Listen Deeply, Heal What Hurts

Tune into your mind, body & spirit with Listening Deeply - including the SOUL guided practice - and unleash your greatest purpose, peace and power. Free your mind from the chaotic junk keeping you stuck in busyness, people-pleasing and playing small. Explore how to tune into your body, where memories can influence your behavior in ways you don’t realize. Understand your old beliefs and habits with curiosity and compassion and let them go. Step into love and your highest self expression.

Transcript

I am so happy you're here so we can talk about listening deeply and how to tune into you.

I have to say I feel really strongly about listening deeply as a daily practice and I believe that it can change your life.

I know that it's changed mine and that's why I really want to share it with you because I believe that it can help you heal whatever hurts and we all have hurts and that it can help you just live a much happier,

Deeper,

Richer,

More meaningful life and also perhaps even more importantly it can help you unleash the amazingness which you have inside.

So this episode is really meant as an introduction to listening deeply as a practice kind of how to tune into you and I just I know there is so much more that I can say.

I don't want to overweight this first introduction but it is it is going to take a while because there is a lot of richness to the practice.

So what we're going to go over is first what is listening deeply then we'll explain a little bit about how it helps you feel happier,

More peaceful,

Loved,

Energized and purposeful.

We'll touch on some of the science behind it because I think it's important for you to know that there's actual real science here and then we're going to dive in.

So we're going to go through listening deeply practice step by step and then finally I am going to lead you through what I hope is a really nice guided practice so that you can relax you can just listen to the prompts and you can just go with it.

So over the last 20-30 years even I have had the privilege to work with the best of the best.

Best scientists,

Neuroscientists,

Doctors,

Researchers,

Mental health experts,

World class meditation teachers,

Spiritual leaders,

You name it.

I have interviewed them.

I have worked with them.

So the practice of listening deeply is based on science.

It's based on proven methodologies and of course my own experience over a long time and as we get into it you will see that you're going to be engaging your whole mind,

Body and spirit because you are all three.

You're not just a body or a mind.

You're both of those and you have a spirit that animates,

Empowers and energizes you.

So okay let's define what is listening deeply and we can start by saying what it's not just so you there is no confusion like oh well it's this or it's that.

Let's just say first it is not meditation in the sense that people think of meditation as you know sitting on the floor getting all zen,

Eyes closed and trying to empty your mind.

Listening deeply is not that.

You will not be emptying your mind.

You'll actually be tuning into your mind,

Your body and your spirit.

Listening deeply is also not traditional mindfulness.

When people think of mindfulness they think okay well you're watching your thoughts go by non-judgmentally and yes there is certainly some of that in the first stages of listening deeply but there is so much more.

You're going to be tuning into and actually listening to what's going inside of you not just letting everything float by.

And also really importantly we're going to be tuning into your body.

What kinds of sensations,

Emotions that you're feeling.

There is a ton of research on the importance of connecting with your physiology.

Your body holds memories.

They're not just stored in your brain especially for people who have experienced abuse or trauma.

Our bodies hold on to these experiences which I think is just fascinating.

As an example you might be in a situation and you think you know la-di-da everything is fine.

You're just fine.

While your body is having a reaction,

Your body senses that something isn't right and your heart rate might get elevated,

Your stress hormone cortisol gets dumped into your bloodstream and you're oblivious.

You think you're making decisions with your mind,

With your brain but really there can be stress,

A stress response in your body that is influencing how you're acting.

So we will be spending time developing your physical awareness so that you have much greater holistic mind-body awareness and insight into how you are living and the choices that you're making.

So okay what then is listening deeply?

Listening deeply is a practice that allows you to tune into you by shifting your perspective from being in the chaos that's going on in your mind,

Your body,

All around you to developing a much greater awareness,

A kind of wholehearted awareness about who you really are,

What you really want so you can live purposely from your authentic self.

Listening deeply allows you to operate from a much wider and deeper perspective so that your life and your choices become much richer and more meaningful and over time as you practice you begin to see yourself much more clearly.

You can recognize your old beliefs and old behavior patterns and you can see them for what they are.

They're old,

They're from your past which then allows you to update your thoughts and beliefs and also it helps you get right to the core of who you are so that you can feel the love and self-worth that are your birthright.

One of my favorite quotes is from Gandhi who says that happiness is when what you think,

Say and do are in harmony and that's the kind of clear alignment that most of us want in our lives and that you can achieve.

So your purpose,

Your power,

Your actions all line up to move you forward to get you out of living in the past and into living a future that you really want to live and the results are powerful.

You know you through this practice of listening deeply you will feel and know that you are free to be you.

You are free to make choices based on your true nature and what you truly want today now for your future and as you offload the old you feel lighter,

Peppier,

Energized because you know you are directing your life not your old beliefs,

Old experiences,

Old thought patterns,

Old crabby voices from your past and that floods you with energy,

Optimism,

A sense of possibilities and frankly a feeling of excitement for what each new day can bring.

You feel more alive,

More conscious moment to moment and that your true self is becoming the highest expression of who you are.

So instead of people pleasing and playing small and shrinking you blossom.

And I'm going to go one step further and you're getting the point here I hope that this is why I am very excited about this process of listening deeply and tuning into you because there is a lot here and as you practice you go deeper and deeper and one of the amazing benefits as you practice is this ability to feel love like love in your heart and kind of a love that just feels good.

