Graceful Relationships - Part 7

Join us for a transformative series of talks exploring the nature of relationships. We’ll turn our attention to the non-dual nature of existence, using The Song of Mahamudra as our guide. Together, we’ll explore how these two dimensions—personal connection and awakened awareness—can harmonize into a unified way of being.

Co-hosted by Carly Beaulieu.

The Song of the Mahamudra – Chapter 7: The Pathless Path. The song continues: to transcend duality is the kingly view. To conquer distractions is the royal practice. The path of no-practice is the way of all buddhas. He who treads that path reaches buddhahood. transient is this world, like phantoms and dreams, substance it has none.

Renounce it and forsake your kin, cut the strings of lust and hatred, and meditate in woods and mountains. If, without effort, you remain loosely in the natural state, soon you will win and attain the nonattainment.

Transcript

Hello.

Welcome to another opportunity that we give ourselves to stop the rush,

Hold hands and walk the path together.

The white path,

Not just as individuals but also as a united consciousness that is growing by answering and asking,

Longing for the truth.

And today's meeting is dedicated to our continuous discussion about the nature of relationships.

So this is your opportunity to contribute to the discussion by sharing any relationship related issue that you feel that is still unresolved and unresolved.

Stands there between you and an awakened consciousness.

And then in the second half we'll remind ourselves that relationships are an illusion to begin with.

And this is all just one big joke.

So who wants to be the first to jump into the waters today?

I'm sure you came with fantastic questions today.

Don't wait for the other person to be the first.

You jump in directly into the spotlights.

Come on,

We are all pumped up here.

Just had a heated argument.

Use this opportunity.

Unless we are supposed to understand that your relationships are resolved.

And there is no issue whatsoever there.

Irene says,

My dilemma concerns my feelings about my daughter's path and her way to attaining her dream profession.

Would you like to expand what about your feelings?

What do you feel?

Fear?

Disappointment?

Judgment?

What is there?

What's the problem?

Put a question mark at the end of the sentence.

Otherwise,

It's difficult to refer to that.

I'm activated by your questions.

Unless you want to see me here sitting and smiling for the next hour,

You need to form it as a question.

I judge that she may lack the qualifications this path is to become an actor.

Ah,

She might be lacking the necessary qualifications.

So what happens?

What to do with these emotions that you feel when you are thinking about your daughter and her life choices?

You know,

There is some natural concern as a parent.

No,

We want our kids to prosper and be happy and successful in whatever they're doing.

So naturally,

We are worried about them.

When you meet that in you,

What to do with it?

Just know that it's natural.

It's expected that you as a parent will experience these emotions.

Right?

You're afraid,

You're worried,

You're concerned that she might won't be able to fulfill her dreams.

So natural,

Isn't it?

Do you know a parent that is not experiencing these emotions about their kids?

It's normal.

Yeah,

So what to do?

You don't have to fall into that trap.

Yes,

You feel those emotions,

For sure.

It's natural that you would,

But you don't need to be the slave of these emotions.

You don't need to believe these terrifying thoughts that you might have about what she might experience and how she might succeed or fail.

The fact that you are having these emotions and thoughts doesn't require you to act in any way.

It doesn't need to activate you in any way,

Trigger you in any way.

You don't need to express it just to ventilate because it doesn't have any power.

These thoughts and ideas that you have,

These feelings and emotions that you feel,

They don't have any power.

You can experience them without identifying,

Without believing,

So you won't be triggered.

You can just observe how a fearful emotion is being manifested in you right now when you think about your daughter.

You can just recognize that you have a terrible thought about the future of your daughter right now,

But you don't have to believe it.

You don't have to be carried away into that drama that it suggests,

And definitely you don't need to throw that bucket on your daughter's face.

Do you see what I'm saying?

When you stop identifying with negative emotions,

With negative thoughts,

You realize they don't have any power.

You are free to meet them without identifying,

So you're not triggered anymore.

Your daughter needs only one thing from you,

And it's not because I know you or your daughter.

It's because what every child needs from their parents,

And that is… What is it?

The first one to write the right answer receives a trophy.

Unconditional love.

Irene is the winner.

Yeah.

So instead of pouring your fears on your daughter,

Which is the opposite of love,

Fear is love standing on its head.

It's the opposite.

