Mindfulness For Conflicts And Fights

This almost 20-minute mindfulness meditation is designed to support you through the emotional aftermath of conflicts or fights with your partners, friends, or loved ones through an integration of somatic techniques and strategies from Dialectical Behavioral Therapy. It begins with mindful awareness of thoughts, emotions, and body sensations, offering space for acknowledgment without judgment. The practice helps safely discharge fight-or-flight energy through intentional, controlled movements and vocalizations. It then invites rest, soothing breathwork, and perspective-shifting visualizations. The meditation closes with gentle reflection and gratitude, helping you return to the present moment with a calmer, more compassionate mindset.

Transcript

Find a comfortable place to sit,

Lie down,

Or stand.

Close your eyes or soften your gaze.

Take a deep breath in through your nose and exhale slowly through your mouth.

Let yourself arrive in this moment.

Whatever happened before this,

Whatever comes after right now,

You are here and that is enough.

Begin by noticing what is present for you.

What feelings are here?

It may be frustration,

Sadness,

Anger,

Anxiety,

Or confusion.

Acknowledge them without judgment.

Just observe them.

Notice the thoughts running through your mind.

They may be replaying the conflict,

Looking for solutions,

Or justifying your side.

And allow those thoughts to just be,

Without getting swept away,

And also without pushing them away,

No matter how loud or strong these thoughts might be.

See if you can just notice the pattern your brain is making,

The thoughts that are happening.

Now shift your awareness to your body.

Where do you feel tension?

Perhaps in your chest,

Your shoulders,

Your jaws,

Or your hands,

Or maybe somewhere else.

Simply notice these sensations without trying to change them.

Breathe into them,

Allowing space for whatever arises.

And if your mind begins to ruminate and repeat some thoughts,

Gently guide your awareness back to the sensations in your body.

You can always return to your thoughts later,

But for now,

Focusing on being here with your bodily system is what we're doing.

Pay special attention to any urges for movement or vocalizations that you have in your body right now.

For example,

You might feel the urge to throw something,

To scream,

To clench your fists,

Maybe to kick.

And rather than suppressing these urges,

Allow yourself to embody them in a controlled and intentional way.

For example,

If you have the urge to throw something,

Allow your arms to tense slowly as if you're going to throw,

But without actually releasing any throwing.

And then feel the tension and contraction in your arms.

Hold this tension in your body just for a breath or two,

And then return to whatever your neutral or natural state is right now for your arms,

And check in with your body.

What comes up now?

If the urge for movement or vocalization remains,

Repeat this process,

Allowing yourself to embody this urge slowly and with intention,

Noticing the sensations in your muscles,

Your breath,

And any shifts in your body.

If you have the urge to scream,

Try a controlled vocalization.

Maybe inhale deeply and begin with a soft growl,

Building up to a fuller expression if needed.

Feel the vibrations in your throat,

The expansion of your diaphragm,

The contraction in your abdomen,

And the release of energy as the sound leaves your body.

Take a breath,

Pause,

Check in.

Does the urge persist?

If so,

Repeat slowly,

Intentionally,

Really feeling this energy coming up in your body and discharging.

By the way,

This practice can be done with any movement,

Clenching fists,

Pushing a leg into the floor if you have that urge,

Or tightening your jaw.

Whether you follow this urge with or without movement,

Allow yourself to experience each sensation fully,

And continue until you feel a noticeable decrease in the intensity of the urge.

It may not disappear entirely,

And that's okay.

The goal is to release just enough tension that you feel ready to invite rest.

So take your time here,

Allowing for those urges to kick,

To throw,

To yell,

To scream,

To push,

Or maybe even to curl in,

To manifest intentionally and slowly,

And to discharge through movement that is slow,

Intentional,

And felt.

And do this for as many cycles as you need to.

There may be new urges that arise each time,

And that's okay.

Follow what your body is telling you it needs to metabolize this energy.

Now,

If you're ready,

Bring gentle movement to your whole body.

We're going to do some progressive muscle relaxation.