The kind of love that many of us growing up never experienced that kind of love that feels warm,

Good,

Nourishing and that you come to know like really,

Really,

Really,

Really,

Really,

Really know that you are lovable,

You are worthy and that in and of itself is life changing.

I come from a background with a lot of neglect.

I was raised in a very tense,

Angry house family.

I don't even call it a family.

It's more like a house where my parents never said I love you.

There were no hugs,

No kisses.

There was just this kind of awful despair,

Loneliness,

Rejection that just seeped into me and permeated how I saw myself and my choices for years.

Listening deeply has allowed me to see and heal this kind of love deficit and I really hope that's a possibility for you too because you know people say all the time,

Oh,

You know,

You just need to love yourself and I remember thinking,

Ugh,

Those people just don't get it.

What are they talking about?

And you know,

Through this experience of really,

Really tuning into me,

It has allowed and I've seen it with other people,

Allowed this feeling,

This willingness to tap into a sense of self-love that is not arrogance.

It's not pride.

It's your birthright and it's a game changer.

When you feel love,

It changes your chemistry.

It changes the chemistry in your body,

Changes your outlook,

Changes how you value yourself,

How you think about yourself,

How you see your future and of course it changes how much love you can share with the people in your life.

You have a sense of abundance where before you might've felt a sense of lack or like,

Ugh,

You know,

Other people have and I don't have.

No,

This opens a gateway so you can have,

You begin to know on a really deep level you can have,

You deserve,

You are worthy and it also opens up this sort of doorway to feel a kind of spaciousness and a divine love where you begin to feel a sense of relationship with something that you know you can call source or God,

Whatever you want to call it.

It's this beautiful feeling of universal love radiating towards you and an invitation to step forward to being your highest self.

And look,

I'm not here to sell you on God.

These show that when you enter into a very deep kind of meditation,

There's a chemical that can be released in your brain that creates this feeling of oneness.

It's kind of like a cosmic runner's high,

If you will.

So if you want to call this experience of oneness purely a biological phenomenon,

That's great.

You know,

Or if you want to feel that you are truly opening up and connecting to your higher power as I do,

That's great.

You know,

Either way,

It's a wonderful,

Amazing,

Powerful experience.

And as you make it a daily habit,

It's just this joyous,

Wonderful way to feel loved,

Peaceful,

Playful.

You know,

You can sense when you're in that sort of extra relaxed state,

The wisps of dreams and ideas and possibilities that are floating around us all the time.

But when we're so busy,

When we're so distracted,

When we just don't feel this sense of expansiveness,

We don't even see them.

We don't feel them.

We don't feel ourselves allowed to be pulled into the future.

We just keep replaying the past.

So as you start to experience this on a daily basis,

It is amazing how you can sense your perspective shifting and you will be amazed at how your life begins to unfold and transform.

So look,

That is a crazy tall order.

And it's of course,

That's why I'm excited about listening deeply.

And that's why I'm excited to share this with you.

But I also want to give you a warning.

Listening deeply is a practice.

This isn't like a 15 minute once and done Eureka moment.

Listening deeply is a practice.

And you start by tuning into you,

Your skills develop.

And because of this thing called neuroplasticity,

Where your brain is plastic,

You can learn new habits.

You can develop these new grooves in your brain.

This is why it's a practice.

You're developing these new grooves in your brain.

So it takes some time.

This is your evolution and you're worthy of your own time.

And you're worthy of your own evolution and consideration.

So let's just go for a little quick word on the science behind listening deeply.

Listening deeply works because it wakes you up to what is going on in and around you,

Which might sound kind of like,

Duh,

I know what's going on.

I'm alive.

I'm awake.

Well,

You know,

Studies show that 90 to 95% of the time we are operating on autopilot.

It's like we have this mind numbness.

We wake up,

We eat the same foods,

We wear the same clothes,

We go to work,

We have the same conversations and we're just on autopilot.

We're not even present.

Have you ever driven your car and you know,

You get to your destination and you don't even remember driving?

Well,

That's a state of autopilot and oftentimes we're in that state very,

Very frequently.

We're in that state 90 to 95% of the time.

And what's more,

Often we are thinking about the future.

We're worried about something or we're kind of ruminating on the past.

Maybe we're thinking about,

Oh,

I shouldn't have done that or whatever.

And that prevents us from being in the present moment.

So as you practice,

You become much more conscious of the present moment.

You are much more in tune with what you're thinking,

What you're feeling while you're feeling it.

So you may be,

For example,

In a meeting and maybe somebody says something that is kind of rude or hurtful or kind of they cut you off or they steal your idea and you may have the experience in the meeting that it's like,

Whoa,

Wait,

I didn't like that.

And you might feel a little bit of heat rising in your chest instead of waking up at three in the morning and being like,

Gosh,

I'm really irritated.

I'm so pissed off and I can't quite put my finger on why.

Well now you will know.

You will know when it's happening and that gives you power,

That gives you an awareness.

So you can choose right then in that moment.

You can think,

Hmm,

How do I want to respond to this thing that just irritated me?

That gives you choice and power.

The other thing that happens when you are practicing,

Listening deeply is that physiologically when you are practicing,

You will slow your breathing and that enables your stress hormones to come down.

