Positive Vibes Live (Edited) - Reframing & Narcissism

Recorded live on Insight Timer on Tuesday 9th July 2024 as a Positive Vibes talk. This live talk evolved naturally into the power and magic of reframing, and focuses heavily on using this technique around narcissism. It's upbeat, energetic, and was very well received live. Packed full of valuable content and wisdom that will help all who listen, hence sharing as a free recording.

I received the following message after the live, 'Sarah, you are such wonderfully gifted breath of fresh air. I needed to be reminded of reframing this morning. Perfect talk! .... Your talk created a new format and helped redirect emotions, bitterness and fear. I am seeing the day and life differently. Thank you.'

Transcript

My name is Sarah J Naylor.

I'm an international coach,

Obviously an insight time a teacher,

An author,

A writer,

Speaker,

Amongst other things,

All sorts of things.

I love doing these lives and I really like to open the platform to you too as well because as a coach,

I love working with people and helping you come up with solutions and answers and things like that,

Do anything that might be on.

I like to help people,

Anybody in life generally,

But obviously those that are on live with me,

Come up with solutions,

Do any questions,

Anything that might be going on in your head,

But obviously keeping everything very much of a positive perspective.

My energy levels are sort of,

You'll probably gather,

High vibe.

I like to inject humour and energy into everything that I do and I tend to talk quite fast as well.

But if you've got anything to say,

Please do pop it into the chat,

Have a look at my profile.

I've got a lot of content on there.

Had a new course that was released called Do It Now,

Which has had some great reviews already,

So please do go and check it out and I've got free talks.

There's a combination because as you probably know,

Insight Time is a freemium platform,

So there's the free content and there's the paid for content.

Let's get on with the positive stuff.

The positive stuff is that you're all here and I'm here and I want to focus in on positivity.

Now,

One of the things that is really,

Really powerful from a positive perspective wise,

Which actually I've got another course on cultivating positive vibes,

Have a check of that as well.

But positive wise,

In the midst of doing a PowerPoint right now and it's all to do with energy and mindset and one thing or another,

And this is what we've got control over and this is where the positive stuff comes in.

This is where we can change absolutely everything because we aren't our behaviour,

Whatever we think,

Whoever we are,

We become.

So therefore,

We can change things because we have that power over the subconscious mind and we can retrain it,

We can reprogram it with just some small shifts.

One of the powerful things that I love is reframing.

Has anybody heard about reframing?

Are you aware of reframing?

When I learned about it,

When I trained and qualified as a coach 12 years ago,

It was one of those tools you have,

I'm a brilliant,

Do you use it?

Do you integrate it into your life?

Because I do all the time.

I catch myself now,

You know,

My mind and my thoughts and my words and especially when I write,

You catch yourself because if you start to think negatively,

Your energy becomes negative and you attract negativity in.

However,

If you stop yourself when you hear that negative soundtrack or what have you and go,

What's the reframe of that?

How can I reword it?

How can I rethink it in a positive way?

And this is one of the things that I'm pulling together on my talk and I'm creating a PowerPoint as part of my presentation and it's how you reword stuff simply.

Yes,

You do have to catch yourself just absolutely because when we become aware that we aren't our behavior,

We aren't our thoughts,

Words and actions and we can change that.

We change our reality,

We change how we experience the world and for me,

I like to experience it from a positive perspective.

So even if something,

A situation isn't turning out as I expect it and many people have heard me already talk about 2023 as being pretty damn brutal,

It really was.

It was everything crashed and burned last year.

However,

The reframe of that rather than me focusing in on,

You know,

My victim,

All of this problem I had,

You know,

My relationship with my son broke down,

My business went to administration,

I've sold my car,

I don't have a car.

I've looked at that in a different way.

All of that had to happen.

So I've reframed how I experienced last year in terms of all this stuff having to change and shift so that I could move forward into my life as it is right now.

That's on a much bigger scale,

But on a smaller scale,

It could be simply the words that you use to describe something.

So if you're saying,

Well,

I don't like this,

I don't,

I don't like going out in the rain.