So when you meet your daughter,

Remind yourself,

I'm here to pour my unconditional love on her.

That's why I'm here.

That's my job in this life.

When I support her,

Wherever she goes,

Whatever she decides to do,

I will be there day and night,

24-7.

I will be her rock.

I will be her inspiration.

I will be the inspiration.

Live an example of what motherly love looks like.

Unconditionally.

Huh?

What do you say?

Isn't that a better vision than just being afraid and concerned about our kids?

What?

Um,

I was thinking about if you,

If you are talking about not identifying with the,

With the belief,

And not to,

You know,

Certainly not to dump that all over the person you're trying to have a relationship with.

What about speaking to them about that from the point of view of how you're recognizing that this is a belief you're holding and you're aware that it's just a belief or a thought and it has no power.

Like Irene said,

That her daughter feels that she projects her own failures onto her.

Yeah,

Of course.

We learn from life that it can be difficult.

It can be painful.

And our natural instinct as parents is to make sure that it will be easier on our kids because we don't want that to repeat with them.

We don't want them to experience the pain that we've experienced.

That doesn't work.

Keeping our kids in a cotton box,

Making sure life doesn't hurt them,

Is doomed to fail miserably.

And that's not what our kids need,

Us to protect them against life.

They are here to experience life,

Pleasurable and painful.

That's why they receive the body,

To experience everything life has to offer.

And it's not always pleasant,

Yes.

So although we have this instinct to make sure they are safe and protected,

It's not what they need.

It's not honest parenting.

What they need is unconditional love.

Make sure your love is always there.

And when you are surrounded by fears and anxiety,

You cannot truly love.

That's true with your kids or with your partners or with your parents or with anybody else.

It's a distorted form of love.

And we're looking for the pure form of it.

So your question was?

I guess,

Is it helpful or beneficial to have that conversation with the person that you're in the relationship with?

Or what is the suggested course of action when you do feel triggered?

Look,

When you feel triggered,

What happens?

There is a gap between reality as it happens and what you believe should have happened,

Right?

It doesn't matter.

You feel the gap now.

There's countless examples,

Especially relation-wise.

You talk to me like this,

But I believe you should have talked to me differently.

You said to me this,

But I believe you should have said to me that,

Right?

There is a gap.

What usually we do is we stand on the fish barrel.

And we try to convince the world that we are right and they are wrong,

Right?

You mean the soapbox?

Yeah.

In Hebrew,

It's called the fish barrel.

And we try to close the gap by convincing the world that we are just and the world is unjust.

We are right and the world is wrong,

Right?

That's what we're trying to do.

I know what should have happened.

And what we learn on the wide path is closing the gap is always on an only possible in this direction.

So you make sure you're responsible for your own emotions,

Your own ideas.

And if you want to stop suffering in that reference of what you think they should have done,

You close the gap and you come resolved.

You don't need them to change so you can be happy.

You don't need them to agree with the idea that you have so you can be resolved.

No,

No.

You come resolved by closing the gap.

And if you want to know how to close the gap or you forgot and you want to learn it again,

It's there on my Insight Timer page.

Stop suffering once and for all.

There is a talk titled stop suffering once and for all.

And it guides you step by step how to close the gap the right way.

OK,

Then once you are resolved,

You can go and change the world.

You can talk,

You can persuade,

You can explain.

But now you are free from the condition that they should understand so you can be happy.

No,

That will never work.

This is not sustainable,

Unfortunately.

And Irene says back to judging her daughter and and seeing and maybe worrying about the path that there are that that she knows people who are always complimentary and proud of their offspring.

So what's the problem?

I guess what's the difference in the outlook or how do we how do we reconcile that when we see some parents that are so proud of their offspring and complimentary of them?

You can use it as an example,

As an inspiration.

No,

But I think what you're saying,

The difference is,

Is that it's not about what they do or as a profession or how successful they are or how that perception is in as a as a standard in society.

It's about seeing their being as a as perfection.

Exactly.

Another newer 2.

0 version of yourself,

Which is experiencing life because it's their turn now.

And experiencing life can be painful and it can be pleasurable and you're not proud of them because of their achievements.

And you're not disappointed at them because of their failures.

Be proud of them because they are your kids.

End of discussion.