Your heart rate slows down.

Your body enters a state called rest and relax,

Calm coherence,

Which is profoundly healing.

Most of us are so wired all the time.

We don't even know what real rest feels like.

So as you practice,

You will come to know and feel it.

Your mind and body will learn how to modulate.

You will learn how to find this peaceful place and because of neuroplasticity,

You will be able to find it much more quickly.

You will be able to drop in as people say.

Look,

I could go on and on.

There are literally a thousand reasons why listening deeply works and how it can change your life.

But at this point,

Let's just get on with how to listen deeply.

So I'm just going to start with a couple of analogies just so you can understand what's going on.

So let's start with the cat and the red dot example.

Have you ever held one of those laser beam pens?

You turn it on and a red dot comes out and you jiggle the red dot and if you have a cat,

It's a great way to entertain and exercise your cat because the cat becomes obsessed with the red dot.

The cat will chase the red dot,

Swat at it.

The cat thinks the red dot is real.

And you know,

We think,

Isn't that funny,

Silly cat chasing the red dot?

Well,

You know,

We are a lot like that cat.

We chase red dots all the time in our minds.

We're chasing memories down memory lane.

We're chasing worries into the future.

We're chasing our to-do list.

Oh,

I got to do that today.

We are a lot like that cat.

But the thing is,

We're not just thinking about one red dot at a time.

Most of us have an avalanche of red dots.

It's like we have a disco ball of light going on.

Like have you ever been in a party or a dance where there is a disco ball and the light flecks are like all over the walls,

They're all over the carpet,

They're all over you?

Well oftentimes we're like that.

We're living in a world of light flecks and it's chaotic.

And the other thing we often have in this state of chaos,

As if that wasn't enough,

We often have this sensation of a narrator talking to us.

If you read the book Michael Singer's The Untethered Soul,

He does a beautiful job describing this narrator,

This voice as a roommate.

Imagine you're living with a roommate and the roommate is talking to you constantly and the roommate just doesn't make any sense.

One second the roommate is saying,

Oh my gosh,

You're wonderful.

Oh,

You look great.

Oh,

What a wonderful day.

Oh,

That was a really good idea.

And the next second the roommate is just saying terrible things like,

Oh my God,

You're really wearing that.

Oh my gosh,

What an idiot.

Why did you go to school?

Why did you do that?

Oh,

You know,

This sort of constant jibber jabber that we live with.

And that voice,

That narrator,

Roommate,

Monkey mind,

Whatever you want to call it,

That is not your true voice.

That is just this jibber jabbering presence.

And I could talk about the narrator thing for an entire episode and maybe we will sometime.

But just suffice it to say,

You have this jibber jabbering voice.

It is not your true self talking to you.

But it adds to the chaos.

So given that we have a disco ball avalanche of thoughts,

Feelings,

To-dos,

And this crazy narrator going on in our minds all the time,

It's as if when we get to Monday morning and the alarm goes off,

It's like,

Have you ever seen one of those game shows where they put a contestant inside a chamber,

Like a clear air chamber,

And they go,

Psssh,

With a jet of air and they release these dollar bills and the contestant has to grab the dollar bills as quickly and as many as they can in 30 seconds?

Oftentimes it feels like that.

We start our day and we're just grabbing.

We're trying to do our best.

We're just trying to grab onto the most important thing we're supposed to do that day.

And it is chaotic.

It's exhausting.

And it just feels that there is no sort of direction,

That we're not in control.

And that's where the practice of listening deeply can really help you.

So imagine you could step outside of that game show air chamber and you could slow things down.

You could be deliberate about which dollar bill you want to grab or imagine you're in that room with the disco ball lights and imagine you could step closer to the disco ball so you could stand back and you could see all of those light flecks and you could choose which light fleck seems most interesting.

Which one do you actually want to investigate?

Do you want to investigate any of them?

Or imagine you're back with the cat and the red dot and imagine you're no longer the cat chasing the red dot.

You're no longer the cat.

What if you're holding the laser beam?

What if you're directing the laser beam?

So let's just savor that.

What if you could direct the laser beam?

When you practice listening deeply,

You shift your perspective.

Instead of being in the midst of the chaos,

Chasing the red dots,

You become the observer.

Sometimes it's called the witness and you're watching your mind,

Tuning into your body,

Getting in touch with your spirit so you can be much more purposeful in what you think,

Say and do.

I don't want to make it sound super woo woo,

But as you go through the steps of listening deeply,

You are shifting the seat of your consciousness from being in the chaos to being a calm observer,

To being an intentional proactive participant in your own life.

And that is a very,

Very powerful place to be.

So let's get down to the nitty gritty brass tacks and start listening deeply.

Let's start diving into the practice.

And as I said,

It's a practice and there are steps to it.

So conveniently and rather miraculously,

The steps follow the letters in soul,

S O U L.

So let's talk about each step,

Each letter.

First letter,

Of course,

Is S and that stands for getting settled,

Settling your body,

Getting comfortable.

So first step is finding a place where you can sit and not be disturbed.

And I personally think it's best to do this practice in the morning before the day's craziness gets underway.

Or of course,

You know,

You can do it at the end of the day.

You could do it at your lunch hour.

