Thoughts Are Vapor

Thoughts seem so real to us and seem to make us who we are, but they are changeable, and cannot be captured, located, or held in any physical way, like vapor. One minute this, the next minute that. In this talk we explore the changeability of thoughts, how we get caught in them, and how we can learn to see them without allowing them to hook us into defining us.

The talk is followed by a 20-minute guided meditation.

Transcript

Welcome into mindfulness meditation.

I'm Michelle.

So I have a question for you guys,

And I want you to just kind of popcorn-style answer anything that comes to mind.

What are the qualities of vapor?

Like evaporation?

Evaporation.

Mm-hmm.

I was thinking more of steam,

I guess.

Yeah.

Yeah,

Steam.

Thoughts are this way.

Thoughts are vapor.

So when you think of the qualities of vapor,

They're not solid,

They're changing.

One minute they're maybe water,

The next minute they're visible steam,

Then the next minute they're gone.

Where did they go?

A chemical reaction happens that we can't see.

The main quality there is that there's nothing solid about it.

And thoughts are this way as well.

But when we're caught in thoughts,

When we are believing things from the thoughts that are settling into us,

That are propelling us to action in some way that is really not conscious,

We think the thoughts are real.

We think we are those thoughts.

We identify our personalities with the thoughts,

We identify our own person with the thoughts.

But the thoughts aren't real.

I have this great quote,

I listened to this podcast recently.

If y'all have heard of her,

Mel Robbins,

She had a psychologist on her show recently whose name was Dr.

Alok Kanojia.

Apologize for the mispronunciation.

They were talking about motivation.

And one of the things he said in that talk is that in our daily lives,

As we go about our daily lives,

We are being so shaped by our environment.

In a very subconscious way,

We don't even realize that it's happening.

And other people are deciding what thoughts we have.

There's a lot of intentional shaping of people's unhappiness than selling people solutions.

Think about that.

There's a lot of intentional shaping of people's unhappiness than selling people solutions.

Other people are deciding what thoughts we have.

Suddenly we decide that what we have in our life isn't good enough,

That the job isn't good enough,

That the car isn't high-end enough or new enough,

That our partner isn't attractive enough or isn't giving enough.

Where are all these thoughts coming from?

Maybe if we look back 10 years in our life and we think,

Oh,

I have exactly what I wanted 10 years ago.

And suddenly I'm thinking,

That's not what I want anymore.

It's not good enough anymore.

Whoa,

Who says who?

We are conditioned in our lives,

In our society,

To constantly be wanting more,

To constantly achieving more,

To constantly accumulating more,

Consuming more.

Like there is some end in sight,

Some accomplishment in sight,

Some thing that we can acquire,

Some situation we can allow ourselves,

Or some situation we could be in in the future that will be like,

Okay,

Now this is happiness.

But what we've actually been conditioned to do through these actions of constant craving,

Constant desiring,

Constant seeking,

Constant achievement,

We've actually been conditioned to stay in that state of constant wantings,

Constant desire.

See what I mean?

So there is no destination where we will be happy.

And it's the thoughts often that are driving that.

Oh,

I'm not good enough until I have that job.

And then I get that job and then it's like,

Okay,

Now what?

What more can I achieve?

There's nothing wrong with goal setting,

Right?

I'm not saying that.

But at what point does it,

It's like a cancer,

Right?

The character of cancer is unstoppable growth,

Growth that never stops growing.

And we can think of that in our everyday lives as well.

So if we achieve what we always wanna do achieve,

We get there and then we look around and we're like,

Oh,

I'm not happy.

So I did something wrong.

Something's wrong in this moment because I'm still not happy.

Says who?

Somebody planted these thoughts in our minds.

And it's really counter to what we're taught in our society of our,

That we're individual,

These individual beings with our own willpower.

I don't think we really are.

Because if we were,

Then we could exert this will of being content in the moment.

And again,

Not to say that we don't strive to achieve things,

But that we are aware when that striving becomes cancerous in our lives.

That make sense?

So another thing I said in this podcast that I thought was really great,

And the doctor didn't say this,

But Mel Robbins did.

She said,

She just had this epiphany that willpower is conflict and the ability to stay in the conflict.

I was like,

Oh,

That's great.

Because we think of willpower as this bulldozer.

I'm gonna exert my will and I'm gonna achieve this thing and I'm gonna do whatever I have to do to get there.

But what about in the situations where you have to do things that you don't want to do?

And then you lose motivation and you lose willpower.

But what if the willpower is really the ability to be in that feeling of not wanting to do it?

The recognizing that I don't have any motivation,

I don't have any desire to do this thing I wanna do.

