Will The Search Ever End?

Conversations on the path to a whole heart Join us for this unique opportunity to engage deeply in the journey of conscious evolution. Traditionally, knowledge is shared through a Q&A format, where the disciple sets the direction and pace. Join us to share your questions, insights, and doubts as we grow together on the path to an open heart. This time, we will dive into the question of searching: why, how, and for how long? Feel free to bring a friend, and together, let’s spark a movement toward collective sanity.

Transcript

So,

Hello dear people,

Welcome.

It's been a while.

Sorry about that,

I was traveling.

But we are back here together,

Holding hands,

And walking the path,

Not just as individuals,

But also as a United Consciousness.

It is longing for the truth.

I don't know if there's anybody here who's here for the first time.

You've never been to the White Path meeting?

Dale says yes,

So welcome.

Most appreciated.

We are propelled forward by your questions.

So,

The way these meetings work is that you are contributing to the evolution of consciousness by contributing your questions,

Your wonders,

Your doubts,

Your fears,

Anything you feel that still stands between you and an awakened consciousness.

And once you share that question,

You let go of it.

That's the deal.

You wash yourself off it.

You just lay your burden and rest.

So,

Who wants to be the first one to jump into the waters today?

Unfortunately,

Carly is not here to verbalize your questions,

Because we are on different continents now.

But I'll do my best.

Barbara is asking,

What are the benefits of a silent retreat?

Oh,

You know,

Silence is your home.

And the purpose of all the answers to all of your questions is to bring you closer to silence,

To bring you closer to home.

They say a spiritual teacher is not there to answer your question,

But to transform the question into a wonder.

Because,

You know,

Any answer given will always give birth to two new questions.

But if the consequence of your question is wonder,

A sense of wonderment,

Wow,

Then there is no more question.

You see,

It's not about the answer.

When we go to a silent retreat,

We dive directly into the source.

It's one thing to talk about silence,

And it's a different thing to experience it.

As an existential answer to the question,

Who am I?

And this is not something you can talk about.

On the contrary,

The more you talk,

The further from silence you end up.

So I strongly recommend,

Find a silence retreat somewhere near your residence,

And participate.

It might,

If you haven't been through a silence retreat,

It might be a bit intimidating.

Never mind that.

I guarantee that by the end of the silence retreat,

You would not want to come back and speak.

It's not a problem.

The problem is to speak again.

You would be completely engulfed with love for silence.

So,

Yeah.

The main benefit of a silence retreat is that we actually walk the walk.

It's not just talking the talk.

I do hope that you get a glimpse of that in our meetings,

Where instead of a question,

You experience wonder occasionally.

But a silence retreat is really,

What we do now is only the teaser.

The real thing is in the silence retreat.

Maybe one day we can meet in that circumstance and have a silence retreat together.

What do you think?

Jamie is asking,

I have been searching for so long.

I'm tired.

How to make the jump?

Such a beautiful question.

Jamie,

I've been searching for so long.

I'm tired.

Then I tell you,

If you're tired,

Then rest.

Just allow yourself to rest.

Truly rest.

Let go of the hope that you will ever find what you're looking for.

Surrender.

You're not going to find it.

Not while searching.

I'll guarantee.

Do you know how it is when you try to remember something and it's on the tip of your tongue,

But you can't touch it.

And the more you try,

The further it goes away.

You know?

And then you say,

Fuck it.

You let go,

And then it comes.

Did it happen to you?

The moment you let go,

Not as a trick of the mind that closes one's eyes,

But keeps the other one open,

But truly letting go.

Okay,

I gave up.

I'm not going to remember.

Anyways.

Let's just move on.

And then,

It comes in the most unexpected manner.

Did that happen to you?

Yes or no?

Similarly,

I guarantee,

The search itself is what's keeping you from realizing who you are.

Because you keep on looking.

That restlessness of hoping for something else to be achieved,

To be found,

To be realized.

Hmm?

