Graceful Relationships- Part 3

Join us for a transformative series of talks exploring our relationships—how to navigate challenges and obstacles, how these relationships shape the way we live, and the deeper forces at play. What does an enlightened relationship look like? From another perspective, we’ll explore the non-dual nature of existence, guided by the timeless wisdom of the Song of Mahamudra. Together, we’ll bring both the personal and the universal into one unified harmony.

Co-hosted by our beloved Carly Beaulieu.

The song of the mahamudra – chapter 3: the nature of darkness and light The song continues: the darkness of ages cannot shroud the glowing sun; the long kalpas of samsara ne’er can hide the mind’s brilliant light. Though words are spoken to explain the void, the void as such can never be expressed. Though we say “the mind is as bright as light,” it is beyond all words and symbols. Although the mind is void, all things it embraces and contains.

Transcript

So,

Hello dear people,

Welcome to this unique opportunity we give ourselves to stop the rush,

Hold hands and walk the path together as one united consciousness which is evolving while asking and answering.

It's good that you came because this meeting we are going to dedicate ourselves to investigate the forces that drive us to relationships,

In relationships and out of relationships.

So,

That's your opportunity to bring any issue you may have and share it courageously.

Allow yourself to shed off that useless weight off your shoulders.

We are dedicating this series to investigate that subject of relationships and everything they encapsulate,

Where we meet the drama of life,

Everything is in the context of relationships,

Me versus life.

So we are going to dedicate time for that,

Following your questions.

And then we are going to address the same topics but from above,

Following the song of Mahamudra,

Reminding ourselves that relationships is just an earthly drama created by ego which doesn't truly exist.

But we'll address that later.

So hopefully we can cover all aspects of it from below and from above.

What do you say?

Sounds like a good idea?

Who would like to be the first one to jump into the waters today?

Would be a relationship with your friend,

Your partner,

Your parents,

Your kids or with yourself?

Everything is always in the context of relationship.

Tando has a question.

Hi all,

First time here and just joined and didn't hear the full question.

So hi Tando,

Welcome.

Presence is highly appreciated.

We're always excited to have new members.

The question was,

What issues are still unresolved in your relationships?

What do you feel needs to be resolved?

What do you feel is still entangled and needs some work,

Some attention?

What were we talking about a couple days ago that we said would make good conversation for the class?

I don't recall.

Tando was saying,

I was abandoned by dad at age six and I'm 38 now and been struggling with forgiving him in the past and it's affected most romantic relationships.

Yeah,

Thank you for sharing.

Yeah,

It's a very good issue to refer to,

No?

Past impressions that are stuck on us for years,

For decades,

Influencing us today,

Even though they may happen 30 years ago.

So what to do with that?

Let's talk about forgiving for a minute,

Okay?

People think I must forgive.

It's the right thing to do.

It's the spiritual thing to do.

I can't move onwards in my journey if I don't forgive.

I tell you on the right path,

Don't bother.

Don't try to forgive.

Because forgiveness is required when you believe somebody else made a mistake that shouldn't have happened,

That you believe that you are wronged and that was a mistake,

A terrible cosmic accident that shouldn't have occurred.

And because it occurred,

There is somebody to blame and there is you that needs to forgive accordingly.

Isn't that so?

Do you see that?

Who is forgiving and for what reason?

Yes,

I acknowledge the fact that you wronged me,

But I am great enough to forgive you with my grace.

Who is saying that?

Who is taking ownership over that quality?

No,

No.

Forgiveness is only required when you are stuck with the belief that reality is a mistake,

It shouldn't have happened.

Do you see that?

Fathers should not leave their six-year-old children,

And if they do,

They are to blame and for me to forgive.

But what would you be without that belief?

That's a question to ponder about.

What would I be free of the belief that this was a mistake that shouldn't have happened?

Imagine a version of yourself that is not stuck to that belief anymore.

How would that version maneuver through life?

Free from the belief that my father should not have left me when I was six.

Can you imagine such a version?

What kind of relationship that version is having with life,

With other partners?

Do you see how important it is to recognize those gaps that you open between reality as it happens and my beliefs about what should have happened?

Don't bother to forgive.

Put your energy on closing these gaps.

It's much more important.

