Welcome back to Soft Talks where we discuss the hardest topics with the softest approach.
I'm Alonia and if you're new here this is the series where we don't bypass the hard stuff.
We face it and then we find soft ways to move through it.
Today we're talking about something that torments trauma survivors but rarely gets discussed openly.
Intrusive thoughts.
If you have disturbing thoughts that pop into your mind without warning.
Thoughts about harm,
Danger,
Death,
Or disaster.
Thoughts that scare you because you don't understand why you're having them.
You're not alone and you're not going crazy.
Today on Soft Talks we're discussing intrusive thoughts after trauma.
The thoughts that feel like they come out of nowhere.
The thoughts that make you question your sanity.
The thoughts that terrify you.
We're going to talk about what they are,
Why trauma survivors have them,
And I'm going to give you five soft ways to work with them.
Because these thoughts,
They're not random.
They're part of your trauma response and there are gentle ways to find peace with them.
Let's start by naming what intrusive thoughts actually are.
Intrusive thoughts are unwanted distressing thoughts or images that pop into your mind without your control.
For trauma survivors they might look like thoughts about harm,
Imagining yourself or loved ones getting hurt.
Visualizing accidents or violence.
Fears of harming yourself or others even though you would never act on them.
Repetitive traumatic memories such as flashbacks to the trauma replaying over and over.
Obsessing over details.
What if I had done this differently?
Analyzing the trauma constantly.
Catastrophic thinking.
Constant worry that something terrible will happen.
Imagining the worst-case scenarios on repeat.
Believing danger is always imminent.
Disturbing sexual thoughts.
Unwanted sexual images especially after sexual trauma.
Intrusive thoughts about being violated again.
Sexual thoughts that feel wrong or shameful.
Dark what-if scenarios.
What if I lose control?
What if I hurt someone?
What if something happened to my child?
Here's what makes these thoughts so distressing.
They feel like they're coming from you.
Like they mean something about who you are.
You think why am I thinking this?
Does this mean I'm dangerous?
Does this mean I'm broken?
Am I going crazy?
But here's the truth.
Intrusive thoughts are not your thoughts.
They're your trauma's thoughts.
They're your nervous system on high alert constantly scanning for danger.
Trying to keep you safe.
Let me explain why this happens.
When you experience trauma your nervous system gets stuck in threat mode.
Your brain's job is to keep you safe and after trauma your brain believes danger can happen at any moment.
I need to be prepared.
So your brain starts scanning for threats constantly.
Looking for danger everywhere.
Trying to predict what could go wrong.
Replaying the trauma.
Trying to figure out how to prevent it from happening again.
Analyzing every detail.
Imagining the worst-case scenarios.
Preparing you for the next bad thing.
Trying to control the uncontrollable.
This is why intrusive thoughts happen after trauma.
Your brain is trying to protect you by keeping you hyper vigilant.
By making you think about all the ways things could go wrong.
By preparing you for danger.
But here's the problem.
This hyper vigilance feels like torture.
The intrusive thoughts are very exhausting.
They make you feel out of control.
They make you believe that you are broken.
But you're not broken.
Your nervous system is doing what it thinks it needs to do to keep you safe.
The intrusive thoughts are a symptom of a dysregulated nervous system.
Not a reflection of who you are or what you may want.
You are not your intrusive thoughts.
You are the person being tormented by them.
I want to validate something really important.
Having intrusive thoughts does not make you a bad person.
Having violent intrusive thoughts doesn't mean that you are violent.
Having sexual intrusive thoughts doesn't mean you're perverse.
Having thoughts about harm does not mean you'll harm anyone.
The very fact that these thoughts distress you proves you would never act on them.
Dangerous people don't worry about their thoughts.
They don't feel guilt or shame.
They act on their impulses without remorse.
You?
You're terrified of these thoughts.
You're questioning yourself.
You're seeking help.
That's not a dangerous person.
That's a traumatized person trying to heal.
So first release the shame.
Your intrusive thoughts don't define you.
They're a trauma symptom.
Now let's talk about five soft ways to work with intrusive thoughts.
Tip number one.
Name them as intrusive thoughts,
Not your thoughts.
The first soft tip is simple but powerful.
Stop saying I am thinking and start saying I'm having an intrusive thought about and name that thought.
Language matters.
When you say I'm thinking about something terrible happening to my child it feels like your thought.
Like it's coming from you.
But when you say I'm having an intrusive thought about something terrible happening to my child you create distance.
You're naming it for what it is,
An unwanted thought that your trauma brain is generating.
So practice this.
Not I want to hurt myself but I'm having an intrusive thought about self-harm.
Not I'm thinking about the abuse but I'm having an intrusive thought,
A flashback to the trauma.
Not what if I hurt someone but maybe I'm having an intrusive thought about what if this thought is driven by hyper-vigilance.
This reframe helps you understand that these thoughts are happening to you not from you.
You're not generating them intentionally.
Your nervous system is generating them as a trauma response.
This one shift naming them correctly can reduce so much shame.
Tip number two.
Practice the observe and let pass technique.
When an intrusive thought comes your instinct is probably to fight it.
No don't think that.
Analyze it.
Why am I thinking this?
What what does this even mean?
Shame yourself.
I'm terrible for thinking this.
But all of these responses give the thought more power.
Instead practice this.
Observe and let it pass.
When an intrusive thought comes notice it.
There's an intrusive thought.
Don't engage with it.
Don't analyze it.
Don't fight it.
Don't shame yourself for it.
Label it neutrally.
That's my trauma brain.
That's my nervous system on high alert.
Let it pass you like a cloud.
Imagine the thought as a cloud passing through the sky of your mind.
It comes.
It goes.
You don't have to grab onto it.
Return to the present.