That restlessness is what prevents you to realize who you are.

Jamie is saying,

Thanks,

I'll rest now.

Thanks.

Just what my spirit needs to hear.

Yeah.

Truly rest.

Let go of the idea that there will be a resolution to the mystery that you are trying to solve.

Your journey will not end in finding a solution to the mystery.

That's an illusion.

It's not going to happen.

An awakened consciousness is not a consciousness that found the truth at the end of a long journey of search and quest.

The truth is not a reward of your efforts.

As sincere as they may be,

It doesn't matter.

As long as you are searching,

You are stepping away from who you are.

An awakened consciousness is awakened to realize that there is no journey.

There is no end point to that journey where I'm finally awakened or enlightened or whatever name I'm going to call it.

There is no treasure at the end of the rainbow that we are supposed to win.

An awakened consciousness realizes it never left to begin the search.

It was all an illusion to begin with.

It realizes it's always been in the origin point and never left anywhere.

There is nowhere to go.

Do you see what I'm saying?

To translate it into a practice,

I would say,

Keep on giving up ideas that are trying to persuade yourself that you are not realized,

That you are not worthy,

That you are not good enough as you are already.

Do you see what I'm saying?

No,

No,

This is not good enough.

I'm sure a better version,

A more profound version of me is waiting to be born.

And only then I can be.

.

.

I can rest.

I tell you,

If you believe that,

You guarantee you will never arrive.

Why?

Because you believe you haven't arrived.

So you won't arrive.

Carl is asking,

What's the difference between the restlessness of searching and the longing for the truth?

Ah,

What's the difference between search and longing?

Searching and longing.

It may sound the same,

But there is a difference.

Try to connect to the vibration that hides behind the word search.

No,

Behind the word search there is restlessness.

When will I be able to rest when I find what I'm looking for?

Isn't it?

Doesn't matter if it's the keys or enlightenment.

Because I believe I don't have it.

And only when I find it I will be fulfilled and happy.

Complete.

This is not complete.

Not as it is.

Can't be.

There must be something else.

So I keep searching.

Of course there is restlessness there.

Can you see that?

But longing,

Longing is so beautiful.

Longing.

Do you feel that energy that hides behind the word?

There is no restlessness there.

It's just a natural evolutionary tension to reunite.

But it hides no impatience.

Longing can exist for millennia.

It's not a problem.

It's so beautiful to be engulfed with longing.

Isn't it?

It's not about reaching a destination.

It's about,

You know,

Just being charmed by the process of life.

You know,

The ocean heats up and the water evaporates and they turn into clouds and those clouds are pouring rain and the rain falls on the ground and turns into streams,

Into rivers that flows back to the ocean.

There is no restlessness there.

The ocean is not sitting.

When are my drops coming back?

What's going on with my drops?

How come they are not here again already?

Isn't it?

It's just that longing.

It's so beautiful.

It's like a song that is singing through me.

Love song.

Love is.

.

.

Love knows no lack.

As opposed to what they show you in Hollywood.

Love knows no lack.

It's not a matter of only when you come back and reunite with me I will be complete.

No,

I'm full.

I'm just longing for your presence in me,

As me.

Do you see the difference?

We long for the truth but we don't wait for the moment that we will realize the truth.

It's not about realizing the truth.

You cannot realize the truth.

It can only be the truth.

And still you long for it with infinite patience.

What do you say?

So that's,

Again,

The question that I'm mirroring to you.

What do you feel still needs to be resolved in you before you can accept yourself totally and rest in that?

What is the story that you tell yourself that prohibits that?

Prohibits you accepting yourself as you are.

For the sake of this discussion an awakened consciousness can be defined as a consciousness that stopped doubting itself.

What do you say?

Now is your chance to share,

To shed off those ideas about yourself.

Just be vulnerable.

Expose it.

Lay down on this altar,

This virtual altar that we are surrounded surrounding with our presence.

As you lay down,

Let go of it.

