12 Steps And Buddhism

This dharma talk is about how some of the 12 step recovery program principles relate to Buddhist practice. It addresses, "freedom from the bondage of self" and how this relates to the Buddhist practices in not self. There are also reflections and contemplations on addiction and finding freedom from the ultimate addiction to "I, me and mine."

Transcript

This talk is called Freedom from the Bondage of Self.

I'd like to start with my favorite reading from 12-Step.

It's actually from the diary of writer Anne Lamott.

The Drop the Rock meeting was based on the understanding that left to our own devices,

We as a species tend to lug these big rocks around.

They are the rocks of our concerns.

Every time we get up,

We reach down for our big rock and then we lug it out the door,

Down the stairs,

And roll it into the back seats of our cars.

Then,

After we drive someplace,

We open the back door,

Get out our rock,

And carry it with us wherever we go.

Because it's our rock.

It's very important to us and we need to keep it in sight.

Also,

Someone could steal it.

So this is a bondage of self.

I was on a retreat where actually maybe some of you have done this.

They give you,

As part of one of your workout group exercises,

They gave us a bag.

We had to bring a bag of potatoes.

On each potato,

We wrote a resentment.

Some of us had huge bags.

I had a pretty good sized one.

It was a three-day retreat and we were expected to carry that bag of potatoes with us everywhere we go.

Because your resentments never sleep.

So we had to carry it with us in the shower.

I wanted to go swimming.

I couldn't carry my resentments swimming.

And in bed,

This big bag of potatoes.

You got to thinking,

But I'd look at people carrying around their potato bags and go,

Why don't they just put it down?

What's their problem?

It's just a bag of potatoes.

But then I'd look at mine and go,

Oh no.

The leader said actually the idea was on longer retreats you keep those potatoes till they rot.

Because that's what happens with resentments,

Isn't it?

So it was an incredible learning about this rock and how we create this bondage of self.

And the bondage of self really starts as an energy grip when we're about two years old.

We don't really know we're separate.

So it's a basic developmental differentiation thing.

So it's not really our fault.

We're just trying to understand our relationship in the world.

But then it becomes an identity and almost an addiction to our view,

Our opinion,

Our personality.

So it goes from just a basic thing to we really sink in and we get totally blended with how we see ourselves and our separation.

And we end up with a bag of potatoes or rocks everywhere.

So there's a threefold thing I wanted to talk about tonight in how to let go of these bags of rocks.

And even though it's normal to differentiate how to not be addicted to our views and opinions.

The first thing is we believe in our stories.

And we're often wearing family stories,

You know,

The clothing that doesn't fit anymore,

The family heirlooms.

So part of it is starting to see what are the family stories.

What are the things that maybe were true 30 years ago or 10 years ago that aren't true in 2018?

We often don't hit the reset button on our computer,

You know,

That little thing that goes around.

So letting go and starting to come into these rooms or on retreat to hit the reset on your stories.

We get possessed by our thoughts and emotions.

And the beautiful thing of being in these rooms or on retreat is we're de-possessing ourself.

And you know,

Most people don't have a clue how to unblend from their thoughts and stories.

You guys all know you can't let go of a substance without knowing how to unblend really well.

It's hard.

So doing that with our views,

Our beliefs,

It's not work for the faint of heart.

We get intoxicated with our thoughts.

My teacher says there should be a 12-step group called Thinkers Anonymous.

So awareness really helps us start to experience emotions,

Mind states,

Without getting totally lost in them.

And it's amazing how simple the beliefs are that we can get lost in.

And one of my teachers,

Atchand Samedo,

He was a Thai forest monk,

And his teacher,

Atchancha,

Started to see that the monks were getting a little attached.

Even though they had begging bowls,

They'd go out and ounce around and they kind of knew how they wanted the food in their bowl,

And people would put food in their bowl.

And he saw they were getting attached to this idea.

So when the monks came back one day,

He took all the food from all the bowls,

Had this big cement mixer-like thing,

And he put all the food in one thing and just stirred it up so there was fermented fish and ice cream and chocolate and rice,

And he just shh.

And then he gave it back to the monks,

And they got to see this was something they had really been clinging to,

That they had no idea that your fish and your chocolate should not be mixed.

So the second benefit of meditation and these rooms is not referencing back to yourself and not taking things personally.

You don't have to tell you all about that.

You know a lot about that.

And that's a big one.

We need more people in the world now not taking everything personally.

Wei Wue,

A Dharmic poet,

He said,

Why are you unhappy?

Because 99.

9% of everything you do and everything you think of is for yourself,

And there isn't one.

Good thing you remember.

The third thing that these rooms bring us and the Dharma is remembering that in life we forget about a power greater than ourselves,

And when we come here we can come to our senses and remember that.

Whether it's daily,

Weekly,

Whether you trust it,

Whether you kind of trust it,

Whether you trust it with caveats,

It's a place to start to look at how much do you trust a power greater than yourselves?

