Talk On DisConnection

Awakening To My Truth Journey Part 1. This is the first sharing of my self-discovery journey. As I began to undercover the truth of who I really am inside, I had many epiphanies.

This was one: the lifelong disconnected feelings I had experienced were not a result of being disconnected from others but from myself.

Transcript

Welcome beautiful souls to my world and thank you for sharing this space with me.

It is my intention for this to be beneficial for all who are ready to hear it.

Firstly,

The admin bits.

As this talk was recorded using basic equipment and as my skills don't yet include being able to stop the outside world from moving,

I have done my best to exclude external miscellaneous sounds.

However,

Some noises and fuzziness cannot be avoided,

So there may be some heard.

Next,

The disclaimer.

As the speaker practitioner,

Namely me,

Is not acting as a medical professional,

This talk and all of the content provided is for general informational and educational purposes only and is not a substitute for professional advice and there are no scientific claims.

Accordingly,

All recipients,

Namely you,

The listener,

Agree they are fully responsible for their own health and well-being during and after listening,

Including their choices and decisions.

The use or reliance of any information contained is solely at the recipient's own risk.

Therefore,

Before taking any actions based upon such information,

It is the recipient's responsibility to consult with the appropriate professionals.

In no event shall the speaker practitioner be liable for damages whatsoever arising out of or in connection with the recipient's access or use or inability to access or use this service.

Also,

Please note this talk tackles sensitive and possibly triggering topics surrounding eating disorders,

Addictions and substance abuse.

Furthermore,

Please be reminded to exercise necessary caution and steps to ensure health and safety,

Like avoiding driving or operating heavy machinery whilst listening.

Now,

If you're sitting comfortably,

On to the talk.

Disconnection.

The definition of this,

According to the Cambridge Dictionary,

Is as follows.

The feeling or fact of being separate from someone or something else and not fitting well together or understanding each other.

This is how I felt for the majority of my life.

Alone,

Isolated,

Separate,

Odd one out,

Misunderstood,

Unloved,

Unworthy.

Initially,

I believed this feeling came from being disconnected from everybody else.

Now,

I know the real cause was due to a disconnection,

But not from anyone else,

From myself.

As far back as I'm able to remember,

I have been aware of these feelings of separation and lack,

Like something was missing.

Recently,

I discovered I'm able to recall events shortly after my birth,

So now I'm aware these are lifelong feelings,

Or in this life at least.

Upon reflection,

I have never been able to actually explain exactly what the missing it was.

Just something had always felt left out and incomplete.

Hence,

For many years,

I searched for this missing piece outside of myself.

After all,

This is what society teaches us to do.

Seek comfort not from within,

But from the external environment outside of us.

For me,

This just exasperated the issue,

And as I got older,

This lack mentality kept me locked in a cycle of disconnected self-abuse and self-sabotage.

Sounds harsh,

But this is exactly what it was.

And I'm able to freely admit this now.

Before I continue,

I hasten to add these words are written without any malice.

I harbor no blame or anger or any lower vibration feelings towards anyone involved within my life.

I know the people concerned were just doing what they had been taught by their environment and actions,

As is the same with all of the generations before them.

Nor do I judge anyone or where anybody is on their journey.

In fact,

I have done various forgiveness and self-forgiveness techniques to release any linked,

Trapped emotions regarding these issues.

So now I wholeheartedly believe we are all doing the best we can with what we know,

Right here in this moment,

Right now.

We are all uniquely special,

With a sole purpose for being incarnated here,

On this beautiful,

Wondrous planet at this time.

Nothing is actually wrong.

No one is actually broken.

We are all perfectly imperfect,

Living out our soul's path in whatever way we choose.

So I write this article from a place of love,

Forgiveness and gratitude.

I find writing purifying a route onto my own holistic well-being.

If my words facilitate others in this process too,

Then allowing myself to express my vulnerability,

Something I previously found extremely challenging,

Has all been worth it.

Now back to the story.

The disconnected cycle began with a lack of awareness of the future outcome,

As these things often do.

When I was an infant and needed soothing,

I was held by my parent or caregiver and was given comfort in the form of a bottle of liquid,

Thus beginning what I think of as the external emotional comfort addiction trap.

Now giving a bottle to a baby is not what I was referring to with the above statement.

This is common practice and in some cases necessary.

However,

The sugar added to the baby formula is not.

If you wish to know more about this,

There are numerous articles on Google search.

Later on during childhood,

The bottle was replaced by other food sources,

Mainly of the sugary variety.

See the pattern forming?

Within my adolescent years,

I began self-soothing,

As I now call it,

Self-escaping.

I was still using sugary food,

But with other perceived external comfort givers added to the mix,

Namely alcohol and relationships.

After all,

Relationships have their own addictive qualities.

In fact,

I was still using the same external sources to soothe,

Comfort and escape way into my adult years.

Since I'm still exploring things out,

Some of these I still use.

Although as I journey further down the self-discovery path,

I am grateful to say the cycle has begun to break and the frequency has continuously decreased.

A few years and many epiphanies later,

I discovered the disconnected comfort cycle was influenced not only by my own emotions and feelings,

But also by the emotions and feelings I was picking up from outside of myself.

These were picked up from interacting with others,

With media sources,

And from just being in an environment where other people were.

No matter where they originated from though,

I have learnt via personal challenges and observations just how impactful and influential these can be on my moods,

My thoughts and my subsequent behaviours.

For example,

Whether I decide to eat processed ice cream or make my own.

These days,

I'm able to sit by myself in silence contemplating the various feelings and emotions,

Which I now refer to as simply energies.

However,

It took a consistent daily practice of attempting to only observe rather than react to these feelings and emotions as they occurred in real time,

As a way of expanding my awareness of the inner dissonance.

In addition,

Recently,

I have set myself new boundaries with all beings in my life that if any lower vibrational energies are coming at me,

Whether they are about me per se or not,

These will not be taken on in future.

I do not want them.

They are not mine.

I do not accept them.

They can stay with the sender.

I shall no longer be transmuting these lower energies for anyone else,

For my own personal self-preservation.

Afterwards,

I have found I am able to do some other beneficial practices which help to move any energy through me,

Releasing me from the need of other sorts of external comforts.

Now I have these new boundaries,

I less have to do these other practices.

And the more I found,

The more I set boundaries,

The more that I did these other practices previously,

The easier it is to be aware and feel what is right for the holistic well-being of me.

Gratefully,

There's numerous techniques,

Practices and content available to experiment with.

Some have worked better than others,

So it was just finding which worked well for me.

And these setting new boundaries has been an invaluable technique for me to use,

Which I have updated as I have gone along.

And one prominent epiphany I had along the way I wish to share is the knowledge that it has deepened and strengthened the connection to my inner self and expand the awareness of my inner world,

Who I am.

And feel the beauty and love emanating from within me.

This connection can be used to manage these feelings and emotions,

Energies,

Attempting to penetrate my auric field.

Meaning whatever experiences come my way,

I'm increasingly better equipped with these and setting new boundaries to navigate these external world challenges and keep playing this game of life from a balanced,

Heart-centered,

Compassionate and curious perspective.

Eager for more.

Actively seeking more.

After all,

The facilitators I have come across during my self-development and growth research all seem to say the same thing.

Life is a game,

A journey of self-exploration and discovery.

And it is best played from within.

So enjoy and have fun game players.

See you on the inside.

As this is my first sharing,

I shall leave it there for now.

Blessing you beautiful,

Glorious souls with love.

For I feel this is the greatest energy of them all.