OK,

So,

Bev,

I'm getting to your thing here just because Melissa made some comments.

They need our support in their journey like we did.

So then Melissa says,

Keep your fears and anxieties to yourself.

So this is what I'm talking about.

Do we?

Like you talked about not ventilating,

You know,

So so we so we see something that we're in another person that we're having a relationship with that we're worried about or that we're fearful of or that we're judging or that whatever it is we expect from that person or we get triggered by something they've said or done.

So so then what?

Like,

Talk us through how that goes.

Realize it's not about the other person.

It's not about your kid.

It's not about your partner.

It's not about your mother.

It's not about your ex-wife.

It's about you falling into the trap again.

The trap of drama created by your own ideas,

Your own fears.

A fear is an idea about a possible future.

Yes.

So you are carried down that rabbit hole of drama.

Take responsibility.

Stop throwing it at other people.

It's your ideas and it's your lack of awareness to be carried away by them.

So being responsible,

You use those opportunities when you meet those fears,

Those anxieties,

Those contradicting ideas about what should have happened.

Yes.

Contradicting to the truth,

To the present moment.

You meet those and you use them as opportunities to grow.

Wait,

Wait,

What happened here?

How come I'm triggered?

What is this?

What is still unresolved in me?

What is the trap that I've fallen again in?

Yes.

Take responsibility.

That's a true sign of a mature consciousness.

It stops blaming and victimizing itself.

You found yourself buried in a hole of drama.

Work on it.

Work on your fears.

There's a whole course about fears versus surrender that you can follow.

Work.

Take responsibility.

Look at those fears.

Understand what is the origin of the fear.

And so,

Is it helpful?

I guess in this idea of relationships,

We are striving for connection with other people.

As much as we're getting to this second part of realizing that duality is an illusion.

But if we're living in duality or recognizing that there's a you and me in a relationship,

Is it helpful in our journey to,

Especially if maybe we did,

You know,

Have a reaction,

Maybe a negative reaction,

Or have a judgment that was expressed or something like that.

Is it then useful or helpful to bring that awareness to the relationship in order to make connection?

Or is this just something that we're doing on our own time?

Again,

You're now going to the realm of doing.

You're asking me,

Is it the right thing to do or not?

I don't know.

You will know.

When will you know?

When this doing is an expression of love,

Not of fear,

Not of suffering,

Not of anger,

Frustration.

But lovingly,

You've realized there is an opportunity to reflect to that person something that he might be unaware of,

And it could help him grow.

This is how people grow.

They don't grow because you come all frustrated and angry at them,

Demanding them to change so you can be happy.

That doesn't work,

Unfortunately.

And even if it does,

It's only on the surface.

Deep down,

They develop resentment,

No?

So,

If you really want to inspire people to grow and to change and maybe to mirror something that they are oblivious to,

Do it as an expression of unconditional love.

Meaning,

I don't need you to change.

I love you as you are.

You are magnificent,

Perfect as you are.

Don't change for me,

Please.

I don't want you to change.

I want you to stay exactly as you are.

This is how I love you.

And,

There is something you might not be aware of.

Okay?

And I can give you a trick.

Maybe there was something,

There was a comment here about emotional intelligence is something I'm still working on.

So,

In order not to keep it all philosophical,

I can give you a simple trick that you can apply.

Every time you feel that you're being carried away into the drama,

Into the story of what terrible things may happen,

And you don't want to go there.

So,

A very good trick.

Before you open your mouth and start spewing your fears and frustration and anger or whatever it is,

On other people,

Before you do that,

Take a deep breath in.

And come back to the present moment together with the breath.

Bring your attention in the present moment.

Completely be here and now.

And then you see in the vast majority of cases that here and now,

It's fine.

There is no problem.

The problem is only to do with things that might happen later in the future.

This is where your fears are trying to drag you.

Or,

You're suffering judging what already happened in the past.

Yes?

Generating opinions about past events.

So,

Instead of running to the past or to the future together with your suffering and fear,

What you do now is use your breath to come back to the present moment.

And then you see in the present moment,

There is no issue.

There is no problem.

We are just sitting here talking.

Is there a problem?

You can do that.

Just take a deep breath.

Remind yourself.

It's okay.

Life is okay.

Right here,

Right now.