How much in the Buddhist scene,

How much do you trust the Buddha,

Dharma,

Sangha?

Or if you're non-dual,

How much do you trust your essential presence that's bigger than you?

We're not talking about the ego presence.

We're talking about a bigger presence like this one breath and the meditation we're all being breathed together.

You know,

In groups it's really nice that sense of group conscience.

It's a really nice example of that.

And we don't just trust this presence,

This power greater than ourselves once.

We have to do it daily,

Many times a day,

Forever.

That's a good thing.

Forever.

God,

What's bigger than that bag of potatoes I'm carrying?

What's bigger than my personality?

And that's another great thing about program,

About your principles before personalities.

So good to remember that.

You could remember that more.

And really,

This trusting in a power greater than yourself is a privilege.

It's a privilege we have as a result of program.

I once was teaching in Nevada City,

California,

And this lady said to me,

She goes,

Well,

I really want to be doing the 12 steps.

And I said,

Well,

You know,

We kind of went through,

Does she have anything she's addicted to?

There was nothing.

And I kind of felt badly for her.

That she really couldn't,

She didn't have an opportunity to learn in this way that we all have.

In indigenous cultures,

They're really clear about asking for help over and over.

You know,

They were dependent on nature a long time ago.

There was a constant sense of asking for help.

And in Hawaii,

They have a prayer that says,

The blessings are always coming down.

They start the day with that.

The blessings are always coming down.

And then the whole day,

You just see how it's true,

Where the God shots are,

Where the magic happens,

Where you didn't do it.

It's a privilege to do this forever.

What else would you be doing?

So,

Two key ways in getting free of the bondage of self are awareness and connection.

It could be called awareness and love.

And as someone at dinner pointed out,

They're like the two wings of a bird.

We need both.

Awareness is really half the practice.

You can't change something you're not aware of,

Can you?

You know,

It's great in these rooms because the first step,

My life has become unmanageable right till you take the first step.

Forget it.

There's not awareness.

So the first step starts with awareness.

A scholar of the Buddhist teachings was asked,

There's hundreds of volumes of Buddhist teachings,

Right?

And he said,

Well,

If you could distill all these volumes down to one word in the Buddhist teachings,

What would it be?

And this scholar said,

Awareness.

So we have that in common in both 12-step and Buddhism.

It's the key.

My life has become unmanageable,

Made a searching and fearless moral inventory.

This is awareness.

And in Buddhism,

We have the precepts.

We have things to keep us aware all the time of how we're affecting others.

You know,

Face it,

Addiction is about being asleep.

Not practicing mindfulness is about being asleep.

You go out to most people in downtown Cincinnati and say,

Does your mind wander?

And they go,

No,

My mind doesn't wander.

Well,

You know your mind wanders,

Don't you?

Twenty minutes and you're thinking about when you're going to be home.

It's fine.

But it's awareness.

Connection or love.

I like connection because it's such a building block from when we started this split as two-year-olds.

We need connection to bring us back home.

We need connection in these rooms to heal from addiction.

The group came to believe,

Turned our life and our will over,

Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact,

Carry this message to others.

It's all about the power of loving connection.

And I work a lot with healing trauma and people healing trauma,

And connection is the key.

Awareness,

But connection.

People don't heal from trauma without connection.

So it's a powerful force in these rooms and on retreats.

In Buddhism they have the Sangha is connection.

Sangha is a Pali word that means time,

Pali is the time of the Buddha.

It means a coming together of many as one.

And you know when you were ordained originally it was leaving yourself behind,

Leaving on robes,

Shaving your head,

Leaving your identity behind.

Well,

We left our shoes over there and that's like leaving yourself behind and then you just sit here.

And then you'll put your shoes on and go back out in the world with whatever you want to pretend to be.

And like I said,

The precepts are like a moral inventory in the practice.

Really being truthful.

And the beautiful thing about the precepts in Buddhism,

It's a lot like doing the 12 steps over and over again.

And I remember the first time I did them and they're just like,

Oh,

You get to do them again?

I'm like,

What?

When you do them again?

The precepts are like that too,

There's always deeper levels to understand and there's more consistency to bring it,

Just like what we're doing with our program.

You know,

The precept of not lying,

It's how we tell the truth inside.

It's big.

And you guys are truth tellers.

I know that.

To the best that you can.

And then tomorrow you know something even better.

In the Tibetan tradition they say that your view becomes as wide as the sky,

Your view.

But your actions become as refined as a grain of barley flour.

So as you do program and practice,

You just get more expansive,

But your actions get more refined,

More careful.

It's a really interesting combination.

Buddhism starts with right view and it's getting this big view that's outside being possessed by our thoughts or the I,

Me,

And mine.

You have to have it a certain way.

The Tibetans talk about,

Again,

We look at the sky almost like through our personality and our sense of self,

Like we're looking through a straw.

So we're looking at this giant sky through a straw.

This is the amita straw,

Right?

And to practice our program we might widen that straw so it's like a pipe.

But eventually the straw just gets wider and wider and eventually it's just gone.