Well,

Actually what you could say is that I love going out in the sunshine.

Do you see the difference?

So you're actually focusing on the positives rather than the negatives or I don't want to be X,

Y and Z.

Well,

What do you want to be instead?

I've put a jumper on,

It's a cashmere jumper.

It's July.

It really ought to be not wearing a cashmere jumper.

As I've put it on,

I've realised it's shrunk a bit and the moths had a go at it.

And so at the moment,

I'm just reframing my experience of this jumper and going,

Do you know what?

It's fine.

It's okay for now.

It's keeping me warm.

The fact that it's a little bit small and a little bit snug is fine and not too happy about the moths.

However,

It's prompted me to go and order some stuff off the good old Amazon to get some things to repel the moths.

So there's always something that when you look at it from a different perspective,

I could be really frustrated and fed up about it,

But I choose not to be.

I choose to let that go because when we focus in on something,

We apply that pressure to ourselves and it becomes and it sits on our shoulders and then we become it.

We wear it and then we carry this weight around with us on a bigger spectrum.

Again,

In the last few weeks,

There's been a lot going on in the UK politics wise and there's been a real shift since we've had a change of government last week.

You can sense this energy change.

It makes a massive difference.

We all get impacted,

Of course,

With all of this stuff that's going on around us.

So that's why I don't watch the news as a rule of thumb.

It's why I am around positive people for the most of my time.

I choose who I spend my time with.

I choose to be around uplifting positive people.

I choose to do stuff that fires me up,

Fires other people up and I choose to be away from what brings me down because put your hands up if you like to be around people that sort of eat into your energy and pull you down.

I know I don't.

I like to be around people that lift me.

I've done my time with people that pull me down.

I divorced my ex-husband 19 years ago for unreasonable behaviour and last year I realised and discovered that it was a narcissist joy.

I did 20 years with him and sadly I also discovered my 25-year-old son is a narcissist as well and unfortunately as much as I love him to bits,

I've had to,

Due to his behaviour,

You know when you get to that point where you have a final,

Final,

Final,

Final,

Final,

Final straw and there's now no communication unfortunately with us.

I hope that will change at some point but it will take him an awful lot of doing the inner work and understanding himself and what he needs to do to go through all of that because I'd welcome him with open arms if he wasn't throwing toxic stuff at me and,

You know,

I have to protect myself and that's something else about positivity,

You know.

It's really important for us.

I know it's very hard.

It's really hard.

You know,

Don't get me wrong.

I love him to bits.

I'm really proud of all the stuff that he's done but I've been constantly ridiculed,

Laughed at,

Pulled down and told that I'm rubbish and this,

That and the other and that's not good for my mental health,

My well-being,

My relationship,

You know.

I'm not going to go all the ins and outs of it but that was a pivotal point that I discovered that and realised that he was a narcissist because for years I thought,

Why does he have this lack of appreciation,

Lack of gratitude,

High level of expectation and entitlement?

I used to have this vision of him.

I used to describe and think to myself he must have been a prince in a past life and when I started to look into narcissism last year,

All these images were cropping up with people with crowns on the head and then when I started to look into it even deeper,

I went,

Oh my gosh,

Holy moly,

The penny dropped,

The veil lifted and suddenly everything made sense.

So you know what,

There's something else,

You know things don't feel right and don't sense right,

Find out more.

I mean there's so much,

Oh really Ira,

Your brother's like that,

Oh I'm so sorry to hear that.

Interestingly,

I went out for a walk a few weeks ago with my partner around the village and we got chatting to a couple,

A mother and a daughter and it turns out the son stroke brother,

He's a narcissist as well and it was really interesting and helpful for me because we got into this conversation around narcissism.

To have a conversation with somebody that was in a similar scenario to me because to have somebody that understands,

It's not about validating you but it's talking to somebody that gets it because if you speak to people that don't understand,

Who've never experienced narcissism,

They don't get it.

I've got a really good friend of mine that I'm catching up with a couple of weeks time but she knows my son and she's,

Oh you can just talk to him,

You can just talk to him.

