Can't Fall Asleep
This sleep meditation is for those nights when you’re calm, tired, and doing everything “right” — yet sleep won’t come. Instead of trying harder, this practice gently helps you let go of monitoring, effort, and the subtle watching that keeps you awake. Through slow body awareness and quiet imagery, you’re invited to stop performing sleep and simply rest. There’s nothing to achieve here — just permission to soften, surrender the observer, and trust your body to do what it already knows how to do.
Transcript
Hello,
My name is Taruru Mundawarana and welcome to this practice.
I'm going to start this practice with what should come at the end,
But it being a sleep meditation you hopefully won't hear what should be coming at the end because you'll have fallen asleep during the practice.
So,
If this practice helps you tonight,
If you're still working with it,
I'd really love to hear from you.
So please leave a comment below and let me know,
Did you notice yourself watching less?
Were you able to let go of monitoring?
Did the hypnagogic jolt happen?
And if so,
Were you able to just let it be?
And if this didn't work for you,
That's valuable too.
Let me know what came up,
What got in the way.
Because your experience,
Whatever it is,
Might be exactly what someone else needs to hear.
It might help them feel less alone in their struggle.
This work of learning to stop watching ourselves,
Of learning to surrender the observer,
It takes practice,
It takes patience,
It takes compassion.
So be gentle with yourself as you learn.
And if you found value in this meditation,
Please share it with someone who might need it.
Someone who's lying awake right now,
Perhaps next to you,
Calm but unable to sleep,
Wondering what's wrong.
Maybe even what's wrong with them.
There's nothing wrong with them,
There's nothing wrong with you,
You're just learning a new way of being with yourself,
And that takes time.
This practice is called,
Can't fall asleep even when you're tired.
What we're going to try and do today,
Tonight,
Is to explore something that might sound familiar.
Something that can feel deeply confusing and frustrating.
You're lying in bed,
You're calm.
There are no racing thoughts,
No anxiety churning in your chest,
No stress about tomorrow,
Your body is ready,
Your mind is quiet.
The conditions are set,
Everything feels right.
And yet,
Sleep won't come.
Sleep refuses to come.
You lie there first for 10,
Then 30,
Then 40 minutes,
Then becomes one,
Then two hours,
Sometimes more.
Just simply waiting.
The drowsiness appears,
But sleep keeps slipping away,
Just,
Just out of your reach.
But here's what's actually happening,
And this might surprise you.
You're watching yourself try to sleep.
You're monitoring,
Observing,
Checking in.
Am I getting drowsy yet?
Is this working?
Am I about to fall asleep?
Is this about to happen?
And that watching,
That observation,
Is what's actually keeping you awake.
So the solution isn't trying harder to sleep.
It's not about relaxing more or breathing deeper or finding the perfect position.
The solution is learning to stop observing yourself.
So tonight,
We're going to practice something radical.
Surrendering the observer.
Letting go of the part of you that's keeping watch,
And giving yourself permission to not care where the sleep comes or not.
And we'll begin the practice today with a poem.
The watcher at the window never sees the sunrise.
Only those who close their eyes and trust the morning will come.
Now let's slow everything down.
First of all,
Make sure you are lying comfortably in bed.
If you can,
Turn the temperature down.
If you can,
Wear an eye mask.
Let's start to slow everything down.
Take a deep breath in through your nose and hold it at the top.
And exhale through your mouth,
Letting everything soften.
One more time,
Breathe in deeply through the nose and hold it.
And release and feel your shoulders drop.
Let your eyes soften and gently close.
And let's begin.
Feel the weight of your body.
Notice where you're being held.
The mattress beneath you.
The pillow cradling your head.
Allow your shoulders to drop,
Your jaw to soften.
And simply notice your breath.
That's all,
Just notice your breath moving in and moving out.
Right here is all you need to be.
There's nothing you need to do.
Just this moment,
Just breathe.
Now,
I want to acknowledge something that might be happening right now.
If you've struggled with sleep for a while,
There's a part of you that's learned to watch,
To monitor,
Keep track.
You lie there and you feel yourself getting drowsy.
Your eyelids grow heavy,
Your body starts to relax and your thoughts begin to drift.
And then right at the edge,
Something happens.
You become aware that you're about to fall asleep.
And in that moment of awareness,
You jolt awake again.
Not with a thought.
Not necessarily with anxiety,
But just a sudden spike of energy.
A jolt that says,
Oh,
You're falling asleep.
And then you're awake again,
Fully.
