Yes, And...

**Audio Only*** There is so much power in acknowledging what is happening in the present moment, what situation you find yourself in right now, how that feels, and allowing it to be there whether we like it or not. It's not necessarily about liking it or wanting it to be that way, but in the allowing we open space to choose how we will be with it. And in that lies the power.

Talk is followed by a 20-minute guided meditation.

Poem What Silence Said by Julia Fehrenbacher

Transcript

Today I want to start a little bit different.

I want to invite you all to close your eyes and just for a minute or two allow yourself to notice what's coming up for you this morning.

What you came in here with,

Perhaps you know plans,

Things you're looking forward to,

Anticipation,

Stress,

Overwhelm,

Relaxation,

Emotions,

Whatever you notice is present or that you brought in to the room with you today.

I want you to just allow yourself to be loose and welcome it.

As you notice one by one,

Give it a welcome.

You can literally say the word in your head as you see these things come up or just an attitude toward welcoming.

I'll invite you to open your eyes.

Before the pandemic,

Toward the end of 2019,

I took an improv class.

If you haven't taken an improv class before,

The foundation of improv is yes and.

So anything that your improv mates,

Show mates,

I'm not sure what they're called,

Teammates put out,

The attitude that you go to it is yes,

Whatever you said,

And I'm adding to it.

It's really hard to do actually.

It seems so simple,

But it's such an amazing life lesson.

What I noticed within myself when I started,

And depending on the day that I was having when I would go into the class,

Is that my tendency was to say no,

Because,

Or no,

But.

And that's such an insight from something,

An activity that's just for fun that we wouldn't expect to have such kind of a major insight from.

Oh,

Wow,

My tendency is really toward resisting,

Toward negating,

Toward protecting,

Right?

Because when we deny,

When we say no,

When we turn away from,

It was really an act of protection.

And sometimes you would find yourself like catching yourself in the middle.

Oh,

I'm about to do no,

But.

Okay,

Hold on.

I have to stop for a minute.

Okay,

Hold on.

I have to stop for a minute and kind of reorient my mind.

I'm accepting what they've given me and I'm building on it.

So everything is allowed.

Everything is good.

Everything is welcome.

And that is definitely not an attitude we typically have toward our lives.

There are some people that do.

These people amaze me.

I think they tend to be really successful in everything they do because they're always saying yes,

Yes,

Yes,

Yes,

Yes,

Yes,

Yes,

Yes.

Or so many of us say,

Oh no,

That's outside my little box.

Oh,

I don't,

I'm not familiar with that.

Oh,

I don't,

You know what I mean?

And one of my teachers,

Tara Bruck,

She talks about this in a way where the attitude of coming against difficulty in her life,

As we practice mindfulness and bring these teachings into our everyday life is this too.

Sometimes yes,

And is too hard because it's really,

It's like we have Sometimes yes,

And is too hard because it's really,

It's,

You know,

It's like we have no,

But this too,

Yes,

And,

Right.

It's kind of a sliding scale of how we begin to open ourselves and welcome and accept.

So this too can be still in the same attitude toward welcoming and accepting even those things that we typically don't want to accept or our instinct is to not accept or to guard ourself against it.

And I'm not talking about in ways when we would be unsafe.

I'm just talking about everyday things.

So we notice,

You know,

We're trying to get something accomplished.

We're on our way somewhere.

We're running late.

And then there's a train,

Right?

And then we're forced to stop.

We can approach that experience with frustration with,

I need,

This is not what I need right now.

I don't have time for this.

I have things to do.

Creates more suffering,

Creates more difficulty,

More contentiousness within us that we take out outside us,

Right?

Or we can be stopped at that train crossing and say,

This too,

This too.

It's acknowledging that,

Yeah,

You know,

Maybe I don't want this,

But I'm accepting it because I don't have any control over it,

Right?

There's nothing I can do about it without getting myself killed.

You know,

I'm not going to run through it,

Right?

Train versus car,

Train wins every time.

So there's nothing we can do in some situations.

It's just the situation.

So we accept it.

We recognize,

Okay,

Well,

This is what is in this moment.

Can I do anything about it?

No.

Okay.

How can I be with it?

And it is our way of relating to the thing that allows us to either suffer more or have some peace in the storm because we're accepting and we are being with how we feel.

Rather than turning it away.

We say no,

But it's a wall,

Right?

We are not allowing that in.

There's tension there because we have to maintain the distance.

So we have to maintain the push against it.

So there's an added energy expenditure,

Right?