It's like,

It doesn't work like that,

It really doesn't because they have their own,

They've created their own sense of reality and they have their own dialogue and they don't get it,

They don't understand,

They just draw upon you because I was getting all this sort of toxic stuff but at the same time,

Then he would be ringing me,

Bombarding me with calls to help him because of the coach side of me,

Go through and sort out the problems he'd got and of course,

I'd never have the right answer because what he was wanting was somebody to sort of collude with him and say yes because they want people to say yes.

Ira says,

My mum keeps wanting me to sort things with him but it's not,

No,

You're absolutely right,

It's not possible.

Have a look at my course on Insight Time on narcissism because I think you'll find it really,

Really interesting.

I've had some really fascinating and supportive reviews to it so please do check it out because I think it might help you make sense or even guide your mum to it because yeah,

Have a look because it's just understanding the language and you start to realise and it makes sense and you can only go sort of like no contact or very,

Very limited contact.

Ah,

Alma says,

Narcissism runs deep,

Former son-in-law left daughter in bombed out state.

Oh my god,

I totally get it.

It took me six years to rework and be able to so unping how my ex-husband would twist my words.

He would always wrong foot me.

One of the things he used is,

Oh,

You always have to have the last word you do.

What was he doing?

Having the last word every single time and you have to take the emotion out,

You have to step back from it,

You have to not communicate.

I've now blocked him.

Ah,

Raluca says,

I can totally relate.

Creating boundaries is extremely important.

Doing this reflects enormous amount of strength.

Thank you,

Raluca.

I really appreciate that.

And it is,

It's all about that.

It's boundaries,

Putting boundaries into place to protect yourself.

It's not about creating a shell or some armour plating and it's all about,

Oh,

I'm sorry somebody feels this is a bit poor,

But that's,

You know,

Obviously triggering something about whatever it is I'm saying.

I did actually have a very poor review on my insight time,

Of course.

I think I triggered somebody.

And that's the thing with narcissists.

And I'm not suggesting this person is that's just put that up.

However,

You can easily trigger a narcissist.

And I discovered that to my detriment last year because I'd actually,

This was before I understood.

Do you know what?

We're all learning.

We're all learning all of the time.

And the more we learn,

The more we understand,

The more we understand,

The more we can have a positive experience of life because we'll always look for the learning.

We'll always look for the lessons in life.

Coming back to the boundaries when you put those into place to protect yourself,

But not to put up an armour plating.

And then when you understand what triggers people,

Then you don't say certain things.

I mean,

I said,

I turned around to my son and told him that,

You know,

He was a narcissist,

But not as bad as his father.

Not the right thing to say,

Sarah,

Not the best,

Not your best hour.

However,

I was very,

Very stressed because my business was going into administration.

I was having to make my office manager redundant.

My son had kicked off big time,

Was telling me to drop my partner.

And we've got an amazing relationship,

Been together four years now,

Best relationship ever,

Ever had.

But you know,

You have to go through this.

You have to go through the learning.

You have to put the boundaries into place.

You have to understand,

You have to know what triggers are so that you can change your own behaviour.

I'm not suggesting that we become different people,

But to become the best version of yourself,

You have to adjust and shift and see what it is that,

How you respond to things because we aren't our behaviour.

We can be and change some different things.

Gabby's point,

It's really hard when it's a family member,

But your emotional wellness has to take priority.

It's exhausting.

Gabby,

I so hear you.

And please do,

I say,

Check out my course or reach out to me via my profile or via the messenger system within Insight Timer because I was exhausted.

Oh,

Thank you,

Ellen.

Thank you so much.

I really appreciate your support.

That is brilliant.

Ellen's gone through all of my course,

But you have to look after yourself.

Like the airlines say,

You know,

When they tell you to apply your own oxygen first and foremost before you help anybody else,

Because if you're not looking after yourself,

You can't look after anybody else.

Can you?

Yes,

Gabby,

When it's a family member,

It is really hard.

This is my only son.

