Relationships - Can They Have A Spiritual Purpose?

Someone asked me the question as to whether relationships can have a spiritual purpose? This is a very important question and it necessitates a deeper look at the foundations of spiritual truth and how this can be applied to our lives.

Transcript

Nithyananda Gauranga Nithyananda Gauranga Hari bho.

So tonight I'm addressing a question somebody sent me.

And before we do that,

I just want to let you know if anybody here or online has a question that they would like to ask or a topic that they want to hear about,

Please do feel free to let us know.

You can do that on Mantra Night Facebook page or Meditation New Zealand or on my Facebook page and I'd be very happy to try and address your questions or speak about the subjects that you're interested in.

So the question is,

Can relationships have a spiritual purpose?

Is that interesting or no?

We just got one person that's interested in that.

Okay.

Actually,

It's a really important question.

When we speak about the actual nature of the soul itself,

The atma,

The self,

The spiritual person residing within the body you,

The actual you,

In developing an understanding and moving towards a full self-realization,

One of the things that will become of tremendous relevance in understanding the nature of myself as a spiritual being is this question of relationship.

So in this regard,

I'll just run over a couple of things.

You do have some eternal spiritual qualities,

You being spiritual.

One of them is there is a great desire for happiness,

And that's fundamentally a spiritual desire.

But in the embodied condition,

When we're trapped in this body,

As it were,

Completely identifying with the body as the self,

Then I seek to fulfill that actual need.

It's not just a want or a desire,

A need for happiness through the medium of this body.

And of course,

The tremendous shortcoming with that is even though I may stimulate the body and give the body pleasurable experiences,

It doesn't really touch me in the core of my being.

I am not fulfilled.

That's why there is this constant emptiness in spite of having so many experiences and in spite of having so much.

Because you are eternal,

The idea of death is a complete freak out,

The idea that things come to an end.

It totally goes against the grain because I am an eternal being housed in a very temporary body that must face death.

I don't die.

I can never die.

But there is another characteristic or another thing that is an intimate part of who you are,

And that is the desire to love,

To both love and to be loved.

This is an innately spiritual need.

It's not a thing of this body and mind.

And once again,

When we try to fulfill that need within the material realm with all that which is temporary,

I mean,

When you actually think about,

Okay,

If I look around,

I look at my life,

I look at all my stuff and everything and even my relationships,

How many of them are eternal and how many of them are temporary and material in nature?

And it's kind of like almost everything.

Well,

If I am eternal,

How can I possibly be fulfilled with that which is temporary in nature?

It's not possible.

And so there's this constant conflict.

And so people get involved with others in this desire to love and to be loved,

And that becomes the big focus.

And then it always craps out,

Either dramatically craps out or just goes.

.

.

Down into some comfort level where it's just,

You're going on,

You're getting on with stuff.

There's no magic here.

It's all okay,

But you know.

And we have that desire.

That's why we like love stories.

We have that desire looking for that rush.

Now,

I'll just make a little point.

One of the things that people confuse with love is the exhilaration that comes from establishing a new and temporary relationship.

You get involved with someone and this is anticipation.

Oh,

This is it.

This is going to be wonderful.

This is perfect.

I'm so excited.

The other person so excited and it's all just like.

.

.

But that only lasts for about six months,

Tops.

And then it's just like,

You know,

And then I think,

Oh,

That is what love is.

And so I constantly go looking for that experience.

And when I tire of some current relationship,

I abandon it for what I hope to be something better to get back to that experience.

Psychologists have pointed out there was a really amazing report that came out of the UK where child psychologists were really telling parents,

Do not really discourage your children from getting into relationships when they are young because the flutter of the heart and the excitement,

When we think that that's what love is,

We are setting them up for a life of serial relationships,

Of highs and then crash and burn,

High crash and burn.

And of course,

That has a huge effect on society and a huge effect on children.

No children can go through a divorce and come out of it unscathed.

I'm sorry,

That's fantasy.

That's magical thinking.

It doesn't matter how much you talk to them and they say,

Yeah,

They can handle it.

It's okay and everything.

No,

It's not true.

You set them up.

They always end up blaming themselves or feeling that they were a major contributor to their mom and dad separating.

You can't get around that one.

They will feel that way.

And then that goes on to affect their own.

Now,

The way that they will get into relationships,

Some people can go to extremes of seeking validation and so-called love from a partner.

And when people have that kind of deficit,

Emotional deficit,

They usually hook up with weird partners who abuse them and it gets all bent out of shape and then they suffer and then they finally separate from that and they go through these things again.

So it's a real complex situation.

And the big problem is that since we have become a completely materialistic society,

Even people that say they are spiritual,

Oh,

I'm so spiritual.

They're just into the airy fairy aspect of material life.

It's not really spiritual.

Because it is part of your eternal nature to love and be loved,

That should tell you that the most natural spiritual thing to do is to be in relationship.

Of course,

The big question is with who or with what or where does that go?

That's another big topic that needs real serious consideration.

Those spiritual teachers that promote the idea that the soul or the atma is devoid of these things,

That these things are actually material,

This is not a complete understanding.

It's a very imperfect and incomplete understanding.

What I'm speaking to you about is the highest realization of the self.

And so relationship is inherently spiritual.

And when we try to apply it in this world,

It's like it doesn't work out so well.

It's like a face plant in the sand.

And you come up with a mouthful,

That didn't work out too good.

And then we become all fearful.

And then we think,

OK,

Maybe it was because I need to look for this type of person or a person of this sexual orientation,

All this other stuff that will not fulfill this fundamental spiritual need.

So since relationship is by nature at its really foundational level is inherently spiritual,

Not how it is lived out or applied in the world,

But then when we enter into relationships with others in this world,

Is there a way of that becoming spiritual?

