Influencing

Influence is not a title; it is presence. In this episode, we explore how everyday faith shapes the people around us, in kitchens, waiting rooms, meetings, and late nights. I share our family’s caregiving journey, partial blindness, transplants, a rare autoimmune disorder, high-functioning autism, and how accountability, resilience, surrender, and praise in hard moments become a living sermon.

Neutral with God is our reset, peace rises, clarity returns, and courage follows.

Transcript

Hey fam and welcome back to SHIFT.

In our last two episodes we began breaking down the acronym SHIFT.

We talked about seeing and hearing.

Today we're going to focus on the third letter,

The third word,

Which is I and it stands for influencing.

I'm presenting SHIFT to you in the form of an acronym so that it will resonate deeper with you,

So you will remember the depth of what a shift really means.

As we get into it today,

Here's the heart of it.

Even on our hardest days,

Even in the dark,

We're shaping someone's faith.

Somebody is watching.

They're watching to see how we rise,

They're watching to see how we rest,

And they're watching to see how we return to God in the good times and in those dark moments.

Shifting is an opportunity to influence.

Y'all,

When I think back to that car that I talked about that I've used along the way for this example,

I was a 16 year old learning how to drive a straight shift for the very first time and in those moments,

On that very first day,

I remember sitting in that car frustrated with the process.

I was acting very ungrateful and I was not showing the best version of myself.

Some of you call that being lippy.

Some call it back talking,

Talking back.

In the South,

We call it being sass mouth.

Whatever you call it,

I was out of line.

Now,

Our mama allowed us to speak our minds.

She encouraged us to speak our minds,

But to do so respectfully.

But when we crossed the line,

It started with that look that says,

You better find some get right quick,

Fast,

In a hurry.

Well,

On that day,

I did not find it.

I over stepped the boundary and then there was a storm.

A storm of anger and frustration and my mother checking me.

After she checked me,

We sat quietly.

We sat quietly and I reflected back.

I moved past my emotions that had spilled out all over the place and I remembered who my mother really was.

I remembered her tenacity.

I remember her fire.

I remember seeing her get knocked down and get back up again.

I recalled the strength and the strategy and her faith,

Not in her own power,

But in God.

In those moments,

I was acting out of fear.

I was acting out of frustration,

But she had shown me what courage and faith look like in dark seasons and on the mountaintop.

And with all of that,

I dried my tears and I put on my big girl pants and I started the car with a new determination.

One that I had seen in her countless times before.

I'd like to share with you a sacred window into our home.

Our oldest daughter lives with complex health conditions.

Things that started when she was just four years old and diagnosed with type 1 insulin-dependent diabetes.

Now,

Years later,

Now that she's in her 30s,

She has partial blindness,

She's had a pancreas transplant,

Two kidney transplants,

And she has a rare autoimmune disorder and high functioning autism.

We've spent more hours than I can count in hospitals and emergency rooms.

Pain,

Sickness,

Fatigue,

All of it can make it hard for her to be her best.

And there are times as her primary caregiver,

While working,

Leading,

And managing our home,

There have been moments when it's been hard for me to be my best too.

For us to operate in the best version of ourselves,

For us to fully lead ourselves the way God intends us to.

This is where God keeps teaching me that influence really matters and what it really is.

Influencing isn't perfection,

It's accountability that owns one's mistakes and tries again.

It's tenacity and resilience and it's that whisper that says one more step,

Get up one more time.

It's surrender and going to God in neutral,

To rest.

Going to God in neutral when we don't have the answer,

Because that is the light on our dashboard,

That indicator light that means we need to go to the source.

It's there with the source in neutral that we find the answers.

After shifting out of neutral into first gear,

Do we always walk away with the answer?

Absolutely not.

Sometimes it takes time,

God's time,

For those answers to be revealed,

But what we do walk away with is surrender and peace while He is showing us,

While He is teaching us,

While He is preparing us for what is to come.

Remember,

Going back to neutral is praise,

Even in the difficult moments.

It's peace,

It's alignment,

And it's not always because everything is good,

It's because God is good.

That kind of honest life gives people the permission to do the same.

Sometimes we have the tendency to live in other people's highlight reels.

We look at other people and we think their children have it all together,

Their marriage is all together,

They have it all together,

But what we're looking at is their highlight reel and we're comparing it to our behind-the-scenes footage.

But the reality is everyone has their own situations,

Everyone has their mountaintops and their valleys.

They may look different than ours,

But they all have them.

Influencing means looking at our own journey,

Our own leadership,

And what God is doing in our lives and in the lives of the people crossing paths with us.

Your life preaches,

No matter who you are,

Your life preaches,

Especially in the dark.

People may forget our words,

But they remember our ways,

How we speak when we're tired,

How we pray when we're scared,

How we apologize when we miss it.

