Jealousy & Envy | 9 Jun 2023

When there is a “self”—a me and mine, them and theirs—we regularly meet with the three fires of greed, hatred and delusion in our daily lives. Sometimes there is jealousy or hostility and these are fires in our hearts…desire to gain, to be better, to out do others, being envious, all make the heart agitated and restless. In the world of conventions, we are competing and the mind is deluded with conventional reality.

That is suffering.

So we have to train our hearts and minds not to be pleased or displeased. This is the way to see the Dhamma…

Transcript

When we have wealth,

Have gain,

Have fame,

Have people praise us,

We will have happiness arise.

But these things are worldly dhammas,

Conditions that have arisen.

It is the worldly conditions of the good side,

The worldly conditions of the side of happiness.

But there are also the worldly conditions of suffering as well.

For example,

We have wealth.

We think that we have money and we are at ease.

Then one day we get scammed by a call center operation and we lose everything.

We don't want to live anymore.

It is great suffering.

And we are now in debt.

Or we have a car and it is subject to change,

Because we use the roads together with many other people.

And when the laws are not that strict,

Many vehicles get damaged and many people lose their lives.

So it's not that we have something and then we will have happiness forever onwards.

But it is a cause for suffering to arise.

Even just small little things that we have upadana attachment to.

If we attach to it and it disappears,

We then have suffering arise.

Can we see this?

It's not like we will have only happiness forever onwards.

Being born into the world,

We need to experience happiness and suffering.

We gain wealth and we get happy.

We lose that wealth and we get sad.

We have fame and status.

We are happy.

We lose fame and status.

We suffer.

People praise us and flock to our high status.

But it is only if we have dhamma that we can lift up our minds to be higher and more superior than all these worldly conditions.

So we need to contemplate about the worldly conditions of gain,

Status,

Praise,

Happiness,

Loss of wealth,

Loss of status,

Criticism,

Suffering.

We are pears.

So we need to look after our minds well.

We need to train in it.

Can we see that these days the world has developed and advanced a lot?

We receive a lot of news and information.

Before in the past,

People would live in their own villages and be close to those in their neighbourhood.

They would walk to get to them and would then know about the news and what was going on.

But these days,

We know the news of the whole world.

We can live anywhere in Thailand or anywhere around the world,

And we can know all of what other people in the world are doing.

And so we take a look that when we know this,

Is our mind peaceful?

When we know all of this,

Is the mind more chaotic than before?

Does our envy and jealousy multiply or not?

If it is someone who is heavy on the competitive side,

They like to fight and compete and can't give in to anyone.

Being someone whose character is heavy with anger,

They may see someone getting good things and they aren't pleased.

So what does one get jealous of?

If it was in the past,

It was towards farming and agriculture.

But these days,

There is competition on the level of the world,

Competing in possessing vehicles.

Before it was easy,

There were carts and buffalo to pull,

Maybe an elephant to do work.

But the people would compete just if this person has it and that person doesn't have it.

So only to a small extent.

But outside of these things,

It was pretty much the same between people.

There wasn't too much difference in societies,

Especially in the rural areas.

The places that were far from development,

It wasn't too different.

And they could live together well.

There was little concern about this,

And little envy and jealousy.

But later on,

There were in the industrial era,

Factories.

And one person walks a lot,

One person walks a little.

They have a higher position.

Or being in kindergarten,

One needs to learn and compete with others.

If they don't compete,

They may fall a grade.

And in sport,

They need to compete.

People born need to compete in education.

They keep competing till the end of their life.

So what to do about this envy and jealousy arising?

The Dhamma word for this is Issa Macharya.

Issa.

Jealousy.

It is a condition that is absorbed in dosa,

Anger and ill-will.

The word Macharya is envy that has arisen towards the wealth of others.

It is not money.

It might be that others receive respect,

Gains,

Homage.

They receive good things.

And it is a feeling of alienation and wanting to receive some of that as well.

They feel envious.

We want to be someone big as well.

So the quality of delusion has come in already.

The feeling of me and mine.

We want to be someone who receives respect and reverence like that.

It's the mental defilements that can instruct our minds.

It is a condition that is absorbed in being displeased.

