Suffering Doesn't Negate Joy

We can become so overwhelmed by the suffering in the world that we cut ourselves off, not just from the news, but also from our most innate, tender, and joyous selves. These hurting or difficult times, when we feel helpless and hopeless in the face of such doom, are exactly the times we need to reconnect with our joy, our sense of spaciousness, and the memory that suffering does not negate joy. This talk is followed by a 20-minute guided meditation.

Poem: Small Moments by James Crews

Transcript

Welcome in to Mindfulness Meditation.

I'm Michelle.

So when thinking about how you open yourself to joy in your life,

Often we think of joy as happiness,

But it's really something deeper,

Something more innate within us,

Something that weathers all circumstances and all situations in our lives.

It can be something we forget when we get caught up in our schedules and difficulty,

Or if we have challenges,

Sometimes it can take us away.

Sometimes we're really married to our suffering to the point that we forget that we can also feel joy,

That it's okay to give ourselves permission to feel joy.

This week I decided I needed some time away,

And very spontaneously last week was like,

Told my husband,

I'm going camping next week.

I'm going to Arkansas,

I'm going to go camping by myself.

And I just got back yesterday,

And there's a place I go to up there that I absolutely love,

And I got back and I was like,

And he even said,

You look more relaxed.

I can see it on you.

Now,

Part of that was probably I was just exhausted from hiking and camping,

Sleeping on a air mattress for three nights.

But in that space,

There's no cell service.

I was by myself for two days,

No other campers.

It was amazing.

And there's a river,

And there's swimming,

And there was a full moon.

And it was just like I was in my own little garden of Eden.

The gift that we give ourselves when we allow ourselves to do something like that is that we peel away all of our responsibilities,

All of the identities that we carry with us,

All of the people needing us,

How we have to provide for other people.

And we are allowing ourselves just to float in our own existence for that amount of time.

What we notice when we give ourselves the space,

What I've noticed when I give myself the space,

Either in this way or on retreat,

Is it's just,

There's such a purity to it.

And you really only exist right there.

It reminds me of when I was a child and I grew up in a time before the internet.

And for those of us who did,

We remember when we were in a place,

We were only in that place.

When you traveled,

You were only in that place and you felt like you were gone for so long and you felt like you were so disconnected from everybody,

Either in a good or in a way that was troubling.

That is so hard to access now because we are,

Everyone is,

Just a phone away,

Right?

No matter where we are.

We could be in the middle of a safari in Africa and we can post about it on Facebook.

And that is just insane.

So when we allow ourselves to go into a space where we don't have that access,

Where we just can float in our own being and appreciating what is around us,

And appreciating what is around us,

Being really pure in that moment,

It is a way that we are really accessing ourselves for the first time.

We're becoming very whole in that space where we feel,

Oh,

I remember who I am now.

And it doesn't have anything to do with accomplishments or what we can buy or who our friends are,

Where we can eat.

It has nothing to do with any of that.

It just is because we are.

We don't need a reason to be happy.

We don't need a reason to feel worthy.

We don't need a reason to feel like we deserve something.

We just do because we are.

And that's the gift we really give ourselves.

And from that,

Tapping back into that,

Our world just seems constructed in a way to not allow us to tap into that.

We remember that joy is just an innate part of who we are,

That it has nothing to do with anything else,

That it's okay for us to feel stress in our everyday life because we have these things that we know,

We do have things that we've committed to,

Even things that we enjoy that also sometimes bring us stress.

But we can feel that and also remind ourselves that it's okay for us to step back from that,

To tap back in to our joy,

To reconnect with who we really are at our core.

I know there's a lot of talk about being our authentic self and living our passion and all of these things,

But we can't really do that if we don't allow ourselves the space to be in it,

To connect with it,

To remind ourselves what that feels like because it's a feeling.

It's a feeling that becomes an intuitive knowing.

It has nothing to do with mind.

It has nothing with somebody said,

I always hate it when people are like,

Who are you?

I can't tell you that.

I can only,

I only feel it.

If I tell you I am,

When I start to tell you who I am,

I start to tell you who I am in relation to everything else.

It's all relative.

It's not a definition of my deepest knowing because how can I possibly describe that in words?

That's something that just is.

Sit with me in silence for an hour and you'll feel it and I will feel you and then we will know each other.

