Connection Before Correction- Overcoming Criticism

Connection before Correction. Habit of criticism eats up relationships creating a lot of resentment, distrust & heartbreak. In this podcast, you will learn- How to handle criticism when you are on the receiving end. How to change your habit of criticising others and yourself.

Transcript

So what is criticism? Criticism is basically pointing out a person's negative traits or any behaviour with the intent of either trying to improve them or to put them down in any way. Criticism never really helps us in achieving anything that we intend to. Many times we think that we are trying to give the other person feedback. We are trying to improve them. We are trying to help them be a better person. But the flawed part of criticism is that it works on devaluing the other person. And nobody likes to be devalued. Nobody likes to be put down. It immediately makes us feel unhappy and bad about ourselves. And instead of that, If you notice, There are better ways to put across things to a person. So it's one of the ways is called the sandwich method. So in sandwich method, You first say something positive about the person, Then give any suggestion. So there's a difference between criticism and suggestion. Suggestion is positively worded and not filled with any negative emotional charge. So in the sandwich method, First you give a positive feedback about something good about them. Then you give a suggestion that maybe this could be a better way of doing things. So suggestion is and feedback is very solution oriented. And the intent of it is not to pull down, It is to pull up and then end it again with a positive feedback. So that is what we call the sandwich method. And when you start using this in your life, You will feel a great amount of difference in everything in your relationships at work at home, Because everyone loves to be appreciated. Everyone loves to feel being praised or the kindness. So when you appreciate people, They become more open to grow to evolve, And to be able to listen to you. So try this and see what difference it makes in your life. And another thing that happens with criticism is there are two kinds of response that a person can come up with. So either the person becomes very rebellious and becomes very defensive, Immediately refuting everything so that nothing can build it. So normally these defense systems they build over a long period of time. If a person has been criticized a lot as a child, They learn to put a wall around them as a defense system, So that it doesn't affect them, It doesn't hurt them that much. So that is one category of people becoming defensive. And the second category is the person who actually internalize everything that is said to them and they get broken from inside, They feel debilitated and hurt and saddened and they shrink from inside. So these are the two ways in which it affects people. So neither of them are actually good. When you become rebellious and put a wall in front of you, There is side effect to that as well. Because now you have completely shut yourself any kind of feedback or suggestions. You are stuck in only what you can realize. And many times we're so close to ourselves that we can't see what we need to be doing instead of what are better ways to be. And when we constantly refute outside suggestions or feedbacks or opinions, Just because we're protecting ourselves, We tend to keep making same mistakes again and again in our lives. So there's a lot of value as well in a suggestion in feedbacks. And the second category of people who accept this and shrinking. So we need to understand that first of all, That each criticizer, When in a moment when they come from a lot of negative and emotional charge, They create, They're coming a lot from their own history as well. They're coming a lot from their own past as well. So everything that they say is not necessarily about me. It is also to a great extent about something that is going on in their life, Some burden, Some stress that they're carrying in life. So it's not necessary that we internalize and believe everything that a person says. So be very objective to what you accept when others are saying or giving something. So rather than taking the emotional charge from anyone, Just take the feedback or the suggestions and just remove the emotional charge. That is what makes us feel discomfort, Uncomfortable, Or angry or rejected or all those emotions. When you take out the emotion from it, It's just a feedback. And which can help us if we wish to accept it, It will help us grow. And if we feel it's not warranted or it's not appropriate, Then we can just listen from one ear and let it go from the other.