But whatever you do,

You want to find a time and a space where you can set aside 10 or 15 minutes for not being disturbed.

And definitely positively,

Please do not check your phone right before you sit down because the last thing you need are more red dots to be thinking about.

This is a precious time.

It's your daily time.

You matter.

You're worth it.

So you're getting settled,

Making yourself comfortable.

You do not need to sit on the floor.

You do not need a meditation cushion.

I like to sit on my sofa in the early morning,

Just peacefully closing my eyes.

You might want to have a journal handy because all sorts of ideas and insights are going to come up and it's lovely to capture them when that's fresh.

And it's also wonderful to see your progress.

So sit,

Get settled,

Close your eyes.

And I'll give you these prompts when we're going through the practice.

You're going to straighten your spine,

Deepen your breathing.

And it's so that's,

That's the first step.

And then also while you're feeling settled,

The next is to start becoming aware of your thoughts that you're actually having a stream of thoughts.

And maybe you'll feel that there's a voice in your head saying,

Gosh,

This is a waste of time.

What's that lady talking about?

You really should be taking a shower.

You should be getting ready for work.

Maybe your stomach will grumble a little bit and this sort of stream of thoughts will say,

Gosh,

I'm hungry.

And then maybe your mind jumps to what can you eat for breakfast?

And then you sort of start to envision the box of cereal on the refrigerator and you think,

Gosh,

Are there any cereal left or did the kids eat it all?

And you start to realize you're having this whole stream of thought.

And then pretty soon you're thinking,

Well,

You know,

What about toast?

Mmm,

Toast,

Butter and jam.

Yum.

And you're thinking like,

Oh my God,

I'm thinking about toast.

Yes.

And this is all good.

This process of becoming aware of this stream of thoughts is this is mindfulness.

This is beginner mindfulness and it is a practice.

And after a while you start realizing,

Yeah,

I'm having thoughts and you may go with them,

But pretty soon you start to go,

That's a thought.

That's right.

I'm having a thought.

Cereal,

Toast.

Now I'm having a thought about this,

Having a thought about that.

And you just become aware of the thoughts.

You don't follow all the thoughts.

You just become aware.

And again,

This is a practice.

This is mindfulness.

And I like to call this stage sifting because you're sifting through your thoughts.

They're just,

They're coming up and you're sifting through them the same way you've ever seen like a snow globe that's all shaken up and the snowflakes kind of sift.

They sort of sift slowly down and they're just sifting down.

And that's what your thoughts are doing.

They're coming up and you're just allowing them.

You're aware of them.

You're not manipulating them.

You're just aware of them.

You're just sifting.

So that was the first letter S.

Getting settled,

Sifting your thoughts.

Next letter in soul is O for open hearted awareness.

This is where you start shifting your attention to your body,

Creating an awareness of what you're feeling,

The sensations,

The emotions,

The feelings that you're having.

And a very traditional place to start tuning into your physical presence is with your breath.

So people talk about the breath in particularly mindfulness as an anchor because you can always have this physical sensation of your breath.

And I like to tune into that place right under my nose.

And when you tune into the place under your nose,

You can feel the cool air going in and the warm air going out.

And so that is a physical sensation that anchors you in your practice.

So you're not just having like a mental experience of watching your thoughts,

You're having a physical awareness.

So that's a very traditional sort of starting point.

But the thing about listening deeply is it is so much deeper and richer because we're going to tune into our bodies much more than just with our breath.

And so again,

In this sort of learning phase,

You want to start to learn how to direct your attention.

And so one really good way to do that,

Particularly around the physical awareness of what you're feeling is using a body scan.

So as you're sort of learning,

Listening deeply and learning how to direct your attention,

You could practice a body scan.

So maybe you start with your feet,

You're feeling them on the floor.

Maybe you're feeling your legs on the sofa,

Your belly,

Your shoulders,

Your neck.

And I'll guide you through so you can start to feel your physical,

Your body.

You're just becoming aware that you are much more than a mind.

You have a physical body that feels things.

And then what I like to really focus on is the feeling you have in your chest area.

We hold a ton of memories and emotions in our chest and our heart.

So that is a really good area to allow your attention to rest.

So are you feeling tightness,

Kind of clenched or gripped,

Or maybe kind of sad and saggy,

Heavy,

Tired,

Weighed down?

Or maybe you're feeling kind of broad and expansive,

Kind of energetic.

And again,

We'll go through some prompts and you'll start to learn.

You'll say,

Oh,

That's right.

I've sat,

I'm settled,

Sifting.

Oh,

That's right.

Open hearted awareness,

Opening up to your body because both are important.

What am I thinking?

What am I feeling?

And then we get to you for understanding.

And this is where you start to lean in.

If something is coming up for you that you need to listen to with curiosity and compassion,

Maybe something has happened recently that's hurt or that made you angry.

It's irritating you and you just keep replaying it over and over in your mind.

You want to allow that to move forward,

To move closer to you so that you invite those thoughts to stay for a while.

You allow yourself to listen,

To tune in.

What do you need to hear today?

What feelings need to be felt by you today?

And sometimes it's as simple as a call to just be in your own life.

Maybe it's one of your children's birthdays coming up and you've been so busy.

It's going to blow by without you even taking the time to acknowledge it.

And some part of you is saying,

Slow down.