And if they die in that state,

It would be bad for them too.

Like Devadatta.

He had the mood of anger,

Ill-will,

Cruelty arise,

Being envious and jealous towards the Sama Sambuddha,

The perfectly self-awakened Buddha.

And this had been for many lifetimes and existences already,

Starting since the life that he was a merchant who bought and sold second-hand goods,

Until he ended up spitting out blood and died.

And this was so even in one life being the king in Varanasi city,

Where he probably would have had a lot of comfort.

He would have had wealth,

Gold,

And the king's retinue.

So he should have been comfortable having all things.

But oh,

The Buddha gave a dumb talk.

While the king was sleeping,

The king's retinue went off to listen to the Buddha's teaching.

And so the king was furious.

And the Buddha,

Who in that life was a renunciant,

And he praised kanti,

Forbearance.

So the king harmed the Buddha,

Cutting off his nose,

Cutting off his tongue,

Cutting his ears,

Cutting his arms,

Cutting his legs,

Until the Buddha lost his life.

But the karma gave results that Devadatta,

Who in that life was the king,

Died instantly.

The flesh,

Skins,

Bones came straight off.

So this is an example.

And we can see that this bad quality is very dangerous.

So there are those who have wealth and receive respect.

They are born in a family of high status and receive respect from all the people.

But they needed to have built baromi,

Spiritual qualities already.

It's not that they have no baromi at all,

And they will get all of that.

Those who have humbleness,

Homage,

And respect,

They will inevitably be born in a family with a high status.

Having dana,

Generosity,

One will inevitably have abundance and completeness.

They'll have rank,

A high position,

And be someone who is respectful to those who have power and spiritual development from their past lives.

So they will have built this before.

And they will be someone who has mudita,

Rejoicing with those who receive goodness.

So the dhamma that needs to fight against envy is mudita,

Gladness.

It makes our mind be more tender and sympathetic.

And in regards to samadhi,

Concentration,

We need to be able to enter samadhi and have rapture arise.

When rapture arises,

It will be able to restrain down the anger,

Ill-will,

And envy and jealousy.

With small amounts of rapture,

With the momentary khanika samadhi,

It can restrain it already.

The mood of envy can't arise.

And more so if it is access,

Upajjara samadhi,

And having rapture.

Then it's even easier to restrain.

There is no envy or jealousy to anyone.

Why is this?

Because we have an inner wealth already.

Those who have in this world,

That is an exterior wealth.

They have wealth,

Rank,

Praise,

Pleasure.

They have people's respect and homage.

But we are talking about inner wealth.

So can we see the importance of this?

Whoever has a lot or who has a little,

They don't get disturbed by that.

Because they have an inner wealth of theirs.

The rapture and samadhi has arisen.

And especially having high noble attainments,

Then they can let go on the highest level.

Venerable Mahakassapa did not have any envy to anyone at all.

He upheld the dutanga,

Austere practices.

He was foremost in this.

He made barami in this way.

Venerable Sivali Mahatira had many requisites.

Some of the other monks didn't have many requisites.

But they weren't jealous of Venerable Sivali at all.

Because they had inner noble attainments.

They were already noble disciples.

They were venerable arahants.

So what is important is in the mind.

If we have noble virtues in the mind,

Then we will be able to restrain envy and jealousy.

The more we can let go of the sense of self,

Then we can damage the quality of anger and jealousy a lot.

But here we understand and speak about us who can do this sometimes,

And sometimes we can't do it.

So we have to train in it.

We can be content with what we are.

We see the good aspects of what we have.

And we will have happiness.

We have a small house.

We have water,

Electricity,

A machine to cool and heat.

The house doesn't have to be that big,

But it can give shade and protect against the rain.

And that's enough.

And these days it's necessary to work and do things.

So we have one small car.

We can use it and have enough to get by.

And we can live comfortably.

So this is an example.

Can we see that the feeling that we need to make what we have as the right amount is dhamma?

We have the wealth that is dhamma.

Even if we have little exterior wealth,

But we have a lot of dhamma,

We have right view,

Then the mind is at ease.

We don't compete with anyone.

We don't look at others.

We look at ourselves.

If we want to have like what others have,

Then we need to do it.