That we're pushing against that thing because we don't want it.

This too can be challenging,

Right?

Because we don't want to face that thing.

We don't want to feel that way.

It doesn't feel comfortable.

It doesn't feel good.

And we're in a society that is just about how we feel good all the time.

Just totally toxic and completely impractical.

Creates all kinds of anxiety,

Mental illness,

Whatever.

So when we shift to,

All right,

You know,

Yeah.

Can I be with this?

I can be with this.

I don't have any control over it.

I can't do anything about it.

The only thing I can do about it is affect the way I relate to it.

Yes.

This too?

Okay.

This too.

And when we say that and we really genuinely mean it,

Instead of like,

Oh,

This too.

You know?

I'm so fresh.

I know this too.

We will notice a softening in the body.

And mindfulness practice is really an embodied awareness.

And that's why,

Especially in my class,

I really focus on being in the body.

And I don't talk a whole lot about how we deal with thoughts because that just keeps us on our head.

But if we're embodied,

We stay within the sensations of the body.

We'll notice.

I'm getting,

You know,

What frustration feels like.

We call it frustration,

But what frustration is,

Is a collection of sensations in the body.

You know,

A tightening,

You know,

This kind of building of restless energy,

You know,

A feeling of being stuck.

And all of this kind of,

We package it together and call it frustration.

So we're moving out of sort of the conceptualizing of,

I am frustrated to,

You know,

These feelings of frustration are really this experience in the body.

So we're at that train stop and we say,

Okay,

This too.

Mean it.

And we'll immediately begin to feel a softening,

A loosening in the body,

Right?

We're stressed.

It's really hard to do sometimes when you're really caught in those emotions because the inertia and the momentum of it just won't allow you to slow down.

Slowing down and pausing is key to being able to recognize what's going on so that we can say,

Okay,

This too.

And then we feel it.

Stress releases,

Tension releases.

You know,

We can loosen the grip on our hands on the steering wheel a little bit,

Right?

We can breathe a little bit better,

Can take a breath.

And we move out of that sort of,

You know,

We've all felt it,

You know,

Where we have an incident where we get really caught,

Like if we're angry or,

And we feel like we just disappear.

And then after we calm down later,

We're like,

Wow,

Where'd I go?

You know,

It was very out of body experience because we were literally out of our bodies and in our heads and like totally caught up in this illusion of what was happening in the situation.

And there's a reason we use,

You know,

That those terms when we're having those experiences,

Lost my mind out of my body,

You know,

Out of body experience.

So with mindfulness,

We're coming back into the body.

We're recognizing what's happening and we're saying,

Yes,

This too.

And then that gives us the power to make the choices.

You know,

Am I going to further engage in this conversation with this person in this way,

When I know this is going to be the result is not going to,

You know,

Nothing will come of it.

Or I can change how I approach that person,

Or I can change,

Step back and maybe try to see things from their perspective,

Try to change my own mind.

Maybe I'm caught in some kind of,

You know,

Belief of illusion,

Some,

You know,

That I'm not seeing everything.

I'm not seeing other perspectives.

I'm not seeing,

You know,

Widening my view in some way.

Do I need to even be with this person?

Does this person needs to be in my life in this capacity?

Do I need to disengage a little bit?

Right?

So suddenly we're given really our power.

We give,

It's a gift we give ourselves.

We give it back to ourselves.

That ability to pause,

Say this too,

Or yes,

And now what?

Right?

How do I respond?

What result do I really want?

And if it's this,

You know,

Going the way I always go is not going to get me there.

It never gets me there.

Why can't I ever get that way?

Because I'm always going this way that takes me away from it because we're going out of body and we're losing our power.

We're losing the ability to really make the choice.

So this,

This too,

It is a sense of approaching our lives,

Ourselves,

The people in our lives,

The situation in our lives,

With a sense of openness,

A sense of softness,

A sense of understanding that we can be with difficulty.

It doesn't have to,

You know,

Bulldoze us.

It doesn't have to,

You know,

Have really horrible effects on us.

And it builds our resilience,

Which gives us more power.

So it all comes back to power.

It's turning inward and building all of that power so that our outer lives reflect that.

So let's go ahead and have a sit.

And for this,

You are welcome to have your eyes open or closed,

Whatever you feel like you need today.

And we'll begin by taking in three deep inhales and exhales at your own pace.

And allow your breath to become natural,

Moving however it would like to,

Without controlling it,

Restricting it in any way.