We'll start by tensing your feet,

Holding for a breath or so.

And tensing your feet could look like maybe pushing your feet into the ground,

Or squeezing your toes,

However it feels like just to tense your feet.

Going for a breath or so,

Then release.

Then moving to your legs,

Tensing your legs.

Again,

Maybe tensing the muscles in your thighs and your calf muscles,

Just for a breath,

And then release.

Continue upward through your body,

Clenching through your abdomen,

Your lower abdomen,

Almost like you're doing a little bit of a sit-up perhaps,

Or you're lifting your legs up.

Clench,

And then release.

Then clenching your upper abdomen,

Clench and squeeze in,

And then release.

And then we'll move to your back,

Clenching your back.

And then feel the squeeze in your back,

And then release.

Maybe moving to your chest,

Clenching your chest as if you're hunching your shoulders in,

Allowing the tension to build there for a breath,

And then release.

Clenching your arms,

Maybe as if you're doing a curl,

Or maybe straightening your arms and feeling the tension.

However you decide is okay.

Just feel the tension in your arms.

Clenching your hands to your fists,

Squeezing,

And releasing.

Moving on to your shoulders,

Clenching your shoulders upwards towards your ears for a breath.

Let it go.

Even allow your face to tighten.

Tighten,

Tighten,

Tighten.

And then let your face and everything soften and release.

If you feel the need to stretch or walk or twist your body,

Or if there's another area of your body that you want to clench and then release,

Follow that instinct.

Tune into those sensations of movement,

The tension as you move,

And the release that follows.

Take as much time as you need here.

Take your time.

Then,

When you feel ready,

Let's invite your thoughts and emotions to rest.

If there are any replaying thoughts,

Imagine them like drifting clouds or leaves floating down a gentle river.

If your mind is fixated on finding an immediate solution,

Allow it to do so.

If that solution is coming from a place of compassion and curiosity.

Otherwise,

If you notice your mind is trying to find a solution and you still feel activated,

Visualize setting those thoughts down like stones on the ground while you continue to walk on.

You can always go back to those thoughts,

But for now,

You're allowing yourself a break from them.

So let's engage more now with the body to support this process of de-escalating and deactivating.

I invite you to bring your attention to your hands,

And if possible,

Find something cold for you to touch.

It could be a glass of water,

It could be running water,

It could be a piece of ice,

A soda can,

A cool metal surface,

Or even going outside if it's cool outside.

Feel the temperature shift.

Whenever you're ready to feel whatever it is that's cold,

Feel the temperature shift against your skin.

If you need a pause for a moment to find something cool,

You can pause here and then replay.

But if you found something cool,

Let the sensation of coolness ground you in the present.

And if it feels okay,

You can even put this cold thing,

If it's available,

Against your cheeks.

And if not,

Then you can allow the coolness just to go through your hands and then shift your hands to your face.

So allowing the coolness to transfer from your hands to your face,

Maybe your cheeks,

For example.

And we'll connect with this cool sensation for about five breaths,

Whether you're touching it with your hands or putting it on your face,

Or both.

So just for five breaths here.

So breath one,

Allow your breath to come and go naturally.

Now two,

Allow your body to feel the cold temperature on your face or through your hands.

Just feel it.

Three,

Maybe you feel the coolness absorbing into your body.

Four,

Just continue inhaling and exhaling naturally,

Allowing your breath to do what it does.

And then five,

Final breath here.

Allow your body to absorb as much of that cool sensation in your hands or your face,

Soaking in the coolness into each cell of your skin and maybe even beneath the surface of your skin.

Now turn your attention even more so to your breath.

So take a normal inhale and a slow exhale.

You might even try doing these exhales with your lips pursed,

Like you're breathing out through a thin soda straw.

So inhale,

A normal inhale,

And exhale like you're breathing out through a soda straw,

Allowing the constriction of your mouth to slow down the exhale.

We'll do this for another few breaths.

Allow each breath to anchor you in this moment.