You know,

He's 25,

Love him to bits,

Supported him,

Encouraged him to be who he is and done all the things that I could possibly do.

I had to draw the line even so,

Even though I was supporting him and encouraging him,

You know,

Because he was never showing any appreciation or gratitude.

And there was a limit to how much I could do.

But do you know what?

If I'd have given him the universe,

He'd have wanted more.

Whatever I did was never enough,

Could never do right for doing wrong.

And that's a classic trait of a narcissist.

Oh,

Thank you,

Gabby.

Thank you so much.

And actually,

Gabby's just said she's followed me.

Please do.

I was meant to say,

Give me a follow on Insight Timer.

That would be great.

And I forgot to say all at the beginning as well,

That there's been a few changes on Insight Timer,

But you know,

All donations are welcome because it helps all this keep going because,

You know,

We don't get paid for what we do apart from on plays and donations,

Etc.

So anything helps.

Thank you very much.

But thank you very much for being here because I appreciate all of you taking the time to listen.

And I really do,

You know,

Want to enlighten people to narcissism because I think there's all too often,

It's been a belief that it's somebody taking selfies and was keeping an eye on the chat.

Linda says,

I have an older sister who's constantly manipulating as though I owe her.

Just this morning,

I blocked her contact therapist helping realize the harm.

That's brilliant,

Linda.

Yeah,

You've got to go,

No contact.

One of my coaching clients came to me because I'd spoken out about narcissism,

Because she'd had a very similar situation with her sister.

And once you understand,

Once you realize that you've just got to put those boundaries into play,

Because what they do is they keep on drawing on your energy.

It's like an energy vampire and they will keep,

They need a source.

They need somebody to draw that energy out of because actually inside they are very,

Very insecure people,

But they have created this false sense of reality for a lifestyle that they believe and everybody will be wrong.

I remember arguing with my ex-husband,

We're going back to 1985 when I met him,

All about like music tastes and things like that.

I used to say to him,

Good Lord,

If the whole world was like you,

It'd be a nightmare.

How I ended up doing 20 years is beyond me.

However,

I did because my overdone strength is to be accommodating,

To be accepting,

Which are great qualities to have.

And this is the thing when you've got sort of positive qualities,

They can equally become an overdone strength.

And that's when you then have to really look at your boundaries as well.

Because I think a lot of you and people that are on Insight Timer who use it as an app,

You're generally sort of,

Of that wellbeing sector,

Of that sort of wanting the best for the world and for yourself and things like that.

And it can become an overdone strength.

People can take advantage of you,

Which comes back to the boundaries.

And also narcissists hone in on bright lights as well.

They like to draw on that energy because they can,

They'll get attracted to you because you are this bright light,

But then they want to take it all away.

They don't want you to be around people.

Ira said,

Never gets better.

Mum's 71 and she's almost,

And he's almost abusing her still.

No one sticks with him and she won't let go.

It's difficult.

It's a really tricky one.

Reach out to me.

Linda says she's a sensitive soul.

Thing is Linda,

The key is that you have recognised it,

Which is important.

So once you recognise that you are sensitive,

It is about doing what you can.

And there's loads of stuff and loads of other teachers on Insight Timer apart from me,

Obviously.

There's 20,

000 teachers on Insight Timer.

And there'll be stuff that you can do and look at the stuff to do with boundaries and how you can put that into place because it's important that you ground yourself and you protect yourself without putting up an outer shell that isn't penetrable.

Ellen,

When it gets to a point when low contact to no contact is the only way,

That's difficult,

But self-care is significant.

Absolutely,

Ellen.

And you know,

Crikey,

With my son,

For example,

I mean,

He sent me February 2023,

A really abusive text that I responded to without any sort of emotion attached to it.

So I understood his,

Why he was kicking off,

But it just got worse.

My ex waded in and I was just like,

Oh my God,

This is ridiculous.

From there,

I then left it for six months because there was nothing I could do.

I had to message him because I thought I was going to be moving house.

And then I had what was best described as an A4 sheet via text of toxic stuff.

And it was just horrible.