Allowing our presence to settle fully in the body,

Noticing how it feels for your feet on the floor in this moment,

How your knees feel,

The position they're in in this moment,

What it feels like to sit fully supported,

Or fully supported lying down on the cushion.

Noticing how the hands feel as they're rested on your body.

Noticing how the air feels on your skin,

Noticing how your hands feel as they're resting on your body.

Noticing how the air feels on your skin in this moment.

Allowing the physical contacts,

Anything you notice within the body,

Allowing it to be present.

Allow your awareness to come fully into the sensations at the top of your head,

With gentleness,

Without striving too hard to become aware,

Just noticing what you notice in the physical sensations at the top of the head.

You may notice the temperature,

Feeling of your hair.

You may notice just a general feeling,

Nothing specific,

And that's okay too.

You may even notice that you can't really sense anything,

Just allowing your awareness to rest at the top of your head for a few moments.

As we imagine the awareness sitting on top of the head,

Sort of like a clear,

Flat surface,

Just letting the awareness rest on the top of your head for a few moments.

Sort of hat or something like that.

I'm going to gradually expand that awareness,

Imagining that it's very elastic,

Can move into any shape and become as big as it would like.

I'm going to stretch that awareness from including the sensations at the top of the head to include the sensations in the forehead,

Include the sensations around the eyes,

Just noticing momentarily if you might be sensing any subtle holding in the muscles around the eyes.

If so,

Allow yourself to let it go.

Continuing to stretch the awareness to now also include sensations in the nose,

In the cheeks,

The mouth,

And the jaw,

Pausing again momentarily to notice if you may be clenching the jaw or holding the muscles in some way,

And if so,

Allowing it to release.

If you find you're having any difficulty releasing the jaw,

Sometimes angling the head down a little bit more toward the floor can help them release.

Expanding the awareness further to also include not just all the sensations in the head,

But now also the neck,

And the shoulders,

The chest,

And the upper back.

The stomach,

And the lower back.

The feeling of the cushion beneath your sit bones and your hip joints.

Pausing a moment to take in the sensations included in this bubble of awareness that encompass the totality of the top half of your body,

From your head all the way to your hips.

Now,

Continuing to expand the bubble of awareness to include the top legs,

Thighs,

And hamstrings,

To include the hands resting on the body,

And the arms.

Stretching further to include the lower legs,

Shins,

And calves,

And further still to include the feeling of the ankles,

The feet,

The knees,

And the toes.

And further still to include the feeling of the ankles.

And finally,

Stretching to include the feet.

Noticing how this bubble of awareness holds you completely.

Your body whole,

Fully present in this moment.

Allow yourself to be with this connection,

This awareness of your entire body being a part of itself.

Now,

As you sit fully anchored in the present through the vehicle of your body,

You may begin to sense one particular sensation that's more prominent than any other.

It can be anything.

The feeling of the cushion beneath you,

The rise and fall of your chest as you breathe,

The hands touching the body,

Whatever it is,

Allow this to be the anchor.

Whatever it is,

Allow this to be the anchor.

The anchor you can use to bring you back to the presence in your body anytime something takes you away.

Allowing it to be the home and the refuge where your awareness rests.

From time to time,

You may notice that you've left the anchor,

Left the body.

Just know that that's perfectly okay.

And you notice,

Just acknowledge it,

Give it a little welcome.

But tell it,

Not now.

And gently,

Without judgment or force,

Guide the awareness back to the anchor within the body.

As we come to the end of this meditation,

I invite you,

If it feels right for you,

To place your hand on your chest over your heart,

Sensing the support of your body beneath your hand.

Allow yourself to feel that sense of softness and grace that opens as we welcome what we have.

And offer yourself gratitude.

Gratitude for this welcoming,

For the compassion,

For the love,

For the kindness,

For the love that you have for others.

And allow yourself to feel that sense of softness and grace for the welcoming,

For the compassion,

And the allowing.

Knowing you can always find it,

Always return to it,

No matter the situation,

No matter where you are.

I'll close out this meditation with this poem.

By Julia Fehrenbacher,

Called What Silence Said.

This is what silence said to me today.

Trust what you can't see.

Move forward despite the wobbly groundlessness of I don't know.

Breathe,

Love,

Create.

Show up as you are,

Every day,

No matter what.

Go to where wild irises grow.

Say thank you for all of it.

Weeds,

Cracks,

Sunbeams,

That hand on your shoulder,

The forever throb of ache.

It's all a doorway,

A hand leading you back to grace.

When you're ready,

You're welcome to open your eyes and come back into the room.

Thank you.