If your thoughts return to the conflict,

Gently remind yourself,

I will return to this later.

Right now,

I'm resting.

The task right now is simply to inhale and exhale slowly,

Allowing the air in your lungs to release gently and slowly out of your mouth as if through a straw.

And one more time,

If it feels okay,

Inhale and exhale slowly,

Slowly,

Slowly,

Like a slowly deflating balloon,

Releasing the air gradually.

And if you liked this,

It's what I call straw breathing,

Then you're welcome to stay here for a few more moments,

Just breathing as if you're breathing out through a straw.

Just pause here and continue to do straw breathing.

If you're ready for something new,

I invite you to bring to mind something that brings you joy.

We're going to shift your perspective here.

It could be a favorite activity that's joyful,

A cherished memory,

Or a favorite place that brings you joy.

It might be something simple like your pet doing something silly,

Or the feel of the sun against your skin,

Or the sound of your child's laughter.

Maybe it's the memory of a conversation with a good friend.

Vividly picture whatever the memory is and notice the feelings and sensations that arise.

There could be some warmth,

Some comfort,

Some ease,

Maybe a softening in your belly or a slight smile on your lips.

Let yourself soak in this experience of joy.

And again,

If thoughts return to the conflict,

Just gently say,

I will return to this later.

Right now,

My task is to remember joy.

And then allow your mind to go toward this joyful memory or place.

Vividly picturing it for a few more breaths and noticing the sensations that arise in your body.

Maybe some ease,

Maybe a smile,

Maybe some fluttering.

And allow your mind to utilize this internal resource you have,

This memory of joy.

Now bring to mind a moment when you helped someone,

A time when your kindness made a difference.

Big or small,

It could be just opening a door for someone or helping someone carry something.

Or when you called on someone to check in on them.

Or maybe it's when you helped your child figure something out and they felt relieved or proud.

It could be that you told someone how much you appreciate them and that they appreciate you.

And just notice the emotions that come up in this memory.

Perhaps there's a feeling of warmth,

Of connection or purpose.

Just allow the feeling expand within you as you remember this moment when you helped someone.

And notice the sensations in your body.

Maybe there's a softening in your eyes or your shoulders dropping.

Maybe there's a warmth in your belly,

In your heart.

Maybe again a slight smile on your lips.

And let these sensations all expand.

If your mind wanders,

That's okay.

Just gently bring yourself back to these feelings and sensations.

The mind will naturally shift between thoughts.

That's okay.

Just know that you can invite your mind to return to the sensations within your body and to the memory of the moment when you helped someone.

And if thoughts of the conflict arise,

Gently remind yourself,

I will return to this later with a clearer mind and an open heart.

And if you want to do any parts of this meditation again in this moment,

You're welcome to pause and to go back until you feel a little bit more clarity,

A little bit more warmth and compassion,

A little bit more calm.

So repeating any of these parts of the meditation.

And then when you're ready,

When you do feel a bit more calm,

Just notice if you look back at the conflict,

Is anything different?

Maybe there's a slight shift in perspective,

Or maybe a sense that things are not as overwhelming as they first seemed.

And if a kind word arises,

You can say it to yourself.

So maybe it's not as big of a deal.

I've got this,

We've got this.

It will be okay.

I will be okay,

No matter what.

We're going to come to a close here shortly.

So take one more deep breath in and out.

And bring your attention to yourself with gratitude.

Gratitude for taking this time.

Gratitude for the effort you're making to approach things with a more curious,

Calm and more compassionate mind.

When you're ready,

Gently bring movement back to your body.

If your eyes were closed,

You can open them.

Maybe looking around in whatever space you're in,

Perhaps allowing your eyes to land on something that's pleasant in some way.

It could be a color,

A texture,

An object that's pleasant.

Well,

I hope you experienced some benefit from this practice.

Feel free to do this practice again if it was helpful.

And leave a comment or suggestion.

I read all of the comments and suggestions,

So feel free to let me know how this was for you.

Until next time,

I'm wishing you compassion,

Clarity and curiosity.