Fear And Doubt

Examine fear and doubt; learn from everything. A 44 year old Ajahn Sumedho at London's Hampstead Vihara in the earliest days of the Forest Sangha in England.

Transcript

Dealing with the hindrances that arise in our meditation, Fear and doubt, Probably the most difficult to deal with. And once you can see clearly the characteristics of fear and doubt and no longer identify with them, Then of course, You know the excellent path, You become aware of the middle way. Fear is something that people generally tend to try to get away from but it arises from not knowing, Not understanding and from identifying with all kinds of memories and perceptions, Images and thoughts. So we become aware in the present moment of fear as it arises from all kinds of thoughts, Doubts, All these rather nebulous things. If we're afraid of something directly like a man eating tigers attacking, That's one kind of fear. But then the fear, That kind of nameless state of anxiety, Terror, It seems groundless or with no definite thing in mind. We just don't know what will happen, What will happen when we die or what will happen tomorrow. We're afraid that there's something, That we are something, That we don't think we should be, That some disaster, Catastrophe is going to overwhelm us or that there's all kinds of horrible, Fearful things lurking inside us that will come out in appropriate times and overwhelm us. But as we practice, We become aware that those are only conceptions, Views, Opinions, Memories, Imaginings. Because we bring awareness always into the present moment, Establish our awareness from one moment to the next, Constant, Continuous awareness. So as long as we identify and conceive ourselves as being a person, Identifying with our memories, Concepts we have of what we should or shouldn't be and what we think we are or we aren't, Then we're always going to be limited by those concepts. And that limitation always leaves out that feeling of joy, That freedom of having no self, Of not being anybody. So when fear arises in you, It's something to welcome, Rather than despise or feel aversion toward. If there's fear, Doubt, Doubt, Not knowing for sure, Doubt about who you are, About what you should be, Doubt about your practice, Doubt about meditation, About Buddhism, About the right technique or the right way, Doubt about anything. That state of not knowing, Not being sure, Arises and passes away. This we can know when we watch, When we have awareness, We can see clearly the present moment, Whatever might be there or not there. Every single opinion and viewpoint that you have about yourself and the universe see as a nitya tukka natta rather than as reality. The constant reflection on this within yourself, These identities with fear, With doubt, With anger, With lust, With stupidity, Always causes a tremendous amount of anguish and despair in our lives. Some people spend their whole lives in a state of depression. Why? How can they do that? Because they've never reflected, They've never stopped and said, Who am I in this present moment? Is this the reality, This moving thought, This doubt, This self-disparagement, Self-hatred, Fear? But as meditators we confront, Face, Look at, Welcome, Accept things as they are. Acceptance of fear takes all the power out of fear. Fear only has power over us when we remain ignorant and react blindly to it. We give it power by creating it, Adding to it, Seasoning it with more thoughts, More views, More opinion. When I say reflect or contemplate, This means to stop and look at, Like one stands back and looks at something. Anger, Aversion, When that arises, What does that do? What does it feel like when you're angry? What does it do to your body, Have you really investigated? When you're bored, You investigated boredom, You know what boredom is, What does it do to you? Restlessness, What does that feel like when you look at your body when you're feeling restless, Worried, Anxious, Sorrowful? Or do you just blindly indulge and react, Repress, Reject or follow? Stop that. One who walks in the middle is always welcoming the teachers that are teaching because everything is teaching that. You're not saying I only want these teachers and I don't want those, I only want the Arahants to teach me, I want all the good and wise to pure. I don't want any of the stupid and dirty, Ignorant kind of teachers. This means you've taken sides with that which is pure and good against that which is stupid and dirty. So you'll find a certain kind of despair and sorrow and anguish entering your life because the more you cling to the pure and the good, The more you'll feel threatened by its opposite. But on the middle path, The middle way, You don't make preferences, You just observe. Since you don't identify with any of it, You're not going to suffer from it. Whether it be good, Peaceful, Wonderful, Fine, Clean or visible, Stupid, Dirty, Ugly, Boredom, Restlessness, Fear and doubt, Sleepiness, Dullness, Lust, Greed, Worry, Anxiety, All these things begin to think they're not mine, They don't belong to me, They just come and they go. You say, I don't want them to come anymore, You're again taking sides. I don't want those negative things in me, I want them to go away. That's another kind of desire. Desire does not have the