And the answer is yes,

Absolutely.

Absolutely.

First thing,

Though,

You have to understand,

No personality in this world can completely fulfill you.

It's not possible.

For the practitioners of yoga since time immemorial,

Their desire was to reconnect with the Supreme Soul.

This is called param atma.

Atma means the self,

And param means supreme.

And they speak about a feature of this highest truth residing within our actual heart.

And he was often addressed as the Lord of one's heart.

And so the yogis would withdraw from society,

But they would not withdraw from a relationship.

They were seeking the deepest,

Most spiritual,

Utterly ecstatic relationship with the Lord within their own heart.

In terms of living in this world,

We cannot be blind to the realities that if you're going to live in this world,

You will be involved in relationship.

Now,

How should I manage those,

Or how should I cultivate that?

How should I deal with that?

If I am the foundational principle of material life is number one,

That I am material,

Which you are not,

You are spiritual,

Meaning this body is me,

And that I am the center of everything,

This tendency towards self-centeredness where I see everything in relation to me.

And so when I get into a relationship,

I'm totally focused on what I'm getting out of it.

And I'm willing to give as long as I'm getting.

And that's the actual focus,

Is what I'm getting out of it.

Whereas a truly spiritual relationship with another person within this world,

One would be required to see them also as eternal spiritual beings,

Temporarily residing within this body.

And I should care for that person.

I should have tremendous compassion,

And I should seek their highest well-being.

And I know that I am not their highest well-being.

They also need what I need.

And therefore,

The focus of the relationship is not each other or our own self.

It is this re-establishment of this profound spiritual connection,

The actual awakening of transcendental love,

Which automatically will involve everybody else.

So even like in the case of parents and children or friends and friends,

If I love and care for someone,

I must be interested in their highest welfare.

I should see that my responsibility in relating with them and dealing with them is to help them grow spiritually,

To support them in this spiritual journey.

And if they are truly my friend or someone that loves me or a child or a parent,

Then I will see them as being,

Yes,

I need to support this person in their spiritual journey.

And so what you can have is people that have really different personalities and who deal with things really differently,

But because they share this common direction in life and they share a common center and a common focus,

Relationships can be profoundly wonderful.

They can actually become very sweet and very caring.

One can experience tremendous happiness,

But it really requires this shift of vision from being self-focused to becoming more actually selfless.

Part of the eternal nature of the soul is to love and to manifest that love in a mood of loving service,

Doing kind of,

Acting in a manner of kindness and gratitude and caring towards all others.

This is not just some fantasy ideal,

But I tell you it does require work.

This journey of spiritual awakening,

Of self-realization,

It does require work,

And it requires a big picture.

There are fundamental things we have to understand,

And they have to become the foundation of my spiritual cultivation.

So that's what relationships are meant to be for.

They are meant to be inherently spiritual.

They will be satisfying and fulfilling if they are spiritual.

If they hover on the material platform,

They can never be satisfying and fulfilling.

They will never be actually completely rewarding.

Okay,

How about that?

A bit too serious or no?

Okay,

This is the spiritual truth.

So once again,

Just a little reminder.

Anybody has things they want to hear about?

Something that completely blew my mind when I met my spiritual teacher,

I was this really dorky dude,

Kiwi dude.

And I was like 18 and I left New Zealand,

And I met my spiritual teacher when I was 19 and spent time in it,

And it completely blew my mind that there were.

.

.

You could talk about spiritual life from any angle,

From any perspective,

From any subject.

And it addresses everything.

It is so complete,

It's so whole.

So of course we know that the foundation of one's spiritual practice has to be meditation.

And the most effective means of meditation is this meditation upon transcendental sound.

And building a personal habit,

Building a personal practice,

A daily engagement,

Even if it's for a relatively short period of time,

Is really a requirement to see change in your life.

Because we're deeply conditioned by so many material ideas.

I mean,

It's not just you and me,

It's like the whole world is deeply conditioned by wrong ideas.

And to get beyond that,

We need something that is really going to make that difference.

It's really going to lift the veil.

It's going to clear the fog and make it so that we can see with clarity.

Anybody have a question?

No.

You have a question.

Is there any part of the Vedas which deals specifically with how to navigate successful relationships and keep them on a spiritual platform,

Even in amongst families and in conjugal relationships?

Because it seems that the world is constantly pulling us into bodily identification and totally relating to very easy problems in relationship to fall into that concept and not realize it.

Just as a brief answer,

It deserves more time.

When there were certain spiritual paths and practices that don't actually have the most complete understanding of the nature of the soul.

And so what they would often promote is the idea that you need to abandon society,

You need to abandon relationships,

You need to get away from all of these distractions and things that are perpetuating your suffering and seek this personal liberation,

As it were.

But those ideas and why they were promoted was because it was not a really complete understanding.

The paths of karma yoga and of bhakti yoga do not encourage the idea of a complete abandonment of society.

I mean,

Because you can do it externally,

You can physically move your body around,

You can go some other place.

Hey,

You've brought your mind with you.

And all that stuff that goes on up there.

So like in the Bhagavad Gita talks about that a person who completely restrains all their external or sensual activity,

But still is engaged in that mentally is called a pretender.

And so the requirement,

The way in which a person can purify those relationships in their life is finding a way to reconnect it as an amazing offering to this supreme soul and the supreme spirit and to live a life of very wonderful connectedness in a mood of great humility and submission.

And as a result of that,

That overflows to all living beings and the form of compassion and genuine care for others.

And so that this process,

This practice provides the easiest way to come to this highest realization and experience.

Okay?

Thank you very much.

Applause Om.

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Reviews

Very insightful!🙏🏼