense of agency and helped you go out and accomplish what you wanted.

Okay,

Good.

Good.

I'm giving you a deep impression of this.

I'll count from five to one.

When I get to one,

You'll be awake and present in the room,

Settled in the experience.

Five,

Four,

Three,

Two,

One.

Awake and present in the room,

Settled in the experience.

Reviews

Fantastically

Thank you, what a wonderful journey!

This guided session was profoundly healing, and helpful in finding safety and trust.