It's like a ceremony of cleansing.

Be free of that.

Who's the brave one?

Jamie is saying,

Searching has little humor.

It is rigid and serious,

I think.

Yeah.

And it's a shame,

Because life is joyful,

Isn't it?

Taking life too seriously is one of the worst mistakes we can make.

Taking yourself too seriously.

So,

Who's the brave one?

What still stands between you and an awakened consciousness?

What do you believe should be different about yourself?

Otherwise,

We have a group of 19 enlightened beings here now,

Online.

Dale is saying,

Why do I doubt myself so much?

Yeah.

Why is a difficult question to answer.

Any why question is a difficult question to answer.

And it's not that important,

The why,

The reason.

What is important is that you become aware of it and you grow beyond doubt.

This is important.

Maybe in order to do that,

You need to know the reason.

That you keep on doubting yourself.

Okay.

So,

For that matter,

We can say a few examples.

The main reason I would say is that we are not accustomed to be in the presence of unconditional love.

Yeah.

I'm referring to Dale's question.

Think about it.

Unconditional love is so rare.

We were programmed to behave in a specific way in order to feel that we are worthy of the love that we believe we need.

As a matter of survival,

Our parents,

The culture that we were raised in,

Had these specific rules and regulations.

What is allowed and what is forbidden and how I should navigate between these two in order to feel loved and appreciated.

Right?

So,

Being at ease with myself as I am is not obvious at all.

Because that's always in doubt and under scrutinizing eyes.

No?

That's the right way to say it in English.

Keep on proving myself to be worthy.

It doesn't matter if I think I need to be the good boy or the bad boy or whatever is required for me to receive that attention and worthiness.

So,

It's normal that we bring that with us as we become adults,

No?

Self-doubt.

Am I worthy?

Am I up to your expectations?

Am I performing well enough to deserve your love?

Yeah,

That's almost natural that because we are not accustomed to be in the presence of unconditional love that we will be programmed to feel self-doubt.

Just imagine what would happen to you if you were raised in an environment that was truly an expression of unconditional love.

What kind of an individual you would be today?

Now,

It's not an invitation to feel a victim again.

Just to realize,

Oh,

Yeah.

And I'm not doubting the love that you received from your parents,

You know,

Of course.

I'm sure your parents loved you to the best of their capacity.

But it's not unconditional,

Is it?

Almost never.

It's always.

.

.

They have expectations and they have their own fears and anxieties around bringing you up as a kid.

And how what you do reflects on them as parents and all that,

No?

Intergenerational trauma,

We can discuss this until tomorrow.

But it's not truly unconditional.

It's always mixed with fear.

Love mixed with fear.

Unconditional love has no fear.

That's what makes it so unique.

It loves you with no expectations.

No conditions.

Not because what you do,

How do you perform,

How do you look.

Not even because of your characteristics,

But because you are.

So the cure for that,

The cure for lack of unconditional love that we know from our past is self-knowledge.

Why?

Because once you do realize yourself,

You understand,

Not as a concept,

But as an existential truth that you don't need to receive love.

You are love.

So all that dancing around the question,

Am I worthy of that love,

Is irrelevant anymore.

The fountain cannot find itself to be thirsty.

The fountain cannot find itself to be thirsty.

It is the fountain.

It's the source.

So what do you think about me?

Why is it important?

Am I worthy?

Who is worthy?

Who is asking that question?

Do you see what I'm saying?

So next time you encounter that type of doubt,

Don't fall into that trap again.

Oh yeah,

Maybe I'm not worthy.

You know,

That record is playing there in the background.

Don't wait for the day that the record will stop playing.

Because now you trap yourself again in the same trap that we discussed in the beginning of this discussion.

Waiting for something else to happen.

Don't wait for the record to stop playing.

It may never stop.

It may have been scratched in a way that it will keep on repeating itself again and again,

You're not worthy,

You're not worthy,

You're not worthy,

You're not worthy.

Whatever.

