Hello,
Beautiful people.
Today's conversation is a little bit heavy,
Perhaps.
It is about death and grief and shadow.
And it came during a conversation with a former client who has now turned a friend,
An awakened shaman from Texas,
This incredible mother,
Who has been dealing with the grief of the loss of her son.
And she showed me a picture of all of this,
This altar of all these images.
And she just said,
Tonight,
Grief wants to kill me.
She said,
I'm just trying to survive and stay in softness and not harm other people in word or action,
Because I'm so disgusted,
Knowing I'm still here,
And that I have to endure this suffering for who knows how long.
And it's endlessly excruciating.
So I consider once again,
I am free,
But do I choose to be?
And I thought deeply,
Quickly understanding that as a man in this life,
I can never even begin to understand a mother's grief.
That's a depth that we don't witness on this side,
Not in the same way.
But a great yogi once told me in India that if you can hear your mother after she's left this place,
Then she's still floating around this density.
If you cannot,
She has moved up into the realm of angels.
Enjoy her freedom.
And then you find yours.
That made me think if I stay attached to the pain,
Am I keeping her tethered to a lower density?
Because I can't let her fly?
That was enough to open all my compassion and curiosity,
To release it all,
All attachments,
All tethers.
I knew this clearing had to begin in my reality when I was ready.
So I let her image float far into the highest realms until she transformed back into light.
I surrendered to not knowing.
And I let go of my mental wounds that rain deep,
Blame,
Frustration,
The fact that we never fully healed our relationship.
These stories.
These stories are what keep us stuck.
This is what blocks us from healing.
They're narratives.
Our mind doesn't know how to heal because our heart mind is the one that does all of the healing.
But it was in this moment of full release and forgiveness to myself and to all that is,
That I lost my mother forever.
But you see,
It was also in this moment that her soul reconnected to mine forever.
So the loss of my own mother can last forever.
Grief can last lifetimes.
But it was when I let go of her identity here that I finally allowed her to show me her truest self,
The one that is free.
Maybe this is a giant mirror.
If you want freedom here,
Then we learn to give them their freedom there.
This caused me to really process through my mother's death and then here I was as a boy speaking to his mom.
And all I could think about in this moment was fire.
I've done some deep,
Dark meditations learning how to fall in love with the moon,
The shadow aspects of who we are.
I rode the black dragon through hell until he could teach me with his wise voice.
And I remember when he brought me to the edge of this suffering,
This almost like translucent wall in the universe.
And here was all this darkness,
This density.
But as it ran into this invisible wall on the other side was new life,
Was new souls.
You could see,
Oh,
This is the soil.
So what is fire?
What is the moment of the phoenix?
The fire doesn't say,
Would you like to transform?
But keep some of the materials and elements that keep you from transforming?
No,
This is the beautiful ritual that we have all long forgotten.
Allow the fire to take what was.
So we can create something new.
This is all about attachment and detachment.
But here we fall in love with the tree.
And then we protect it.
We yell at others about how they treat this tree and the forest.
This is my tree.
I grew it.
I care for it.
It is me.
This is our plight,
Our duty.
We start foundations.
Well,
Let's protect all the trees.
But then a forest fire comes along and burns all of the trees to the ground all at once.
Poof,
Gone.
So is the earth evil?
Or is she in a constant state of attachment and release?
Because when you visit these scorched mountains three months later,
They are brimming with new life.
This means we have to ask ourselves today,
Can we let our past become the soil for the next?
A fertilizer made for the density of our shadows.
Perfect for growing new life.
What a gift.
Perhaps this is our greatest lesson here.
For otherwise we become damned,
Blocking the flow of life itself.
So I left all materials and all heirloom possessions of mom.
Energetic ties.
Why would I need stuff if her soul is always connected?
If I can learn to float into the Akashic records and watch all of her lifetimes,
Why do I cling to this one?
When did her infinite soul become mind to hold?
And when does this mental loop in us all break free?
It's when we learn more about who we are beyond this body,
Beyond this mind.
We don't think our way through this.
We feel our way through it.
We can't process death because we forgot the truth,
The beauty.
Can we sit in grief and still see the miracle?
Well for that we need knowledge,
Ancestral wisdom.
Can we detach with love?
Because we see the flow of life.
Mother responded,
Well I have parts of me that relate to honoring,
To the honoring of death and transformation even in my own child.
But I have other parts that mourn and deserve their space and they are welcome at the table.
These parts do not believe that it holds my son in hostage.
But it honors who he was in this physical form.
He was real.
And his soul is expansive and continuing to grow.
And his lessons profound in my mind's eye and in my soul connection.
So we ended with this.
Well there's your answer.
When will I be free?
We will hold this grief for as long as we feel it necessary.
To be part of the process that honors and serves.
But when we're done,
Our freedom is in the fire.
To donate what was to what can be.
And there is no rush because there is no time at all.
We are all,
Always and forever.
And it is these deep lessons that draw us here.
This earth teaches our souls their deepest lessons of all to experience finite.
The Fibonacci symbol itself.
How do infinite souls deal with finite expression?
Well it hurts.
And it hurts so bad,
It causes us to expand and evolve.
To rise back beyond the shadows of the mind.
So we can jump back into the river and flow.
This whole life is about attaching and releasing.
So we can learn.
Let us embrace this new wisdom coming out so that we can heal.
The deepest,
Scariest parts of who we are.
Are all made of love.
Have a beautiful day everybody.
I can't wait till we're all in this together.
We're trying.
So let us be more transparent.
And remember that we have to feel our way through this.
Have a beautiful day.