Remember,

Be there.

Don't let the moment slip by.

And then it opens up a gateway to thinking about your daughter,

Maybe how much you cherish her,

How much you will love her,

And that this is an important time.

Prioritize it,

Be there,

Feel it,

Experience it.

Or sometimes when you're practicing,

It might be an issue that's really bothering you that wants your attention.

And I'll give you an example from my own life.

Recently I was starting to think,

You know,

It's time to open up to being in a long-term relationship.

And I met this guy and I was attracted to him and he started to text me.

And I thought,

This is kind of wonderful.

And they were interesting and thoughtful.

And I was like,

Great,

This is fun.

This is exciting.

And I thought,

Well,

Hey,

Let's just move to talking on the phone.

And for whatever reason,

He sort of resisted that.

And we just kept kind of going with these sort of texts and they were sometimes flirty,

But they were sort of random and cryptic.

And,

You know,

But nonetheless,

I'm kind of getting my hopes up thinking like,

Wow,

Where is this going?

But then after a few weeks,

The texts got distant and then he stopped texting altogether.

And I was,

You know,

Surprised and disappointed.

I could feel the withdrawal of having started to check my phone more and more frequently.

And then I felt this sort of undercurrent of sadness and just rejection,

That old kind of like ugh feeling coming up.

And I just thought,

Let me lean into this with understanding.

And I remembered what Barbara Husson had said in episode five.

You're not upset for the reason you think,

You see only the past.

What does this person represent in your past?

And that was a great prompt.

So I'm sitting there in my listening deeply practice and,

You know,

I'm allowing,

Allowing,

Allowing myself to mull over those questions,

Those prompts.

And as I'm doing that,

I start to see these parallels,

This guy's sort of appearance,

My attraction,

My hopes,

Followed by the disappointment.

And there's this pattern that I kept seeing my ex-husband,

Old boyfriends,

The excitement I used to feel that,

Oh,

You know,

Around my father,

Oh,

He's going to pay attention to me.

No,

No,

No,

No,

No,

No,

He's not.

And it was like this whole train of similar experiences,

This hoping,

Waiting,

Disappointment.

And that old familiar rejectable me that just makes my shoulders sag,

My chest cave,

My head just want to droop down and that old critical like ugh voice.

And as I allowed myself to remember these old kind of crappy feelings,

You know,

I could also be kind to myself.

I could be an adult sitting there saying,

Wow,

I could see what I had lived through the pain of these experiences and acknowledge and say,

Well,

No wonder I'm feeling kind of sad.

I could see this was my pattern.

And I could also look at it and say,

You know,

This is something for me to understand and explore.

This is an area of my life that needs and warrants my attention.

I don't want to keep dragging around this old rejectable me sensation and story and pattern.

And that's one of the most important values in this practice,

Allowing yourself to see yourself,

Allowing your old stories to unfold so you can really see what you believe about yourself.

So in this step,

In this you for understanding,

Allow yourself to investigate,

To lean in with curiosity and compassion,

To see what is behind your thoughts.

Feel what is under your feelings.

See what beliefs,

Old beliefs you're holding onto,

What old choices you keep making because your past experiences shape how you think.

How you see yourself today is shaped by what people told you in your past,

Even years ago.

Did they tell you,

You were smart,

You were beautiful,

You were clever,

Or did they let you know in thoughts and words and deeds that maybe you never get anything right?

Maybe you're not really wanted.

Maybe you just need to kind of pipe down.

Those old voices,

Old beliefs are operating in the background and often we don't even know it.

So sometimes I think about listening deeply as watching your thoughts and washing your thoughts.

So you know how when you put your clothes in the washing machine and you can lift the lid mid cycle and you see all of that dirty water,

Your thoughts,

Beliefs and patterns become fully visible when you're practicing.

They literally come out in the wash so you can see what you're holding onto.

You can allow yourself to understand what's made you think the way you do and you can feel the emotional weights that are pulling you into repeating the same patterns.

And for me,

That cycle of hoping and waiting followed by disappointment,

Sadness,

Loneliness was so awful and so familiar.

It's what I grew up with.

It's the air that I breathed and it became this sort of deep seated orientation to how I view myself.

Old rejectable me like a sad old friend.

And so in this understanding step,

Feeling your feelings is really important.

You know,

Experts say you need to feel to heal.

And as we talked about earlier,

Memories are held in your body.

We have those physiological reactions to things oftentimes that we're completely unaware of.

So allow the emotions to come up,

Allow them to be acknowledged in the safety of your own home,

In the safety of your sofa.

You are an adult and you can look back and you can say,

Ouch,

That hurt.

No wonder I feel sad.

That was a sucky thing that happened.

And you can have compassion for yourself.

You can befriend that younger part of yourself that lived through those painful experiences.

You know,

And don't worry,

Feelings don't stay forever.

They come up,

They crest like a wave and they dissipate.

You are no longer that child.

You are an adult.

You are witnessing your life.

You are validating and affirming what is true for you.

Sometimes of course your feelings indicate that there is more to investigate.

They might point to issues which you have buried for good reason for a long time.

And some of those issues are absolutely positively best handled with the help of a therapist.

And that's really important to know.

You are an adult now and you can make adult decisions,

Adult choices.