Once your belief structure stops arguing with life,

Contradicting life,

You'll see there's nothing to forgive to begin with.

If reality happens in divine accuracy,

Then what are you trying to forgive?

Who are you trying to forgive and why?

Do you see what I'm saying?

Does it make sense?

Yeah.

We can carry that weight a lifetime.

It doesn't matter the specifics,

You know,

Of what generated that weight.

I tell you,

Every single one of us is scratched one way or the other.

Some scratchers are deep.

Some are on the surface.

But every single one of us is scratched and that's not a mistake.

That's what we are here for,

To be scratched by life.

We are not here to glide through life untouched.

It's not going to happen.

Life will kill us eventually and it's going to be really painful until that happens.

Of course,

It's going to be really pleasurable as well.

But both are there and an awakened consciousness doesn't try to maneuver between pleasure and pain.

Avoiding the pain and sticking to the pleasure.

Embrace the pain just as much as you embrace the pleasure.

Then you know you're free.

Do you see what I'm saying?

So,

It's an invitation for each one of us to observe that weight that you carry with you,

On you,

On your shoulders.

Observe that weight.

Ask yourself,

Is it really necessary to keep on carrying that?

Or are you ready to let go of it?

You don't need to forgive anyone,

Not even yourself.

Some people,

You know,

We spoke about it last time.

Some people,

It's very easy for them to forgive other people,

But it's really difficult for them to forgive themselves.

No?

It happens.

Especially if you have low self-esteem and you don't believe you are worthy of forgiveness.

Wow,

It could be a terrible weight to carry.

Self-blame.

It doesn't matter if you try to forgive other people or you're trying to forgive yourself.

The same mathematics apply.

No?

You're stuck with the belief that you should have been different.

You're stuck with this idea that you made a terrible mistake that cannot be forgiven.

Let me give you a rule of thumb.

That's how you say it,

A rule of thumb for life.

You did the best you could do under the circumstances that you faced at that moment.

You always do only the best you can.

And sometimes the result of your best efforts is quite nasty.

Yeah.

Life can be really nasty.

Same applies for other people,

You know.

Don't put intentions behind other people's mistakes.

They only are doing the best they can.

And even if you translate as hateful,

Resentful,

Whatever,

They are doing that because they don't know anything better than that.

They don't know how to express their misery,

Their pain,

Their suffering otherwise.

They don't know how to digest it.

They don't know how to operate in it.

So they just puke it on you.

They don't know any better.

So have some compassion instead of judgment.

You know,

Compassion for other people when they suffer,

Compassion for yourself when you suffer.

Hmm?

What do you say?

Lucy said,

Interesting,

Never viewed it that way.

Tando said,

Wow.

Summerstar joined us.

What else?

Relationship-related questions.

This is transformative,

Do you see that?

Just identify that belief,

Single belief.

My father should not have left me when I was six.

Boom.

Just one belief influenced the rest of your life.

Ask yourself,

What is more important to you?

To keep that belief?

Believing that you are just,

You are right,

And it shouldn't have been like that?

Or do you prefer to walk through life with an open heart and a willing soul?

Because I tell you,

An open heart cannot stick to beliefs.

No beliefs cloud the clear skies of an open heart.

Hmm.

Summerstar says,

I love relationship lives.

Oh,

This is a life,

And it's about relationships,

Good.

I hope you have more,

I joined so late.

We do have more,

This is the third in a series of ten.

And the first two are recorded and available for you on my Insight Timer page,

So check it out.

If you want to catch up on what we already did,

It's good,

Do that.

And Carol says,

You have to love yourself before anyone else can love you.

Do you?

I know you're going to have some words about that sentence.

Come on.

Guys,

Let go of these Frigidaire notes.

Like notes on the refrigerator?

Bumper stickers?

Exactly.

Let go of these ideas about what should happen or shouldn't happen.

First of all,

You see,

We believe that people should love us.

That's what's leading to that conclusion.

People should love us.

What?

Why?

Says who?

I believe people should love me.

Otherwise,

I can't be happy,

Fulfilled,

Resolved,

Enlightened,

Whatever is driving you.

Don't put conditions on love,

Ever.

In any context,

My recommendation,

Drop the condition.

You should love me.

That's a terrible condition,

I tell you.