It was really,

Really horrible.

Since relocated,

Got a really fantastic life going and I've got these boundaries into place.

It's quite interesting actually,

My parents,

They obviously know that something's gone on,

But my parents,

My dad's had a stroke,

My mum's had hip replacement,

Knee replacement,

Cataracts,

Stuff.

So the last thing they want is to be drawn into a drama.

So this is where you then have to cut this and sever it and you don't draw people in because people don't want to necessarily be part of it,

But it is important that you talk to people who aren't necessarily involved in it to get a different perspective on it because your health and wellbeing is so important.

So if you are being drawn into something like this,

It's important to reach out to people that can help.

Therapy.

Yes,

Linda,

Absolutely.

Well,

You can have therapy.

I reached out to one of my coach friends and I said,

Oh Liz,

Please,

I'm losing the blot here.

And she said,

Oh,

I'm going to put you in touch with one of my coaching clients who I've coached through seven court cases with a narcissistic ex-husband.

And so I had this lovely chat with a lady called Vicky and she said to me,

Look,

Sarah,

This isn't coaching,

This is just mentoring because she got it,

She understood and to actually talk to somebody who has been through the same experience as you,

Who understands it,

Isn't going to turn around and tell you what to do,

But can hold that space for you,

It's so important.

It really,

Oh my gosh,

It makes such a difference to know that you aren't going insane,

You aren't going mad,

Which is what a narcissist can make you feel like,

But it might not be a narcissist,

It could be something else.

And here's the thing,

Did you know narcissism was akin to like a PTSD experience?

So you think about it in that frame,

Because you are,

You have in your mind,

You're what's it with,

Aren't you?

They play with this and it makes you question your own reality and you go,

Well,

Maybe I am,

Maybe I am this awful,

Dreadful person.

And it's just hideous,

It really is.

As I said,

It took me six years post-divorce to stop being impacted that way.

But still,

Then I had,

Well,

If we go back to my son,

There were times it felt like I was living with my ex-husband.

And what do you do?

What do you do when you are living with somebody who is your son,

But is actually behaving like your ex-husband?

It's not like you can go and divorce them.

Very difficult,

Very challenging situation.

I eventually had him move out,

But then his behavior was still impacting me.

He'd still got stuff in the house,

He'd come round,

Kick off.

Oh,

I'm not going to bore you with it all,

But I'm now looking at the positives because I see him as a teacher.

He's taught me a lot about myself,

About the lessons that I've had.

You've got a sister who's borderline with narcissism,

Haven't been in contact for three years.

Best decision of your heart,

But necessary.

Ellen,

I'm so sorry,

But I'm so pleased that you have made that decision because it is so important for your own health and your own wellbeing.

And do you know,

The way I look at it,

The way I view all of this is certainly from a mother's perspective.

Obviously,

I brought my son into this world.

I've given him that platform.

I've given him that support.

I know in my heart,

I've done as much for him as I possibly could with the knowledge and understanding and learning that I've had.

And I have continued.

I've spent 19 years on personal development stuff.

I've done all that I can during his lifetime to support him.

And by putting these boundaries into place,

I am pushing him into the position of actually continuing to learn himself.

He can't come to me.

He can't abuse me.

I'm not going to collude with him because that isn't teaching him anything.

And if I continued to have that relationship with him,

I would be colluding.

I wouldn't be helping his personal growth either.

So,

You've kind of got to look at it from different perspectives.

And this is something that I'm really keen on as well as sort of reframing is the perspective that you see.

Well,

Reframing,

It is a perspective thing.

I trademarked my eight mindset methodology a few years ago,

Which is acceptance,

Perspective,

And energy.

So,

I'm very much accepting of the situation I found myself in,

In relation to my son.

And I've shifted my perspective around it and channeled my energy in a different direction.

Linda has said,

Helpful,

Ellen.

I think it's my decision too.

My niece stays with me part-time because I'm on a college campus.

She's picked up some of his behavior too.

We're going to have a long talk about this.

She can't stay in my home and treat me.

No,

Absolutely,

Linda.