You can find a really good person that you trust who can help you.

You would go and get your car fixed by an adult.

You would get your house repaired by a trained specialist because you're an adult making adult decisions about things that matter.

And that's the same thing for your wellbeing.

You deserve and you are worthy of getting the help that you need,

The help that you deserve.

And once you have an insight,

Even if it's just,

Ooh,

I need and want to work on this,

You will feel an amazing burst of energy.

I've heard the phrase energy follows insight and it's true.

Energy follows insight.

Once you see your old pattern,

Your old beliefs,

It's like a light bulb going off.

You suddenly see yourself differently.

It's like,

Oh,

I get it.

And then you know in your gut that you have choices.

You can decide,

Hmm,

Keep doing the same old,

Same old,

Or update your programming,

Update how you think and see yourself.

Because remember your brain is plastic.

This whole field of neuroplasticity is showing us again and again that you can change how you think.

And if you are a fan of Louise Hay and I am an enormous fan of Louise Hay,

And if you haven't read her work,

Oh my goodness,

You have such a treat in store for you.

You've got to get her book.

You can heal your life because her philosophy is so fundamental.

She would say over and over,

It's only a thought and a thought can be changed.

And that is 100% true.

And the beauty of listening deeply is not only can you see a single thought,

You can see your whole thought system.

You can see how and why you thought those thoughts about yourself.

You see your beliefs in technicolor,

And then you can change.

You can update your thinking.

You really are an adult.

You're not a child.

You can see yourself in new ways and make new choices and make new decisions.

You can think new thoughts.

I was deeply affected by how my family treated me in the house that I grew up in.

And we all are affected by our experiences.

We still carry a lot of these beliefs and you can see them for what they are.

You can see them and you can make new choices.

You're not a victim of the past.

You are an active,

Aware participant in your own present and your own future.

And so that brings us very,

Very nicely to the L in soul,

Letting go.

You will be amazed at what you can let go of.

You do not need to keep dragging around your old story,

Those old beliefs and unconscious habits you can be like Marie Kondo with house cleaning.

You can let go of the old and all of that.

Letting go makes room for the new for new beliefs,

New ways of seeing yourself and a new future because you're thinking in new ways.

So for example,

In my case with the flirty texts,

Yes,

Of course I could feel that withdrawal of like,

Well,

You know,

My phone wasn't that same source of like kind of like juicy little treats during the day.

And I certainly miss that.

But I had this new energy of I want to do some homework here.

I want to really understand my relationships and my choices.

And miraculously,

I came across the book Attached.

And if you have relationship issues,

You owe it to yourself to check out this book.

Amir Levine is the author,

Book name is Attached.

And it was exactly what I needed to read because it talks about relationship patterns.

And I could see my pattern.

And I could also see that the sort of cryptic random texts had this kind of effect on my physiology.

And it was one of the reasons why I was starting to carry my phone around with me.

And I'm not that kind of person,

But I became that kind of person sort of obsessed with my phone,

Obsessed with these cryptic flirty texts.

And you know,

I got so many great insights out of reading that book and the practice of listening deeply that I was then able to reframe what I was looking for in a relationship and what I'm worth.

And ladies,

I and you are worth a lot more than a few cryptic flirty texts.

And it was like a light bulb going off that I am worthy of being in a loving,

Supportive relationship with real intimacy,

Like phone calls and togetherness.

So yes,

Yes,

And yes,

Energy follows insight.

And as a side note,

When you get clear,

When you clear out the old and you get really focused on the new,

Good things start to happen.

I've seen it,

I believe it.

And that just gives me this sort of energy and positivity to look at a future and to say,

Yes,

I'm excited about what's next for me.

And I'm excited,

Of course,

About what's next for you.

So letting go of the old just clears out those old habits and it makes way for updating your beliefs.

You're not stuck.

You have power,

Choice,

Agency,

Efficacy.

And yes,

Sometimes it takes a few sessions to get to that deep level of understanding where you really feel like,

I can just let go of that and you can embrace something new.

And when you practice listening deeply every day,

You know that you have a regular time and a regular place where you can examine what's really going on.

You can really tune into you.

And as you let go of these old thoughts,

Old behaviors,

You might want to thank them for how those old beliefs or old patterns might have helped you in the past.

I mean,

You held onto them for a reason.

We are,

Above all else,

We are survivalists.

We hold onto these behavior patterns because at a certain time in your life,

They helped you.

They kept you safe.

So you don't want to banish them with disgust.

I mean,

We're not trying to introduce more critical voices.

It's not like,

How could I have ever believed that about myself?

Because then you're just,

You're introducing this sort of war within.

And that's the last thing you want.

So thank them.

You did the best you could at the time.

And also thank the thoughts.

Thank those feelings for having the courage to come up and tell you something.

Just thank them,

Set them on their way,

And embrace this feeling of gratitude,

Gratitude that you are still here.

You're still here.

And that you have this ability,

This wonderful malleability to change and evolve and grow.

So just be grateful,

Grateful that you are still here,

That you are always embracing this new sense of wholeness.

And that ushers us into this last phase,

Which is for love,

Love.

As you understand those old layers of beliefs,

Those old behavior patterns,

And you let go of them,

The lovable inner you is revealed.

You find you.

That sweet,

Lovable,

Worthy,

Amazing you.

