Coping With Betrayal

Betrayal can be experienced in many different situations and on many levels. But it is always painful. In seeking to deal with the pain, I can try to do this on the mental level, or on the spiritual level. The foundational precept of real spiritual thinking is the recognition that I am an eternal spiritual being residing in a temporary material covering. My desire for happiness, love, and protection originates from the soul itself and can only be perfectly satisfied by that which is spiritual in nature.

Transcript

Om Namo Bhagavate Vasudevaya So tonight I had been asked to speak about coping with betrayal.

So there are two ways that you can approach this conversation.

One is fundamentally on the material platform and the other one is on the spiritual platform.

When we speak about actions in this world and relationships in this world,

We are speaking of the domain of karma.

And karma,

The laws of karma are very stringent.

One cannot escape the result of all your actions.

Your actions,

My actions,

They have consequences and there will be a price that is paid.

This is not really,

When you look at it very objectively,

About punishment and reward,

Although most people think of it in those terms.

But on a deeper level,

It's more simply the way things are.

It's like forces of nature.

When you look at the forces of gravity,

Of momentum,

They follow certain principles.

If I have sufficient strength to overcome the inertia of a chair standing on the ground and I push it,

It will move.

And in a similar manner,

The laws of karma are such that when one engages in an action,

There will be an equal and opposite reaction that one will experience at some point.

The reason I'm bringing up this point is because when we look at things from that level,

I just want to establish the truth and the reality is that betrayal causes pain.

Even if somebody has misguided or they've placed their trust in someone and that person really didn't deserve your trust and there is betrayal and someone suffers.

The result of that karmically is that the person that engaged in the act of betraying will bear the consequence.

So from the point of view of karma and the ancient Vedic teachings,

Betrayal was considered significant.

What's broadly categorized as a sinful act,

That there will be substantial consequences attached to betrayal.

But for a person that has experienced the pain of being betrayed,

The fact that the other person that caused you to suffer in this way will also suffer in the same way that you are suffering.

This does not make the experience any easier or any better.

Some people are of the opinion that through revenge,

Getting even,

It will assuage the pain that one feels in the heart,

But in reality it doesn't.

It doesn't remove the pain of being betrayed.

And so in the ancient Vedic teachings,

One was really cautioned against betrayal.

It was considered right up there with grievous or very serious wrongdoing that had substantial consequences.

It wasn't trivialized at all.

From the point of view of a person that is betraying someone else and breaking some promise or some vow that they have taken or rejecting the duty that comes with relationship and things.

The thought that I will suffer a consequence is quite often not sufficient to make it so someone will not engage in an act of betrayal.

It's quite a complex subject that really requires some careful attention and consideration.

But what I'd like to do is now just approach the subject from a spiritual perspective,

Because it's from the spiritualist perspective that one gains knowledge and understanding.

And there is no greater vaccination against pain and suffering than real knowledge,

Real understanding.

It makes it so a person can deal with things because they will have a perspective,

An enlightened perspective.

But it also means that a person is less likely to expose themselves to,

For instance,

The pain of betrayal because they would be living a life that is more enlightened and they will have certain understandings.

A couple of things are really important to appreciate.

Everybody is self centered in the material condition.

We see things from our own perspective.

We see things as if we are the center of everything.

We see everything in relation to what we perceive to be ourself.

In that condition,

A person is quite strongly motivated by inner forces,

Urges,

The desire for happiness,

The desire for love,

The desire to be eternal,

Not to die for things,

Not to end.

The need to find shelter,

The idea of a home or a place of complete shelter.

These are strong desires and the desire for happiness is,

Of course,

Incredibly strong.

In the material condition,

When a person has wrongly caught up in the idea that this body is who I am,

When in reality I'm an eternal spiritual being residing within this body,

These desires actually arise from the soul itself,

For instance,

The desire for happiness.

I will wrongly think that this is coming from my body and mind.

And so I will choose a course of action that brings pleasurable experiences to my body and mind in the hope that I will become actually happy.

The problem with this is that no material experience,

No matter how pleasurable or stimulating it is for the body,

Can actually fulfill us or can actually grant us true happiness.

It's not a possibility.

And this is something we've spoken about frequently in the past.