Influence is atmosphere,

Not platform.

You set a climate of faith in kitchens and waiting rooms,

In car lines,

In meetings,

When you're standing in the line at the store,

When you're sitting next to your co-worker.

That's where influence happens.

Your steadiness can be someone else's shelter.

Leadership is not pretending you're fine,

It's not pretending your family is perfect,

It's telling the truth,

It's choosing growth.

And neutral is that holy ground,

That place to pause and breathe and realign with God when we miss the mark,

When we just need some reinforcement,

When we need shelter,

When we need answers,

When we need comfort.

It's that place where God can wrap his arms around us,

And from that place,

Reactions become responses.

Praise becomes our posture,

Praising God for who he is,

Especially when we feel empty.

This reframes the moment and releases courage,

And it releases an enduring truth that even from our darkest times,

We are influencing.

In your workplace,

Remember that culture shifts when one person chooses clarity over gossip,

When one person chooses to take the high road when someone else is taking the low road.

It's excellence over excuses,

It's accountability and it's compassion over cynicism.

In your family,

People do not need a flawless hero.

Whether you're a mama,

A papa,

A grandmama,

Whatever your role is in life,

Brother,

Sister,

Whoever it is,

No one needs that flawless hero.

They need a person who is present,

Who prays,

Who apologizes when they mess up,

Who regulates and tries again.

In friendships,

Be the friend who checks in,

The one who prays first before speaking,

And the one who keeps confidences.

Be the one who gently and consistently disciples instead of giving speeches.

And in your community,

In your church,

Show up early,

Serve quietly,

And consistently.

Be that leader of yourself that takes accountability when something goes wrong.

There is such a gift in failure,

So learn from it,

Take accountability for it,

And say,

How can I grow from this?

And celebrate others loudly.

This kind of atmosphere is contagious.

And in your being,

Advocate with patience,

Ask for help when you feel stretched,

And practice micro-rest.

Your humility teaches strength.

Here are a few practical steps for you to practice this week.

Do an influence audit.

Take a few minutes and just consider this.

For the last seven days,

What did your words do?

What was your tone like?

What were your habits?

Did they teach people around you,

Or did they tear down people around you?

Write it out,

Your actions and how they influenced.

Then model and repair.

If you blew it,

Own it,

Apologize,

No excuses,

And ask,

How can I repair this?

And this week,

Focus on lifting as you climb.

Text one person who you know is in a storm and say,

I'm praying right now.

Not I'm going to pray for you,

But I am praying right now.

Our scripture anchor for this week is Proverbs 27 17.

And it says,

As iron sharpens iron,

So one person sharpens another.

On the surface,

This sounds poetic,

But there's a principle here.

Iron doesn't get sharpened by sitting next to more iron.

It takes contact.

It takes friction,

And sometimes a little bit of heat.

And that's exactly how God designed our relationships.

The reality is you can't be your best self by yourself.

Sharpening happens in community.

You might have the ability,

But your friend may give you accountability.

You may have energy,

But they may give you wisdom.

We need people who don't just comfort us,

But they also call us higher.

Proximity doesn't sharpen us,

Pressure does.

A real friend doesn't co-sign on your weakness,

They call out your greatness,

And you do the same for them.

If they can't challenge you,

They shouldn't be sharpening you.

Iron sharpening iron is about relationships that are part of God's growth strategy.

Sharpening doesn't always feel good in the moment,

Because sometimes it feels like tension,

Accountability,

Or correction,

But it always makes us better.

And this is an opportunity to ask,

Who are you influencing?

And also,

Who are your friends?

Who are the friends that you have in this season,

And are they sharpening you?

Are you sharpening one another?

Are you pulling the greatness out of each other,

Or are you just using one another for comfort?

Fam,

We are not perfect.

We all have dull spots,

But when we connect with the right people,

Those who call us higher,

Not just cheers where we are,

We become sharper emotionally,

Spiritually,

And relationally.

Accountability does not expose you to shame,

It positions you for strength.

Your blind spots need somebody else's perspective.

Alone you grow weary,

Together you grow sharper.

So,

Who in your circle is sharpening you right now,

And who are you sharpening?

This week,

Consider who is borrowing courage from you and your life right now.

Who is learning how to pray,

How to rest,

How to begin again,

Because of the way you're walking with God?

Lead yourself with composure and faith.

Your surrendered life will lead others without you forcing it.

Your reflection question for this week is,

Whose faith could rise if you led yourself with greater tenderness and accountability this week,

And what one behind-the-scenes step will you take today to model the way?

As we close,

Remember that your shift can be someone else's survival.

Your surrender can be someone else's starting place.

Stay ready,

Shift higher.

This is your shift podcast.