We feel that tension in the lack of wanting to do it and we do it anyway.

And it's that way when we are looking at our thoughts and we're caught in these thoughts,

Like maybe about a situation that we did something wrong in and we feel some shame around.

Or maybe about some way that we're not measuring up,

That we're not worthy.

Some way that we're just caught in feelings that we don't understand.

And so we're trying to find a reason we're feeling that way when really what we need is just to be with the feelings instead of searching for a reason.

So remembering,

Reminding ourselves that thoughts are just vapor.

They come and they go.

Clouds are often used as the analogy for thoughts because like we probably haven't done it in a while.

I encourage you to do it.

But if when you were a kid,

You go lay out in the grass and look up at the clouds and just watch the clouds go.

I used to do this all the time when I was a kid and you would see how the clouds change shape,

How they just move through and sometimes they just appear out of nowhere.

Sometimes they disappear out of nowhere.

Thoughts are this way as well.

So when we're caught in thoughts and thoughts are the main thing that keep people from meditating because a common misconception about meditation is that it's about emptying your mind and there are meditations that do that.

But in mindfulness meditation in particular,

We aren't trying to get rid of anything.

We're trying to become mindful of what is happening in our experience in the present moment.

So becoming aware,

Developing an awareness of our experience now.

Not what's gonna happen in the future,

Not what happened in the past.

The only thing that's real is now.

So we can use this reminder of the vapor of the clouds when we're getting caught in the thoughts and when that reminder comes up,

That's when we can make choices about what we do with the thoughts.

Up until that point,

It's unconscious.

Up until that point,

We're being led.

We're not choosing anything.

There is no consciousness in that moment when the thoughts are coming when the thoughts are coming and they're just dragging us along like by a string.

But once we can stop and say,

Oh,

Hold on a second,

I'm getting caught in this thought.

It's just vapor.

We can ask ourselves several things.

What am I believing in this moment?

That's one thing we can ask ourselves to make ourselves conscious of what's underlying the thought that catch that we're in,

That we're hooked.

What am I believing?

What am I feeling?

Because often thoughts and emotions are tied.

Sometimes we can't tell them apart.

Sometimes we can't tell what came first.

So what am I feeling in this moment?

What are the sensations within my body?

Not trying to create another story,

But what are the sensations in my body?

Are the sensations pleasant?

Are they unpleasant?

Are they neutral?

Sometimes boredom,

Neutral.

Can I be with it?

Can I be with it for 10 seconds?

Allow ourselves to soften,

To let go and be with it for 10 seconds.

And what happens?

So in this way,

We become sort of the scientist of our own experience.

We take a step back from identifying with the experience,

With the thoughts,

With the feelings,

With the beliefs.

We start to kind of tease it all out,

Detach our identities from it so we can learn.

We can study.

We become the watcher,

The observer of the experience.

And what happens?

I can't tell you what will happen because everybody's experience is different.

But I can tell you,

You will learn something.

You will absolutely learn something.

And it's very powerful.

And this is where insight meditation comes in.

Mindfulness and insight are sort of the same thing.

They're very much related because it's a learning when we detach and allow and become the watcher,

That becomes insight.

Oh my gosh,

I see this pattern in my life now.

Whenever I feel like I've made a mistake,

I wanna blame somebody else.

When it's me,

Oh,

That's interesting.

Can I sit with that knowledge?

That's hard to face.

That's a shadow,

Right?

Facing our own shadows is very difficult for us.

Our ego will do everything it can to make us run away from that knowledge.

So when we have something like that come up,

Oh,

Look,

I tend to blame people when I'm getting stressed and I make a mistake.

I'm trying to blame other people for it.

Let me be with that.

How does that feel in my body,

That knowledge?

That is really hard to face.

That is not who I thought I was.

But now when I see that,

I see the pattern in this situation and that situation.

And I did it with that person and I did it 10 years ago and I did it 20 years ago,

You know what I mean?

So that's where insight comes up.

It becomes a learning that is revealed to us when we are disconnecting our analytical brain.

As soon as we try to go into that in an analysis sort of way,

It will kind of like,

Our ego steps right in.

It's like,

Oh,

No,

No,

No.

These are all the ways in which you were right.

So we kind of go below the surface,

If you will.

I like to think of the mind as,

Or not the mind,

But the brain and then the thoughts in the head is sort of like above the waterline,

Right?

Where we're,

It's like where we operate every day.

And going down into the subconscious where we really can learn things is like going under the water.

So we can be with the things that really exist within us that we don't always have any consciousness of.

So thoughts are vapor,

They're not solid.