And if it doesn't work,

Take another breath.

Take a third breath.

By the third breath,

I guarantee you will come back to your senses.

And then you can more intelligently filter what you actually want to say.

How do you respond?

How do you react?

Breath.

Breath.

So,

Bev is saying,

I've been relationship-free for a few years.

My entire adult life,

I've attracted the wrong type of partner.

Did you?

I'm happy on my own,

But still think that the right person might be around the corner or not.

I've had more personal growth by far with Insight Timer's help,

Without a partner.

Yeah,

Yeah.

But let go of the idea that they were wrong.

We're going to discuss more about that in the second half of our meeting.

Life is not wrong.

Life is just endless opportunities to learn and experience and grow.

That's it.

It's never wrong.

God doesn't make mistakes.

If you believe that,

You're lost.

If you believe God is making mistakes and you know better what should have happened,

That's it.

You're lost.

I once was lost,

But now I see God doesn't make mistakes.

Don't put these labels on your past experiences.

Yeah,

Insight Timer helped you to grow.

Fantastic.

Now use that growth.

Come back to the world.

Spread unconditional love.

Let your next partner be the luckiest person on the planet as he unites with the source,

Which is you.

What else?

What about the live audience that we have here?

What about the Zoom audience?

No,

We can't hear them.

You have to text because of the microphone cannot hear your audio as you're talking.

So Marcy was saying,

Irene,

You care so much.

Show that to your daughter.

Of course,

We're all working on these issues.

That means you care.

That means we're alive and the work doesn't end.

Of course,

When we forget and then we remember and then we forget and then we remember,

Come back to Insight Timer,

We are reminded.

Then we go back to life and we forget.

It's okay.

We're human.

Just make sure that your path takes you to a space that is easier to remember and more difficult to forget.

Until you find that you didn't forget even once today.

On Zoom,

There's no questions.

Just soaking it all in.

Good.

What else?

Tilopa time?

I guess.

Tilopa is playing with your questions today,

In a way.

So we are following a song that is sang by a teacher called Tilopa to his beloved disciple Niropa 800 years ago.

And in this song,

He's expressing a state of consciousness that cannot be described or explained.

So he has to sing it.

That's the only way he can deliver the message.

And I urge you,

When you follow the text,

Don't only try to understand the meaning behind the words,

But only also open yourself for the vibration that they carry.

These words are very charged with Tilopa's energy.

So open yourself to that.

You had some more comments.

Did you want to go back to those for a minute?

Sure.

So Marci's saying,

I've been depressed and tired of being in pain,

Having nightmares,

Tried everything over the years,

Still trying,

But feel lost.

I miss my parents and so many that have passed.

Yeah.

The grief of loss is there.

I think we should dedicate a meeting for dealing with grief.

That's definitely something we all experience.

It's inevitable.

Life,

One of life's invitation to experience grief and loss.

But I encourage you to keep,

To be committed to the path,

You know,

Seva,

Satsang,

Sadhana,

Sadguru,

Be committed to the path.

Keep reminding yourself on a daily basis,

What is most important to you and help your physical,

Emotional,

Energetical bodies to heal,

To balance,

Make it important,

Make it the most important thing.

You know,

Be committed to your choice to walk on this path.

Have,

I don't want to say faith,

But have that knowing that you are taken care of.

You don't need to worry about life.

You are taken care of.

Know that.

Not because I say,

Because you feel blessed.

You feel graceful.

You are an expression of grace.

Just go deep down,

Deep into your essence again and again and again and again,

Beyond your ideas and the stories and beyond your body and his stories,

Its stories,

Whatever,

However you say.

Yeah,

Go,

Go through the pain.

Don't reject the pain.

On the other side of pain,

Pleasure waits.

Pain is not an issue.

It's okay.

When pain comes,

Feel it,

Experience it.

When sadness comes,

You dive deep into it.

And on the other side,

There is happiness.

Just don't reject the present moment.

Don't be afraid of it.

Embrace it.

Love it.

Dive into it.

Merge with it.

Make it the most important thing.

What do you say?

I don't promise you anything,

But a whole heart and a willing soul.

I don't promise salvation.

I don't promise eternal life.

I don't promise a kingdom of heavenly kingdom.

Nothing on the other side waits for you.