things that you've got already. But with the attitude of acceptance, One accepts things and learns from moment to moment to moment. Learning from the high, From the low, From the mean, From the brilliant, The refined, The coarse. Because what do all these things teach? What are they teaching us? They're teaching us the simple truth of existence that all compounded things are impermanent. They're unsatisfactory and they're not ours, They're not me, They're not mine. With the practice of metta, Or loving kindness, This is a way of acceptance. Metta practice is always the acceptance of things as they are. So when we accept things as they are, As the things come and go through our consciousness, This is the metta practice also, Of seeing them come and seeing them go. Acceptance of them, Not saying, I don't want you to go away, Or I want you, I want to keep you. Lust or infatuation, To grab hold of our goodness, Our refinement, And say, This I want to keep for me, This is what I want to be, I want to be like this, This refined, Wonderful, Beautiful creature. Or the rejection, I shouldn't be, I shouldn't have such horrible thoughts, I shouldn't have such rotten inclinations. I must get rid of these horrible thoughts and things. But with the metta directed inward, There comes equanimity, Acceptance, Balance, Coolness. It's the bare tension observing the changing phenomena, Neither glad at its beauty nor miserable at its ugliness. Can you, Any of you accept every single thought, Doubt, Fear, Opinion, View, Memory, Just as it is? Accept it, Welcome it, Observe it as change, Rather than picking, Choosing, Fidgeting, Rushing around trying to make it go away or keep it, Wondering what we're supposed to do next? Or can you just patiently endure watching, Letting things be as they are, Letting the universe be as it is, Not thinking or indulging in thinking about what, How you should be or how the universe should be. And you just sit, Walk, Stand or lay down and let the universe be as it is. That means your own mind. The conditions that come and go. That takes awareness to be able to do that, Mindfulness. As soon as we are heedless, Then we start identifying with the changing phenomena. This identity means we cling, We identify with hatred, Identify with greed, Identify with sleepiness, Identify with pain, Identify with pleasure, Identify with love, With hate. But when we no longer identify with it, That doesn't mean we're rejecting, It just means we know it's true nature. Beyond all these changing things, Phenomena is that which is perfect, Complete, Which we can never become but only be. And we're only being perfect when we are aware. Because when there's awareness, Then we're beyond all the myriad discriminations, Differences, That we have habitually, For how many lifetimes identified with. We talk about oneness. With awareness, We don't see each other as this person, That person. With awareness, There's no room for quarreling or conflict or war or persecution or exploitation. With heedlessness, And that's identifying with the changing phenomena, All the compounded things that we perceive through our senses, There's an endless opportunity for conflict, Confusion, War, Quarreling, Enmity, Hatred, Exploitation. The sensual consciousness is always seeing things from the senses and identifying with the senses, The objects of sense. For example, Your eye. These are my eyes. And what I see with my eyes, Some things I call them mine. I say the clothes I'm wearing, These are my clothes. My house, My car, My wife, My children, My cat, My dog, My radio. We identify with the sounds we hear, With the tastes, Smells. We identify with physical pain or pleasure. We identify with desire, With boredom, With hatred. Identify with memories. Identify with our hopes and expectations, Our ambitions. And it goes on and on, Always changing. But above that identification with changing phenomena, When one stands outside it, Looking at it, Is there any difference between you and I? Is there any room for conflict? Is there any room for quibbling, For quarreling, For war, For exploitation? So by being wise, It means being aware from one moment to the next. And this of course is why we're here, In this practice of Buddhist meditation. Not sitting here in order to attain something, Sitting here for an hour to attain some kind of thing that we think we'd like to identify with, Which is peace or tranquility. But sitting here being wise. And the doubt comes in, What? What do you mean being wise? I'm not wise. There'll be years yet before there's any wisdom in me of hard work, Sitting for hours every day, Conquering all the chalices, Fighting Mara, Combating the devil, All my evil tendencies. And you listen, Listen to all that. Your doubts. By listening, By acceptance, This is called being wise. Being wise, Trying to be wise, Can you try to be wise? I'm going to sit here and try to be wise for an hour. So you preconceive wisdom and yourself and trying, Of course you get all mixed up. The difference between being and trying to be, Trying to be is a conception. Trying to be mindful. I shall try to be mindful for the next five minutes. You've created five minutes as a conception and mindfulness and trying. You've created a whole series of things that you identify with and