And you will hear that music again and again and again and again until the last breath you take.

It doesn't matter.

You can listen to that music but you can choose not to dance to it.

Do you see what I'm saying?

If you just observe and become aware of that music that is playing in the background of your existence,

You can choose what to do with that music.

You don't have to dance to it.

You don't have to believe it.

Let it play.

So what?

Know thyself.

You are peace regardless of how much noise there is around you.

You are peace.

What else?

Mars is asking,

How do we deal with overwhelm without becoming paralyzed?

And again,

The key is self-knowledge.

Self-knowledge.

Know who you are,

Truly.

You realize you are larger than any experience life can throw at you,

Pleasant or unpleasant.

Consciousness is bigger than anything that we can experience.

It's like the difference between the theater hall and the play that is currently being played on the stage.

The play can be very dramatic.

It can be very tragic.

It doesn't matter.

It doesn't threaten the theater hall.

How can it?

Theater hall is there to allow the play to be played.

That's it.

The same consciousness is there to allow reality to be experienced.

How can it threaten consciousness?

So knowing yourself to be that consciousness will allow you the strength,

The stability to face any storm.

As violent as it may be,

You become still as a mountain or flexible as water.

Whatever reality requires.

But it will never threaten you.

When you become overwhelmed,

You just remind yourself,

I was just carried away by the drama that is being played on the stage now.

I was so carried away.

It was so dramatic.

And I just forgot who I am for a minute because of that.

And just take one deep breath in.

Allow yourself to come back to your senses.

Remind yourself,

Oh,

I'm bigger than that.

And it will pass.

It will pass like everything else.

Everything else that starts has to finish.

If you don't resist it,

Maximum is 72 hours.

There is a talk.

You can find it on my Insight Timer page.

It's called 72 hours.

Listen to it.

The gist of it is that it cannot stay more than 72 hours.

That's the maximum it can stay.

Law of nature.

Unless you resist,

Then it can stay for a lifetime.

So allow it.

As turmoil as it may feel.

Allow it.

Remind yourself,

I'm bigger than that.

And it will pass.

Yeah.

Life sometimes throws hard rock.

And sometimes it offers a beautiful flower.

Sometimes it's pleasurable and sometimes it's painful.

Yeah.

That's life.

What to do.

And in 50 years,

This will all be washed away from existence.

Like a name that is written on the sand.

And a wave comes and just washes it away.

Don't take yourself too seriously.

Remember,

Enjoy life.

It's too short as it is.

Marcy is asking,

What about ongoing issues like health or lawsuits,

Etc.

Lasting decades.

If it lasts decades,

Look deep and see what are you resisting.

What are you not willing to accept.

Even my own temporary existence.

I'm not willing to accept that.

I'm not willing to go there.

Everyone here taking part of this conversation right now.

In 100 years,

Nobody even will remember your name.

Not to mention the drama that you experienced.

Only 100 years.

It's not so long.

Is it?

Remind yourself that.

When you.

.

.

It's a great exercise.

When I find myself taking myself too seriously,

Just remind myself,

In 50 years I will be 6 feet under,

Nobody will care anymore.

That's it.

Do you remember the name of your great-grandfather?

What was his name?

Your great-grandfather.

Do you know?

Same,

Your great-grandchildren will not remember your name.

Don't take it too seriously.

Debra,

I think of where do I have to be right.

What?

I think of where do I have to be right.

I don't understand the question.

Please explain.

Debra,

Where do I have to be right?

When I'm holding on to something.

Yes?

What's the question?

End it with a question mark.

How can I let go of having to be right?

It's a matter of preferences.

What is more important to you?

You need to ask yourself that.

It's extremely important that you reflect on this question.

What is more important to you?

Is it more important to be right or is it more important to be free?

This is the balance.

OK?

You can choose either this or that.

You cannot have both,

Unfortunately.

You have to choose.

If you want to be right,

That's OK.

You can keep on struggling being right.

That's your choice.