But we won't be able to describe that in words that are sufficient enough to feel.

And the joy,

It's a trusting.

We allow it because we're opening.

It's a vulnerability.

We're opening ourselves and we're trusting that we can be with it.

We deserve to be with it.

And that we,

Everything will be okay.

If we're tapping into that.

There's a vulnerability about it.

That's the vulnerability that allows us to connect with other people.

We're constantly,

You know,

Walled in.

There's no vulnerability there.

And the wall keeps us from experiencing joy.

It keeps us from connecting,

Even as it's protecting us,

From being hurt.

So there's a trust that goes along with letting the wall down so that we can be confident that we are enough grounded in our own innate worth and our own innate being that we can allow other people in there.

Allow other people into that.

That's the hard part.

Of course,

We can't just like throw the gates open and say,

Everybody's welcome in.

You know,

There are people that we don't want in.

And that's okay.

So there's a discernment that goes along with that.

But in the course of our daily life,

Where we kind of get so caught up in everything that we forget,

Or the hurts accumulate and it just piles layers of protection and protection.

Oh,

That hurt,

I don't wanna feel that,

So I'm gonna protect myself from it.

But we often will lose the sort of glow that we have from the joy when we layer and layer and layer on top of it.

So allowing ourselves to construct our lives in a way that we can stay tapped into that.

It's hard sometimes to stay minute by minute by minute.

There are people that can do that.

I love that.

But even if it's,

You know,

Looking at our schedule and saying,

Oh,

Look,

I have these days.

Clear my day.

Clear my week.

Have this time.

Often we're gonna be like,

Oh,

What do I need to do?

Oh my God,

I have time now.

I can fill it with these other tasks I need to do.

But instead of filling it with the tasks,

To say,

Oh,

Look,

There's this little window of opportunity I have in my day.

What can I do for myself that puts me back in touch with my joy?

What do I need?

I'm feeling really stressed.

I feel like I can't breathe.

I need to go to the trees.

Oh,

I have three days.

I can do it.

Everything else can wait.

You know,

Yeah,

There's a little stress that comes along with that because you gotta get a whole lot done before you go and then things pile up.

We can't focus on that part,

Right?

I remember my mom used to say all the time,

I can't go on vacation because when I come back,

I have so much more work to do.

That works and be there whether or not you go.

But at least you can experience the joy of those few days and the suffering,

If you will,

Of coming back to all the work doesn't negate the joy.

The joy helps buoy the suffering.

It's also a way of how we change our perception of how we view that time away,

How we view the nurturing that we get from allowing ourselves to be in a space that is just filling for us or we can let go of everything else and just float.

It is a sort of a suspension,

You know,

Sort of womb-like,

Right?

Babies float in the womb and they're being grown and nurtured.

It's like,

You know,

I could go out into the woods,

Swim in the water and I feel like I'm in the womb.

It's just beautiful.

So that's something that's accessible to all of us at all times,

Even if we don't know what that thing is for us.

If we don't know,

That means we really need to find out.

So we don't know,

That's okay.

I'm still gonna take these two days and,

You know,

Well,

No,

Let's just see what happens.

I'm gonna be with myself.

I'm gonna just listen and see where it takes me,

Allow myself to flow for once instead of structuring,

Right?

So tapping back into that innate joy,

So important.

But just wanna encourage you in the coming days,

Weeks,

As we're moving into fall,

Supposedly,

As of tomorrow,

Supposedly,

To really start to,

As you're sitting in meditation,

Not think about what it is that brings you joy,

But just sit down with the intention to open to what that might be.

Open yourself,

Just sit down and say,

I'm open to my joy.

Doesn't have to be a big production.

Sitting down and listening and just being open to the silence and seeing what bubbles up,

You know.

You might suddenly get the urge to,

You know,

Go do something,

You know,

Or remember from your childhood,

Oh,

I used to love to do this thing.

I haven't done it in decades.

You know what,

Let me go do that again and see what happens.

Drawing on the things we wanted as children can be really,

Really fruitful because we were so in that space of just being intuitive with ourselves that kind of got taught out of us to a certain extent as we get older.

That can be a real sort of,

You know,

Rich ground from which to pull.

But as you sit in your meditations in the coming days and weeks,

Just to loosen all of your muscles and open yourself,

I'm open to my joy.