And you have to start the whole process over again.
And this can happen over and over for hours.
And it's exhausting and it's confusing.
Because you're doing everything right.
You're calm,
You're relaxed and yet sleep continues to miss you.
And this makes sense.
There's nothing wrong with you.
What's happening is that a part of you,
A protective part,
Has learned to keep watch at the threshold of sleep.
It's monitoring the transition between waking and sleeping.
And the moment it senses you're about to cross over,
It wakes you up to check,
Wait,
Are we falling asleep?
Is it safe?
Should we be doing this?
It's trying to help.
It's trying to make sure you fall asleep successfully.
But in watching for sleep,
It prevents sleep.
This isn't insomnia in the traditional sense.
This is hypervigilance at the sleep threshold.
This is the observer paradox.
The moment you try to catch yourself falling asleep,
Sleep disappears.
And that jolt you feel,
That sudden spike of awareness right at the edge,
That's called a hypnagogic jerk.
It's your nervous system's final check-in before letting go.
It's not a problem.
It's actually a sign.
It's a sign that tells you that you're close.
When you get excited about being close,
When you think,
Oh good,
It's working,
You reset the whole process.
And that excitement,
That awareness is what jolts you back awake.
So tonight,
We're going to do something different.
We're not going to try to fall asleep.
We're not going to watch for sleep.
We're not going to get excited when we feel drowsy.
Instead,
We're going to practice something different,
Radical perhaps.
You're not going to care whether sleep is good or bad.
You're not going to care whether sleep comes or not.
You're allowed to just rest here.
You're allowed to let go,
To let go of the performance.
There's no grade,
No achievement,
No goal,
No finish line to cross.
If sleep comes tonight,
That's fine.
If it doesn't,
That's also fine.
Now,
There's one thing,
One simple thing.
Allow yourself to be here.
Allow yourself to stop performing sleep and start simply being.
So instead of watching yourself,
Let's turn your attention to something else.
Let's redirect the observer towards something that doesn't require monitoring or achievement.
We're going to move through your body,
Not to relax it,
Not to fix it,
But simply to notice.
To give your mind something to do that isn't watching for sleep.
So now,
Bring your attention to your left foot.
Seriously,
Bring all your attention to your left foot.
Just notice it.
You don't need to relax it,
You don't need to stretch it,
You don't need to change it.
Just notice what's there.
Perhaps you feel warmth,
Perhaps coolness,
Maybe pressure from the covers,
Maybe nothing at all.
Whatever's there,
Just notice.
Now,
Your right foot.
Again,
Just notice.
No agenda,
No goal.
Just notice your right foot.
Your left ankle.
Just noticing.
Now,
Your right ankle.
Again,
Just notice.
No agenda,
No goal.
And now your left calf,
The muscle,
Bone,
The skin.
Just noticing.
Now,
Your right calf.
Just noticing.
Your left knee,
The joint,
The space.
Just noticing.
Now,
Your right knee.
Simply notice it.
Your left thigh,
The weight of it,
The way it rests on the bed.
Just notice that.
Now,
The same.
Just notice your right thigh.
Now,
Your hips.
First the left side,
Then the right side.
The way they sink into the mattress.
Just notice.
Your pelvis,
The bones,
The space.
Just noticing.
Your lower back,
The curve of your spine.
The way that curve meets the bed.
Just notice.
And now your belly.
Rising with the inhale,
Softening with the exhale.
And just notice.
Your chest,
The breath moving through,
The heart beating.
Slower than normal.
Just notice.
Your upper back,
The shoulder blades,
The muscles between them.
Just notice.
Now,
Your left shoulder,
Simply notice it.
Your right shoulder,
Just notice it.
Your left upper arm,
Just noticing.
Your right upper arm,
Just noticing.
Your left elbow,
Just noticing.
Your right elbow,
Just noticing.
Your left forearm,
Just noticing.
Just noticing.
Your left wrist,
Just noticing.
Your right wrist,
Just noticing.
Your left hand,
The palm,
The back.
Each and every finger,
Just noticing.
Your right hand,
Just noticing.
The front,
The sides,
Just noticing.
Your jaw,
Is it clenched?
Is it soft?
Just noticing.
Your mouth,
Your lips,
Your tongue,
Just noticing.
Your cheeks,
Your nose,
Just noticing.
Your eyes,
The lids,
The space behind them,
Just noticing.
Your forehead,
The space between your eyebrows.
Just noticing.
Now,
The crown of your head,
Just noticing.
