Cultivating Self-Compassion For The Self-Critical

This meditation aims to foster self-compassion for those who are self-critical. By practicing mindfulness, embracing self-acceptance, and embodying self-kindness, we can learn to be more compassionate toward ourselves.

Transcript

I was inspired to create this meditation script during one of my meditation sessions.

I was sitting alone in my room.

And as I observed my thoughts,

I realized that most of my thoughts were filled with negativity,

Self-criticism and self-doubts.

Thoughts like,

I don't think I'm good enough.

I'm not cut out for this.

Imperfection means failure.

And if I fail,

Everyone will think I'm a good-for-nothing.

Now,

You may have had similar negative thoughts that colour your consciousness,

Where the boundaries between thoughts and self are blurred.

The good news is that we can create a non-judgmental space in meditation infused with self-compassion that dispels the clouds of self-criticism in our minds.

Take a seat and make sure that you are in a comfortable position.

You can stretch your arms and neck,

Letting go of any unwanted tension in your body.

And just notice how at ease and relaxed you feel right now.

You can close your eyes whenever you're ready.

As you gradually settle in,

I would like you to focus on that feeling of comfort and relaxation.

It does not matter where you feel it.

It could be felt at your chest,

At your heart or even at your head.

Just continue to focus on that wonderful feeling of relaxation.

At the same time,

I want you to scan your body from your head to your toes.

Notice if there is any tension and discomfort in your body.

Channel that feeling of tranquility to soften the tension in that area of your body.

And just let that flow of calming energy spread throughout your body.

Just take a few moments to enjoy this newfound sense of calm and stillness.

We are our harshest critics.

We pinpoint flaws in our appearance,

Speech patterns and actions,

Amplifying what is barely noticeable to others.

We put in so much effort to judge ourselves against an impossible standard.

And when we fail to reach this standard,

We torment ourselves for it.

But there is another way of experiencing ourselves in our mental landscape.

We can transform our harshest critic into our most ardent supporter.

You have the power to cultivate self-compassion right here,

Right now and whenever you need it.

It begins with mindfulness.

I want you to notice the thoughts and feelings that arise as you think about the times when you were particularly critical of yourself.

Allow them to appear in your mind without attaching any value judgment.

Take the time to observe the qualitative nature of your thoughts and feelings as the objects of consciousness.

Perhaps noticing how they arise as quickly as they dissipate and realizing that the negative feelings only persist because we often unconsciously repeat these thoughts like a mantra.

Notice what happens when you allow your thoughts to vanish.

I wonder what will happen to your feelings.

It may follow the trail of your thoughts and fade as well or it may persist for a while before it subsides or your mind may even drift back to your critical thoughts.

And as you observe your thoughts,

You may have noticed that you can't grab hold of them.

You can't by any means own these thoughts.

They are not possessions you can contain like the inventory in your storeroom.

There really isn't anything to anchor these thoughts down.

They come and they go.

And although it may feel like sometimes you are one with your self-critical thoughts that there isn't any difference between what you think and who you are but there is a gap between you and your thoughts if you just look closely enough.

I want you to imagine your negative thoughts come in the form of ripples in a pond.

It is a disturbance that quickly fades away and you can't possess it and the reflection you see in the pond may create the illusion that you are the ripple.

The reality is you are merely observing it as it appears in a pond.

Ultimately there is a distance between your thoughts and you.

And you,

The observer of your thoughts.

Unfortunately,

Sometimes we face a block to being self-compassionate because of our negative experiences with rejection.

Maybe we were only accepted and appreciated when we achieved something remarkable.

And we interpret that experience to mean that perfection is necessary if and only if we want to be accepted by others.

So let's develop our muscles for self-acceptance to overcome this block.

I want you to bring to mind the times when you felt rejected.

It could be an occasion where you were not invited to an event,

Failed to get a job,

Or when your peers ostracized you.

Ostracized you.

Moments like these may trigger a sense of worthlessness that you were not good enough.

Now I want you to imagine your rejected past self standing before you.

Notice what this person looks like and what he or she is saying to you right now.

And now we will depart words of affirmation,

Support and encouragement to this person and encouragement to this person.

You can choose to repeat these words silently or you can voice them out.

You're more than enough.

You don't have to prove your worth to others.

You are worthy of love and respect.

You are not your mistakes.

I accept you for who you are.

You are competent,

Courageous and resilient.

You have touched so many lives and you will continue to impact others positively.

You are more than enough.

I cherish your existence.

Now take deep breaths in and out,

Breathing in a wonderful sense of warmth and acceptance and breathing out the sting of rejection from your body.

That's right,

Just let it go.

That's right,

Just let it go.

Now that you have experienced self-acceptance,

You can begin to express self-kindness,

A core and final ingredient of self-compassion in this practice.

I want you to treat your rejected past self who had to be self-critical to achieve acceptance from others as your closest friend.

Imagine this person has made a mistake or failed to perform optimally.

Maybe he or she did not ace the exam,

Interview or job and made a terrible blunder.

I wonder how would you speak to your friend who made a mistake?

Would you be kind and gentle?

Would you be a source of support and encouragement?

You may notice a willingness to offer support and help to this person,

A desire to extend your kindness to him or her and to articulate comforting and kind words.

Now I want you to allow this past self to return to your body and remain as part of you.

Together we can express this kindness with several words of affirmation to ourselves.

You can choose to voice them or repeat those words silently if you like to.

It is okay to make mistakes.

We all stumble from time to time.

My worth is not tied to my achievements.

I am still learning and failure is part of the process.

I am worthy of kindness and compassion.

I can always try again.

I have managed to succeed in the past and I can do it again.

I will take it one step at a time.

Pick one or two that resonate with you and focus and repeat that word of affirmation and allow that feeling of kindness and compassion to spread throughout your body.

And just embrace that wonderful sensation and let it inform the way you speak and the way you treat yourself.

As we are nearing the end of our meditation,

I want to remind you that you can practice self-compassion whenever you want to,

Whenever you need to,

By being mindfully aware of your thoughts and by injecting self-kindness into the mix.

You don't have to be self-critical and you don't have to hurt yourself anymore because you are more than enough just the way you are.

Now gradually bring your awareness back to your body.

Gently stretch your hands.

You can move your neck in a circular motion,

Feeling a gradual surge of energy returning to your body.

That's right.

And whenever you are ready,

You can open your eyes.

Welcome back.

Thank you for allowing me to guide you through this meditation session.

May you enjoy the rest of the day with joy,

Acceptance and self-compassion.