hope and expect. So without conceiving mindfulness, Or five minutes, Time and space or whatever, Be. What is the moment right now? Do you know who you are? Do you know what's going on, What's going through your consciousness? Or are you trying to find something? Is there something there that should be going on? Are you doubting and wondering, I wonder what is going on right now? Should it be this or should it be that? I don't know what he means. It's all so confusing. One of the biggest obstacles to meditation is having a concept about meditation, Making a preference. Doubting, Wondering if you're doing it right or how long it will take before you're enlightened. Having opinions that there's something you should do before you do something else. So by being wise you just watch all that. I mean it's all right to have those opinions and views, Concepts. Don't think that you shouldn't have them. But just know they're in the true nature. See things as they are in the present moment. Anicet du carinata. Also I want to suggest that people come in here. It's nice on occasion to bring candles, Incense and flowers as offerings. This is a tradition, Ceremony, Something that is good to do to make an offering. Part of our devotional practices in Buddhism is using our bodies and using our conventions. It's an act of devotion, Of worship, Of gratitude, Of love to the teacher, The Buddha, The one who knows, The wise one. The wise one is in me. That's another concept. But for a beautiful behavior, For harmonious living, We learn to use the body in a harmonious and beautiful way. Graceful actions, Generous movements. The body is one way. I come to this Vihara to get something, Rather than saying I come to the Vihara to give. I actually physically give something. Bowing. This is another. Putting one's head down, Learning how to bow mindfully. Surrendering oneself physically, Giving oneself. In the act of bowing, It's saying I'm not aggressive. I'm not here to get anything. I'm here to listen. I'm open. I'm not shut off or closed. I'm not proud or arrogant. Because if you get proud that you bow so well, Or if you start hating people, It don't bow. This is an act of devotion. Devotion is opening of the heart, The emotion. Not intellectual. What is the, How much do I gain from bowing? You can try to figure out its advantages or disadvantages, Whether it's the real done or it's necessary or unnecessary. But any opinion in view that you have of it, It's just another opinion in view. It's something that is done or not done. Giving or not giving. But heedlessness is always this rationalization, This justification, This wanting to criticize, Analyze or find reasons for doing or not doing something. But in our lives, If we live our lives in wisdom, Then we do or not do. With awareness we know what to do, The generous, The beautiful, The kind, The things we act on. The impulses, Spontaneous good actions are done through awareness. Through seeing and understanding time and place. Awareness of not doing wrong impulses, Selfish impulses, Evil impulses, We do not act on, We do not act with physical action or speech. Things that cause harm, That cause pain and sensitive things that hurt ourselves or the beings around us. Chanting, What are you with? Is this a valuable thing or is it useless or is it something one should do or one shouldn't do? If you have a doubt about it, Do it. Don't do it. What goes on, Do you know? You have to find reasons or justifications, You have to be convinced, You have to be forced. Are you taking a stand and saying I'm not going to do it or I'm going to do it? Some people always say, Oh chanting reminds me of my Christian background and all those awful things that the Roman Catholics used to do to me. Blind devotion and rites and rituals and ceremonies. This is taking a stand. Can you mindfully participate in a ceremony or are you going to reject it because you think you'll stand against it? Can you give yourself to a ceremony, To a tradition or are you going to say I'll only go so far and then stop? Is it like the monastic life? Can you give yourself to the monastic life? Well there's going to be reservations. I'll go so far and then I don't know. Meditation, I'll go so far and then maybe. I want life on my terms and always with the bridges there so I can run back across them if I don't like what's ahead of me. This is of course the samsara, Aimless wandering. But in the practice of awareness, Mindfulness, It's always the present moment, Complete involvement, Complete surrender, Acceptance. And that's liberation, Freedom. The other where the doubt, The rationalizations, Justifications, Reservations come. And then there's always a myriad complexity that are going to pull this way, That way, Confuse us. So I offer this for your reflection for the evening. Saturday we'll be in Vermena, In the Buller Rebellion Center, Is having a Waisak festival. But Jerry, Anagarika Jerry will be here too. Vprof

Reviews

🙏🙏🙏

A useful lecture giving the Buddhist perspective on fear, doubt, and other conceptions of the mind. Not a meditation.

Sadhu sadhu sadhu anumodami

Reflection...teachers abound and all around the good and the ugly...acceptance...

Thank you for this fruitful meditation! Namaste

No doubt an excellent dhamma talk.
Sadhu Sadhu