Take a moment to sense into your whole body.
From the crown of your head to the soles of your feet.
Are you still watching?
Are you still monitoring?
If you are,
That's okay,
Just notice it.
And then simply let it go.
You don't need to know if you're falling asleep.
You don't have to track your progress.
You're not required to check if this is working.
You can just be here.
From this grounded place,
See yourself standing at the edge of a quiet lake.
The water is still,
The air is cool.
The sky above is deep indigo,
Scattered with stars.
You're not here to swim.
You're not here to cross the lake.
You're just here to stand at the edge.
Notice the way the surface reflects the starlight.
The way small ripples move across the water,
So subtle you almost can't see them.
You're not waiting for anything.
You're not watching for anything.
You're just here.
And if you start to feel yourself starting to drift,
If you feel that familiar pull towards sleep,
Don't get excited.
Don't announce it,
Don't focus,
Don't check,
Just let it be.
Like a leaf falling from a tree.
It doesn't think or try to fall.
It doesn't watch itself fall.
It doesn't get excited about falling.
Just let's go.
And every time,
The ground catches it.
And if you feel that jolt,
That sudden spike of awareness right at the edge,
That's okay.
It's just your nervous system's final check-in.
It's asking,
Are you sure?
Are you ready to let go?
And you can answer quietly,
Without words,
I'm ready.
I'm not going to force,
I'm not going to watch.
I'm just going to keep being here.
A jolt isn't a failure.
It's not a sign that something's wrong.
It's just your body's way of making sure you're safe before it lets go completely.
So when it happens,
Don't get frustrated,
Don't get discouraged,
Just notice it.
And then come back to your breath,
Come back to the lake,
Come back to being here.
I'm going to guide you through one more body scan,
Even slower this time,
Even more boring,
Because boring is good.
Boring helps the observer fall asleep.
So left foot,
Just noticing,
Just noticing,
Right ankle,
Just noticing.
Your left calf,
The muscle,
The bone,
The skin,
Just noticing.
Your left knee,
The joint,
The space,
Just noticing.
Your right knee,
Just noticing.
Your left thigh,
The weight of it,
The way it rests on the bed,
Just noticing.
Your right thigh,
Just noticing.
Your hips,
The left side,
The right side,
The way they sink into the mattress,
Just noticing.
Your pelvis,
The bones,
The space,
Just noticing.
Your lower back,
The curve of your spine,
The way it meets the bed,
Just noticing.
Your belly,
Rising with the inhale,
Softening with the exhale,
Just noticing.
Your chest,
The breath moving through,
The heart beating,
Just noticing.
Your upper back,
The shoulder blades,
The muscles between them,
Just noticing.
Your left shoulder,
Just noticing.
Your right shoulder,
Just noticing.
Your left upper arm,
Just noticing.
Your right upper arm,
Just noticing.
Your left elbow,
Just noticing.
Your right elbow,
Just noticing.
Your left forearm,
Just noticing.
Your right forearm,
Just noticing.
Your left wrist,
Just noticing.
Your right wrist,
Just noticing.
Your left hand,
Each finger.
Your thumb,
Just noticing.
Your right hand,
Each finger,
Just noticing.
Your neck,
The front,
The sides,
The back,
Just noticing.
Your jaw,
Is it clenched,
Is it soft,
Relaxed,
Just noticing.
Your mouth,
Your lips,
Your tongue,
Just noticing.
Your cheeks,
Your nose,
Just noticing.
Your eyes,
The lids,
The space behind them,
Just noticing.
Your forehead,
The space between your eyebrows,
Just noticing.
The crown of your head,
The scalp,
Just noticing.
Let's just allow for silence.
This is what it feels like to stop watching yourself,
To stop performing,
To stop trying.
You don't need to supervise,
You don't need to monitor,
You can trust.
Trust your body to handle sleep without your conscious involvement.
This is what it feels like to surrender the observer,
To come back to just being,
To stop abandoning yourself through constant monitoring.
You are here,
You are resting,
And that is enough.
Allow the image of the lake to soften now.
Allow your attention to rest fully in your body.
Feel the bed beneath you,
Feel the breath in your chest.
There's nothing to achieve,
There's nothing to prove.
Just rest.
I'm going to leave you here now in silence.
And if sleep comes,
Let it come.
If it doesn't,
Just rest.
Either way,
You're exactly where you need to be.
So,
Thank you for being here.
Take this feeling with you.
You're seen,
You're enough,
And you are home.
Until the next time.