Even if you have difficult things happening,

Especially if you have difficult things happening in your life because that's when you need to be reminded that you have joy too and it's okay to feel it.

So opening to it,

Allowing it to come and seeing what comes from it.

And it could take a while.

You know,

These things don't happen all,

It's not like abracadabra and it happens,

Right?

But,

You know,

It takes time and that time is a gentle,

Sort of compassionate space that we're allowing ourselves to be in.

It can be really beautiful and fruitful.

So let's go ahead and have a sit.

And for this sitting,

You are welcome to come to any position that feels supportive for your body today.

Ideally sitting in a cross-legged position on a cushion.

Feeling balanced in the bottom part of your body.

Feeling supported by your spine.

Your back is upright,

Sitting dignified,

But also allowing your muscles to be at ease and loose without added tension.

Your hands are resting comfortably in your lap,

However they would like to.

Let's begin by taking in three deep inhales.

Three exhales and exhales at your own pace.

Allowing the belly to fill,

Expand on the inhale.

Contract on the exhale.

Allowing the muscles to relax.

The awareness and attention to settle into the body.

As the breath comes back to its natural rhythm,

Moving through the body at its natural pace without any controlling or forcing on your part.

Noticing the quality of your awareness in this moment.

Whether it's calm and fully present.

Perhaps if it's restless,

Anxious,

Thinking of the future,

Thinking of the future,

Caught in the past.

Whatever the quality of the presence is in this moment,

Just notice it without changing it,

Without judging it,

Just being with it.

Noticing how you're holding your body.

If you're adding any tension to any parts of the body,

Any of the muscles,

Particularly in the jaw,

Neck or the shoulders,

Notice what it feels like when you're holding extra tension.

On your next inhale and exhale,

Just let that tension release.

Becoming further aware of the sensations within your body,

Whether it be the feeling of the cushion beneath you,

Feeling of the temperature of the room,

Feeling the pain in the body,

Whatever is present for you,

Just notice it without having to change it.

Letting itself become known to you.

Allow yourself to notice if any subtle feelings of resistance,

Rejection,

Begin to appear in the body.

Allowing further whatever experience arises to arise without changing it,

Without judging it,

Telling stories about it,

Just allowing it to be present.

You may notice from time to time that you leave your body,

Become involved with thoughts,

And when that happens,

Just notice that it's happened,

Without judgment,

Without fear,

And when that happens,

Just notice that it's happened,

Without judgment,

Without going deeper into any stories.

Just notice,

Perhaps give it a label,

Something neutral,

Like thinking.

Let it float there without engaging it and gently direct your awareness into the body,

Gently,

Without force or judgment.

Coming to rest again in the sensations of the body.

A sense of openness,

Looseness,

Receptivity,

To the sitting,

To the body,

Knowing that you are ready to receive whatever joy is already present within you,

Without striving to access it,

Without thinking about it,

Just opening to the possibility of it arising,

Allowing whatever arises in the experience of now to arise without getting caught in it,

Without rejecting it,

Just letting it rise like bubbles in water moving through you,

Allowing yourself to notice any tension resides in the body,

Makes itself known,

With the awareness of it,

Letting it go.

As we come into the final moments of the meditation,

I invite you,

If it feels right for you,

Place your hand on your chest over your heart,

Sensing the tenderness of this gesture toward yourself and offering yourself gratitude,

Gratitude for creating space in your day to just be.

Sit and listen to your inner voice,

Opening the intention toward joy,

Knowing you are worthy of this.

Close out the meditation.

Close out the meditation with this poem,

Small Moments by James Cruz.

The world is not made only of sorrow and heartbreak.

Something always slips through the gaps of a given day,

Dew,

For instance,

Clinging to blades of grass newly risen from the lingering sleep of winter.

Those droplets soaking your boots and the legs of your jeans as you pass through as proof that you are here and belong to this planet.

If that's not enough,

Then I give you buttered sourdough toast smeared with as much strawberry jam as that bread can hold and the first bits whose burst of summer returns you to your body,

Where small moments like these are stored like nutrients leaves pull from the sun as soon as it breaks through the storm clouds,

Filling the cracks with gold.

When you're ready,

You're welcome to open your eyes and come back into the room.