But don't expect to be free while striving to be right.

This cannot happen.

If you want to be free and you want to be free more than anything else especially more than being right all the time and winning an argument or whatever then every time there is this junction you choose again and again I want to be free.

I don't care about being right.

At least not as much as I care about being free.

And I let go.

Because it's more important to keep my heart open and my soul willing more important than anything else.

So it's an important question to ponder about.

What is more important to you?

What is the most important thing for you?

Being free equals accepting people and situations as they are and not arguing with life anymore and saying thank you.

Choose each time.

Notice each time.

Yeah.

It could be 50 times a day.

It could be 500 times a day.

Gina or Gene I heard of spiritual teachers that offer energy transmissions.

What do you think about it?

Is it a chance that is amazing to experience or is it also dangerous because not everyone might be able to integrate it afterwards?

Energy transmission.

Yeah,

For sure.

You know,

We are energetic beings and some people master the art of playing with that energy.

We can all do that.

We can all learn how to navigate that energy.

It takes some skill and some fine-tuning our senses which are usually too occupied with the drama of life.

But let me tell you a secret.

It might not be pleasant to hear.

But if you are truly honest about your quest to be free then you will eventually come to the resolution that freedom does not hide in the experience pleasurable or painful.

As long as you keep chasing for experiences you are just postponing the inevitable.

And it doesn't matter how beautiful and amazing and spiritual and enlightening that experience may be.

We all had those moments of grace where there was no I and we were just pure consciousness as brief as it was.

And then that experience goes away and you come back to your everyday life and struggles and la-la-li-la-la-la.

And you keep chasing for that experience or something more dramatic hoping that only then you will be able to whatever idea you have about yourself.

No,

It's not about the experience.

It's about the experiencer.

And as long as you keep chasing the experience,

You miss the experiencer.

Do you see what I'm saying?

So yeah,

You can go and you know,

Experience with energy transmission.

Yeah,

Why not?

You know,

But don't hope that this will resolve you from your sins or whatever,

You know your lessons and help you to manifest some greater version of yourself that still is hidden.

No,

That's an illusion.

And nobody else nobody else can force you to open your heart.

That's your choice.

Not even Jesus himself or Buddha or whatever.

There is no knight in a shining armor waiting for you to jump on his white horse and take you to the sunset.

Let go of that dependency.

It's you choosing to stay open and soft with a full heart and a willing soul.

Hmm?

Jing,

I hope it's more than just making sense.

I hope you hear that.

You hear the vibration.

You hear the invitation around it.

Hmm?

Rajwinder,

How you know what you're doing it's on right track.

You let go of the idea there is a wrong track.

Okay?

Whatever you choose to do,

You do it 100%.

You surrender to whatever you choose to do and the consequence of that there is no wrong track.

There's only the track that you're on.

Forget about right and wrong.

It's only how much are you able to surrender to that.

It's like nothing is in your hands.

No,

It's not.

Nothing is in your hands.

Beautiful.

Surrender to that.

Surrender to the mystery.

Jing is saying,

Ha ha,

Yeah.

It was more an offer,

But I felt like I do not want it.

I was special exactly for those reasons.

Thank you for the answer.

Yeah,

Welcome.

Completely surrender to the universe.

Thank you.

Wow.

I think we've done a journey today.

Haven't we?

Jing is saying,

Keep on bashing these illusions,

Please.

Very helpful.

Yeah,

That's what we're here to do.

Every week,

Do come back.

Next Saturday,

We're going to meet again and grow a little bit more together.

What do you think?

And bring a friend.

Bring a friend with you and let's make it a party.

You know?

Somebody that you know that is struggling or needs some reinforcing.

Bring them.

Take them by the ear if you need to,

But make sure that they sit next to you enjoying the meeting.

What do you think?

I want to hear a resounding yes before we close this meeting.

So,

Good night,

Good morning,

Wherever you are.

See you next week.

Love you very much.

Bye-bye.