A lot of us would like to learn how to let go,
How to detach from the things that are causing us pain in our life,
How to let things flow through us and beyond us and to not experience the emotional turmoil that comes from witnessing and feeling other people's actions.
Unfortunately,
Without a great deal of practice,
Letting go can be an extremely difficult process and what can end up happening is we can bury emotions instead of actually letting them go.
So,
What's best is learning how to communicate lovingly to the people in your life that have hurt you in an effort to help mitigate the situation and to help both of you reach an equal understanding of each other.
Unfortunately,
Not all people are able to communicate with love and ease in the way that we would like them to and even we ourselves have difficulty in communicating the way that is often times best,
But we must realize that it's all a learning process and we must also realize that we have to be the change that we want to see in the world,
However change is not easy and emotions can flare in difficult situations,
But what I want to teach you to do is to return to your center and to learn how to communicate with love despite it being extremely difficult because I know that you can do it.
So when we have something difficult that we'd like to talk with somebody about,
It's important first that we try to detach from the emotions.
When you are in a heightened state,
It's really,
Really difficult to rationalize.
Often times,
Emotions cause logical thinking to fly out the window.
So before you decide to communicate,
Make sure that your emotions are calmed down and you're in a neutral state and then I would like you to ask the other person when a good time is for them to have the conversation.
Often times we feel like we want to say something and we want to say it now and we want to say it when it's good for us,
But we also have to show the other person that we respect their time just as we wish for them to respect ours.
So we must try to coordinate when the best time for them might be to have a conversation.
We also want to make sure that the person isn't doing anything that might prevent them from listening to what we have to say.
That they're not engaging in another activity or have other obligations at the time.
So once you guys have carved out the space,
I'd like you to start by communicating from I statements.
This is really important because we don't want to place blame.
An example of an I statement would be something like,
I feel hurt or I felt hurt when you responded to me like this or when this certain situation happened.
It made me feel sad.
It made me feel like you don't value my time.
It made me feel disrespected,
Etc,
Etc.
The other person will likely stand up in defense of their actions,
Even if you communicate very lovingly.
Now when they stand up in defense or when they have something to share,
It's important that you maintain eye contact with them.
Open your body,
Turn yourself towards them and really listen to what they have to say.
Open your heart and try to also receive the information without yourself getting very defensive.
This can be easier said than done,
But like we said before,
It's all a practice.
And hopefully with practicing in this way,
Whoever you're communicating with can learn to also use the same tools and techniques that you're using.
We do this funny thing as humans,
We have something called social learning,
And we really learn through other people's behaviors.
So by you modeling these communication things,
You're also helping the other person to learn.
Now just because you use these communication techniques doesn't mean that your situation is going to turn out great,
But it could turn out a great deal better than it would have otherwise,
Which in itself is a success.
Now after you've communicated with this person,
I would like you silently in your mind to send love to this person,
And if you can send love in a physical form after you're finished your communication,
This would be ideal.
Thanking the person for taking the time to listen to you,
Thanking them for being there and honoring your feelings and knowing that you didn't wish to do them any harm,
That you just wish to have a good and strong relationship where you two can openly communicate lovingly to each other.
Encourage the other person that if they also have anything in the future that they would wish to talk to you about,
That you are open and that you are available to hear any concerns that they might have.
This is something excellent we can also teach to children or teach to other people that are having difficulties.
Oftentimes our friends might come to us asking opinions on situations,
What should I do in this circumstance?
Always encourage communication with the person they have a difficulty with.
Always encourage them to talk to them lovingly and maybe teach them some of the techniques that I taught you in this talk.
We don't get very far by talking about situations and then not having any action.
It only creates further discord.
We want to come together as people,
Not separate ourselves.
And I know that if you're listening to this,
You also think it's important for people to come together and to love each other as they should.
Thank you for taking the time to listen to this short talk.
I hope you join me in the future and I would love to have you.
Best of luck in your endeavors.
