Getting Basic Attachment Needs Met By Perfect Nurturers

This meditation begins by touching into the root causes for undesired symptomatic behaviours (schema modes). Then we draw on the perfect nurturers to provide the emotional support that allows us to disconfirm and undo the beliefs that drive it. Last, there is an invitation to feel into your own agency and ability to plan your own life.

Transcript

So sitting up straight,

Pushing the crown of the head up toward the ceiling.

Starting to settle in.

Taking a few deep breaths.

Taking a few deep breaths.

Okay.

And now we'll do a body scan.

Notice your feet,

Legs and hips.

Now notice the abdomen rise and fall.

.

.

.

Just expand,

Commission.

Shoulders,

One upper back.

And then the arms.

And back and face.

And now take a deep,

Deep breath.

The whole body all at once.

Exhale.

And now bring to mind some sort of symptom that comes up in your daily life.

Some sort of pattern of yours that you don't like that causes you suffering.

And you can even write it down if you like.

That can be helpful.

Now,

It might be useful to categorize this in terms of surrender,

Avoidance,

Or overcompensation.

It's also fine if it doesn't fit into one of those categories.

Take care.

Now,

Bring up the scene in your mind.

And let yourself occupy that space.

Really mentally occupy this,

Come into the emotions of it.

Notice what this mode feels like in the body,

Or this symptom,

Symptom or mode.

Is it expansive or contracted?

Also notice that this mode has a certain mental signature.

When you get into this mode,

It feels a certain way in the mind.

And describe that to yourself.

Notice that.

Also notice how being in this mode brings about other mental states,

Other modes,

Other related symptoms,

Mental postures,

Certain beliefs.

And now,

Go ahead and notice how there are certain beliefs about self,

Other,

And world that drive this mode.

So when I'm,

So ask yourself,

When I fully kind of engage in this mode or the symptom,

What are the beliefs about self?

Again,

These are the emotional beliefs and it's just a part of you that has them,

It's not the entirety of you.

Here you're finding the belief,

You're finding the schema.

And now notice how it's like,

Oh yeah,

When I'm believing this about myself,

Other,

And the world,

This symptom,

This mode,

Seems either necessary or just an unintended consequence.

But here,

See the symptom coherence.

The symptom coheres with the belief.

It's totally logical from a certain perspective.

Go ahead and study that now.

Yeah,

This makes perfect sense.

Also some upset,

Some grief.

I come up and seeing all of this.

If that's the case,

You can have the perfect nurturer there,

Soothing you,

Comforting you,

Getting a sense of understanding.

Keep studying that.

Now let's keep going with understanding the mode.

So we kind of found the belief that underlies the mode or the symptom,

But now let's keep studying the mode.

So this mode of yours,

By falling into it,

By indulging it,

There are all these effects on your social life,

Your work life,

Your personal explorations,

And also your intra-psychic life,

Your like internal life.

So let's just study those one by one.

Let's first start with a work life.

Does this symptom or mode manifest a certain way in your work life?

Just see this clearly,

Have an attitude of interest and curiosity.

We're doing like self anthropology here.

And now let's move on to your social life.

What effects do these modes,

Symptoms,

Schemas or beliefs have on your social life?

I didn't investigate that now.

Keep studying this with interest and feel free to have the perfect nurturer there,

Comforting you,

Encouraging you.

You're doing really good work.

You're doing study of your own mind.

Very good.

Let's now move on to your intra-person,

Like your internal life,

Your intra-psychic life.

When you get to these,

When the schema fires off and these symptoms manifest in a certain way that you are internally,

Go ahead and study that now,

See that now.

Is there a lot of thought spinning?

Is there like a depression?

What other coping modes or what other symptoms arise that help you deal with this?

Just notice all of this with interest.

Now let's move on to your personal explorations.

What kind of impact do these beliefs and symptoms have on your personal explorations?

Keep going.

Keep studying.

That's right.

