Hi,
Gay!
Um,
So you're feeling lonely.
I get it.
What if I told you it's okay to feel lonely?
Our culture is constantly telling us that if we feel lonely,
There's something wrong with us.
But,
Um,
Loneliness is just like any other emotion.
It's like happiness or joy or contentedness.
It's just a feeling.
And feelings come and go and they don't dictate all of who you are.
And it doesn't mean there's something to fix.
And neuroscience tells us that emotions last 90 seconds.
But they're not permanent unless they get re-triggered by an ongoing situation or thoughts that continue down that same pathway.
So,
Good news and bad news.
Good news is there's a path to dealing with these emotions.
The other good or maybe bad news is the way out is through.
So,
Find yourself in a comfortable position.
Maybe you want to have a seat.
Maybe you want to lay down.
Start to gather your attention.
You might do this by taking a big inhale through the nose and feeling the breath fill the body.
And exhaling out the mouth,
Letting that breath go.
Maybe do that a couple more times.
Big inhale through the nose.
And out the mouth,
Really letting it go.
One more time.
Big inhale.
Big exhale out,
Letting go.
And just let the breath settle.
In and out the nose,
In your own way.
It doesn't matter how you're breathing.
And bring to mind this feeling of loneliness that you are feeling.
Currently experiencing.
It doesn't even really matter what the situation was.
Maybe you were broken up with recently.
Or maybe you ended the relationship.
Or maybe some friends went out and they didn't invite you.
It doesn't really matter the circumstance.
Instead,
See if you can just label exactly what the emotion is.
Maybe you're just saying,
Oh yeah,
I've already labeled it as loneliness.
Well,
Maybe inquire and see if that's really the right label.
Is there hurt instead?
Is sadness a better word?
Is disappointment a better word?
And see if you can just allow the feeling to be exactly as it is.
You don't have to change or fix anything.
So often we fight with our feelings.
This is such a barrier to dealing with them.
So just allow it.
It's okay to have this feeling.
How big or small is this emotion?
Can you let it be?
Get curious.
Staying kind and curious.
Where do you feel this emotion in your body?
Do you feel it somewhere in the face or the throat?
Is it an ache in the heart?
Is it a sinking feeling in the belly?
Is it a sinking feeling in the belly?
For some people,
It can be helpful to embody this feeling.
Maybe changing your posture in an extreme version of this feeling.
Maybe making a facial expression that goes along to express this feeling.
Almost like the cartoon character version of it.
Maybe the hands or the arms are gesturing in the feeling of this emotion.
Almost like your whole body could express what you're feeling outwardly as well as inwardly.
Staying kind and curious.
What if you could ask this feeling what it wants?
Turning inward to wherever the center of this feeling is coming from.
Asking how do you want me to be with you?
Or what would you like to receive?
Listen with your whole body.
Listen with your heart.
What is being asked for?
Maybe it's asking to be heard.
Maybe it's asking to be cared for,
To be embraced,
To be held.
Maybe it's wanting you to acknowledge.
Just acknowledge the hurt.
Maybe it wants to be taken care of.
And can you give that answer words or even gesture?
So can you respond compassionately,
Kindly,
With great care to this space,
This feeling?
And reply with the message or the gesture.
If it's words,
Maybe it's,
I hear you,
Or I'm sorry,
I'm here.
Maybe something as simple as,
It's okay.
Maybe it's a hand on the heart or the belly.
Maybe it's wrapping your arms around yourself and giving yourself a hug.
Maybe it's a caress of the hand on the cheek.
You now turn to this place and send these messages or this message right to me.
Right to that spot.
Sending this understanding,
Compassion,
Care right to where the hurt is or was.
Now see if you're still feeling the same way you were in the beginning of this.
Has this shifted?
Is it bigger or smaller?
Are you feeling different emotions now?
No right or wrong answers.
No judging.
Then if you're feeling like you're not in that loneliness anymore,
What has taken its place?
Ending with this quote from Steve Hagan.
See confusion as confusion.
Acknowledge suffering as suffering.
Feel pain and sorrow and divisiveness.
Experience anger or fear or shock for what they are.
But you don't have to.
But you don't have to think of them as evil,
As intrinsically bad,
As needing to be destroyed or driven from our midst.
On the contrary,
They need to be absorbed,
Healed,
Made whole.
Taking in fully the sound of these three charms.
Taking in fully the sound of these three charms.
Allowing each strike to bring you out of this meditation and back into your life.