You can't have people treating you that way.

If people choose,

And it's important,

You've got to value yourself.

And this is where it comes in.

It's about valuing yourself.

Until you value yourself and put those boundaries into place,

Nobody else will value you either because they'll just keep on taking advantage.

And it's tough.

It's called tough love or no other reason than it is.

Gabby said,

It hurts,

Especially around the holidays,

But I finally learned to stay away from people who play victim in a drama that they created.

Absolutely,

Gabby,

You have to,

Because people will draw you in.

I just won't take part of it.

I've taken the lessons.

I've taken the learning.

I've done a lot of somatic healing last year.

I went on a course myself and it worked with the somatic deep in and releasing stuff without focusing in on the problem.

Because the thing is with narcissists,

You need to focus in on yourself,

Not them,

Because otherwise they're still energetically drawing the energy from you.

Oh,

I'm sorry about that,

Linda.

She has a bad relationship with her mum,

But behaves like her too.

You can help people up,

But you can't go back down to their level.

Do you see what I'm saying?

So you can,

Once you've observed somebody's behavior.

So I changed my behavior originally when I qualified as a coach.

And I learned,

The person that taught me,

Like reward and treat with a dog.

So I would reward my son's good behavior,

But not respond to his bad behavior.

This was a long time before I realized,

Obviously this was 12 years ago before I realized that he was a narcissist,

But his behavior got progressively worse.

Whether it was because he was working a lot with his father,

I don't know.

But when you've got patterns of behavior,

The only thing that you can do to change anything is to break it,

To break that circuit.

That's where the tough love comes in because you've got to value yourself.

You've got to love yourself.

You've got to put boundaries into place and then deal with it.

And it is hard.

I cried.

I cried so much last year.

I did so much hurt because my business was going under,

My relationship with my son ceased,

Sell my car to pay the mortgage,

Everything.

And even my spiritual beliefs because I believe that everything's working out wonderfully.

Because it is.

Everything we're presented with as a lesson to learn is to progress,

To evolve,

To become more enlightened from.

But even all of that was challenged last year or because I was ambushed all at the same time.

As Linda said,

I recognized behavior for years,

But thought I had to put up with it to have a family relationship so close with a brother.

So I've got that for family now.

Yeah,

Look at,

This is the thing,

Linda,

Look at what you've got rather than what you've not got.

Because we get conditioned,

Don't we,

In society to feel that we need to behave in a certain way.

We get bombarded by what people think we should do and how we should behave.

Actually,

It's about what we,

You are worthy.

Absolutely,

Linda.

100%.

Linda,

What is great about this,

You are aware of all of this and can reframe and move forward with the boundaries that support you.

Brilliant,

Ellen.

Thank you very much.

That's absolutely spot on.

That's perfect.

Because it is.

Once you recognize,

Once you understand,

I mean,

I wish I'd known sooner,

But I was fighting for such a long time with my son,

Just not understanding.

And that really undermined who I was as a coach because I felt that I ought to know better.

I ought to be able to handle him.

I ought to be able to do all of this.

And then when I'd get upset,

I'd be undermined even further and he'd laugh at me and just,

It was horrible.

But you know,

It still doesn't stop me loving him.

I don't like how he's treated me.

That was about me having to finally say enough is enough is enough.

No,

You've just got to look after your own self.

And then,

You know what,

If people do want to be with you,

They come and they're with you and they are within your,

In your life on your terms.

That's not to say you're telling somebody how to behave,

But it's you are demonstrating what's acceptable to you because you value yourself.

I mean,

Let's face it.

We all deserve to live a happy and healthy life,

But it comes down to how we change our behavior and how we view it and what we bring into it by way of what we read,

What we eat,

What we sleep,

What we watch on the television,

The people we have around us.

And when stuff comes up that is triggering us,

It's making us upset,

We're stopping and recognizing,

Going,

What is this?

What can I do?

How can I bring about the changes?

And it's asking all those questions and then reaching out.

Like I've said before,

My course on narcissism is here on Insight Timer.