And now again,

We want to really be fair minded about our modes,

About our symptoms.

And now list out the benefits of your symptom or your mode.

And don't worry,

You're not going to convince yourself to hold on to it.

But you'll just understand it better and you'll,

By understanding it better,

Then when you go to release it and let it go,

You'll kind of know what you're doing.

You'll have more of like an informed consent.

What are the benefits of your mode,

Your symptom?

If you can list at least three benefits.

And now,

Imagine this symptom as a part,

As a separate part of yourself.

And now imagine your healthy adult self.

And have your healthy adult self come,

Or self comfort.

And reassure this part.

Reassure this part that your healthy adult part is in control.

And that will,

That the healthy adult part will take care of things.

Now,

What's some well reasoned advice that your healthy adult part gives to this part?

What does this part need to hear?

Also,

What does this part need to say back to the healthy adult part?

Go ahead and develop that now.

Should your healthy adult part come up with a plan to help you work through this?

Keep developing the same.

And now,

Have this part state out.

Like,

Have this part be seen and known by any other parts of yourself.

So here again,

We're thinking of the symptom as a part.

And have all your other parts know that this part is okay.

That what drives this part is totally understandable.

And that this part won't have to go into hiding ever again.

Okay.

Now,

Bring up the symptom once again.

Re-experience it.

And now,

What are the beliefs that drive this symptom,

That create this symptom?

We identified them before,

But we're just bringing them up again.

So,

Here you might be able to,

If you're not clear,

You can just ask yourself,

How do I view myself?

How do I view the world?

And how do I view others?

When you're kind of acting out this symptom,

And likely that will help you find the belief.

And then,

You can ask yourself,

How do I view myself?

And then,

You can ask yourself,

How do I view myself?

And then,

You can ask yourself,

How do I view myself?

And then,

You can ask yourself,

How do I view myself?

And then,

You can ask yourself,

How do I view myself?

And then,

You can ask yourself,

How do I view myself?

Where are you?

Who are you with?

How old are you?

And what does this feel like?

It likely feels pretty bad.

Really get a sense of what this is like for you.

And then,

You can ask yourself,

How do I view myself?

And then,

You can ask yourself,

How do I view myself?

And then,

You can ask yourself,

How do I view myself?

And then,

You can ask yourself,

How do I view myself?

See how it really colored your lens,

Your view on life.

It all makes sense.

Also,

See how you don't need to blame yourself for having learned this,

Or having even acted it out in the way that you acted out in your adult life currently.

Just all makes sense.

There's nothing weirder about this,

Or nothing weird about you.

And now have the perfect nurturers come into the scene,

And they can take a corrective action.

If someone's treated you poorly,

They can confront that person with those people.

Or they can just go straight into soothing you and comforting you.

So do one of those two now.

Either be comforted in food,

Or have the perfect nurturers protect you,

Stand up for you,

And confront the people that treated you poorly.

That's right,

Keep going.

Keep going.

Shape and reshape the scene.

It's such a way to really get your needs met.

And then,

Release.

Release,

Take this in.

See how you're getting your needs met.

This is a tremendous joy,

A tremendous pleasure for these perfect nurturers to do this for you.

Keep going.

Continue to shape the scene in such a way to get your needs met,

Whatever that is.

Also the perfect nurturers are entirely on your side.

They have no loyalty to anyone else,

Just you.

Also,

You might want to dialogue.

They might have something,

Some encouraging words for you.

You might need to say something to them.

All along they know that you're going to work through this beautifully,

Although they acknowledge how difficult this has been.

That's right,

Keep going.

Shape and reshape the scene.

Keep going.

Let the perfect nurturers know that none of this was your fault.

Notice how they track your mental state.

They're really supportive in a non-invasive way.

They're like,

Oh,

Yeah,

You had this experience.

This was really difficult.

It's going to be just fine.

We're with you now.

All this is over.

But we see how much it hurt.

