If you are noticing that you're experiencing some type of uncomfortable thought or emotion,
Or you're noticing some kind of struggle or avoidance that's happening inside of you,
Or you're simply noticing that you are suffering in some kind of way,
This is a practice,
A series of reflections and questions that you can ask yourself to come back to a place of neutrality.
Neutral can be great in the midst of any given situation.
It might bring around a feeling of calm or groundedness.
These questions and reflections can certainly help put you back in the driver's seat versus letting these thoughts and emotions make choices for you.
So the first step is to just notice what the situation is.
Just notice what the situation is that is tied to this discomfort or the suffering.
What is happening?
And be non-judgmental about it.
Be really factual about the situation.
And then start to notice what thoughts are tied to this situation.
So what kind of stories are going through your mind right now about the situation?
So for example,
The thought or the story might be,
I'm not good enough,
Or this is going to last forever,
Or I can't handle this.
There are,
Of course,
Hundreds and hundreds,
Maybe an unlimited amount of thoughts and stories that you might be having,
But try to hone in on what is the thought.
Then you might notice what emotion is tied to that thought as well.
Sadness,
Grief,
Frustration,
Anger,
Shame,
Guilt.
And maybe you start there.
Maybe you start with what is the uncomfortable emotion I'm experiencing and then what story is coming from that emotion.
So you can go from the thoughts to the emotion or the emotion to the thought as well.
You can take a moment to reflect on the behaviors that are then coming from these thoughts and these emotions.
What's the behavior?
And the behavior might be something that you're doing outside of yourself,
Like a habit that is creating more suffering in some kind of way.
Or the behavior might be that you're avoiding something.
Maybe you're avoiding the feeling or you're beating yourself up about the thought.
So it could be a behavior happening outside of yourself or a behavior that's happening internally as well.
So now let's travel back to the thought that you observed.
And you'll ask yourself some questions.
So you can ask yourself,
Is this thought or is the story true?
Is it true?
And you might really be able to quickly say no,
It's not true.
But there might be part of your mind that says,
Well,
I don't know,
Maybe it is true.
We have this evidence and that evidence,
Right?
Or I don't really know that it's not true.
So then you'd go on to the next question.
Is it helpful?
Is this thought helpful?
Is it causing less suffering in your life?
So the two questions you're asking,
Is it true?
Yes or no?
This thought.
Is it helpful?
Yes or no?
This thought.
Bonus question.
Bonus question.
You might ask or reflect on this thought,
Asking yourself,
Is this thought,
Am I trying to control something that is uncontrollable?
A person,
Something outside of myself,
An event,
Something happening in my body?
Am I trying to control something that is actually out of my control?
And then you can ask yourself what choices you have in this situation.
So one choice you have is to create an alternative thought.
So it's not like you're trying to erase this original thought because we really don't have a lot of control around that.
If the thought is there,
It's there.
However,
Is there an alternative thought that you'd rather put your energy toward versus this original thought?
So when creating an alternative thought,
If that's what you choose to do,
You would create an alternative thought that is true to you.
So it doesn't feel like you're lying to yourself.
Is it helpful?
And is it in the present moment?
So is it about what's happening now,
Not necessarily about the future or the past?
And of course,
There are some caveats to that.
But is the alternative thought helpful,
True,
And present?
And you might need to hash this out a little bit,
You might write a couple drafts of a different thought.
But for example,
If your original thought was,
I can't handle this,
Your alternative thought might be I'm doing my best.
That's just one example.
And then asking yourself once you've created this alternative thought,
Also asking yourself,
Are there any other choices I have in this uncontrollable situation?
The only choice you might have is to shift your energy toward this,
This other thought,
This alternative thought that you've created,
Or are working on creating now.
That might be the only choice you have.
And that choice can really make a big impact.
Or you might have some other choices within the uncontrollable situation.
But going through,
Noticing what the situation is,
What's the automatic thought,
And the emotion,
Or the emotion and what thought is coming from that emotion,
What behaviors are there?
You know,
What is happening that is creating the suffering or the struggle?
And then asking is the thought,
This automatic thought,
Is it true?
Is it helpful?
Bonus question,
Am I trying to control something that's uncontrollable?
What choices do I have in the midst of this uncontrollable situation?
Well,
You can create an alternative thought,
A thought that is true,
Helpful,
And present.
This thought that when you put your energy in that direction,
Notice then when you have that alternative thought,
Does that change your emotion?
Do you feel more neutral or calm or peaceful or settled?
If not,
You might need to create a different alternative thought.
Keep writing until you find or thinking until you find an alternative thought that lessens your suffering in some kind of way,
Even if it's just a little bit.