And so what that means is that I have this tendency to do things that,

For instance,

I find pleasurable to my body and mind.

But there is this really amazing thing that happens.

The more I do something,

The less pleasing it becomes.

And then I'm sort of like in this situation.

So what am I going to do now?

And we've used the example before,

You know,

Just pick what's your favorite food.

OK,

Lock you in the room.

That's all you're going to eat three times a day for the next week.

I mean,

Even if you're the biggest pizza fan in the world,

When you have that same thing over and over and over again,

You soon get really sick of it.

Same thing with music,

The most uplifting and joyful music that makes you feel,

Oh,

It's wonderful.

Strap you into a chair,

Put some headphones on,

And that's it.

That's all you're going to listen to for,

You know,

24 hours a day.

It won't even take a day.

But,

You know,

Within a day or so of hearing this,

It's gone from giving you goosebumps and making you feel,

Wow,

Elated to now driving you crazy.

And this is the very nature of what we're going to broadly call material happiness.

If we understand this principle,

Then we will also understand that I cannot completely depend on a relationship with somebody else.

I cannot completely depend on another person.

Right now,

We may be so-called in love,

We may be best friends,

We may be just getting along like crazy and everything is incredibly wonderful.

But the nature of things in this world is that it changes over time and eventually it may begin to diminish and all likelihood will begin to diminish those feelings.

And then because I'm feeling a lack of fulfillment,

I'm looking around for something more perfect,

More wonderful.

And when this happens,

You get these experiences of betrayal.

I mean,

I'm just using one type of example here,

But the same fundamental thing happens in so many different ways,

To so many different situations.

For a person of spiritual understanding,

They will not be blindly embracing something like the idea that we can live happily ever after.

It's just amazing.

I mean,

Since forever,

All the kids books,

All the stories,

I mean,

They actually use that terminology as people get a little bit older.

They don't put it that way,

But it's the same message to live happily ever after.

And we know that in material existence,

This is not a possibility if we're only focused on that which is material.

Given these truths,

Then I should not,

I should not expect or demand something from another person which they cannot deliver on.

If I blindly put my full faith and trust in another person on the basis of some relationship or something that has started.

And think that just because we may have sworn undying love or whatever,

Therefore,

This person is never going to betray me.

This is not very realistic thinking.

When people are bound by moral principles,

When there's certain morality there,

Even though they may themselves be feeling very unhappy about a relationship or a situation,

They will tend to kind of like,

You know,

Maybe not veer towards just walking away,

Abandoning,

Hurting someone just because they want to find a another experience,

Relationship,

Person that I think will fulfill me and make me more happy.

If I have spiritual understanding,

Then I will know that it's unrealistic to have such a great expectation of someone else.

And for me to have unrealistic expectations often lead to a great deal of suffering in this world.

That doesn't mean that we become highly skeptical and,

You know,

Cold and unfeeling towards others.

No,

Not not at all.

It's not like that at all.

But because I understand that I cannot fulfill another person,

I cannot give them everything that they're looking for,

Whether it is as a parent,

As a partner in life,

As,

You know,

A great friend,

A boss,

Whatever.

I can't.

I am not perfect and I cannot fulfill another person's desire for perfection.

And so I should know that there is always going to be this potential or this possibility.

That doesn't make me callous or distant,

But I'm very realistic.

And because I'm being realistic,

I can also easily recognize symptoms of a fracturing relationship,

For instance,

And seek very early on to find a way to deal with some differences or some different experiences that people,

You know,

Within a family dynamic or a,

You know,

Marriage or anything.

I become very highly aware of these things and sensitive and actually can often find ways of dealing through spiritual knowledge and understanding and helping other people come to cope with personal things that may be going on with them as well.

The other thing is it's a question of who controls your mind.

I spoke,

I think it was a week or two ago,

You know,

About that wonderful documentary to do with social media and the insights of some of the early players,

The founders and early participants and how they became quite shocked at the way in which it is manipulating people and their expectations and their lives and things.

And it's all it's manipulating them for profit fundamentally.

You know,

We've we've entered this this time,

This amazing the craft.

I'll refer to it as a craft of of psych psychological manipulation.