That's a true way to make sure that it's difficult to love you.

So I believe,

In order for people to love me,

I need to love myself.

Okay,

So now,

How to do that?

How to love myself?

Don't bother.

Love is not something you can.

.

.

Force on anything.

This movie,

Bruce Almighty,

Remember that movie?

Bruce Almighty,

With what's his name?

Yeah,

What's his name?

No,

Canadian guy.

Come on,

Help us out.

What's his name?

Jim Carrey.

Whoever gets it first,

Gets a prize.

Three,

Two,

Jim Carrey.

Barbara.

Girls,

Barbara.

So,

Remember that movie?

He was complaining to God about how miserable his life is.

So God came to him and said,

Okay,

You know what?

You get my powers,

And you do it yourself.

Let's see if you can make it better work than I can.

So he's got all the divine forces.

He can do anything,

Control the universe,

And all the crazy stuff that goes with Jim Carrey.

But then he is trying to persuade his partner to love him.

His girlfriend,

Or whatever.

And God tells him,

Listen,

I'm sorry,

This is something I cannot do.

Love cannot be forced.

It's a stupid movie with a bright insight.

Also,

Don't try to love yourself because it's important.

Otherwise,

People won't love you.

Look how many conditions there are along this sentence.

Even the idea of loving yourself before other people can love you is a condition.

Definitely.

What to do?

Know thyself.

Who is trying to love what?

What is that,

That I call myself?

And I tell you,

Once you realize yourself,

The nature of yourself,

The question,

Should I love it or not,

Will be obsolete.

That's what we do here on the spiritual path.

Know thyself.

What do you think?

So Andy said,

Thank you for that great advice.

I've been able to mostly forgive myself and my ex-wife after five years of divorce and a lot of work.

But my ex still holds a ton of resentment towards me,

And because of that,

It's very challenging interacting with her.

We have three young kids,

So there's a lot of interacting.

Yeah,

This is definitely challenging and unfortunately very common these days.

What to do?

We meet somebody and we add to that spontaneous meeting a whole junk of stories about what already happened.

We believe these stories and we are blinded by them.

We don't really meet that person anymore.

We only meet the stories that we have about them.

Yeah,

Your ex-wife was hurt and she associates that pain with you.

So when she meets you,

She's triggered because you are the source of her pain in her eyes.

Same happens when you meet her.

All the past events,

All the stories,

Everything that already happened between you stands between you and her when you meet her today.

And you are maybe protective,

Reactive,

Trying to work on eggs,

Not to wake sleeping dogs and all that.

So there's a huge shadow that follows any meeting,

With everyone and specifically with people that we are intimate with or used to be.

Do you see that?

So what to do?

There's a beautiful story about Buddha.

So Guatama Buddha was teaching.

After enlightenment,

He was traveling from one village to another and meeting the important people of the village and teaching his knowledge.

And the story goes that in one of those meetings,

In the crowd sat a very rich man,

Very,

You know,

Big ego.

And he was really fumed by the teachings of the Buddha.

He was really rejecting it.

And the more he spoke,

The more angry that man became.

And when the evening ended and Buddha was greeting everyone on the way out,

Saying,

Thank you for coming,

That man stood in front of the Buddha and started cursing and yelling and spit on his face.

And he said,

Listen,

What you teach is nonsense.

You are confusing these people.

You're doing a terrible job.

And left.

And the story goes that this man was unable to sleep that night.

He was full of remorse and regret.

And he couldn't sleep.

Why did I do that?

You know,

It's not like me at all.

I didn't have any respect to this man.

So at six o'clock in the morning,

He goes to where Buddha is sleeping and he knocks on the door.

And Buddha opens the door,

You know,

Half asleep.

What's going on?

And he says,

Listen,

I have to apologize.

I wasn't able to sleep all night.

I really don't know what happened to me.

You must forgive me.

So Buddha says,

Why should I forgive you?

And the guy says,

Listen,

You don't remember last night on the way out,

I was screaming,

I was yelling,

I was spitting in your face.

You have to forgive me.

So Buddha is saying,

Smiling.

No,

No,

No.

That person from yesterday is not here now.

Somebody else is here.

Do you get the point?

Don't carry past impressions to your meetings with other people.