We also see the effects it's had on your life.

Keep going.

Now also notice how the way that they are treating you,

The way that you're being supported by the perfect nurturers,

Actually disconfirms this old belief of yours.

Notice that now.

Really check that out.

Keep developing the scene.

Spend a little bit more time in the scene where we're getting our needs met by the perfect nurturer.

Keep going.

Also notice the complete reliability of the perfect nurturers.

Keep developing the scene.

We also see how you're such a joy for them.

Keep going.

Keep going.

Okay.

Now,

Let's,

Let's actually go back to the original scene.

But now before the scene ever happened.

We do the scene with the perfect nurturers,

And there's now going to be a perfect outcome that comes that results instead of this old crappy conditioning,

A new,

A new outcome to the scene will happen and go ahead and rehearse that with the perfect nurturers.

And here,

Use your imagination can be anything.

Keep going.

And that's you developing that scene.

Okay,

This next step aids with memory reconsolidation.

So,

Bring up the old scene,

I'm sorry,

Bring up the old belief.

And now also at the same time bring up this new positive learning and try to hold these in mind at the same time.

This is impossible.

By trying to do so it helps with memory reconsolidation you can also kind of switch between the two beliefs,

The positive and the negative.

And now,

Just reinforce the positive.

That's right,

Really feeling into the feel that the body.

And now you and the perfect nurturers start floating back to the present,

Kind of away from this old scene.

And now there's all these perspectives.

There's all these kind of lessons that you've learned.

The mind is very very broad.

You might want to discuss this old situation that you were in these old learnings.

And even your,

Your symptoms and your modes with your perfect nurturers from this place of the mind being very very expanded.

Go ahead and do that now.

Okay.

And now,

We're going to review your whole life,

Your whole life from the past.

Except for now,

Every single time,

Anything bad happened.

The perfect nurturers are there,

Making it right.

And now notice how everything from your old past life seems so different now.

So go ahead and start doing that.

You see now they were always with you.

And now they're developing the scene.

Good.

And now,

See your adult life going forward.

The perfect nurturers are with you and you've learned all these positive lessons you've had all these emotionally corrective experiences now.

So now,

See your whole life unfold,

But with greater ease.

And we'll look at both exploration and attachment,

Connecting with others.

Let's start with connecting with others.

See how connecting with others will be drastically easier,

Much more fluid,

Given that you've had these corrective experiences,

And given that the perfect nurturers will always be with you.

Keep going.

That's right.

Thank you.

See how you'll attune to others and others will attune to you.

And feel into how pleasant that is.

How,

How kind of nutritious that is,

It just nurtures you.

See how others will delight in you and you will delight in others.

How wonderful.

Also notice how you elicit the desired responses from others.

Good.

And now,

Notice how it's going to be so much easier to do your explorations,

To do the things that you find important in life.

Now just for a minute,

Plan out explorations of yours that you really value,

That you want to do.

And also notice how the planning is so much easier,

You have so much greater clarity of mind to do the planning.

Go ahead and do that now and thereafter we'll do an execution scene.

And now,

Feel good about your plan is excellent.

And now,

See yourself executing your plan.

You're doing really well,

Of course,

The perfect nurturers will be there accompanying you all the way.

And you're really going to go well,

You have so many resources and so much support,

Really feel into that.

That's right.

And now,

Look back at all of this,

What was this like,

What did you learn?

Make a deep impression of all of this.

And also notice how every single one of your learnings also points to how you have agency,

How you have control.

See how you really gone about healing and this meditation itself,

But how you'll be able to continue in this same way.

And now feel into that sense of strength and agency,

And even healthy pride.

Good.

Now count from five to one and when you get to one you'll be awake and present in the room,

Settled in the experience.

Five,

Four,

Three,

Two,

One.

Reviews

This was beautiful, transformational, and healing. Thank you🙏.

That was a really great exercise and lead me to uncover some surprises, thank you! 💗