I think that it's always valuable when you have certain circumstances like this,
When you have a trigger,
For example,
In an interpersonal relationship,
Is to first ask your question,
Is there a way in which I actually do this thing that this person is doing that's bothering me so much?
And just take inventory.
It holds you accountable.
It keeps you humble.
There may be an area of your life,
Maybe not with her,
But with other people in your life,
Where you would do the same thing as her under different circumstances,
Right?
You can have levity about it.
You don't need to punish yourself or self-flagellate.
It's just a humble dose of medicine.
Am I also self-centered in some other way?
Good to ask yourself that question.
Good to be willing to say,
Yeah.
Like,
Yeah,
I definitely have done this.
Because the world is a mirror and our connections with other people,
Whether we want that to be the case or not,
Are mirrors for us.
They show us either what we are that cannot see about ourselves or what we believe about ourselves.
We are always receiving sensory input through smell,
Taste,
Sight,
Sounds,
Feeling,
Touch,
Some could say sixth sense intuition,
Discernment.
You might sense something.
Whether what you're sensing is true or not is one aspect.
But if you have any kind of habitual activation,
Nervous system activation response to that particular sensory input,
Oftentimes when we receive sensory input,
We attach meaning to it.
That's why we can register that we're feeling it.
That meaning is our interpretation.
Oftentimes,
The meaning that we give something or the interpretation that we give something can result in us misperceiving the sensory input.
That is the trigger.
That's how triggers function.
When we misperceive it,
We misperceive it as dangerous.
Our sympathetic nervous system activates,
Telling us we're in threat.
If that goes on for a really long time,
Or our sympathetic nervous system is already activated through a variety of very low-grade sensory input,
Which is triggering us all the time,
And we're not really aware of it because we've normalized our high-stress,
Sympathetic dominant lifestyle,
That one big activation can create a parasympathetic response to override the sympathetic response.
We go into paralysis.
That's another common one for the Western person,
Because we're already stressed out,
And we hit a threshold,
And the parasympathetic system says,
Oh,
We need to regulate,
And it goes on to overdrive and shuts the whole system down.
That's scientifically what's happening when we're triggered.
What needs to be investigated is the interpretation of the sensory input,
Because sensory input,
Unless you're in the jungle and being chased by a jaguar,
Chances are very likely that the sensory input is only that.
It's harmless,
Neutral.
For example,
We give meaning to words.
We give meaning to how people speak.
We give meaning to the tone or the energy underneath the energetic communication.
You can put any number of fancy words on something,
But if your energetic communication is not good enough,
You can feel when someone is resentful.
What we're responding to is that energy.
Now,
If you think resentment energy is dangerous,
Because you have interpreted that sensory input as putting your safety at risk for whatever reason,
It doesn't actually matter what the reason is,
Though you could entertain that if you wanted to take a distractive detour.
It doesn't actually matter what the reason is,
Though you could entertain that if you wanted to take a distractive detour.
You could say,
Okay,
I'm feeling this way because my mom was this way or that way with me or whatever.
It's not actually necessary to go there.
What's necessary is to be present with the feeling,
With the sensory input that you're feeling,
Without attaching meaning to it.
Oftentimes,
One of the ways to get free here is to give it the opposite meaning,
Just so that you can liberate and make it more loose,
Lighten it up a little bit.
Is it possible that the exact opposite thing that you're telling yourself about this person is true?
The key is to clarify the interpretation of what's real.
