Mindfulness & Movement 5: Explore Hold & Pull

Slow down with this guided audio track that provides body-based experiential exercises to explore expressions of holding & pulling, or difficulty holding & pulling, in order to explore the muscle memory that your body holds around this movement, as well as the ways you would like to cultivate new movements in your life.

If movement is not accessible to you, or you would prefer not to move along with these prompts for any reason, you can simply close your eyes and sketch out mental imagery of these movements to explore them.

This is one of several tracks in a series that explores mindfulness and movement. These were recorded for listeners to enjoy in sequential order.

This track, nor any other by this author, is intended to be a substitute for professional mental health services.

Transcript

In these few minutes we're going to slow down together and explore the movements of hold and pull.

Now these come from Body-Mind-Centering developed by Bonnie Bainbridge Cohen.

More specifically they're part of the Satisfaction Cycle that she developed and this audio is part of a series that goes over the five movements in that cycle so if you have not yet listened to the introduction audio or the audios on Yield,

Push,

And Reach that come before this,

I invite you to pause and go back and listen to those first.

Before we dive in today I invite you to take a few moments to anchor in the space right now.

Following your breath as it enters your body,

Noticing the expansion of your lungs,

The rising of your chest,

Or the opening of your abdomen,

And tracing that breath as it leaves your body,

The contraction of your abdomen,

And just playing with your breath for a moment,

Really letting it ground you here and now,

And also just noticing how in one way by simply breathing there's a lot of stillness,

It seems like there's not movement,

But also breath is movement.

Just getting curious and noticing all the little movements that are involved as you breathe in and breathe out,

How this is dynamic,

How it's embodied,

And if you'd like to spend any more time with your breath before we dive in you can pause the audio.

Otherwise we're going to play with this idea of hold and pull.

So these two go together.

You might also hear them referred to as grasp and pull.

And all these movements in the satisfaction cycle,

They build on each other.

So these movements start with yield,

And then push,

And then reach,

And then hold and pull are the riskiest of all these movements.

And I think a really sweet way that this is depicted,

It makes me think of a little kid who holds,

You know,

Not only reaches out for an animal,

A pet that they love,

But holds that pet,

Pulls them close,

And savors that nearness,

That closeness,

That connection,

Bridging that gap between that something or someone in the outside world and their own self.

So like we've done in the other audios,

I'm going to invite you to play with painting a picture of this with your body.

And similar to the other audios,

We're going to start with the ways that hold and pull feel complicated,

Ways that they don't feel accessible or possible,

Ways that they've included pain.

And so in a bit of a playful example,

Right,

Of a small child and a cat that they might try to hold and pull close,

There could be scratches involved,

There could be hissing involved,

That cat might push against and leap away.

And when this plays itself out in our relationships,

Whether we're young,

Whether we're old,

This can be really painful,

Right?

So as we talked about with reach,

If we have reach for someone,

Asking that question of,

If I reach for you,

Will you be there for me?

Will you reciprocate?

And if we experience that the answer is no,

Then we're probably not even going to try to hold or pull someone close.

If we have seen a goal or a dream or hard work burn out or fall apart,

If we have failed when reaching for something,

Then we're probably unlikely to try and hold and pull some sort of dream or goal close.

It's just going to feel too risky.

If reaching is too risky,

Holding and pulling close is most certainly going to feel too risky.

So as you're playing with how you might paint a picture of this with your body,

Maybe there is a pillow or a blanket nearby,

And that can symbolize some sort of dream,

Some sort of goal,

Or maybe that symbolizes some sort of relationship,

Some sort of relational dynamic.

And maybe you play with painting a picture by moving through these tentative movements of,

Do I reach?

Do I not reach?

Do I reach?

Do I not reach?

And then maybe that grows into,

Okay,

I almost hold and pull close,

But I can't.

It's too scary,

And I just drop it.

Or maybe that turns into,

I frantically grasp for this in a way that's almost hurting the pillow.

My fingers are clawing at it in a way that's not leaving breathing room in this equation.

Or maybe there's such a frantic reactionary energy involved in my movements that I'm not able to calmly hold and pull this close and savor that nearness.

Maybe it falls out of my hands.

Maybe it slips through my fingers.

Again,

Just playing with,

How might I paint a picture of how I have experienced this in my life,

How this feels in my life?

And if you'd like any more time,

You can pause the audio.

Otherwise,

I invite you to now share with me or shift to painting a picture with your body of the ways that you feel like the satisfaction cycle is actually complete,

Right?

So maybe a relationship or a dream,

Any space where you feel like you are able to yield,

Push,

Reach,

And hold and pull.

So maybe this is a loved one that you know you can hold on to and pull them close,

And they will also hold you and pull you close.

Someone that,

As you share that embrace,

Both of you are able to fully yield.

And whenever needed,

Both of you are able to push.

Both of you are able to say no,

And set a boundary.