You know,

Humanity is growing in their understanding of the workings of the mind and how to manipulate emotions and the minds and things.

And we're often very much unaware of how many of our desires and thoughts and things are actually placed there by others.

They're not like I don't have that much really original thought.

If somebody else is pulling my strings,

If somebody else is telling me what's cool and what I need and what will make me happy and I'm buying into that message,

The chances of me betraying someone is going to go up exponentially.

And because of that,

Because I'm aware of that,

Again,

What it does is is it manages expectation.

We don't have unrealistic expectation.

Factually,

The only person that you can truly trust is the highest transcendentalist,

An actual saintly person who is not moved by,

You know,

Worldly desire and the impulses that,

You know,

Come with the body and all these different things,

Who is actually living a different type of life,

A thoroughly spiritual life.

That person you can trust entirely.

Anybody else you are going to be subject to their moods,

To the different desires and whoever's pulling the strings and what the desires are and what has been offered.

You will be challenged by the reality that you cannot be completely,

You cannot fulfill anybody else perfectly.

It's not not a possibility.

So when we're when we're aware of these things,

And we ourselves are living a life that is more directed towards the spiritual journey and the cultivation of very noble and kind and compassionate characteristics that are innately part of real spiritual life.

Then the way in which we are relating to others,

The way in which we are engaging in relationship,

Our focus will be completely different.

And the chances of experiencing betrayal and the tremendous heartbreak that comes from it is just,

It's not going to,

It's not going to happen.

It won't be there.

So this topic is actually a really big topic.

And we just looked at the the surface.

If we get down into the workings,

There is actually a lot more to unpack there.

If you experience the pain that comes from a betrayal,

Don't seek vengeance.

Don't do the same thing again with the same unrealistic expectation.

We need to be a little bit enlightened and we need to be directing our own life in a lot more conscious and spiritual way so that we can have an influence on those that we are connected with that will make it less likely that anyone will become hurt from from betrayal.

And do not have unrealistic expectation that just because of some bodily relationship like a family member,

Somebody's a family member,

Or we've taken vows in a marriage or something that people are going to just by that alone,

Then never going to betray you.

That's just not smart to think that way.

And again,

I mean,

It's not a question of being really suspicious or,

You know,

Anything like that.

It's a question of living a life of greater meaning and purpose,

Not being gullible,

Not placing our faith in something that is not worthy of our faith and trust.

So I hope that's been a little bit helpful.

It is a big topic.

And,

But I hope that's shed a little bit of light on this on the subject and might be helpful to people going forward.

I'll just add one last thing.

You know,

We talked before when we've spoken on the subject at different times of forgiveness.

When we understand what drives other people and what different sort of emotions and desires what what happens to people and why they behave in certain ways and what's moving them in certain ways.

With that understanding,

It makes it easier to feel some forgiveness when a person has lost control of their own mind and emotions and they're speaking in a hurtful way when they're acting in a way that's hurtful.

Understanding that they have lost the plot that they have lost control that they have been driven by all of these external things these urges and desires and thoughts or whatever.

Makes it that understanding makes it so that we can both cultivate forgiveness,

But that forgiveness is is coming from a deeper understanding and also a feeling of sadness that somebody else's actually been victimized by their own mind and urges and desires and passions.

And because they have been victimized and they're acting in this way,

They will suffer the consequence of that.

And because we care about someone,

We don't want them to have to suffer in their life going forward.

So with this topic of betrayal,

It is when a person is cultivating this deeper spiritual understanding when their compassion,

Their actual love and care for another is is growing.

And with it,

A deeper spiritual understanding,

Then a person can navigate their way through the most difficult situations,

The most challenging situations and not be overwhelmed by it.

So thank you very much.

And I would like to invite you to chant with me these spiritual sounds being the principal way by which this internal purification of our heart and mind can occur that it brings with it a deeper understanding,

More clarity in the way we see things and leads to our ultimate good and our actual spiritual transcendental happiness.

So thank you very,

Very much.

I'm going to sing.

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Reviews

So clear, so helpful. Nonetheless, pain persists

I needed to hear this. Thank you. 🙏🏼

Brilliant. Gave me a new prospective and understanding.
Thank you

Thank u for sharing! 😉