And it's just direct contact with the sky.

You don't need the ego straw anymore.

You can't get rid of it.

You can't rip it away.

You can't force it.

It just gets bigger and bigger and then it's obsolete.

Your self energy is no more you than the window here.

It's there.

But you don't need to worry about it.

So awareness and connecting,

Surrendering your will.

There's also one final piece to awareness and connection and that's patience.

And all of you in these rooms know about patience.

You can't rush sobriety.

You can't rush awakening.

You can't rush parenting.

And if there was only one thing you had,

And the polyword is kanti,

It's be half patience.

Like I said,

Be willing to do this forever.

Why not?

Be willing to be the only person on the face of the earth that's sober or meditating.

Be willing.

Why not?

And patience is a beautiful practice in and of itself with our mind,

Our heart,

All the ways our crazy thinking tries to get us to pick up our substance.

I had a friend,

I have been living on Hawaii,

And he has a kite board surfer and there are these big kites attached to surfboards and windsurfing type things.

And he went out and he got stuck out and he had his kite board,

And all his kite string was tangled into this five-foot ball,

As tall as I was.

And he was like,

Oh my God,

I can't,

I don't know why I'm going to have to throw away this kite.

So I said,

I'll work on it.

So for five hours I just sat with it and felt it.

And something loosened up here,

And then I sat with it,

Went and peed,

Came back,

Something else loosened up here,

Then it got tighter,

And that's what we're doing.

The patience to untangle this huge tangle of our trauma and our self and where we got twisted,

Where we're free,

And we just,

It's that willingness to ask for help.

God,

I can't figure out where this tangle is.

And then you relax and there it is.

And I knew what was really cool about it,

I knew these strings were not tangled to begin with,

And there's no knots here,

And no one's cut them and you know,

Knot them.

So I knew eventually it would go back to its true nature.

If I sat with it long enough,

I'd find the way back to this natural state of this kite that wasn't tangled.

And more and more in my 35 years of practice,

I've really found that to be true.

I don't have to worry how long it takes,

How messy it is,

How crazy it is.

If you just stay with this vision that you were a child of God in the beginning,

You weren't using substances in the beginning,

You naturally knew how to just play.

Meditation kind of forces us to just play inside and get quiet.

Kids know about being quiet.

They can do it.

I guarantee if you sit with that ball of self-energy,

I guarantee it will untangle.

Just don't give up.

Don't give up.

Just like they say in here,

Keep coming back.

It works if you work it,

And you're worth it.

Don't give up.

The last thing to say is we come back to that two-year-old,

Right?

And we uncomplicate things.

And all the years we've been looking for the higher power enlightenment or Buddha nature out there,

Right?

And you all know this.

You find it on the inside.

The higher power,

The Buddha,

They're all on the inside.

The outside journey comes inward.

And then here we are.

And then the whole world is here.

And then our life,

Our will,

Our practice,

Our sobriety is here to benefit all beings.

And we become a living prayer,

An example of true nature.

And be willing to do it imperfectly because life's about imperfection.

Awareness,

Connection,

Patience.

That's it for a minute.

Thank you for listening.

To learn how you can support the teachers and Dharma Seed,

Please visit dharmaseed.

Org slash donate.

Reviews

This was really helpful for me to hear this morning. I have a rather large bag of potatoes, that I'm lugging around daily, but I'm not giving up. Thank you.🙏🏻

That was lovely. I started my day with this. I need to focus. Ok. How? Hold hands with HP. TY

Absolutely deLIGHTful, informative AND inSIGHTful! What a pleasure to find this helpful perspective.

I, by the grace of a power greater than myself, have been addressing my compulsivities, my self centeredness, selfishness & self will, following the precise directions offered by the RECOVERED 100, pgs 1-103, www.aa.org, “Alcoholic’s Anonymous” text, www.aa.org since 1985, addressing debting since 2015 and www.oahop.org since 2017. What a gift to find this supportive perspective in 2024! www.gratefulness.org, ahimsa, www.compassioncourse.org

“Love is giving up self will (“SONG of the SUN”, Session 5, CDs, Rumi explorations, www.AndrewHarvey.net)”.

Fear is self will regarding the future. ResentmentS are self will regarding the past.

Self Pity and depression are frequently indicative of self will in this present moment.

Thought provoking. I’m not a Buddhist but find Buddhist thinking inspiring

The 4 noble truths + the noble eightfold path = 12steps

Awareness, connection and patience...thank you so much for synthesizing a powerful action framework for recovery 🙏.

Absolutely beautiful and informative. I plan on listening again and again. Thank you!

As a person in launcher recovery, 34 years, I really appreciate this talk which helps me connect my practice in both the 12 step program and Buddhism. Well done! Thank you!

Can you be my sponsor?!!! 😍 That was a wonderful talk.

Beautiful. Never give up!!!!!🕉🕉🕉💜💜💜

So very helpful for me.

Helpful and interesting thoughts on Buddhism, awareness ans self