I've also got a course on my 8-Mindset Methodology and Positive Vibes and my Do It Now.

So that's a good one,

Actually,

If you want to just kick up the What's It to go and do it now.

And there's other talks and there's stuff that I've got to create and put out there as well.

I've got more things I want to create than time to create at the moment.

But there's so much more on Insight Timer with all the teachers as well.

I mean,

I've barely scratched the surface of it,

But there are some amazing people out there that I'm sure that you'd all be able to sort of tap into and just have a look,

Have a scroll,

Do a search.

It's just about,

Thank you,

Linda.

Thank you,

Please do.

And let me know what your thoughts are.

I'd love to hear what you think about it because,

You know,

I just want to educate people to understand because,

Do you know what?

I spent too many years thinking and questioning myself until I actually realized my amazing partner I'm with now,

We've been together four years.

He had a narcissistic ex-wife as well and she treated him really bad because he's very much of an empath.

He's very much a sensitive individual.

He's a strong.

Thank you for everybody that is supporting me on this live.

It's a little bit,

As I said,

Disconcerting when you see the comments at the bottom going from excellent to good to bad to,

Yeah.

You see,

This is a lesson for me for it to get out of my own head because it's,

You know,

Because I want to do a good job.

I'm on here giving my time up freely.

You know,

I recognize that everybody has their own entitlement to their opinion,

But if it's not for you,

Don't stay and listen.

There's other stuff you could listen to.

You don't need to come on here and listen to me rant on and say bad.

Just go.

Don't bother.

Please don't bother.

And if you haven't got anything nice to say,

Don't say it because that's my mantra in life.

Thanks,

Melinda.

It's hard because people are all too quick to criticize and you'll see this in life in general.

People will criticize,

Try and pull you down to their level because they don't like what you're saying because it means they've got to take some steps to improve themselves,

You know,

Across all walks of life.

And it is difficult to let it go.

You know,

You can see how it's just sort of impacted me.

It's triggered me a little bit because 90% of the time,

No,

Actually more than 95% of the time I'm upbeat and I'm focused on supporting other people being upbeat as well.

Oh,

That's lovely,

Linda.

Thank you very much.

Yeah.

But again,

It's down to different people's interpretations of stars and things like that,

But it is as it is.

You know,

When I first put my narcissism course up there,

First person to review it put one star and said,

This is dreadful.

All she's doing is batting on about her ex-husband and her son.

It's like,

Well,

I'm only using them as examples because they're my examples.

And it's like time I took the comment down and all the other comments that have been have been really positive because I just want to enlighten people.

That's all,

You know.

Thank you,

Ira.

That's brilliant.

Oh,

Thank you so much.

I really,

Really appreciate your kind support and really good luck because,

You know,

When you do that,

I'm going all tingly,

When you do that,

It makes such a difference because you know,

That's it.

You've just cut them and just don't give them any more energy.

Really don't.

I mean,

I don't,

This sounds,

I do think about my son,

But I don't spend inordinate amounts of time thinking about him because that would just be me giving over my energy to him time and time and time and time again.

I use him as an example.

I'm proud of him,

What he's done.

And I regularly sort of think in my head and send out love to him all the time.

But when people are behaving that way,

No,

You've got to value yourself.

Say no.

You have got to have some communication with them.

Keep it limited and then don't respond.

Don't allow to get triggered.

I remember going back in the day with my ex-husband,

You know,

He would wrong foot me and then I'd be going,

No,

You've got that wrong.

I'd be trying to explain to him why he's got it wrong.

But you're on a high to nowhere.

I do love him.

I don't,

I don't really hate anybody in this world.

There are people that I just see him.

I tell you what,

Let's,

We started out talking about reframing.

You don't like the way he talks to you.

So don't accept it,

But you can send him away with love and thank him for being a teacher coming into your life to let you understand that you need to put these boundaries into place.

Cause I believe we all have a lifetime.

I believe we choose the life we come into to have the experiences that we want and people will come in and they will provide us with lessons to learn.