The here and now is waiting for your open heart and your willing soul.

Make sure you don't miss this opportunity.

This is as good as it gets.

Yes,

Malsi?

And know that you are not alone.

The fact that you keep coming to every meeting is crucial.

It's important.

Keep on coming.

Be dedicated.

And spread that love.

The easiest way out of depression is to help somebody that is more depressed than you.

And I guarantee there are many of them around you.

Just find one.

Bring them.

Help.

Support.

Shed some unconditional love.

The more you shed,

The more alive,

The more powerful you become.

Enough?

Humanchu says that they are unable to forget their last relationship since they were deeply involved and in love.

Good.

Don't forget.

Keep it as a beautiful souvenir.

And continue forward on your path.

Just make sure your heart is open to the next adventure.

So we are following in the song of Tilopa.

Let's take a deep breath in and let go.

Forget everything that was said today and open a new chamber in your heart to receive these words.

7.

The Pathless Path To transcend duality is the kingly view.

To conquer distractions is the royal practice.

The path of no practice is the way of all Buddhas.

He who treads that path is the true master of all Buddhas.

The pathless path reaches Buddhahood.

Transient is the world,

Like phantoms and dreams.

Substance it has none.

Renounce it and forsake your kin.

Cut the strings of lust and hatred.

And meditate in woods and mountains.

If without effort you remain loosely in the natural state,

Soon Mahamudra will win and attain the non-attainment.

7.

The Pathless Path To transcend duality is the kingly view.

What is duality is our mind's way to understand the world,

To recognize and deal with the reality that is currently in front of us.

There is me and there is the event that is happening.

That's the most fundamental duality of the experience versus the experiencer.

Yes,

But transcending that is basically non-duality,

Is realizing that these two don't really exist.

It's only one.

We cut whatever we experience into two.

Good and bad.

Preferable or unpreferable.

This I want,

This I reject.

Craving and aversions.

All these duality supported experiences.

So,

Transcending that is the realization of oneness.

That life is not dual at all.

There is no observer and there is no object of observation.

They are both one and the same.

There is no good and there is no bad.

There is no preferable or unpreferable.

All these are just man-made concepts,

Artificially created to somehow access the experience and digest it.

So,

Transcending that is the kingly view.

What is the kingly view?

Why a king?

Because a king is a metaphor for wholeness.

It's a metaphor of wealth that is not questioned.

A king is like you have everything.

Everything is yours.

The whole kingdom.

There is no need to be afraid of anything because you own everything.

You don't walk around scaled,

Protective.

The kingly view is a view of uncontested wealth.

So,

Once you are connected to the oneness,

You realize you cannot miss anything.

You are an expression of everything.

To conquer destructions is the royal practice.

What is to conquer destructions?

Everything that happens has a tendency to steal your attention.

That's the nature of the realm of phenomena.

Steal your attention.

Again and again you are completely caught,

Hypnotized by the constant change of the realm of phenomenas and distracted again and again and again and again from your own true nature,

Which is non-changing.

That's why the essence of all meditations is to grab your attention from the changing and have it rest in the non-changing.

Even if for a small,

Short period of time.

When you look at the skies,

No?

Immediately where the eyes go,

They go to the clouds because it's more interesting.

There are shapes,

There are colors.

You can find a turtle,

You can find a bunny.

The skies are boring.

There's nothing there.

It's just blue.

There's no drama there at all.

You see?

The royal practice is to go to the blue again and again and again.

The path of no practice is the way of all Buddhas.

Oh,

No practice.

There is nothing you can do that will eventually allow Mahamudra to blossom in you.

Nothing you can do,

No practice.

Doesn't matter how many hours you sit,

Meditate or whatever,

Do your yoga or whatever you believe that can bring you closer.

This is so painful to the ego.

It's not a matter of your efforts,

Your dedication,

Your commitment.

No practice.

Just be that.

It's the way of all Buddhas.

And this is also revolutionary.

Imagine 800 years ago,

There was only one Buddha.

When you talk to the culture,

Which is Buddhist,

And you say all Buddhas,

It's almost a blasphemy.

Think about it.

But Tilopa is referring to all teachers that are a living example of that truth.

Whether you're Buddhist or Hindu or whatever,

Christian or Muslim or Jew or whatever.

All the Buddhas of the world.

