We All Matter

I share my experiences about looking to a person, place, or a situation to support the idea of believing I matter, or I am good enough. I have spent a lot of time looking to the people around me to validate my worthiness. I believe I looked to other people to fulfill this need naturally growing up and I didn’t realize that’s what I was looking for in my environment in my adulthood. Since I started to understand more about this pattern, I have been telling myself I matter, and I am worthy. I support self-love and self-care practices to establish a healthy belief in myself to truly know I do matter, and I am worthy no matter what happens in life.

Transcript

Hey everybody it's Alyssa here and today what I wanted to talk about is how much we matter and how we have to depend on ourselves to know how much we matter.

So I feel like for a long time I was looking to other people to tell me if I was being good enough or if I mattered as a person or maybe the influence of the disregard for who I was I guess did influence how I didn't feel like I really did matter you know because of other people's actions and words and things like that that I think that I somehow convinced myself that I didn't really matter so you know I didn't care too much about what happened to me because I already didn't feel good about myself so in a sense it didn't matter to me how I was being treated to an extent it didn't matter because I was like yeah that this is this is how much I matter this is what I'm worth you know like this is how it's been all my life so then when you're an adult it's like well why should it be any different you know and I had to understand that the that what we accept in our life people places and situations what we accept is what we are saying is okay for us in our life you know it's basically saying this is what I'm worth this is sometimes it feels like we don't even really have a choice sometimes like in situations especially if you have to like have a job and work and make money sometimes it's hard to like pick the right situation or something like that and then in these experiences you know they're actually learning experiences so we get to learn more about what we're worth in these experiences so I feel like when we're in an experience when we're not being treated as fairly or you know not not being treated very well that we have to go through enough of that to get to our breaking point to get to our tipping point and say you know what enough is enough I'm not going to put up with this anymore because I know that I deserve more and I know that I'm worth more and I know that if I keep accepting this that I'm going to keep getting this feedback that is upsetting me or whatever it is so I feel like we have to have the experiences that push us to our tipping point to our breaking point where we finally make that different decision and take more faith into ourselves to have something different that isn't unknown that we don't know what would be there for us and it's hard for us to let go of things when we know we have something you know and a lot of the times you know I had this thought that's like yeah well having something is better than having nothing but that's not always true you know especially when that something can be holding you back from who you are and then you choose to keep yourself in that box of this is who I am this is who they say I am this is how they make me feel this is who I am and you know you can get in this cycle of like you know the negativity that's being projected on you and then you internalize it and then you create these thoughts about yourself based on how other people made you feel and then you believe you know these negative things that came from you know the emotions that you're feeling and all these different things you know so I just had to realize that what we accept in our life is what we'll be and we can't wait for someone to change we can't force people to change or anything like that so it's almost as simple as if you're in a situation and you know what you're getting and you know that it keeps recurring with the same problems and you gave it one chance you gave it two chances you gave it three chances and the outcome is you know bad for both people when it gets the point where it's tearing both people down and keeping it in a vicious cycle that's when it needs to be let go of if it's a situation where both people are working towards a better common goal or a common ground and it is good intentions on both sides of actually wanting to do better you know and there are some hard things that happen in between but you can get through it you know that you're you're going to come out on the other side both parties are better or whatever then great but if it's a situation where there's constant disregard for your existence and how you feel and that you're torn apart all the time and that other person just keeps doing it without regard they don't care then that's where it's like the other person has to come to understand what do I want in my life how do I want to feel about myself what do I want to see in my life do I want to see the same recurring problems and the same arguments in the same story do I want to live the same story that I've known or do I want to do something different that you know will serve me more than just sticking with the excuse me the same thing all the time so anyway so I just thought that that's important that I wanted to say that today because we're going to have to be the ones that acknowledge who we are we're the ones that are going to have to tell ourselves that we matter we're the ones that are going to have to accept ourselves and accept the decisions that we make that are decisions that we're making for ourselves and it doesn't mean we don't care about other people but it means that quality of life exists and what kind of quality of life do you want to have and it will be up to you as an individual to create the quality of life that you want to have so we can sit here and blame people and blame situations all day long for days months years for the rest of our life we can sit here and blame people all day long and that's not going to get you anywhere and we can't expect people to change just because you want them to change if somebody is showing you something then you need to take that information and see what they're showing you what the actions that they're showing you the choices that they're showing you they're showing you who they are and you have to accept okay that's the way it's gonna be you know and for me I wasn't accepting that in a lot of different ways you know so I just kept getting hurt over and over because me losing that attachment had contradicted my own warped untrue beliefs that I had in my mind about you know my morals and ethics and thought oh I can't do something to hurt anybody's feelings because that will make me like not a good person if I go and try to hurt somebody's feelings and I had to realize that I can't constantly be here to never hurt somebody's feelings and then be taken advantage of at the cost of how I'm thinking it's not it's you know it's just kind of a weird situation to be in and it's hard to understand what to do because there is things that we have to get past like guilt and it's unwarranted guilt at least for me a lot of it has been unwarranted guilt that I've carried you know about me being myself so many different things and it's like each of us are gonna get to our tipping point in whatever situation that we held on to for too long that needs to break so the learning and the change can happen for both parties you know whether that's whatever it is you know a person place or a situation whatever whatever it is you know and we're supposed to be having new experiences that show us more of who we are because if we don't have new experiences then we're never going to get to know anything more than what we know now and sometimes yeah that can just hinder our progress of how we view ourselves how we view the world how we feel about ourselves you know all these different kinds of things so it's just something that I had on my mind today that we are going to have to be the ones that tell ourselves that we do matter and we can't wait for someone to make us feel like we're important or we're worthy or we mean something or we matter we can't wait for somebody to tell us that you have to know that on your own you have to feel that you have to have those experiences that you know that that matters to you someone can't just tell you and that's gonna fill you up on the inside it doesn't just work like that you have to go through the experiences and those challenges to understand that you know that on a soul level that you matter you have to know that yourself so anyway it's just something that I wanted to say today because it's just been a really big lesson for me that I had to understand that I had to stop looking for that and understand that me looking for that was the reason that I never felt good about myself is because I was depending on a person place or a situation to support that idea that I will finally be good enough or finally be worthy or and yeah so anyway thank you all so much for listening and I really appreciate you being here today