And as you come to spend more time in your own presence,

The more you get to sense who you really are,

That you are good.

You are worthy.

You are smart.

You are clever.

You are resourceful.

You are courageous.

You just are.

And you come to know these things and you can define them for yourself.

I am worthy.

I am lovable.

I am funny.

I am smart.

I am adventurous.

I am courageous.

These beliefs come from your true self and they start to permeate and take up residence in your self knowledge.

These aren't just like papering positive statements over kind of a root core of yikiness that you still believe.

No,

You're getting into your deeply tapping into the real you.

So you can allow this awareness of your worthiness,

Your courageousness,

Your smartness,

Your you-ness.

This is who you are.

This is at the very center of your being.

So you can let go of the old and you can step into this place of love and redefine who you are and allow that new definition.

I am worthy.

I am lovable.

I can have and I deserve.

You can allow that to become the center of your being and you can hear that voice,

The I am worthy.

I am lovable voice.

That is your true voice.

That is your inner voice and it is filled with love and encouragement and you will know deep,

Deep,

Deep,

Deep,

Deep,

Deep down that that is who you are,

That jibber jabber room matey monkey mind voice.

That's not you and you will also feel and know that when you hear that thing about loving yourself and you would cringe,

You know,

You were cringing because you were,

You were living in the awareness of that old crud or you were living with that old voice that said you're not enough,

You know,

You're whatever.

That's just no longer true.

So when you hear that phrase about loving yourself,

You're like,

Yeah,

Yeah,

What's not to love?

You're worthy.

You were this wonderful pure essence.

You're what existed before those old crappy layers and voices started to take up residence and you're also safe.

This place at the center of your being is peaceful and safe.

You know,

For decades I always felt like I was this homing pigeon and I was trying to find home and I would say that to myself,

You know,

I'm just,

It's like,

I just want to find home and I never felt like I knew where that place of home was,

Where that place of safety,

Warmth and love is and this is that place.

This is that place of warmth,

Safety and love and just allow yourself to bathe in this love.

So this warmth,

Safety,

Peace starts to permeate who you are and how you think about yourself.

You are worthy.

You are lovable and you might feel as you spend time here,

This sense of energy forming.

Your spirit is here.

Your energy is alive and excited that you have a pulse and a power.

This is where your spiritual heartbeat lives and I strongly encourage you just to allow yourself to feel that and know it and even let it become a physical embodiment.

So maybe as you're feeling that love and safety,

Maybe you allow like a sweet Buddha smile to just come and play on your lips.

Maybe you take an extra deep breath that just allows you to feel that love,

That spirit just radiating all around you,

That just allows you to feel recharged,

Relaxed and here is where it's almost like you're entering a higher level of consciousness and awareness of who you are and this might also usher in that feeling of oneness that we talked about before,

That sense of a divine presence that you are in a cosmic space that is bigger than just you and maybe that's a physiological brain chemical thing.

Just go with it.

You know,

And I feel like this is where the L becomes a capital L,

Love,

This sort of fast universal divine love,

Just bathing you,

Feeling warm and radiant,

Feeling your chest,

Just allow yourself to receive that love and I think that this is a special place to be and I feel it's so expansive that you start to feel these wisps of dreams and ideas,

These whispers.

They're almost like butterflies flowing by,

These ideas,

These nudges,

This sense of the future has possibilities and you can tune in to what is calling to you now and allow yourself to be open and receptive.

Maybe you feel an idea coming,

Maybe you feel a message coming to you from the universe.

Just allow,

Allow yourself to feel that sense of generosity,

That new direction.

This is where I feel like my best ideas come from.

I hang out in this spacious feeling of expansiveness and ideas just drop in.

You know,

I've had two book ideas drop in.

I've had countless creative project ideas drop in.

This soul practice dropped in while I was in this very expansive state of mind and just allow yourself to hang out and feel comfortable,

Maybe creative,

Playful.

If you are a believer in kind of higher power spirituality or prayer,

It's a wonderful time to open yourself in prayer.

Maybe you're allowing yourself to feel encouraged to bring forth your higher self.

Maybe you want to pray for direction or strengths,

Guidance.

Just allow yourself to feel that you are part of this expansive cosmic universal flow that is pulling you towards your highest good.

So as you practice,

Just start to know deep down how loved and worthy you are,

That there is this love all around,

In you,

Around you,

Always embracing you.

The Sufi poet called it,

You're in the presence of the beloved.

So just enjoy being there.

And then as you start perhaps to bring your practice to a close,

You might want to take a moment to just savor that feeling of love inside and all around.

Maybe gratitude comes up for you,

Feeling of gratefulness that you've been able to experience this.

Maybe you shift your attention to messages or sort of clarity that came to you.

Maybe an insight that came to you as you were leaning in with curiosity and compassion.

Maybe you remember,

Oh,

That's right.

My daughter's birthday is coming up.

I want to slow down and really savor that.

Maybe it's an understanding that sort of says,

I got a little homework there.

Let me look into that.

That's important to me.

You just bring your practice to a close.

This is when you might want to jot a couple of notes down in your journal.

That was a pretty deep explanation and overview of the soul practice of listening deeply.

And not every listening deeply session that you have is going to be quite that deep or take that much time.