He who treads that path reaches Buddhahood.

Transient is the world,

Like phantoms and dreams.

Some substance it has no,

None.

Maya,

Have you heard about this term Maya in Sanskrit?

It's an illusion.

What is Maya?

An illusion of substance.

The realm of phenomena steals your attention again and again.

You believe it's true.

Why?

Because it's there for you to experience.

And you're completely caught in that.

Hypnotized by that.

But forgetting that this is just shadows.

Shadows.

Shadows of the truth.

What is the truth?

The truth is non-changing.

The truth cannot be partial or relative.

What's the word in English?

You know,

What is right for me is wrong for you.

How do you call it?

Matter of perspective.

Relative.

The truth cannot be relative.

That's the word I was looking for.

The truth can only be absolute and the absolute never changes.

It's the non-changing.

So instead of keep chasing phantoms and dreams,

Tilopa is inviting us to relax and be present.

The secret is not there in the realm of phenomena.

As attractive as it may be.

And then he's coming with some strong sentences,

Really challenging us.

Renounce it.

Renounce the world.

And forsake your kin.

What?

Cut the strings of lust and hatred and meditate in woods and mountains.

Wow.

You saw some strong suggestions.

You know,

And it's typical for that time.

The invitation was to renounce the world,

The stupidity of this world.

If you want to come closer to the truth or to God,

Go sit in a cave.

It's better.

If you want to avoid the distractions of this world,

Like lust and hate,

I want,

I don't want,

Cravings and aversion,

Better sit in a cave.

There the world cannot steal your attention so easily.

I don't think necessarily that this invitation is relevant to our modern era.

You don't need to hide in a cave to come closer to God.

Your challenge is to find God in your mind mundane.

There is a whole talk about finding divinity in the mundane.

Search it up on my Insight channel page.

Forsake your kin.

I just spoke about it.

What?

I'm supposed to forsake my children?

At least at the level of identification.

Of course,

You will keep on being the parent.

But don't identify around this role.

This is not who you are.

You are not a parent.

This is not what you are.

You've invited new people to this world.

Yes.

Or at least you've been the tool that allowed that to happen.

But that's not your identification.

Meditating woods and mountains?

Yeah,

If it works for you.

Some people,

I love to meditate in nature.

It's gorgeous.

But don't get caught in this idea that if you're not in the immediate vicinity of woods and mountains,

It's not possible.

This is a common excuse.

Oh yeah,

When I retire,

I can travel to India.

There I can do that.

No.

Here and now,

As you are.

If without effort you remain loosely in the natural state,

Soon Mahmud Ra will win and attain the non-attainment.

Without effort,

Remain loose in the natural state.

These are very important words.

Remember,

It's not something that to be attained or achieved.

It's not a reward at the end of your efforts.

If you truly want Mahmud Ra to blossom in you,

You gather all your courage,

All your strength,

And you let go.

You don't remain in control.

You don't continue to manipulate life.

So Mahmud Ra will dawn in you.

It's not up to you.

Let go.

Remain loose,

Effortless.

That's the only state you can be,

So divinity can play through you.

As long as you are contracted,

Trying to get there,

There's no room for divinity to enter.

Let go of the trying.

Realize you already arrived.

You don't need to go anywhere.

And now you realize you never left.

Good,

Good.

Any comments or questions?

Any words left after all this?

Or is this just pure silence?

I invite you to use these coming days to practice that.

Sit loosely,

Effortlessly.

Sit and be without trying to achieve anything.

Without being distracted by fleeting events,

Thoughts,

Emotions,

Sensations.

Just be.

If you found that you've been distracted,

Okay,

A big breath in,

Come back to the present moment.

Just be.

Forget your hopes and your anxieties.

Forget your agenda.

Just be.

Practice that.

And we can share our experience next week.

What do you say?

So we're going to meet again this coming Saturday at 12.

Is it?

Yeah,

Saturday at 12.

So bring a friend and bring your beautiful questions and we can continue to grow together.

Thank you very much for your time and your questions and your beautiful attention.

Attention.

Jesse's saying thank you.

All of this,

I'm sure,

Helped me a lot.

Happy I found myself here.

Wow.

So keep on coming.

Good night,

Good morning,

Wherever you are.

Bye-bye.