Being a clean slate.

Every time you get together,

You just project unconditional love,

Which is your nature.

And let go of the idea that the other person should receive that love in any specific way.

You don't know how they should receive that love.

You just be unconditional love.

That's it.

And the way that transforms into reality is not in your concern.

Free from past impressions.

What do you say?

See if you can use the next opportunity you meet your ex-wife to do that,

Practice that.

Whatever happened between you,

Doesn't matter,

Forget it.

There is a new person standing there now.

You've never met her before.

With clean eyes.

And guys,

This is not just in hindsight,

With our ex-partners.

When you close the computer today in half an hour and you meet your partner or your mother or your father or whatever it is that person you have issues with,

See if you can bring innocence with you.

Whatever happened between you and the past.

Curiosity.

Curiosity.

Curiosity.

What do you think?

Is it a good idea?

Clean eyes,

Unconditional love.

However that transforms into reality is beyond my control.

Love it.

Thank you.

Fantastic.

Fantastic.

And I'm curious to see how that happened.

Let's meet here next week and you can share your experiences of how was it to meet your.

.

.

How do you call it?

Your other.

.

.

Your better part?

Your better half?

How was it to meet them with no past impressions whatsoever?

Clouding your vision.

You have only innocence and unconditional love and curiosity.

How was it?

I'm curious to learn.

Carol says,

I guess we should also stop having expectations of how others should have treated us.

Yeah.

Expectations are only invitations for disappointment.

How much disappointment would you like to bring to your life?

That's how much expectation you have to bring as well.

Don't bother about what should happen or should not have happened.

Let go of these ideas.

Only then you can be truly available to experience what is.

Barbara says,

Expectations rob joy.

Another good lesson you taught me.

Good,

Good,

Good.

Yeah.

Don't look,

There's a Buddha here behind us.

Beautiful coat of iron.

Okay.

So,

Is it time for Mahamudra?

So.

.

.

As we said earlier,

Relationships are only possible when there is the illusion of duality.

When there is me versus life.

But,

Dealing with the relationship is good as long as we keep reminding ourselves of that illusion.

It's not really there.

Duality doesn't really exist.

And in order to remind ourselves,

What we do in this series of meetings is using the song of Mahamudra that was written by Tilopa,

Which was the disciple of Niro.

.

.

Sorry,

It was written by Niropa,

Who was the disciple of Tilopa,

Who taught only him,

800 years ago,

What he experienced as an awakened consciousness.

So we are following that song.

Remember that this song carries an energetic vibration,

Which is much more important than the meaning of the words.

So see if you can be available,

Not just to understand the song,

But also to feel it in your heart.

OK?

Both chapters are open.

Your head is working,

But your heart is receiving that invitation.

So again,

The first two chapters are described in our previous meetings.

If you haven't been there,

I most definitely invite you to go and check it out.

But now we are on the third chapter.

Let's see how it goes.

Do you want to read it?

Yep.

Sorry,

I'm copying and pasting in small chunks because it won't let me do the whole thing.

OK,

So chapter 3,

The Nature of Darkness and Light.

The song continues.

The darkness of ages cannot shroud the glowing sun.

The long kalpas of samsara ne'er can hide the mind's brilliant light.

I'll keep going,

But I'll paste the rest of the words here.

Though words are spoken to explain the void,

The void as such can never be expressed.

Though we say the mind is bright as light,

It is beyond all words and symbols.

Although the mind is void in essence,

All things it embraces and contains.

Isn't it beautiful?

So let's digest this slowly,

In small pieces.

The song continues.

The darkness of ages cannot shroud the glowing sun.

It doesn't matter how much darkness you experience in your life.

It doesn't matter how many years you've been blind.

Some people say,

Oh,

For me it's too late.

I've been wrapped in misery for too long.

I'm too old for this shit.

I'm too old to change.

No,

Tilopa says no,

No,

No.

The darkness of ages cannot shroud the glowing sun.

The sun keeps on glowing and is not tinted by changing events,

By time.

So a moment of clarity is always available for you.

Nevertheless,

How many years you've been in suffering,

Don't persuade yourself that it's too late for you.

There is always the opportunity to grow beyond misery.

To grow beyond the illusion of a separated self.

To grow beyond ignorance.