Both of you are able to reach for the other,

And even if it's not perfectly a hundred percent of the time,

That there are those spaces where you are able to find each other and hold and pull each other close in a way that's safe for both parties.

Maybe you can paint a picture with your body playing with something like a blanket or a pillow to symbolize some sort of dream,

Some sort of goal that has felt really risky to go after,

Really risky to reach for.

And while holding in tension the wings that it is risky,

Also,

At the same time,

This both-and situation of taking that risk,

To hold it,

Pull it close.

Just continuing to play with,

What are ways I have seen this successfully play itself out,

That I've seen the completion of this satisfaction cycle?

Maybe this makes you think of a time when you were a little kid,

And there was a certain toy,

A stuffed animal,

A blanket,

A sibling,

Someone that you were able to hold on to and pull close,

And enjoy this,

The savoring,

Savoring the connectedness.

If you'd like more time to play with this,

I invite you to pause the audio.

Otherwise,

We're now going to play with painting a picture with your body of what you'd like this to look like.

Again,

Being mindful that there might be protective parts of you that feel hesitant or feel cautious.

If it feels helpful,

You can let those protective parts of you know that you're simply playing right now.

This is exploration.

This is play.

This is not taking those risks in reality,

In real life,

Right now.

And so,

Seeing if those protective parts of you are willing to give you some space to explore,

And maybe even be part of that exploration with you.

And if you're sensing a lot of resistance internally,

I invite you to honor that.

I invite you not to dismiss that,

But to engage with any protective reactions that you're noticing inside and work with what's happening inside.

If it's felt helpful to play with a pillow or a blanket,

You can imagine that representing a relationship,

A dream.

Anything where there is a longing to see all these movements of this satisfaction cycle take place.

A longing to yield,

Push,

Reach,

Hold,

And pull,

And savor holding and pulling close.

As you continue to play with this,

I just want to take a moment to honor how incredibly risky this is.

Echoing everything I said in the last audio with how risky it is to reach,

With the ways that protective parts of us can get pretty upset when we try to force new movements,

When we try to go against what can almost be like these internal vows.

So,

If there's been some sort of internal vow of,

I will never feel that kind of pain again,

I will never feel that kind of rejection again,

I will never feel that kind of abandonment again.

And those vows create these barricades of sorts that put these movements and exploring these movements in new ways on lockdown.

You don't just want to try to blaze through and treat an exploration of what might be as like a dictatorship of,

Okay,

No,

This is what I want for a new movement,

So this is what we're going to do,

Get on board,

My way or the highway.

That's really likely to create polarizations internally between different parts of us and internal conflict that can even feel like it's fragmenting us.

So,

Ever so gently,

I just really want to encourage you and invite you to consider what it might be like to understand the world through the eyes of protective parts of you that aren't on board with new movements like this yet.

Again,

Reassuring them that you are solely learning about and playing with these movements,

Exploring them in a very hypothetical space right now.

You're not forcing these parts of you to like abandon their post,

Right?

Protective parts of us generally have faithfully served for so long,

Protecting us in really specific ways.

Important or integrated and holistic work with the entirety of our embodied being that includes all facets of us,

All parts of us,

Including protective parts of us that have worked so hard for so long and feel so threatened and so scared or overwhelmed by the possibility of doing things differently.

So,

Another way to say everything I just said is that going through this series of audios and playing with these new movements,

They're not intended to bring you to a place of,

Okay,

Now I do things differently.

Now I yield,

Push,

Reach,

Hold,

And pull as I would like to overnight.

This is certainly not an overnight process.

It really can be simply an opening for us to see,

Okay,

What are the spaces inside the raw spots,

The tender depths of my being that need some tending,

That need some care,

That need safety and establishment of security and safety before I even consider exploring new movements in my life.

If you'd like more time to check in with what's happening inside right now or be with what's happening inside,

I invite you to pause the audio.

Otherwise,

We're going to move toward closing with three breaths.

Before we do that,

I'd love to invite you to thank any and all parts of you that have moved through and played with and painted these embodied pictures of these movements.

Even if there's any part of you that feels like,

Well,

I didn't do it right or I didn't totally commit,

I invite you to create space to also thank yourself for any and every way that you've engaged in the space and to encourage you to take curiosity with you as you leave this space,

Just noticing how do these movements show up in your life,

What are the ways that you want to connect with protective parts of you and work together to cultivate new rhythms,

What safety might you need in order to do that.

I'll take three breaths to close.

Breathing in.

Last one.

And while this concludes the audios for these movements,

There is one more audio in this series if you would like to explore the ways that these movements can intersect with spiritual formation.

So if you'd like to join me for that,

I invite you to.

And I also encourage you to just be really mindful about how you re-enter your day,

Noticing what it's been like to be present with this audio and what you might need to shift back into what's going to be required of you to move through the rest of your day right now.