I Will Peacefully Move In A New Direction

I realized that in most situations in my life when something would go wrong, I would find myself in a despair kind of place. I am learning about how to move forward in a peaceful way and let go of being stuck in sadness. I know that it is up to me to accept all that is and do what I need to in my own life with the information that I have been given. There are so many different situations out there in the world and I do not need to attach myself to one person, place, or situation. I am thankful for this lesson and love that there is always a way to move forward in peace.

Transcript

Hey everyone it's Alyssa here and the subject that I would like to talk about today is I will peacefully move in a new direction and not sit in despair.

So this is something that I'm learning recently about a recurring pattern I guess you could say I've had.

So basically anytime something would go wrong it would be easy for me to sit in despair and I don't know like feel sorry for myself because of what happened to me or you know then be mad at the other person or you know every time something would go wrong I would just sit in despair and that would turn into this entire cycle of oh my gosh so many different things basically just like an explosion of hurt that anyway I would really have to write all this down on paper to explain this properly.

But anyway so yeah so that would happen so recently I had this experience where I started a new job and I finally got a job offer again and it seemed like it was gonna be good.

I thought wow you know I waited I got the right one this is gonna be great.

I thought you know it's gonna be great.

So the first day was okay and then the second day that I was there I didn't have the tools or resources that I needed to do my job properly and I was left feeling more confused and stressed out and you know the whole time that I was doing my shift.

So just started this job thought it was gonna be great saw how what was happening so then I went home and I started to sit in despair about the situation.

I felt slightly disrespected that I was in that situation with no leadership no no rhyme or reason no methods of what needed to be done for what I needed to do for my job no information of what I needed to help the people I needed to help.

It was just being in a really impossible kind of position me not even being able to help people you know so like what's the point of anybody being there or what's the point of me being there you know if I can't help people for my job and then I'm standing here stressed out that I can't do my job I'm getting paid for it but it's just like so hard to like have a follow-through with the functionality of what I'm doing you know.

So I went home and yeah I started to sit in despair about it and I was just like realize man I care so much about how I can help other people and I just realized I was like you know starting to invest myself again into another job and I was just like man you know I can't do this I can't sit here and create resentment towards a boss because I'm getting upset that I don't have what I need to do my job so I'm like I'm not gonna do this I'm not gonna sit here and start to create resentment for my boss and I'm not gonna sit here and be stressed out the whole time because I can't do my job properly so I'm just like no I am NOT gonna go down this road just for the fact that I need a job I'm not going to I'm not gonna sit here in despair I have the information they showed me what's going on I was willing to care way too freaking far and I realized they didn't really care that much because of you know I could see the whole situation of what I was in so I was like well if this is how much they're gonna care then why am I gonna care more then be upset that I'm not doing a good job and not helping people and you know then feel bad about myself it's just like this whole entire cycle and so I was like wow you know I've done this it every time something goes wrong every job you know I sit here in this despair kind of place and kind of where it's just like a fuck-it-all kind of thing and just sit there and that and so I was like no I don't have to fully invest myself I don't have to fully care to the point where it's more controlling me and how I feel about myself based off of a random situation you know there's tons of situations out there in the world so I'm not going to attach myself to that situation take full responsibility for what's happening and then be left with me thinking that I need to go carry all of the weight of the entire fucking problem like I I can't even explain how many times I feel like I've had to do that you know especially when it's just like you're dealing with the situation every day and then if you know upper management doesn't help then it's like you still have to deal with it so then it does become your responsibility you know and then it does rest on your shoulders all of that responsibility to make sure things function properly or at least to the best of your ability so it has the potential to run smooth you know because I would rather things run smooth if I have any control or say or actions I can take to prepare myself better so anyway so kind of getting off topic here on a lot of things but so after that I decided you know I'm not gonna do this I'm gonna leave this job and I let him know that yeah you know I've had some time to think about it and I don't think I'm going to continue and I wanted to spend my time doing as much as I possibly could to find a job go out take my resumes out places do things online and I wanted to spend my time doing that rather than standing in a dead-end space with everybody running around in circles and me having no sense of direction no anything to be able to do my job I'm like I can't just do that and tell myself yep this is okay and most of the time I have told myself yeah that's okay for one being in a desperate position with my money where I didn't have a choice anymore at that point to most of the jobs I've had have been attached to my housing so I had to stay in that job because I couldn't go anywhere else and I had to make enough money so I could move to the next place so I could get a new job and so those those positions that I were in left me in a compromised position to have to stay in jobs and when I stayed in those jobs I you know was holding resentment for my bosses because of what I had to deal with every day and how there was no regard and no care but I knew I had to show up and deal with it every day so I had to care so the fact that I had to care about my quality of life that I had each day led me to you know holding my boss is responsible and figured out I was judging them on some level for them not being who I wanted them to be and I didn't realize that and it was not okay for me to judge so I was like wow you know so that planted a seed where I have like really tried to understand okay I need to take the information that's being presented and then make my choices with that in my own life and my own path you know there's tons of situations out there so I'm not going to attach myself so hard to a person place or situation and think that's my endgame and then if you know they aren't this or that and act like it's their fault for what's happening in my life like we're gonna have challenges in our life no matter what no matter who it is where it is and it's up to us to see something there in those situations you know so a lot of my distress and despair in my jobs was because you know I wanted things to be different so for the fact that I was trying to control something that was out of my control was already a losing fight but that's all I knew what I could do you know and so yeah so anyway this is I guess my story on I will peacefully change my direction and not sit in despair and it's helped me a lot recently with that job because I was like wow you know I don't have to get so serious so quick and get upset so quick and get depressed so quick I realized how quickly that was happening and as soon as that happens that stays for months years it stays for that entire situation and I was like no no no no no no not gonna start off this way not gonna do this because it digs me right down into a hole but I have to see my own patterns and see the way that I think the way that I feel and what's actually happening so once I saw what was happening started to see the way I feel I realized wow I always feel like that so now I'm understanding okay I don't have to care as much I don't have to put my whole heart and soul into it and act like life is on the line or something like that if I don't do what I'm supposed to do to take care of others or like you know it's you know it's just really been my like work ethic and my structure that maybe I wanted other people to adhere to to make it a functional workplace but that's not fair and that's not what's supposed to be happening at all I need to accept what is and do what I want with that information and that is what needs to happen that is my new implementation for self-love and self-care now so this is me changing changing that and I will peacefully move in a new direction and not sit in despair so this is one of the hugest lessons I'm learning and just wanted to share that with everybody today and thank you all so much for being here and I super appreciate it