They go away,

They change.

It's really important to remember as we're sitting and we feel inundated by the thoughts,

Because we will.

There will be times where we can sit and where it's totally peaceful.

There'll be other times when the thoughts are just a barrage like hail,

Right?

Throwing at us.

And we can get really emotionally caught up in that and think,

Oh,

I'm doing it wrong.

Oh,

I can't do this.

This is too hard.

I can't sit here or whatever.

So we just recognize that that's the experience that we're having right now.

Can I be with it for 10 seconds?

Can I be with it for 10 more seconds?

Just keep expanding our ability to be with it.

And notice how it changes.

So let's go ahead and go into a sit.

For the meditation,

You are welcome to come into whatever posture is supportive for you right now.

Allowing yourself to be alert,

But also at ease.

And you're welcome to have your eyes closed if that feels right for you.

Or you can have them open slightly with a soft gaze,

A couple of feet on the floor in front of you.

We'll begin by taking in three deep inhales and exhales at your own pace.

Allowing the belly to fully expand on the inhale.

Fully contract on the exhale.

The breath becoming the vehicle.

Settles the energy into the body.

Allows you to be fully present in this moment.

And then allow the breath to come natural,

To come into its natural rhythm.

Noticing how it wants to move naturally through the body without any interference or control by you.

Just noticing how the chest naturally expands and contracts with the breath.

How the shoulders slightly raise and lower.

What the sensation of the air moving through your throat is in this moment.

How the tip of your nose feels as the air moves in and out of your nose.

And allowing any point on the path of the breath,

Be the anchor in which you rest your awareness in this moment.

Notice the quality of your presence.

Do you feel the force of striving to be aware?

Is there a quality of openness,

Of softness and release?

Is there any sense of restlessness?

Impatience?

Whatever the quality may be,

Just notice it without getting caught in any story about it.

Allowing that quality to exist as your breath.

If you find you're unable to be aware of the breath,

That's okay.

It's common.

You can choose a different sensation.

If you find you're unable to be aware of the breath,

That's okay.

It's common.

If you find you're unable to be aware of the breath,

You can choose a different sensation within the body to rest the awareness.

Perhaps the feeling of the seat below you.

Feeling of your hands on your legs.

Feeling of the floor beneath your feet.

Any sensation within the body that is prominent,

You can rest the awareness in.

You can visit the anchor that grounds you in the present.

You may notice from time to time that something takes you away from the anchor in the body or in the breath.

When that happens,

It's okay.

Just recognize that you've left.

Give it a neutral label.

Something like thinking,

Planning,

Whatever it may be.

Gently guide the awareness back into the anchor in the breath or the body.

As you're resting the sensations of the anchor in the body,

Allow yourself to open that awareness to whatever qualities of presence you notice in this moment.

Without them,

Without getting dragged into any story,

Just noticing.

Noticing how the body feels in this moment.

Allowing any thoughts that may arise to just float through your head,

Moving along their path.

Just as clouds move through the path of the sky in one direction or the other,

Changing shape,

Appearing,

Disappearing.

All while maintaining the awareness of the anchor in the body.

Where are you now?

Noticing that you're holding the tension in the body,

The shoulders,

The jaw,

The neck,

The face.

Just gently relaxing the tension on the exhale.

Softening the body.

Allowing it to be opened to whatever experience arises.

As we move into the final moments of this meditation,

I invite you,

If it feels right for you,

To place your hand on your chest or on the back of your head,

Or on the back of your head,

Or on the back of your head,

Or on the back of your head,

Or on the back of your head,

Place your hand on your chest over your heart.

Allow yourself to soak in the tenderness of this gesture.

Offering yourself gratitude.

Gratitude for clearing a space in the day to just be free of expectations free of striving,

Free of stimulation,

To just listen to yourself to deepen that relationship.

I'll close out the meditation with this poem by Julia Fehrenbacher.

I keep forgetting that I am not these thoughts.

I am not these thoughts.

Not the crouching one in the corner afraid to speak up.

Not the one sitting on the bench while the other kids play.

Not the thunder that booms you don't belong.

Not the shakiness that whispers stay quiet,

Stay small.

I keep forgetting that I am not these thoughts.

I am not these thoughts.

Not these hands that empty and fill,

Fill and empty.

Not this body that wrinkles,

Grays,

Aches,

Breaks.

I am the something that raises shaky hand and speaks up anyway who rises off the bench and joins them in play.

The something that lifts me off the hard cold floor points eyes to the sun and says,

See the sky?

The stunning flood of light?

This,

This my love is what you are.

When you're ready you're welcome to open your eyes and come back into the room.