If we want to get wealth,

Then we need to be competitive,

Have effort,

Diligence,

And be hardworking.

We have to be able to have mindfulness and wisdom,

And need to have intelligence.

We need to have diligence,

Intelligence,

And forbearance.

Like those who have attained success at this time,

It's from the ancestors and grandparents who had been diligent,

Competitive,

Had forbearance,

Had effort and determination,

Mindfulness and wisdom.

They saved money and were not spent thrifty,

Until they were able to establish themselves well and passed it down through their descendants,

Until the children and grandchildren had a strong base.

Or for those who have wisdom in this era,

They can get rich quickly,

But they must be within the boundary of sila dhamma,

Morality.

Some people get rich quickly,

But it's from cheating and tricking others.

To invest a little,

And a promise of a big payoff.

They cheat,

And in the end,

They have troubles.

This is wrong occupation,

And is not right.

Even if we don't have a lot,

But we don't harm others,

We have metta,

Goodwill,

And compassion.

We can improve our minds to be better,

And we don't compete with anyone.

So we have to train.

If we want to be born in a family with high status,

Then we just have to determine to develop a mind of mudita,

Gladness.

If we want to have spiritual growth,

Then we have to stay close with wise people.

We learn and search for knowledge,

And be able to gain success.

It is not that we are jealous of others,

And we don't do anything throughout the day.

We just sit and be jealous of others.

Sometimes we get envious of those who give alms and listen to dhamma.

Then we just sit all day,

Instead of getting merit.

But we come back and see that these things are not good.

To speak badly in various ways,

Then one just receives their bad karma.

So one receives merit,

But the other receives bad karma.

They are opposite paths in that same act of goodness.

So if we see others doing goodness,

We,

Sadhu,

I'm happy for you,

I'm so happy for you.

I am delighted that you have built goodness,

That you are giving dhana,

Keeping sila,

Meditating,

And practicing dhamma.

Our face is delighted and glowing.

So we give alms,

Sit and listen to dhamma,

And we sadhu each other.

And we get merit.

We see someone doing goodness.

We anumodhana,

Rejoice with them.

We are not envious.

We train our mind in this way,

To have metta,

Compassion,

And mudita like this.

If anyone is doing badly,

We don't make it worse.

So then we will just have growth in the dhamma.

Like the Krupa Ajahns,

The venerable elders,

Said,

Seeing others,

We see that we people aren't equal.

If we want to get it like them,

Then we have to do good just like them.

If we want to receive praise like them,

Then we need to do good like them.

Don't go just having envy and jealousy,

Covering over our mind.

So being born,

It is normal that we have greed,

Anger,

Delusion.

So we should keep training our minds continually.

Then one day we will meet with success.

The greed,

Anger,

Delusion will get lighter and less.

The envy and jealousy will get lighter and less.

And when we do have things,

And we see that those who don't have things come being jealous of us,

Then we think,

Oh,

We've been like them before.

We've been like that.

And it may be something deep within the mind.

Sometimes it may not express itself outwardly.

And especially if we know them well,

We are close neighbours,

Or we love them however much.

But deep down,

There is still a tiny hint of envy and jealousy coming up,

Right?

Like a Thai person living overseas in the West,

And they felt so jealous of the Thai people.

Why?

Because in Thailand,

They could easily come and listen to Dhamma and make merit.

I stay overseas,

So it's hard for me to invite the Sangha of monks to come.

That's what they said.

They had envy.

Envious in terms of goodness.

It was just a tiny bit.

But they would come and make merit.

But they thought that the people in Thailand had it really good.

The Buddhist people in Thailand were close to the monks and could build goodness.

If they think they want to give dharma,

They can drive 30 minutes and they get to the forest monastery already.

They said that for them to go to the monastery in the West,

They need to take a whole day off work.

This was about merit and goodness.

But they still did build merit.

So may you all try to build it.

To develop the mind.

Until our minds have happiness and peace.

May you develop the four sublime abidings to look after your minds.

Have dhana,

Sila,

Bhavana,

Meditation.

Have wisdom to look after your minds.

May you all grow in dhamma.

May you grow in blessings.

Reviews

Thank you 🙏🏼 that was very insightful!