Some days you might just settle and sift in open-hearted awareness,

And that's good.

You might come away feeling calmer,

More aware.

Some days you might settle and sift in open-hearted awareness and come away with an understanding of something.

That's good.

Some days you might sit in open-hearted awareness,

Sifting through your thoughts,

And you just kind of are working through an issue,

And that's good.

Let those issues come up so you can dissolve them,

So you can move into a newer state of awareness.

And you know what?

Some days you may settle,

Sift,

And head straight for love,

Creativity,

And play,

Prayer,

And that's all good.

You will create circuits in your brain by practicing listening deeply.

The pathways get easier,

And you will come to know yourself.

You will know what you need.

You will know,

Oh,

There's kind of an issue that's bugging me.

I'm going to sit with that.

Or maybe you're just feeling restless,

And you're like,

Where is my life going?

Let me just sit in love and creativity and play.

Let me just open myself up to possibilities.

Let me just open myself up to what could be.

So all good.

This is your practice.

You are tuning into you.

So quick recap,

Soul practice S for settling down and sifting through your thoughts.

O for open-hearted awareness into what you are feeling.

U for understanding,

Leaning in with curiosity and compassion.

L for letting go of old beliefs and patterns,

And holding yourself with love,

Love for yourself and a cosmic flow of divine love.

And so now it's your turn.

I will walk you through a guided practice,

And I'll give you prompts following the letters of soul,

Just like we talked about,

And you can experience listening deeply.

And so let's just start by easing your way into the S for sitting,

Settling,

Sifting.

Close your eyes.

Just inhale and exhale.

No need to force your breathing.

Just allow your breath to deepen.

Maybe sit up a little bit.

Straighten your spine.

You might even want to like roll your shoulders up and down and around.

Just open up your chest.

You want to allow room for your lungs,

Your shoulders to broaden,

And just allow your breath to slowly deepen.

Good.

And start becoming aware of your thoughts.

Just tune into the fact that you have thoughts,

A whole stream of thoughts,

And just allow them to come up.

Just start sifting through your thoughts.

And meditate.

Good.

Good.

And now move to O for open-hearted awareness.

Attention to your feelings,

Your emotions,

Your physical sensations.

Bring your attention to your breath,

That feeling of your breath right under your nose,

Where you can feel the cool air going in and the warm air going out.

Maybe bring your attention to your feet on the ground,

Back of your legs on the sofa,

Your belly,

Your chest,

Your heart.

How are you feeling?

You feel open,

Tight,

Heavy,

Sad,

Broad,

Peaceful.

Shifting your attention,

What am I feeling?

What am I thinking?

Good.

And now move to you for understanding.

Are any thoughts or feelings stepping forward?

Is there something you need to hear today?

Are there feelings you need to feel today?

Just lean in with curiosity and compassion.

Let your story unfold.

What do you see?

An old behavior,

An old belief.

Good.

What was true then may no longer be true now.

You did the best you could.

You can change,

Grow,

Evolve.

Good.

And now move to L.

Let go.

Let go of the old,

Old beliefs,

Old patterns,

Old habits.

Let them go.

Let them go with gratitude for keeping you safe.

Just let go.

Good.

And now to love.

Love for you.

Allow love to fill you.

Allow new beliefs to be created with love.

You are worthy.

You are lovable.

You are safe.

Feel a Buddha smile come to your lips.

Good.

Soak in the love all around you,

Filling you.

You are loved.

You are worthy.

You are amazing.

Feel yourself expanding.

Your mind expanding,

Open and receptive to all good.

Your highest good is calling to you.

Go,

Go to your highest good.

Savor the love that is inside of you.

It's all around you.

And slowly and gently bring your attention back into the room.

Savor and hold on to any insights,

Ideas that came to you.

Allow your eyes to flutter open with a soft gaze.

And breathe.

Allow your attention to slowly sharpen.

Savor the feeling of peace inside of you.

And maybe jot down a couple of notes,

Maybe something came to,

An idea,

A reminder,

Something old that you can let go of,

Something new that you want to embrace.

Just savor.

Savor yourself.

The goodness that you're bringing into your life.

Let go of where you were before and just embrace.

Embrace yourself now,

Your future.

Just feel the newness,

Your evolution.

You're on your way.

You're free,

You're loved,

You're worthy,

You're amazing.

Just carry that energy with you everywhere you go today.

It's all inside of you.

It's all there.

It's always there.

And thank yourself for tuning into you today,

Knowing you can come back tomorrow,

Knowing that you will always be there for you.

Thank you,

Dear sweet listener,

For listening to the entire Entelata and doing the soul practice with me.

I know it's a lot to take in and as I said,

It takes time.

Give yourself time.

Just practice,

Work the steps,

Learn the steps.

S-O-U-L.

Just come to use it as a touchstone,

Ideally every day,

And see what you can let go of and see what emerges.

Just come to know,

Really know,

That you are loved and you are worthy.

I'm going to be posting a listening deeply soul practice as a separate episode.

So you can practice,

Ideally every day,

You can do a soul practice with me again and again and again until it just becomes your own practice,

Until it becomes something you do by yourself,

Or yourself.

Feel that love inside of you and remember that love is your birthright.

And as always,

There's more information on soulcandy.

Com.

Have a super great,

Wonderful day.