There is always the opportunity.

It only takes one moment of clarity.

That's it.

Think about it.

Instead of trying to fight the darkness,

The darkness is not really there.

What are you fighting?

The only thing you need to do to chase away darkness is to lit a light.

It doesn't matter if the cave was dark for millions of years.

If you lit a light,

The cave is not dark anymore.

Do you see that?

Don't.

.

.

See how relevant it is?

Don't try to forgive.

Just lit the candle and the darkness will go away.

You don't need to fight it.

The long kalpas of samsara can hide the mind's brilliant light.

Kalpas is a long period of time.

Ages,

Millennia.

In Sanskrit.

Samsara is that circle of misery,

Of suffering.

Birth,

Life,

Death,

Birth,

Life,

Death.

The circle that never ends.

This is samsara.

So it doesn't matter how many lives you've been through.

It doesn't matter how many stories you've collected.

The mind's brilliant light is always there,

Available for you.

It just takes a moment of clarity to recognize that light.

To recognize the nature of your own self.

Which is untouched by changing events.

Untouched by time.

Untouched by life.

Which are defined by changing events.

The words are spoken to explain the void.

The voids,

As such,

Can never be expressed.

Again,

Tilopa is reminding us that it doesn't matter how clever we are,

How brilliant use of words we are capable of.

And I'm not capable of it at all.

Especially not in English.

It doesn't matter.

It cannot be explained.

It cannot be expressed.

The void is not something you can talk about.

That space of consciousness that holds on to nothing.

That is completely void,

Empty of things,

Of events.

That space of consciousness only can be described as existence.

Though we say the mind is bright as light,

It is beyond all words and symbols.

Again,

You can use any kind of descriptive word to talk about consciousness.

But it will never contain the true meaning,

The full meaning of it.

Because any definition limits the full capacity of consciousness.

In consciousness,

Everything is included.

And once you try to define it,

You already say,

This versus that.

Behind the concept of white light,

There is always darkness.

Behind the concept of unconditional love,

There is always alienation and hatred.

So,

Don't bother to try to give it a description.

Rather,

Allow it to be experienced.

Although the mind is void in essence,

All things it embraces and contains.

Which sounds like a contradiction,

Yeah,

Paradox,

Contradiction in terms.

If it's empty,

How can it contain everything?

This is very deep.

This sentence is extremely important to realize.

Again,

Not as a concept,

But as an invitation for your heart.

Nothing can define consciousness,

But everything is included in consciousness.

Just as nothing can define God,

But everything is included in God,

As God.

Nothing is excluded.

If you feel that you're navigating through life,

Preferring this over that,

Rejecting this,

Attaching yourself to that,

Realize that you're not expressing your true nature.

Everything is included,

Nothing is excluded.

Whatever life has to offer in the present moment,

This is what I love.

This is what I embrace.

This is what I allow myself to melt into and become in the most intimate way.

Painful or pleasurable?

Do you see what I'm saying?

All things it embraces,

Embraces,

Think about that word.

We say that every end of guided meditation,

Embrace such a beautiful world.

Embrace is the opposite of reject.

Embrace what?

Everything.

Everything.

It contains everything.

All possibilities are valid.

Not just those who are convenient and safe.

Not only what doesn't rattle my comfort zone.

Consciousness says yes.

Yes,

Bring it on.

Bring more.

What's the word I use?

Insatiable.

Consciousness is insatiable.

What do you say?

What do you think?

Any comments or questions?

I tell you,

This song is so powerful.

It vibrates in ways that are not coherent,

But are very substantial.

So allow it to keep on vibrating in you.

When you go to sleep or when you wake up,

It doesn't matter where you are on the globe,

Allow that vibration to keep on pumping energy through your veins.

And see if you can become an expression of that.

Anything else?

Enough for today?

So,

Thank you very much,

Dear people.

Yeah,

We're going to meet again this Saturday,

12 p.

M.

Mountain Time,

For an open Q&A.

So it's a good opportunity to bring a friend who's never been on the path before,

Somebody you really love and care for,

Or somebody you truly hate.

Bring them this Saturday,

12 p.

M.

Yeah?

Thank you for your time,

Your attention,

Your beautiful questions.

Love you very much.

See you all there.