Bring your attention back to your body,
Your breath,
The room around you.
The thought will come.
Let it and let it go.
The more that you practice this the less power intrusive thoughts have.
You're teaching your brain this is just a thought.
It's not a threat.
It's not true.
It's just trauma noise.
Over time the thoughts lose their intensity because you stop feeding them with fear and attention.
Tip number three.
Regulate your nervous system daily.
Intrusive thoughts get worse when your nervous system is dysregulated.
When you're stressed out,
Anxious,
Tired,
Or triggered your brain goes into overdrive.
The intrusive thoughts multiply.
So one of the softest most effective things you can do is regulate your nervous system daily.
Not just when the intrusive thoughts are bad every day.
Preventatively.
Daily daily nervous system regulation practices every single day such as breath work,
Box breathing,
Inhaling for a count of four,
Holding for a count of four,
Exhaling for a count of four,
Holding again at the end of the exhale for a count of four.
This signals safety to your nervous system.
You can also practice grounding.
5-4-3-2-1 technique.
Name five things you see,
Four you hear,
Three you can touch,
Two you can smell,
One you can taste.
This practice brings you to the present moment and grounds you in that moment.
You may also try movement.
Gentle yoga,
Walking,
Shaking,
Stretching moves trauma energy out of your body.
I love drumming.
You know moving with drumming.
Also different forms of yoga,
Restorative yoga,
Yin yoga,
Embodiment practices are very important for moving out energy.
Cold water.
Splash cold water on your face.
This activates the vagus nerve and calms your system.
And when you're going through anxiety,
Panic,
Attack,
They always say to grab something cold.
Cold water,
Drink it,
Ice,
Put it on you,
Take a cold bath.
This definitely helps to activate the vagus nerve and calm your system.
Safe touch.
Place your hand on your heart.
Hug yourself.
Gentle massage.
I love giving myself gentle massages.
It tells your body that you are safe.
Sound,
Humming,
Singing,
Toning.
Vibration soothes the nervous system.
When your nervous system is regulated,
Intrusive thoughts decrease naturally because your brain is not in constant threat mode anymore.
It can relax and when it relaxes,
It stops generating danger scenarios.
Tip number four,
Create a thought dumping ritual.
Sometimes intrusive thoughts need somewhere to go.
They need to be externalized.
So create a thought dumping ritual.
Get a journal specifically for intrusive thoughts,
Not your regular journal,
A separate one.
When intrusive thoughts are overwhelming to you,
Write them all down.
Every disturbing thought,
Every disturbing detail,
Every what-if,
Every fear,
Every flashback.
Don't censor.
Just dump them onto the page.
Don't analyze them.
You're not trying to understand them or make sense of them.
You're just getting them out of your head and onto paper.
Close the journal.
Put it away.
You can even keep it in a drawer or a box somewhere contained.
The act of externalizing the thoughts reduces their power.
When they're swirling in your head,
They feel huge and consuming.
When they're on paper,
They're just words.
They're contained.
They're outside of you.
You can also destroy these pages if you want.
Some people burn them.
Some people choose to rip them up.
Maybe bury them.
The destruction can be part of the release.
This ritual says that these thoughts do not live in me.
They are separate from me and I can release them now.
Do this as often as you need.
Daily,
Weekly,
Monthly,
Whenever the intrusive thoughts are too much.
Tip number five.
Work with a somatic therapist or EMDR.
Here is the softest truth I can give you about intrusive thoughts.
You don't have to manage them alone forever.
If intrusive thoughts are significantly impacting your life and if you're spending hours a day consumed by them,
If they're keeping you from functioning,
It's time to get professional support.
Specifically,
Consider EMDR,
Which is eye movement desensitization and reprocessing.
This therapy is really effective for trauma.
It helps your brain reprocess traumatic memories so they're no longer triggering intrusive thoughts and flashbacks.
Many trauma survivors find that after EMDR,
Their intrusive thoughts significantly decrease or stop altogether.
You may also try somatic therapy.
A somatic therapist helps you work with trauma stored in your body.
Intrusive thoughts are often your body's ways of saying,
I'm still holding this trauma.
Somatic therapy helps release that stored trauma,
Which in turn reduces intrusive thoughts.
You may also try or seek a trauma-informed therapist.
Look for someone who specializes in PDSD,
Complex trauma,
Or OCD with intrusive thoughts.
Not all therapists understand the difference between intrusive thoughts from trauma versus intrusive thoughts from OCD,
For example.
So find someone who gets it.
Find someone who gets you.
You're not failing if you need professional help.
You're not weak.
You're not broken.
You're doing the brave thing,
Getting support for something that is torturing you.
Intrusive thoughts are trauma and they are treatable.
With the right support,
Of course,
They can lessen significantly for you or even stop.
Soft tip number five is this.
Don't carry this alone.
Reach out for professional support.
If you're being tormented by intrusive thoughts,
Thoughts that scare you,
Thoughts that make you question your sanity,
Thoughts that feel really unbearable,
Please hear me out.
You're not crazy.
You're not dangerous.
You're not broken.
You're experiencing a trauma symptom and there are ways to find peace.
The five soft ways to work with intrusive thoughts are to name them as intrusive thoughts,
Not your thoughts.
Practice,
Observe,
And let pass.
Regulate your nervous system daily.
Create a thought dumping ritual.
Work with a somatic therapist or EMDR professional.
Your intrusive thoughts are not you.
They're trauma noise and you can learn to quiet down that noise.
If you need support with trauma healing,
I hold space for this in my circles and in my soft hearts society.
Intrusive thoughts are welcome to be named here without shame.
Thank you for being here and thank you for facing the hard stuff with me.
This is Soft Talks and I'll see you in the next episode.
Until then,
May you find peace from the thoughts that torment you.