So your brothers come into your life,

Provide you with a lesson to learn,

To put these boundaries into place.

And you put this boundary into place with him,

Which will enable you to put and recognize boundaries into place with other people,

Other situations,

Other scenarios.

And you've had a teacher.

It might not have been a very nice teacher and he might be your brother,

But I just think energetically,

And this is where I come to with my son,

You know,

I've brought him into the world.

I've done all that I can to support him,

But I've kind of like set him free if you like,

Or set himself free,

Whichever way you want to frame it,

For him to go on and learn what he needs to learn.

He needs to learn that he can't rely upon me.

He can't use me as an emotional punch bag and equally so he can't call upon me to pull him out of problems and issues.

He's got to learn himself.

He's a bright,

Intelligent boy.

He's very entrepreneurial.

He's got,

You know,

Self-employed clothing brand.

He's got self-employed plaster.

He works with my ex-husband building fancy garden rooms.

He's bright.

He's capable.

He's very smart and I've always known that,

But he's got to learn his other stuff.

He needs to learn the emotional intelligence around it if he chooses to do so.

Those are his lessons.

Brilliant,

Ira.

Yeah,

It made you stronger than before.

And that's the lesson.

So take the lesson,

Be appreciative,

Send love,

But you love him,

But no more contact because you love yourself too.

And therein lies that sort of boundary that you've put in,

But you've padded it with love because,

You know,

When you start to generate negative stuff,

You're impacting your own subconscious,

Your own body anyway.

So when you put the negative stuff in,

That's what you're receiving back.

So actually when you send him away with love and thank yous,

You don't say it to his face.

And as I said,

You don't turn around to a narcissist and tell them they're a narcissist.

It doesn't go down well.

You just,

You could,

You just,

No,

No,

Just like flatly,

No,

Not accepting it anymore and just no.

And you don't even need to say that to them directly.

It's just a case of limiting it.

Or if you do need to respond,

Responding in just yes,

No's or very,

Very limited and keeping that contained if you like.

So it's looking at,

Again,

Looking for those positives,

Looking for the learning,

Looking for the positives,

Looking for the takeaways and how you can adjust your own behavior to live your own best life at the end of the day,

Because that's what it's about,

Isn't it?

Yes.

Yes,

Absolutely,

Ellen.

Thank you.

Thank you,

Ellen.

Reward yourself for doing this and sticking with it.

Yeah,

Absolutely.

I mean,

I know my life looks now nothing like it was 12 months ago,

Even eight months ago,

You know,

This,

Because of all that's happened and all that's changed,

I've been able to move my life forward and living my best life at the moment.

And it's still,

Still ongoing because we are all a work in progress at the end of the day.

We are just on this mortal coil to learn what we need to learn,

To raise our level of awareness and then help others along the way as well.

So I love the fact that you're all helping each other in the chat,

Which is just absolutely awesome.

Anyway,

I've just realized I've kept you lovely,

Lovely,

Lovely people for quite some length of time.

So unless anybody's got anything else to ask me or you'd like to put anything in the chat,

Which I'm more than happy to answer,

Talk about or look at or reframe or word,

But if not,

Please do contact me via obviously the messenger system or follow me or whatever it is,

Because I've got lots of stuff that I can talk about or direct you to other places as well.

But I really do appreciate you being here.

And yeah,

Thank you for your support,

Which has been brilliant.

And thank you for joining me.

So please do come and join me again.

Ah,

Sending you all loads of love.

Thank you for joining me.

You're very welcome,

Ella and Linda.

Thank you all.

And I know Sheila was on there.

I see her little face popping up and down because you see all these little icons on the bottom of the screen.

It's a shame I can't show you what I can see,

But thank you all for joining me.

I look forward to you joining me.

Thank you,

Ira.

Thank you.

Thank you everyone so much.

Thank you,

Anne-Marie.

Loving you and leaving you.

Thank you,

Melinda.

Take care,

Everyone.

Have a wonderful rest of the day or all day,

Because I know you're in this state,

Some of you.

So take care and see you all very,

Very soon.

Take care.

Bye.